There are three curlies I currently stalk.

First, this blogger-artist friend whom I have stalking way back in the days when LJ was still under Brad Fitzpatrick's care. I think I fell in love with the guy's talent. He dabbled in photography, creative writing, pencil art, beadwork, events coordination, acting, pursuits which I know nothing of. And yet, I know so much about him that I might have as well written his biography. (Well, maybe not that much, but still.) He was the first gay geek--and hipster at that--I befriended and this was years before I met Japz, Mikee, Eric, and le boyfie. The high point of my stalking career was when he acknowledged me as his favorite 'guy-stalker' in his blog. *fistpump* Before I left Manila to assume exile, he gave me a pair of beaded bracelet as a going-away gift. Hopefully I will be able to see him again for beer and ramen with Carlo, maybe next year during the summer break.

Then there's Fabio Audi--sweet, charming, otterish Fabio--a Brazilian actor who played Gabriel in Hoje Eu Quero Voltar Sozinho. He and Ghilherme Lobo who played Leonardo looked so adorable together onscreen one would have a hard time disliking the film. While many fans would claim the last kissing scene to be their favorite part of the film, mine is when Gabriel ran his bike with Leonardo perched on the back wheel while Cícero Lin's Vagalumes Cegos played in the background. I could almost sense the plot bunnies wanting to chew my head. Gaaah! We'll see, and hey, I think it's about time I resurrect my other digital sandbox, i.e. my account at FF.net. If Hoje Eu Quero Voltar Sozinho isn't screened in your country yet, there's his other short film Eu Não Quero Voltar Sozinho available on YouTube, which was the source material for the former.

Speaking of Cícero Lins, now he's a guy to watch out for. His album Canções de Apartamento iz indie/jazz-rock lurv! And he has a Charlie Brown multiple-panel tattoo to boot! <3 Both his albums are in his website but if you like him so much as I do, why not support him by purchasing his albums?

There are many things that I wish to tell you.

Like how I feel so much giddy today that I thought: why not resurrect my old LJ account and give blogging another try. So viola, my blog is up and running again after what looked like an eternity. You should know that now that I got back to writing and ranting, I will be brash and immature and impertinent in my use of commas like good old times. Well heck, none of you will read this anyway so lalalalalala...

Last night, I ducked into Kino Scala for a screening of Hoje Eu Quero Voltar Sozinho at the Mezipatra Queer Filmový Festival. The first thing that ran through my mind as the opening credits rolled was: Please, pretty please let there be English subtitles! Fortunately, the film had both Czech and English subtitles as none of us spoke Portuguese. It then occurred to me that the Czechs would find excuses to giggle at every cute scene. That part where the Gabriel asked Leo about those cat videos, instant laughter from the audience! That part where Leo awkwardly kissed Gabriel, hear the audience gush and see them squirm on their seats in delight! That shower scene with Gabriel and Leo...okay I think I spoiled far enough. But the film was just what I needed to cap a rather stressful week at the univ.

It's nice to be young, brimming with angst, and blinded by love, no?

Dear Anata,

I have a riddle for you. Look for my profile pic on Facebook.

FM

Dear Anata,

The cursor on my screen keeps blinking, waiting for my every keystroke to form words, ideas, intimations, but for some reason, words fail me. Perhaps it is only in the failure of these words that I really can tell you how much I miss you.

There are days when I wish spring would come early so that I can look into those charcoal eyes of yours again.

FM

P.S. I know a pastry shop in the Davao where we can order your favorite dessert. I think you'll like that.

Dear Anata,

I hope I didn't scare you with that talk about planning for the future and having a makeshift family and adopting kids. Most guys I know aren't comfortable getting into that kind of stuff and would rather lead a carefree life until they get old and rickety.

But I will tell you I want to make a family with you. I mean it. For reasons that you have already known, I want to take good care of you and secure your future.

And um, no, I'm not being emo-ish. Probably just drunk with romantic hallucinations. Is all.

FM

Dear Anata,

You may think for a moment that I have forgotten you and thought only of my work at the university from sunup to sundown. In truth, I think of you everyday in the same way that a workaholic employee spends his weekdays secretly longs for his weekends. In truth, you are my weekends from which I find sanctuary away from the weekday noise and haste.

Weekdays have me turned into a person that is a stranger even to me. But in weekends, I become my familiar self again.

How I wish my weekends are here to stay.

FM

Dear Anata,

Sometimes I'm just this close to giving up. But then I think of you and your childish whims and somehow, the burden becomes lighter.

FM

Dear Anata,

You might ask why I obsessively write you letters and post them in my blog.

You see, I have a thing for personal letters. There's something about them that I find intriguing, the genesis of a sacred space where only the writer and his addressee intimately know its bounds. Let's call it "where words are." It is where you and I can exist in close proximity despite our physical distance.

Within this abode, I can write "I love you" to no end but which you can only read when you deem yourself ready to set foot in it in silence.

FM

Dear Anata,

Let me begin this letter by saying "There are many things that I wish to tell you," something which you have already heard from me before. I imagine what went into your mind the first time I let out these words and curse my insolent audacity for having revealing too much about this overzealous geek. But truly, there are many things that I wish to tell you--about the things that excite me and make me anxious, about my genuine feelings for you, about the future that holds our dreams. In days to come, I will tell you about these things piece by piece until such time that you grow weary reading my letters and persuade me to stop writing. Only then will I embrace silence. For now, I will let you sleep and think of your sleeping face in your pillow as you dream the silliest of dreams.

FM