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Our Dumb Century: The Onion Presents 100 Years of Headlines from America's Finest News Source
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Witness the march of history as Editor-in-Chief Scott Dikkers and The Onion's award-winning writing staff present the twentieth century like you've never seen it before.
- Print length176 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherThree Rivers Press
- Publication dateMarch 23, 1999
- Dimensions8.5 x 0.4 x 11.1 inches
- ISBN-100609804618
- ISBN-13978-0609804612
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Editorial Reviews
Amazon.com Review
A New Century Dawns! McKinley Ushers in Bold New "Coal Age"
Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria Boasts: "No Man Can Stop Me"
AWESOME! Nation Wowed by Tremendous Hindenburg Explosion
Martin Luther King: "I Had a Really Weird Dream Last Night"
Clinton Denies Lewinsky Allegations: "We Did Not Have Sex, We Made Love," He Says
And those are just the headlines; the stories themselves are all masterpieces of the journalist's trade. Of course, readers with delicate sensibilities may find some of these accounts a bit too risqué, and perhaps even tasteless. (Among the potential offenders: Rosa Parks's decision to "screw this bus shit" and take a cab.) But if you're looking for an antidote to all the 20th-century hoopla promulgated by stuffed shirts like Peter Jennings and Harold Evans--not to mention the best history book since 1066 and All That--then Our Dumb Century is the one for you. --Ron Hogan
From Library Journal
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From The New Yorker
Review
"Genius... the most consistently hilarious spot on the flogged dead horse of American comedy."
--Esquire
"Makes its readers teary-eyed with laughter-- The Onion gleefully offends, armed with a powerful combination of puerility and intelligence. . . . What the National Lampoon was to the '70s, The Onion may be for the new millennium."
--Washington Post
From the Inside Flap
Witness the march of history as Editor-in-Chief Scott Dikkers and The Onion's award-winning writing staff present the twentieth century like you've never seen it before.
From the Back Cover
"Genius... the most consistently hilarious spot on the flogged dead horse of American comedy."
--Esquire
"Makes its readers teary-eyed with laughter-- The Onion gleefully offends, armed with a powerful combination of puerility and intelligence. . . . What the National Lampoon was to the '70s, The Onion may be for the new millennium."
--Washington Post
About the Author
In 1996 The Onion made an unprecedented launch into cyberspace, and www.theonion.com soon became one of the nation's most heavily visited Web sites. The newspaper edition is available in bookstores and newsstands nationwide.
The Onion has been called "surprising and sublime" by the New Yorker and "genius" by the Chicago Tribune. Rolling Stone named Scott Dikkers one of the nation's top-ten favorite writers. The Onion was also featured on Entertainment Weekly's 1998 "It" List of the 100 most talented people in the entertainment industry, and Time magazine ranked Dikkers number 43 in their list of the top 50 movers and shakers in the digital realm.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
--T. Herman Zweibel, Onion Publisher
THE ONION, Monday, April 24, 1995
AL GORE CAUGHT IN LOVE TRYST WITH ENDANGERED TREE OWL
WASHINGTON, DC--
Scandal engulfed the Clinton Administration once again Sunday, when allegations were made public that Vice President Al Gore engaged in an illicit sexual relationship with an endangered tree owl, then urged the winged nocturnal predator to lie about the affair under oath.
According to an anonymous source within the administration, the vice president first met the owl during a meeting with anti-logging activists in Washington State's Olympic National Park, admiring the bird in its tree perch and praising it for its "majestic plumage." Suspicion was aroused when the bird began making repeated visits to Gore's White House office, which is more than 3,000 miles from the owl's Pacific Northwest habitat.
Gore, long known for his strong pro-wildlife stance, denied charges of an inter-species sexual liaison, insisting that his relationship with the woodland creature was "purely environmentalist in nature."
Experts on bird mating, however, say the owl's extensive molting and twig-gathering behavior, as well as its alleged lining of a nest with clumps of grass and feathers, suggest that the bird was sexually active during the weeks it spent with the vice president.
In addition, an unnamed Secret Service agent claimed that Gore ordered him to dispose of several fecal pellets found in the White House. He said the pellets contained the bones of small rodents.
A federal grand jury will convene Friday to determine whether the owl will be charged with perjury for an April 17 deposition in which ornithologists recorded the bird emitting a complex series of hoots denying the affair. Gore, if found guilty of encouraging the endangered owl to lie under oath, could face congressional censure on charges of perjury, obstruction of justice and owl-fucking.
