we're only just as happy, as everyone else thinks we are.

I knew when I said updating each week was going to happen, that I was lying. But I sometimes like to give myself the benefit of a doubt.

Life in the 505 continues to be busy. And a lot has changed since my last entry. There is now a job, new friends, and updated conditions to speak of.

In the few weeks that I was sending in resumes and applications it seemed like I was waisting my time. No responses from anyone, even though I was confident I was qualified. During the silence I had been asking to be directed somewhere that I could do some good. The last place I decided to put in an application as a caregiver was at a place called Beehive Homes. To my surprise they called me that afternoon for an interview. The woman was pleasant, and as we were talking about my experience the owner walked in. She had prepped me before he arrived, telling me he was very interested in meeting me after reviewing my application. He stood by her side and let me finish answering the question. After which he immediately asked what brought me down "here" from from Utah. I explained my situation and he began to tell me how he was raised in Bountiful. I was relieved to know that's why he was so curious. I told him of my mother and how she was raised there also. He gazed off a bit into what only could have been a flashback. Arriving back to our conversation he began to recollect a native american student staying with his neighbors. He said she was put on placement, and stayed with them a good many years. After becoming the regional manager for the north western new mexico nursing homes he ran into her at a facility in Gallup a few years back. "I forget her name, and if I could just remember...." He paused, we both smiled and in unison said, "Karen Sky". He was surprised and a bit taken back. I continued with, "yeah, but I like to call her mom."

Needless to say I got the job. I am a caregiver at an assisted living home that houses 12 individuals. My mornings shift starts at 7am and they are hectic! Believe me they keep you busy through the whole afternoon, till 3pm when I get to go home. It's just a lot of showers, eating, exercising, collecting garbage and bingo. Most of them are confused so it's a lot of repeating words too.

I have two co-workers that I see every shift. Ann my superior and Bob the cook. They are both significantly older than me, so becoming chums isn't really in the stars. Bob is a bit socially awkward but he makes peach cobbler fit for a king. I was terrified of Ann when I first started. Due to my conscience, before I was hired I told my boss about my plan to leave in June. Ready for any consequence they kept me on anyway. With that information and my age, she wasn't willing to give me any learning curve. I am sure she assumed I was some dumb kid who didn't know and wouldn't care about the residents as much as she did. The first three days were literally hell. She had me running everywhere, doing things over, doing things alone, on top of which getting on my case about things I did that were OK for her, but not me. I was ready to call it quits. But on the slowest afternoon I had encountered, she pulled out the nail polish and gathered the ladies. We sat in the dining room and polished their nails. The most talkative resident is Anita. As she rummaged through her choice of colors she began to ask me everything anyone could ever want to know about me. I told her about the places I've been, the jobs I've had, my friends, my family, my religion, my future and my love for all of it.

As I picked up acetone infused cotton balls off the floor I could tell Ann was in another world. I asked if she was OK, and her response surprised me. She began to tell me about her life. The kids she had at a young age, love lost and how she struggles. "Nothing like what you have, and have yet to be." Regretting an 'uneventful life', and wishing she had anything compared to the conviction I had for even just a few simple things. I had no idea what to say. To me, compared with others lives mine isn't much. But she insisted that she works, and has always lived an average life. I asked,"What's so wrong with that?" It was then that I came to the conclusion, we all suffer from a complex. We get so caught up thinking we need to have more, and that we need to be different. We're told there are things to be done to make sure our lives are brilliant. Outlines to be the envy. We can't be like our neighbors. We confuse being ordinary with being common.

It wasn't a matter of convincing her to change her life to make it more appealing, rather an invitation to look at it differently and appreciate smaller blessings. To say it was an instantaneous change of heart would be a lie. But a barrier was broken that afternoon. Between her and I and a bit in both our individual worlds. Everyday here I am further impressed with the ways of the world, and the Lords hand in everything we do. The more people I meet and the more I am able to learn, the more it makes sense as to why I am here. I hope to continue to gain experiences like this till the day I come home. I miss everyone, more than I'll allow to tell. I hope all is well!

