Friday, February 22, 2013
Turn Back Time.....
Were all told when we become parents to cherish every moment because it goes too fast. Me, being young and naive, I always thought... Yeah Yeah- I know! But you don't. You don't know until you look back at a picture that absolutely wrenches your heart because it seems like it was yesterday-- but it wasnt. It was 5 years ago. 5 years?! Where the heck did 5 years go? Didn't I JUST graduate high school? Im still a young hip, COOL mom.... right?! errrr, It might be getting away from me just a tad.
I feel older or maybe wiser is a better word. As Cliche as it might sound, Getting pregnant with Everett-- going through bedrest-- and experiencing the gut wrenching "nicu mom" experience has changed me. I was a working mom.... Clint and I were on a path, and had big goals and dreams in mind. Things were almost going TOO well. As the motnhs continued on, embracing the fact we would add a little man to the family.... it changed us. We had good days, bad months, good weeks, and more bad days. I'll be completely honest... it was a rough year. But coming out of it I was blessed with a sense of peace that I didn't need to work at the hospital to fill my pride. Even though Nursing has been my life long goal, its just not nearly as important as what I have in front of me. Those who you think are your friends will let you down when you need them most, and you just have to move on and not look back. So i did. A stay at home mom I'll be! Well..... I am blessed to have my 12 hours a week at the girls' dance studio. And it just enough.
Today has been just another day. Mom to 4. Rush Chloe out the door to school, run to the grocery store, come home get Rett down for a nap, make lunch, get Chloe off the bus, and we start homework. Homework for the weekend-- find a picture of yourself when you were little READING. Ok... easy enough! Im a good mom who took a lot of pictures of you guys growing up...... I think. Oh Shoot! I don't have any pictures.... And that's when I said WAIT A MINUTE! The blog. I told the girls... I have all of your journals and pictures from the last 4 years saved in a blog. They of course looked at me like I was retarded. "A What?!" Sooo we got on the blog and there we were... completely lost in memory lane. As the girls laughed hysterically at funny pictures of themselves, I looked past them in tears. I promised myself I would never forget those moments.... but I did. When did Chloe turn 6?! I mean the sweet little chunky 3 year old is so far tucked away in my distant memory. We watched videos of Tayler dancing, Videos of Kylie's first words... it was so neat to see their faces light up in disbelief that they could've ever been that little.
Instead of worrying about what house work was still waiting, I tried to just be in the moment with them.
Time really does get away from us. I get so caught up in worrying about bills, finances, friends, Who likes me and who doesn't, Why can't I dress as cute as her?!...you know the basics. But what a waste!! Life just goes where it will. JUST NOW... 8 months after Everett was born are Clint and I are actually taking a breath and saying OK! and trying to sit back and embrace the fate that is happening in front of us. Its kind of cool to watch God's work take place. Some neat things are coming. Certain people have come into our lives that are seeming to be more than just a coincidence. Who knows?! Maybe in 4 years we will still be struggling paycheck to paycheck, and still be wondering and praying for a break of some sorts. I've let go of control. After all of that fight to finish my prereqs for nursing school-- now Im not even worried about getting into nursing school. It was like I was fighting against the tide, it just was not was what meant for me. There will be a time, Im sure Ill put it to use, but for now my main job is MY KIDS. Watching them grow and thrive and turn in to little people is too important to miss.
Anyways! So.... thanks for taking a journey with me :)
Quick stats for this day!
Chloe: 6 years old, Kindergarten. Took her first field trip yesterday. She is reading independently. her teacher is enthrawled with her reading skills. She is loving dance and being a part of her Strut n Stuff team & allstars. She is also so excited that she gets to start a solo with Miss Hollie. She is such a helpful big sister, I couldnt make it without her. This kid could not make me more proud then she does everyday.
Tayler: 5 years old, Preschool with Ms. Alli. LOVES preschool and making friends. Tayler is such a happy, HAPPY kid. It's the little things for her. She is still dancing and is such a natural at it, but isn't sold on the idea of only dancing... so she is trying out QC heat tball. It starts next month and she is SO excited. So, we'll see what she ends up loving. This little girl brightens our life everyday with her giggles and smiles.
Kylie: 3 years old. One lazy little booger ;) This kid would lay on the couch all day with Green blankie and just watch movies (IF WE LET HER) She is still taking dance class, and loves it!!In her spare time she is teaching pretend dance classes to her babies and putting on performances for the family. She is a ham! Dad is her all time best friend. If she had the choice to spend the day with the girls and I out shopping and having fun or watching movies with Dad at home-- she'd be here with him!
Everett: 8 months old (on the 25th. Wow! I am so grateful for this little boy, I can hardly write this without tearing up. Like I said.... in his young age, he has taught me so much about myself and life in general. he is crawling and pulling up on EVERYTHING. He laughs and smiles, and loves to be mischevious. His favorite trick is getting in to the dog food and water when Im not looking. He is spoiled and loved by all that are around him. If he falls down and cries, you better believe ALL 4 of us girls are at his side baby talking him back to health. It's a good time! He has us wrapped :)
Ok, I have to get off the computer now! Bye friends!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Slone Happenings and Exciting News!!!!