THE ONION, Friday, November 22, 1963
KENNEDY SLAIN BY CIA, MAFIA, CASTRO, LBJ, TEAMSTERS, FREEMASONS
President Shot 129 Times from 43 Different Angles
DALLAS, TEX.--
President Kennedy was assassinated Friday by operatives of the CIA, the Giancana crime syndicate, Fidel Castro, Vice President Johnson, the Freemasons and the Teamsters as he rode through downtown Dallas in a motorcade.
According to eyewitnesses, Kennedy's limousine had just entered Dealey Plaza when the president was struck 129 times in the head, chest, abdomen, arms, legs, hands, feet, back and face by gunfire. The shooting began at 12:30 p.m. and lasted until 12:43 p.m. CST.
In all, 43 suspects have been taken into the custody of the Dallas police.
Preliminary reports indicate that hitmen for the Giancana crime syndicate fired from a nearby grassy knoll, CIA agents fired from an office building slightly off the parade route, Cuban nationals fired from an overpass overlooking Dealey Plaza, an elite hit squad working for Teamsters President Jimmy Hoffa fired from perches atop an oak tree, a 'lone nut' fired from the Texas Book depository, a shadow-government sharp-shooting team fired from behind a wooden fence, a consortium of jealous husbands fired from an estimated 13 sites on the sidewalk along the route, a hitman working for Johnson fired from a sewer grate over which the limousine passed, and Texas Gov. John Connally lunged at the president from within the limousine itself, slitting the president's throat with a combat knife.
The mortally wounded president was sped to nearby Parland Hospital, where doctors with ties to Johnson's inner circle performed a staged autopsy. They pronounced him dead at 2:18 p.m. CST.
The body was then chemically treated by J. Edgar Hoover and put in a decoy casket for transport to Roswell, New Mexico. There, space aliens using medical technology beyond the knowledge of man sealed Kennedy's 129 wounds. Kennedy's corpse was then reanimated and rushed to Germany for an emergency meeting with the frozen brain of Adolf Hitler.
After the meeting, Kennedy aides announced plans for the two leaders' sperm cells to be atomically sustained, planted in the womb of aspiring actress Judith Campbell, and grown into a super-race of 21st-century conquerors.
According to investigators, the assassination appears to have been carefully planned and carried out in strict accordance with both the Skull-and-Bones Blood Rite and Masonic "Killing of the King" rituals.
Officers found several hundred weapons within a four-block radius of the shooting site, including telescope-sighted Weatherby Magnum rifles, Italian bolt-action 6.5mm carbines, Thompson submachine guns, Russian Kalishnikov assault rifles, and one ray-gun.
The assembled killers were taken into police custody at Dallas City Hall. As they were being transferred to the county prison however, all 43 were shot and killed by Jack Ruby, 52, a Dallas-area nightclub owner.
THE ONION, Tuesday, April 20, 1943
TOP U.S. NAVAL INTELLIGENCE REPORTS, 'THERE IS NOTHING LIKE A DAME'
'No Book's Like a Dame, Nothing Looks Like a Dame,' Says South Pacific Command
Cable report from the Pacific Theater--
According to U.S. Intelligence officers stationed in the South Pacific, there is not anything like a dame.
Details of the report indicate that there is nothing like a dame in the known world.
"Lots of things in life are beautiful, but brother," read the secretly coded message that arrived on President Roosevelt's desk in Washington at 7 a.m. EST Sunday, "there is one particular thing that is nothing whatsoever in any way, shape, or form like any other."
"There is nothing like a dame," the message repeated.
While most details of the report remain classified -- for fear of providing the hated German enemy with any advantage -- the following information has been cleared by the War Department for release.
There are no books like a dame; nothing looks like a dame; there are no drinks like a dame; nothing thinks like a dame.
This new dame-related intelligence is expected to greatly improve the health of injured American solders. "Thousands of our boys are badly wounded every day by Japs and Jerrys," said Army doctor Martin Purcell, speaking from a makeshift hospital on a tiny, coconut-covered Pacific island. "But as we now know, there ain't a thing that's wrong with any man here that can't be cured by putting him near a girly, womanly, female, feminine dame."
A full version of Monday's report will be printed, set to music, and performed around the country.