♥ Jen

Dear Mr. Vernon,

The night before you move and the first night you move in are always the worst. The night before you leave you're anxiously stuck in an empty room, that's somewhat eerie without your belongings. Then the first night in you're overwhelmed, and all the things that are familiar and comforting are packed away in their cardboard harbors.

I hate moving.

You could say the beginning of the rest of my life started in the late hours of the last few days of the year 2008. In a Taco Bell in Flagstaff Arizona none the less. Surrounded by about ten feet of snow and desperately exhausted loved ones, I started a plan. A plan I thought would never be brought into action. Having spent the previous week with my family I observed how much assistance they were in need of. With my grandmother in her current condition, and the kids in theirs, I allowed the wheels in my head to turn. While our meals were being ordered, I purposed my plan. My mother looked at me with such tired eyes and laughed. Assuming it had to be a joke she danced around the idea and smiled. But after dinner and much discussion we were well on our way with plans and arrangements to make it happen.

48 days later, here I am. Albuquerque, New Mexico. As hard as it truly was for me to leave I must admit after settling in, I found myself being quite content. The sunny warmth defiantly took no time at all to get used to. Although busy, my days are a lot less stressful. My schedule consists of helping my grandma with her daily routine and physical therapy. I have the privilege to play chauffeur, and at times family therapist too. I am also in the works of getting a job. I've submitted resumes and filled out applications. I'm hoping to get something by way of home heath care or assisted living.

All in all things are going well. During my 9 and half hour drive here, I was able to focus and really think about what I wanted out of this experience. I spent so much time preparing myself for what I'd have to do for others, that I didn't think about all the things I could gain. I've been on an 80's kick lately and as I studied the road I couldn't help but think of the movie, The Breakfast Club. Five kids spend their Saturday in detention. For what it is it was one Saturday. But it was time enough for them, each coming from disastrously different backgrounds, to figure out who they were. Now I'm not nearly as confused or angsty as the characters in the movie, but I do want the same end. I want to walk away from here and have the credits roll when I'm the best possible version of myself. I am taking this opportunity to grow in every way that I can (height not applicable). The people I serve, and surround myself with back home deserve nothing less. When I look at it in those terms I hope four months is time enough. I miss every bit of each one of you. I am doing well, and hope you are too!

♥ Jen

South For Spring

Making the final decision on this was supposed to be the hard part. Carrying out such a decision is proving me otherwise. As I load precious memories and expensive keepsakes into a mess of cardboard and tape, reality sinks in. The Watsatch Front has watched over me and been my home for the majority of my life. The few years away were spent with desperate attempts to make it back. It is far from perfect but I enjoy life here. Surrounded by beauty in every aspect of the word. So it saddens me to have to say goodbye. Troublesome situations have presented themselves, and I am needed elsewhere. I would leave you for nothing less.

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It has been a trialing passed few months. With the back to back car accidents of November, and unexpected health decline of a close grandmother I am beckoned 'home' (Albuquerque New Mexico). Over the holiday season my family and I spent the majority of the time at hospital bedsides and insurance offices. Fortunatly, the car accident that landed my vehicle six feet under left no other casualties. And my little brothers just two days after left them with minor injuries which are still being suffered. But all involved are making progress. My grandmother was hospitalized for a month due to phenomia and a broken hip. She has now been placed in a skilled nursing home that my mom actually works for. With the care of her mother in her facility exhausting her efforts, and the injured kids at home my mother is slowly loosing her sanity. That's where I come in. Because of their car accident they were left with one vehicle and a lot of kaotic scheduling conflicts. I will be leaving to relieve some of the duties that have recently become more difficult. Without blistering detail that is the basic jist of what I'm leaving for. I fully intend on making it back to my mountains and you soon. But for now, I plan on leaving February 8th.

I'll be back for visits once a month and I'll update this blog weekly if not more.

I love everything about my life here, and if you're reading this you definatly have had something to do with that. So thank you.

♥ Jen