Hi Friends. I am trying to blog as much as possible, but I admit that Facebook is so much easier in keeping up with people's lives.
So.... Here we go, this'll be a good one!
I am 17 weeks pregnant with my 4th little one. It has been a roller coaster to say the least, but I am trying my best to be strong and keep up with my family and work life as a (somewhat) normal person. It has been hard I won't lie. Working 3 nights a week has literally killed me. Going without sleep can turn you into someone you never knew existed, its a trip I tell ya. On my 4 nights off I cart the girls to and from dance, catch up on laundry, make meals, fill cups, pick up toys.... you know all the normal mom stuff that goes unseen. Well, my prayers were answered... and after flip flopping on my work 3 times now going from Full time to part time, once and for all I am a Part Timer. THANK GOODNESS. Going from 3 nights to 2 might not seem like anything special, but let me tell you.... it is heavenly! It will be Heavenly.... starting February 18th! Woot.
So, the other night I was at work and before I left I noticed I had a pinkish show everytime I wiped from peeing. I put it off, just knowing it's probably nothing. I kept my eye on it. Around eleven o clock, I had a full on panic attack when I checked the TP to see bright red blood now. I ran to talk to my MGR, huffing and puffing of course. She looks at me and says, Its's Ok.... Its probably nothing... but could be low lying placenta, Placental Tear, placenta previa or just irritation of some sort. She is Labor and Delivery MGR, and they see stuff like this all the time, but for me.... this was awful. I have had 3 VERY normal non eventful pregnancies and this one has been drama since the moment I conceived I swear. So, she sent me to the Emergency Room, since I can't be seen in our OB triage until 20 weeks. Lame! So off to the ED I go. So embarassing at your own work!! Stripped down into my Red hospital gown, and went along with the agenda of a pelvic exam, Lab work and Ultra sound. And a little tylenol for the cramping that had begun after the pevlic exam... youch! I felt fine in every other aspect. I was watching TV laughing, hanging out. What was going on?!?! This baby is a booger, that what! So Im going to skip a major part of the story to tell you that I was discharged with news that baby and myself were A-OK, I just need to rest more and try not to be doing strenous activity on a daily basis. I was sent home for the night and not allowed to return to work. Sad song, right??!? Ha!
So back to the major part, now that you're done stressing I would tell you something awful. Okay so the ultrasound Tech comes into my room to take me back to check the baby and the placenta. She was lovely, we chatted casually the whole time, especially after she showed the steady heartrate of 140. She makes a comment like, Oh my Gosh this baby wont stop moving, What a stinker! I say
"Yeah I have heard she is a wild woman!"
-"Oh, you know what you're having already?"
"Yeah, a friend of mine scanned me early on like at 15 weeks and we saw the 3 lines clear as day!"
-"Oh, well that's funny, because there is HIS PENIS!!!!!"
"WHAT?!?!? No, it has to be cord!"
she looks at me halfway insulted that I would doubt her mad skills, and says "NO... thats a penis, look.... and there's the little testicals."
I can't even tell you the emotions that ran threw me. I felt like I needed to laugh and cry all at the same time. And I had NO ONE to call, bc Hello... it was 2 am! Thats when I cried... then I giggled thinking of my husband and how cute he would be when I casually told him that all of his dreams were coming true.
Wow. It was a rush.
Now, don't get me wrong, we were excited to had been having a girl, but we've been there done that x3... and it's been great. BUT this whole pregnancy has been somewhat of a like... um Life altering, pass out/throw up when we found out type of deal. And when we found out it was a girl, it was like we really had to question... What is it Lord that you have planned for us, because Wow... 4 girls is somewhat much. BUT now.... NOW that we know it is a boy, it is like the calm feeling of peace knowing that this is all in God's hands. The freak chance that I got pregnant while taking a medication that negated my birth control. The awful coincidence of getting pregnant again when jobs are in question, our investment property plate is very full and we are stretched very thin . There is SO much going on in our life right now before even considering a 4th baby. BUT we had prayed for a little man for a long time, and for some reason this is the timing that was chosen for us. We are so blessed regardless of having a boy or a girl, but it all just makes sense now knowing its our little boy we've dreamt about.
So, as you might imagine, upon telling Clint. He of course doubts me and says "It's probably a shadow in between her legs... don't get your hopes up!"
-As the day went on, he kept asking to see the picture and would say "So, do you really think its a boy?!?!"
-"I know its a boy", I said, "I saw it in action and not just in a still picture and there was definitely a weiner on the screen."
Finally two days later, he is convinced. We have our major Ultrasound next week and thats when he will be 100% convinced. BUT can I just tell you how giddy we are?!? I catch him just staring at me smiling, like he is just happy to be in the presence of his son growing inside me. It really feels like its our first again. It'll be silent, and one of us will say "I'm so excited, aren't you?!"