THE ONION, Monday, January 1, 1900
News From Rome
VATICAN CONDEMNS 'RHYTHM METHOD.'
Pontiff Excoriates Infidels for Fiendish 'Sin by the Calendar.'
Releases Papal Edict Outlining Forbidden Family Practices.
Italians in Attendance Vow to People the Earth.
VATICAN CITY, DEC 31--
In a proclamation rife with the righteous anger befitting a clergyman of his most exalted station, His Holiness the Pope, Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Christ, Leader of all Christians of the World, lashed out at those with the effrontery to use the calendar to defeat God's purpose of peopling the globe.
"This prideful 'rhythm method' is a blasphemy before God," Leo XIII declared to a crowd of as yet non-American-emigrant Italians at St. Peter's Basilica. "Those who would count the days He created against the ripeness of their good wives are indulging in the darkest brand of sorcery."
The reactions of lay civilization have been varied, as most prominent Americans are expected to seek the counsel of their bishops and priests for clarification of the edict.
The denounced "rhythm method," according to physician Hobart McGreely of Pittsburgh, is "the way by which a lady, having an intuitive grasp still elusive to medicinal science of the ebb and flow of nature, can divine when she is most conducive to the conception of young, and may choose to refrain from the painful process of copulation, in essence avoiding her dutiful role as a mother."
"Childbearing women have a responsibility to the Lord on High," added noted Chicago priest Father Willard Portkin. "In this advanced age of modern medicine, most mothers need only give birth to two or three still-born children before enjoying the fruits of living progeny. And now-a-days many of the gentler sex are enjoying full recuperation and survival of the birthing miracle. There is therefore no excuse for women-vessels to engage in trickery of God's plan for their fertility."
Product details
- Publisher : Three Rivers Press
- Publication date : March 23, 1999
- Edition : 1st
- Language : English
- Print length : 176 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0609804618
- ISBN-13 : 978-0609804612
- Item Weight : 1.25 pounds
- Dimensions : 8.5 x 0.4 x 11.1 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #31,915 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #13 in Political Humor (Books)
- #49 in Parody
- #164 in Popular Culture in Social Sciences
- Customer Reviews:
About the authors

Discover more of the author’s books, see similar authors, read book recommendations and more.

Scott Dikkers is the #1 New York Times bestselling author who founded TheOnion.com and the AV Club. He co-wrote and edited The Onion's "Our Dumb Century," which debuted at #1 on Amazon, has sold more than a half-million copies, and won the Thurber Prize for American Humor.
Scott Dikkers' book "How to Write Funny," along its followups "How to Write Funnier," "How to Write Funniest" and "How to Write Funny Characters," outline the process he uses to write popular and award-winning humor. For free comedy-writing tips and inspiration visit Scott on Youtube at youtube.com/howtowritefunny

Discover more of the author’s books, see similar authors, read book recommendations and more.
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Top reviews from the United States
- 5 out of 5 stars
political and social satire at its very best
Reviewed in the United States on February 7, 2003From the straight-faced introduction and through approximately 150 mock newspaper front pages dated from 01/01/1900 through 01/01/2000, the Onion's comic geniuses demystify, debunk and demythologize real and surreal events and people. This is a book that can be browsed through many times; you'll always find some new detail to make you laugh or an insight that takes your breath away. Every detail, from headlines to advertisements, is hilarious:
04/13/1916 -- Cubist Regiment Decimated -- skewed perspective, lack of depth prove liability as non-linear soldiers are mercilessly cut down
07/20/1925 -- Scopes Monkey Trial Raises Troubling Question: Is Science Being Taught in Our Schools?
01/22/1990 -- Berlin Wall Destroyed in Doritos-Sponsored Super Bowl Halftime Spectacular
01/10/1998 -- Educators Praised As U.S. Kids Lead World in Schoolyard Shooting Accuracy
Many items are inspired one-liners, but a number enjoy lengthy front page stories that sustain the mood and the level of comedy. Ads, announcements, tv and radio schedules, cartoons and graphics are equally enjoyable. Count how many times Lady Liberty is ravaged by heathen outsiders!
A minor complaint: The only thing that would have made this book more enjoyable is an index so you could find your favorite targets more easily, but the writers have brought me so much laughter I could forgive them anything. A gentle warning: Don't leave this in the loo or you will never get in there!
Splendid. Righteous. Brilliant.
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CancelReport - 5 out of 5 stars
Best Book ever
Reviewed in the United States on March 7, 2023This is one of the best humor books ever written. Period.
I love Onion and this kind of humor.
I am not a native English speaker so it took more time to read it completely but it really worth the effort.
Specially because the first part most of news include old English words or expressions from that era. Really good to increase my vocabulary.
Book contain tons of US cultural references but that's great because make me read the actual event.
The way this books was made is marvelous, the typography, old newspaper styles, pictures, drawings, wow! Amazing!
You can see al the effort put by the Onion Team to craft this jewel.
Definitively give it a try!
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CancelReport - 4 out of 5 stars
Funny But Re quires a Magnifying Glass
Reviewed in the United States on April 28, 2025The articles are typically National Lampoon hilarious. The print is impossibly tiny to read without a magnifying glass. This makes browsing tedious
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CancelReport - 5 out of 5 stars
This book is amazing.
Reviewed in the United States on January 22, 2002This book is a classic and hilarious.
My favorite parts were the early 1900's and up to about WWII. With the benefit of knowing how it all ends, the Onion is able create headlines about Hitler and the British and French which are totally false but are probably what the thinking was at the time.
I love the part where Charlie McCarthy and his puppet urged American kids to committ suicide and 75,000 did so.
The Onion rips the racist mentality of the early 1900's by overtly promoting the racist attitudes of the country. Of course back then you weren't considered a racist if you held some of those beliefs, but times have changed. The Onion has a hold on what public consensus was during the past and uses that knowledge to create hilarious stories.
I recommend this book for anyone with a knowledge of history or for anyone wanting to learn.
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CancelReport - 5 out of 5 stars
We love it!
Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2013This book has provided many hours of entertainment. It's a good book just to turn to a random page and start reading. This book is good for when you only intend to read for a few minutes. Each page is a different fictitious front page of a newspaper. The Onion mixes historical fact with their own wit and humor that we have all come to love. Be warned though, there is profanity and strong subject matter in some of the stories. Sensitive people should steer clear of publications from The Onion. To see if the humor of The Onion is right for you check out the stories on their website. Those stories are a good representation of the type of humor in this book.
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CancelReport - 5 out of 5 stars
A Century of News As You Wish You Remembered It!
Reviewed in the United States on December 29, 2017I wish I was as good with words as these folks are...then maybe I could accurately describe how flat-out hilarious they are. On every page of this fictionalized account of major 20th Century news events there is something that makes me laugh till I cry. Amazing humor. Each page is presented as newsprint from the past decades. Be advised if you're easily offended that this book slaughters sacred cows right and left. But you'll likely laugh even after you get offended.
3 people found this helpfulSending feedback...Sending feedback...HelpfulThank you for your feedback.Sorry, we failed to record your vote. Please try againThanks, we'll investigate in the next few days.Sorry, We failed to report this review. Please try againWe'll check if this review meets our community guidelinesOpens in a new tab. If it doesn't, we'll remove it.
CancelReport - 5 out of 5 stars
This may be the greatest book ever written. Please, offend yourself.
Reviewed in the United States on December 20, 2022Sometimes, the world is just so [redacted], all you can do is laugh. Like, till your abs hurt and you can barely breathe, much less speak coherently through the tears. Your history collection will be delighted to receive this crystalline tome.
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CancelReport - 5 out of 5 stars
Great book
Reviewed in the United States on October 20, 2023So funny!
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Top reviews from other countries
Pattan Ameerul Ali Khaja5 out of 5 starsGenuine
Reviewed in India on November 8, 2023Product looks genuine and good .
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kwhite0215 out of 5 starsGreat Find at a great price!
Reviewed in Spain on February 9, 2026The book is in great condition, and arrived as promised. I will definitely buy from this seller again!
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Frank Grimes4 out of 5 starsVery funny book but this version feels cheap
Reviewed in France on May 7, 2016This book is hilarious but the paper is too thin and the print feels somewhat cheap. I regret not spending the extra for the hardcover version.
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D. A. Canada4 out of 5 starsTiny.
Reviewed in Canada on March 2, 2015I just want to highlight the production dimensions:
Product Dimensions: 10.6 x 7.6 x 2.8 cm
This will fit in your palm.
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MH1 out of 5 starsJust stupid
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 21, 2014News articles that are re-written in stupid ways. Stupid,Stupid and Stupid. Not much more to say about this book. Idiotism.
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