Its cute. Im loving it. The BEST part of all of this is that our girls Wanted a brother SO bad. They are so happy it is adorable. Chloe gets to share her room with the baby when he comes out of our room, and she has already cleared out a side of her closet for the clothes we have collected the past 2 days for him.
I go to bed tonight with a VERY full heart. Our house is happy. Our family is healthy. Chloe is embracing her role as big sister and is such a smart girl and a great leader in school and at home. Tayler is a joy to be around, she is happy to run around in dance clothes or a bathing suit and sing songs. Kylie is a little spitfire. Her glasses have brought out her inner spunk even more than ever. She loves playing mommy to her babies and idolizes her big sisters. What more could I ask for?
Nothing.
Night Night Friends......
So.... Here we go, this'll be a good one!
I am 17 weeks pregnant with my 4th little one. It has been a roller coaster to say the least, but I am trying my best to be strong and keep up with my family and work life as a (somewhat) normal person. It has been hard I won't lie. Working 3 nights a week has literally killed me. Going without sleep can turn you into someone you never knew existed, its a trip I tell ya. On my 4 nights off I cart the girls to and from dance, catch up on laundry, make meals, fill cups, pick up toys.... you know all the normal mom stuff that goes unseen. Well, my prayers were answered... and after flip flopping on my work 3 times now going from Full time to part time, once and for all I am a Part Timer. THANK GOODNESS. Going from 3 nights to 2 might not seem like anything special, but let me tell you.... it is heavenly! It will be Heavenly.... starting February 18th! Woot.
So, the other night I was at work and before I left I noticed I had a pinkish show everytime I wiped from peeing. I put it off, just knowing it's probably nothing. I kept my eye on it. Around eleven o clock, I had a full on panic attack when I checked the TP to see bright red blood now. I ran to talk to my MGR, huffing and puffing of course. She looks at me and says, Its's Ok.... Its probably nothing... but could be low lying placenta, Placental Tear, placenta previa or just irritation of some sort. She is Labor and Delivery MGR, and they see stuff like this all the time, but for me.... this was awful. I have had 3 VERY normal non eventful pregnancies and this one has been drama since the moment I conceived I swear. So, she sent me to the Emergency Room, since I can't be seen in our OB triage until 20 weeks. Lame! So off to the ED I go. So embarassing at your own work!! Stripped down into my Red hospital gown, and went along with the agenda of a pelvic exam, Lab work and Ultra sound. And a little tylenol for the cramping that had begun after the pevlic exam... youch! I felt fine in every other aspect. I was watching TV laughing, hanging out. What was going on?!?! This baby is a booger, that what! So Im going to skip a major part of the story to tell you that I was discharged with news that baby and myself were A-OK, I just need to rest more and try not to be doing strenous activity on a daily basis. I was sent home for the night and not allowed to return to work. Sad song, right??!? Ha!
So back to the major part, now that you're done stressing I would tell you something awful. Okay so the ultrasound Tech comes into my room to take me back to check the baby and the placenta. She was lovely, we chatted casually the whole time, especially after she showed the steady heartrate of 140. She makes a comment like, Oh my Gosh this baby wont stop moving, What a stinker! I say
"Yeah I have heard she is a wild woman!"
-"Oh, you know what you're having already?"
"Yeah, a friend of mine scanned me early on like at 15 weeks and we saw the 3 lines clear as day!"
-"Oh, well that's funny, because there is HIS PENIS!!!!!"
"WHAT?!?!? No, it has to be cord!"
she looks at me halfway insulted that I would doubt her mad skills, and says "NO... thats a penis, look.... and there's the little testicals."
I can't even tell you the emotions that ran threw me. I felt like I needed to laugh and cry all at the same time. And I had NO ONE to call, bc Hello... it was 2 am! Thats when I cried... then I giggled thinking of my husband and how cute he would be when I casually told him that all of his dreams were coming true.
Wow. It was a rush.
Now, don't get me wrong, we were excited to had been having a girl, but we've been there done that x3... and it's been great. BUT this whole pregnancy has been somewhat of a like... um Life altering, pass out/throw up when we found out type of deal. And when we found out it was a girl, it was like we really had to question... What is it Lord that you have planned for us, because Wow... 4 girls is somewhat much. BUT now.... NOW that we know it is a boy, it is like the calm feeling of peace knowing that this is all in God's hands. The freak chance that I got pregnant while taking a medication that negated my birth control. The awful coincidence of getting pregnant again when jobs are in question, our investment property plate is very full and we are stretched very thin . There is SO much going on in our life right now before even considering a 4th baby. BUT we had prayed for a little man for a long time, and for some reason this is the timing that was chosen for us. We are so blessed regardless of having a boy or a girl, but it all just makes sense now knowing its our little boy we've dreamt about.
So, as you might imagine, upon telling Clint. He of course doubts me and says "It's probably a shadow in between her legs... don't get your hopes up!"
-As the day went on, he kept asking to see the picture and would say "So, do you really think its a boy?!?!"
-"I know its a boy", I said, "I saw it in action and not just in a still picture and there was definitely a weiner on the screen."
Finally two days later, he is convinced. We have our major Ultrasound next week and thats when he will be 100% convinced. BUT can I just tell you how giddy we are?!? I catch him just staring at me smiling, like he is just happy to be in the presence of his son growing inside me. It really feels like its our first again. It'll be silent, and one of us will say "I'm so excited, aren't you?!"
Its cute. Im loving it. The BEST part of all of this is that our girls Wanted a brother SO bad. They are so happy it is adorable. Chloe gets to share her room with the baby when he comes out of our room, and she has already cleared out a side of her closet for the clothes we have collected the past 2 days for him.
I go to bed tonight with a VERY full heart. Our house is happy. Our family is healthy. Chloe is embracing her role as big sister and is such a smart girl and a great leader in school and at home. Tayler is a joy to be around, she is happy to run around in dance clothes or a bathing suit and sing songs. Kylie is a little spitfire. Her glasses have brought out her inner spunk even more than ever. She loves playing mommy to her babies and idolizes her big sisters. What more could I ask for?
Nothing.
Night Night Friends......
Thursday, December 22, 2011
It Doesn't Get any Easier
It's Wednesday night again. I guess I am in a weekly rhythm of blogging Wednesday nights. I work Wednesdays, and Work tends to bring out the emotions in me.... so you can see why I am here!
I got "Pushed" at work tonight, which means they adjusted the time of my shift from
7pm start time to 11pm. Now usually this is just a nice way of telling you, "We don't need you tonight... so just sit on the edge of your seat for 4 hours and we'll let you know if we can cancel you or not." Well 9 times out of 10, I actually do get cancelled. So, naturally I got excited. We ordered pizza, Watched Tosh.O, The girls ram wild laughing hysterically at Goodness knows what. It was what I dream about! There was even Ice Cream involved.
Bed time came around, and of course I suck at it these days (I work 3 nights a week remember!).... so Clint has to jump in and reinforce that it's really bed time and if you get up, its Trouble! Our girls are SNEAKY. They wait up until we fall asleep and then conveniently end up on our floor or the end of our bed.
9:30 arrives and guess who gets called into work?! Yeah. I cried. It was the first instinctual emotion that came to me. Not only did I get called in, I had to go to to a different floor that was short an aide. Which means.... totally out of my element, no one to talk to, when I get pukey around 2am-- no one to whine to.
So, there I sat {pathetically} crying to my husband about all the reasons I hate working nights, why I hate leaving my kids, why I cannot survive the exhaustion of night shift ONE MORE NIGHT. He talked me through it, like the sweet man that he is. He reassured me that things wont be like this forever, and its just that we need the extra money right now, and it makes things easier for the whole family when there is $ in the bank. Money Money Money! Im so tried of MONEY!!!
GAH!
Well, guess who was outside the door?? Our ever sneaky 5 year old! Miss Chloe. My worry wart. Devastated that I wouldn't be here while she slept, she pleaded for me not to go to work.... and "WHY IS MONEY SO IMPORTANT ANYWAY?!" Ohhhh it was like a knife through the heart. She heard us talking about money. My worst fear. I don't want my kids to know about the stresses of life and money just yet. They deserve to stay innocent and naive.... believing that the magic machine at the bank pays everyone when they are ready to shop!! I let her stay with me while I got ready, and I promised I would kiss her before I left. As I was leaving... (1030 mind you), she whispers... "Please wave to me out the window Mom!"
"Of course Baby!"
After I waved goodbye and got in my car. I cried some more. It just doesn't get easier does it?! Even though she is 5, it still is heart-wrenching leaving her... leaving all of them. I am waiting and waiting for the day that it gets easier for me to accept that I am a working mom. I have completely shut off my brain to even imagine what it would be like to leave a newborn. I can't think of it.
So, that's where I'm at. Hanging out here on 5th floor. Waiting to go home and see their sweet faces! 3 more hours!!!!
I got "Pushed" at work tonight, which means they adjusted the time of my shift from
7pm start time to 11pm. Now usually this is just a nice way of telling you, "We don't need you tonight... so just sit on the edge of your seat for 4 hours and we'll let you know if we can cancel you or not." Well 9 times out of 10, I actually do get cancelled. So, naturally I got excited. We ordered pizza, Watched Tosh.O, The girls ram wild laughing hysterically at Goodness knows what. It was what I dream about! There was even Ice Cream involved.
Bed time came around, and of course I suck at it these days (I work 3 nights a week remember!).... so Clint has to jump in and reinforce that it's really bed time and if you get up, its Trouble! Our girls are SNEAKY. They wait up until we fall asleep and then conveniently end up on our floor or the end of our bed.
9:30 arrives and guess who gets called into work?! Yeah. I cried. It was the first instinctual emotion that came to me. Not only did I get called in, I had to go to to a different floor that was short an aide. Which means.... totally out of my element, no one to talk to, when I get pukey around 2am-- no one to whine to.
So, there I sat {pathetically} crying to my husband about all the reasons I hate working nights, why I hate leaving my kids, why I cannot survive the exhaustion of night shift ONE MORE NIGHT. He talked me through it, like the sweet man that he is. He reassured me that things wont be like this forever, and its just that we need the extra money right now, and it makes things easier for the whole family when there is $ in the bank. Money Money Money! Im so tried of MONEY!!!
GAH!
Well, guess who was outside the door?? Our ever sneaky 5 year old! Miss Chloe. My worry wart. Devastated that I wouldn't be here while she slept, she pleaded for me not to go to work.... and "WHY IS MONEY SO IMPORTANT ANYWAY?!" Ohhhh it was like a knife through the heart. She heard us talking about money. My worst fear. I don't want my kids to know about the stresses of life and money just yet. They deserve to stay innocent and naive.... believing that the magic machine at the bank pays everyone when they are ready to shop!! I let her stay with me while I got ready, and I promised I would kiss her before I left. As I was leaving... (1030 mind you), she whispers... "Please wave to me out the window Mom!"
"Of course Baby!"
After I waved goodbye and got in my car. I cried some more. It just doesn't get easier does it?! Even though she is 5, it still is heart-wrenching leaving her... leaving all of them. I am waiting and waiting for the day that it gets easier for me to accept that I am a working mom. I have completely shut off my brain to even imagine what it would be like to leave a newborn. I can't think of it.
So, that's where I'm at. Hanging out here on 5th floor. Waiting to go home and see their sweet faces! 3 more hours!!!!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Fighting to be like EVERYONE else....
Such a stupid statement for a woman of my age really. Haven't I learned that is great to be who you are?? Embrace your uniqueness? You know all of those things I teach my daughters.... LOVE WHO YOU ARE and how the Lord made you.
I have a hard time practicing what I preach. Sorry.
I am struggling today. Today I realized I really DO want to know what this baby is. Clint doesn't. He and his family all think that it would be SO neat if we could wait and be surprised in the delivery room. As do I. However, it's like I have been lying to myself telling myself and others "Oh yeah, we're not finding out.... I don't mind, I'm not even that curious."
What Am I Talking about?!?!? That's not me!! That's Clint. Of course I am dying to know and I actually feel like it will help me EMBRACE the whole concept of this pregnancy all together to know what we've created this time around.
BUT I love Clint... and I love that he is passionate about having a surprise in the delivery room. I LOVE that he is so much more laid back than me and can chill me out in any situation. I don't know though. I might just need to keep my own secret about it. That's acceptable, right?
Second argument.
I am being BOMBARDED with those tacky comments you get as soon as someone realizes you are "with child". I mean it has been unbelieveable. Literally on a nightly basis at work, or at the store
"Are there two in there?!?"
"What do you have a watermelon in there?"
"You need to go up a size in your scrub top."
"Are you due like next month?"
And the ever loving... "Don't you know how this happens?!" --
No actually I don't could you explain please..... Stupid!
I've been wishing lately that I looked differently, That my belly was not as round as it is, that I was bigger in my thighs and samll in the waist so I wouldnt show as fast. I've come up with all sorts of ideas as to why I am so BIG?? Everytime I try to convince myself that the # on the scale is OKAY and I will survive when it continues to go up, someone has to open there stupid mouth. I mean really! Who raised these people??? Didn't you get the memo that you never make a comment to a newly pregnant woman EVER.....
Whew! Sorry.... let me cool down!
Anyways, for today I am working on being content being ME - who I am and being proud of it. Fake it til I make it... Fake it til I make it.... I'm Close!!!!!
Goodnight Friends :)
I have a hard time practicing what I preach. Sorry.
I am struggling today. Today I realized I really DO want to know what this baby is. Clint doesn't. He and his family all think that it would be SO neat if we could wait and be surprised in the delivery room. As do I. However, it's like I have been lying to myself telling myself and others "Oh yeah, we're not finding out.... I don't mind, I'm not even that curious."
What Am I Talking about?!?!? That's not me!! That's Clint. Of course I am dying to know and I actually feel like it will help me EMBRACE the whole concept of this pregnancy all together to know what we've created this time around.
BUT I love Clint... and I love that he is passionate about having a surprise in the delivery room. I LOVE that he is so much more laid back than me and can chill me out in any situation. I don't know though. I might just need to keep my own secret about it. That's acceptable, right?
Second argument.
I am being BOMBARDED with those tacky comments you get as soon as someone realizes you are "with child". I mean it has been unbelieveable. Literally on a nightly basis at work, or at the store
"Are there two in there?!?"
"What do you have a watermelon in there?"
"You need to go up a size in your scrub top."
"Are you due like next month?"
And the ever loving... "Don't you know how this happens?!" --
No actually I don't could you explain please..... Stupid!
I've been wishing lately that I looked differently, That my belly was not as round as it is, that I was bigger in my thighs and samll in the waist so I wouldnt show as fast. I've come up with all sorts of ideas as to why I am so BIG?? Everytime I try to convince myself that the # on the scale is OKAY and I will survive when it continues to go up, someone has to open there stupid mouth. I mean really! Who raised these people??? Didn't you get the memo that you never make a comment to a newly pregnant woman EVER.....
Whew! Sorry.... let me cool down!
Anyways, for today I am working on being content being ME - who I am and being proud of it. Fake it til I make it... Fake it til I make it.... I'm Close!!!!!
Goodnight Friends :)
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Life.....
I sat here a couple nights ago scrolling through my old, beloved blog, and I cried a little. I remembered all of the reasons why I blogged. To keep record. To never let me forget where I have been and where I am headed. Can I tell you though, that we do forget? No matter how much you tell yourself I will never forget this moment, you just might.
Lately I have felt like my life has reached the peak of difficulty. I recently found out I am expecting my 4th child. Yes....... a freakin fourth. Totally unplanned. Just a little surprise from the Lord. If you remember me and my honesty, you know I wont sugar coat this and tell you the pretty side. It was rough, the last 6 weeks have been VERY rough. I cried a lot. Puked a lot. Spent days in bed in my pajamas. Begged the Lord.... PLEASE oh please I cannot handle this, I am not ready, I am not strong enough, Please dont do this to me. Clint and I didnt speak of the pregnancy itself. Just minor details here and there. Of course our surrounding family was all supportive and beaming with excitement. But Clint and I stood in silence, in disbelief, in fear. I've had some minor speed bumps with progesterone levels which lead to weekly blood draws from week 4 to 9 and 2 of those weeks I was also scanned to check for viability.
Week 7. This is when it all went down.
The heartbeat. There was baby. There was life. My Dr. said so excitedly, "Well there ya go, we've got a heart beat!" While I should have been beaming with joy, I cried. I broke down. I showed a side of myself that no one sees. It was all becoming real. It was time to start talking, to start dealing with the reality of a 4th slone baby.
After a long appointment of tears and reassurance, I left and called my husband. I blubbered and begged to have him help me calm down. I couldn't do this alone. No more existing in silence, pretending this wasnt happening. We desperately needed to talk and needed to face this together. Its amazing how much better this man can make me feel. He holds me together when I fall apart. I try to do the same for him, but he is better than me. He is a good man.
Week 10. Now here we are. I am ready to start talking. In the last week I have managed to get excited. We have talked about baby names, decided we dont want to know the gender until delivery. By this I mean, Clint decided, and I will do my best to hold out! Things are looking up.
Let me back track and say that I KNOW in my heart this baby is a huge blessing, and probably has some great calling on this earth. I know this in my head but actually convincing myself and my emotions of it was the struggle. So, YES of course...we WANT this baby, this baby will be loved and adored as much as the other 3. I believe the Lord has a plan for Clint and I...... its just a matter of surrendering control and accepting the plan!
So as I read back through my blog, I realized.... this isn't that hard. Not nearly as difficult as I've made it to be in my head. Heck, I had my second baby while I had an 11 month old. I survived 6 months of colic with Tayler. I had 3 kids, three and under. I had days at a SAHM that would make your toes curl. I lived a year as a working, mom-student/person. I PASSED chemistry in the midst of all of that. NOW THAT WAS HARD!!!! I am ever so grateful to my blog for reminding of me of where I have been and what I am capable of. This is cake. I CAN do this. I have another 8 months or so of being a FT working mom, another 8 months to work my butt off, for Clint to pull in the OT, for us to buy a bigger car, to find space for this little boy or girl (probably a girl). We have 8 months to GET READY. And then..... we have plans. Plans for things to change. Good things are coming for us, I can feel it in my bones.
Baby Slone #4 Due July 7th :)
Thanks for listening friends in blogland.
Lately I have felt like my life has reached the peak of difficulty. I recently found out I am expecting my 4th child. Yes....... a freakin fourth. Totally unplanned. Just a little surprise from the Lord. If you remember me and my honesty, you know I wont sugar coat this and tell you the pretty side. It was rough, the last 6 weeks have been VERY rough. I cried a lot. Puked a lot. Spent days in bed in my pajamas. Begged the Lord.... PLEASE oh please I cannot handle this, I am not ready, I am not strong enough, Please dont do this to me. Clint and I didnt speak of the pregnancy itself. Just minor details here and there. Of course our surrounding family was all supportive and beaming with excitement. But Clint and I stood in silence, in disbelief, in fear. I've had some minor speed bumps with progesterone levels which lead to weekly blood draws from week 4 to 9 and 2 of those weeks I was also scanned to check for viability.
Week 7. This is when it all went down.
The heartbeat. There was baby. There was life. My Dr. said so excitedly, "Well there ya go, we've got a heart beat!" While I should have been beaming with joy, I cried. I broke down. I showed a side of myself that no one sees. It was all becoming real. It was time to start talking, to start dealing with the reality of a 4th slone baby.
After a long appointment of tears and reassurance, I left and called my husband. I blubbered and begged to have him help me calm down. I couldn't do this alone. No more existing in silence, pretending this wasnt happening. We desperately needed to talk and needed to face this together. Its amazing how much better this man can make me feel. He holds me together when I fall apart. I try to do the same for him, but he is better than me. He is a good man.
Week 10. Now here we are. I am ready to start talking. In the last week I have managed to get excited. We have talked about baby names, decided we dont want to know the gender until delivery. By this I mean, Clint decided, and I will do my best to hold out! Things are looking up.
Let me back track and say that I KNOW in my heart this baby is a huge blessing, and probably has some great calling on this earth. I know this in my head but actually convincing myself and my emotions of it was the struggle. So, YES of course...we WANT this baby, this baby will be loved and adored as much as the other 3. I believe the Lord has a plan for Clint and I...... its just a matter of surrendering control and accepting the plan!
So as I read back through my blog, I realized.... this isn't that hard. Not nearly as difficult as I've made it to be in my head. Heck, I had my second baby while I had an 11 month old. I survived 6 months of colic with Tayler. I had 3 kids, three and under. I had days at a SAHM that would make your toes curl. I lived a year as a working, mom-student/person. I PASSED chemistry in the midst of all of that. NOW THAT WAS HARD!!!! I am ever so grateful to my blog for reminding of me of where I have been and what I am capable of. This is cake. I CAN do this. I have another 8 months or so of being a FT working mom, another 8 months to work my butt off, for Clint to pull in the OT, for us to buy a bigger car, to find space for this little boy or girl (probably a girl). We have 8 months to GET READY. And then..... we have plans. Plans for things to change. Good things are coming for us, I can feel it in my bones.
Baby Slone #4 Due July 7th :)
Thanks for listening friends in blogland.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Revisiting
Hello Old friends.
Its been a long while again. I think I promised myself and others I wouldn't let that happen. Errr, sorry.
So.... where are we at? Clint is still at Metro Fire, but has decided to go back to school to broaden his horizons a bit. I am still working 3 nights a week at Gateway in OB. Still really enjoying it and learning so much. The things I get to see are just amazing! Currently enrolled in My last pre-req (again) and demanding myself to pass the freakin thing. THEN, then my friends I can actually turn in an application that gives me a ticket to wait 2 years to get into a program. So to be realistic and not set myself up for disappointment, I decided to aim for 30!
By the time I am, eh em...... 30 (I just died a little), I will be a nurse, preferably Labor and Delivery but I wont get picky now!
My girls, oh my girls. What Happen? When did they turn into KIDS?? It is unbelievable and exciting all at the same time.
Chloe is 4.5 and truly such an amazing little girl. Now amazing doesn't mean easy people! I thought thins would get easier as they got older and boy WAS I WRONG! Being a parent is so hard. She is still in her Pre School down the street and is doing great. Teach says she could go to kindergarten if I wanted to test her in, but due to her social anxiety and perfectionist, OCD behaviors... its probably best to just keep her where she is meant to be. Hey! She was born in October for a reason, right?? And life is moving too fast already... I dont need to be to blame for scooching her out a whole year early. She is doing gymnastics at Carters and loves it. The pit and the rope are her favorite. I cant wait to see what Chloe amounts to. She is such a blessing to my life and our family.
Tayler is 3.5 and is by far the funniest person I have ever met. She is ultra laid back and just goes with the flow... until someone pisses her off! When she is mad, SHE IS MAD!! She is still very short and full of squishy baby fat, which I LOVVVVEEE. It helps me hold on to the baby in her. She is also in Preschool and just learned how to cut, which is BIG news in her life. That girl cuts everything. Envelopes with bills in them, Napkins, tags, hair. You know the Usual ;) Tayler is also in gymnastics. She loves wearing her leotard and feeling all "cool" at gym. Its pretty hysterical to watch. Her new thing to say is "Mom! anytinme I go anywhere, everyone just smiles at me and tells me Im cute." This in turn makes Chloe mad. Obviously. Sister Rivalry is killer in our house. What bugs me is when I have a cart full of 3 young girls at Frys and people stop and talk to Tayler and YES tell her how cute she is, they forget how crushing that is to the other little toddler next to her. Stupid, stupid people.... please just save your comments. have I told you how hard it is to raise little girls?!
Kylie, my little one, is almost 2. Hard to believe. But I am reminded every morning when she yells from her Crib "MOM!!!!!! WET!!!!!" Oh thats right. She hit that age where she yells at me and everyone else all day long and is detremined she is ready to potty train. I kindly remind her every morning, No No Baby Ky..... mommy is not ready to potty train you. Kidding, but yes I am Pathetic! I should be thrilled, but instead I am dreading it this time around. Maybe because we live at my parents and they will have a heart attack the firt time she pees on the carpet or wood floor. Kylie LOVES going to "school" with the girls (which is actually just day care for her) she gets to see all the babies, who are really her age, but she tends to dwarf them.... just a little. Did I mention how cute and chunky this one is too???
My pugs are doing ok. Tank is still young and thriving. Fred, my beloved first baby boy, is not doing so well on the other hand. He has a bulging disk in his back that is causing nerve damage that might cause him to be put down. Its awful. I cant bare the thought of it! For now he is hanging in there and enjoying being babied.
So we are on the ride of life and trying to hold on tight. It is weird how minute you feel you have everything under control and Oh Yeah this Child raising thing isnt SO hard afterall. Then you wake up to real life challenges and decisions that stare you in the face and really make you just want to cry. Its tough stuff being a parent. The only advice I can offer to parents just starting out with babies is, dont think for a second those sleepless nights are the hard part. Prepare yourself.
I am trying to revisit my passions, call old friends , revisit my life. I am making efforts to do playdates again, take the kids OUT to eat even when is loud and hard and people stare, lay out in the sun while the girls spray eachother with the hose. All those things that came natural before I was a Full time working, student, MOM. I am trying for my kids to reclaim that part of myself! and I will.
Thank You friends for standing by and loving us unconditionally as we have fallen off the face of the earth.
--- Im So Ready for Summer again!! Cant wait
Its been a long while again. I think I promised myself and others I wouldn't let that happen. Errr, sorry.
So.... where are we at? Clint is still at Metro Fire, but has decided to go back to school to broaden his horizons a bit. I am still working 3 nights a week at Gateway in OB. Still really enjoying it and learning so much. The things I get to see are just amazing! Currently enrolled in My last pre-req (again) and demanding myself to pass the freakin thing. THEN, then my friends I can actually turn in an application that gives me a ticket to wait 2 years to get into a program. So to be realistic and not set myself up for disappointment, I decided to aim for 30!
By the time I am, eh em...... 30 (I just died a little), I will be a nurse, preferably Labor and Delivery but I wont get picky now!
My girls, oh my girls. What Happen? When did they turn into KIDS?? It is unbelievable and exciting all at the same time.
Chloe is 4.5 and truly such an amazing little girl. Now amazing doesn't mean easy people! I thought thins would get easier as they got older and boy WAS I WRONG! Being a parent is so hard. She is still in her Pre School down the street and is doing great. Teach says she could go to kindergarten if I wanted to test her in, but due to her social anxiety and perfectionist, OCD behaviors... its probably best to just keep her where she is meant to be. Hey! She was born in October for a reason, right?? And life is moving too fast already... I dont need to be to blame for scooching her out a whole year early. She is doing gymnastics at Carters and loves it. The pit and the rope are her favorite. I cant wait to see what Chloe amounts to. She is such a blessing to my life and our family.
Tayler is 3.5 and is by far the funniest person I have ever met. She is ultra laid back and just goes with the flow... until someone pisses her off! When she is mad, SHE IS MAD!! She is still very short and full of squishy baby fat, which I LOVVVVEEE. It helps me hold on to the baby in her. She is also in Preschool and just learned how to cut, which is BIG news in her life. That girl cuts everything. Envelopes with bills in them, Napkins, tags, hair. You know the Usual ;) Tayler is also in gymnastics. She loves wearing her leotard and feeling all "cool" at gym. Its pretty hysterical to watch. Her new thing to say is "Mom! anytinme I go anywhere, everyone just smiles at me and tells me Im cute." This in turn makes Chloe mad. Obviously. Sister Rivalry is killer in our house. What bugs me is when I have a cart full of 3 young girls at Frys and people stop and talk to Tayler and YES tell her how cute she is, they forget how crushing that is to the other little toddler next to her. Stupid, stupid people.... please just save your comments. have I told you how hard it is to raise little girls?!
Kylie, my little one, is almost 2. Hard to believe. But I am reminded every morning when she yells from her Crib "MOM!!!!!! WET!!!!!" Oh thats right. She hit that age where she yells at me and everyone else all day long and is detremined she is ready to potty train. I kindly remind her every morning, No No Baby Ky..... mommy is not ready to potty train you. Kidding, but yes I am Pathetic! I should be thrilled, but instead I am dreading it this time around. Maybe because we live at my parents and they will have a heart attack the firt time she pees on the carpet or wood floor. Kylie LOVES going to "school" with the girls (which is actually just day care for her) she gets to see all the babies, who are really her age, but she tends to dwarf them.... just a little. Did I mention how cute and chunky this one is too???
My pugs are doing ok. Tank is still young and thriving. Fred, my beloved first baby boy, is not doing so well on the other hand. He has a bulging disk in his back that is causing nerve damage that might cause him to be put down. Its awful. I cant bare the thought of it! For now he is hanging in there and enjoying being babied.
So we are on the ride of life and trying to hold on tight. It is weird how minute you feel you have everything under control and Oh Yeah this Child raising thing isnt SO hard afterall. Then you wake up to real life challenges and decisions that stare you in the face and really make you just want to cry. Its tough stuff being a parent. The only advice I can offer to parents just starting out with babies is, dont think for a second those sleepless nights are the hard part. Prepare yourself.
I am trying to revisit my passions, call old friends , revisit my life. I am making efforts to do playdates again, take the kids OUT to eat even when is loud and hard and people stare, lay out in the sun while the girls spray eachother with the hose. All those things that came natural before I was a Full time working, student, MOM. I am trying for my kids to reclaim that part of myself! and I will.
Thank You friends for standing by and loving us unconditionally as we have fallen off the face of the earth.
--- Im So Ready for Summer again!! Cant wait
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