messed up

It has been a roller coaster ride for me these past months. April 8, the love of my life arrived here in the Philippines. Amidst our distance and his health problems, he was able to endure it and fly here and be with me. I know that this is a sign from God that He wants us to be together and that He'll call him to the church. That was one of the happiest days of my life, seeing him for the first time. The next few days after that, we got to learn a lot from each other. I toured him in the nearby malls where we hang out and talk.

When he started meeting one of the ministers here, I know it will be a hard one. Not because we cant back up our beliefs in the bible but the studies turn into debates. I kind of like it too since I know that he wont be a blind follower or that he wont convert to my church just for me but because he believes in what we believe in, and that he was called to the church. I was hoping these talks will result to him seeing what we saw. Since then, it has been an up and down ride. We get along well except when it's about religion.

It has been known to us inside the church that the persecution is no longer outside but inside the church, among members being stumbling blocks. What we just do is either talk to the person or try to ignore him since we are all responsible for our salvation. Unfortunately, he met these stumbling blocks on the time that he is still seeking answers to his questions. This gave the impression to him that clearly, this is a sign that the church does not teach the right doctrines because its members behave this way.

The last straw came when he wanted to stop and I made a deal with him to talk to one of our ministers in Central. He told me that if he saw one teaching that is not in the bible, then he'll walk out of that meeting and he's already done, and that I have to choose him and denounce my faith. I agreed since I know all of our teachings are from the bible. I then prayed fervently, hoping that He'll show him the light which would be a way for him to called to the church.

As a member, there are ministers that I like the style of teaching and there are ministers that I don't. Unfortunately, the minister that I had an appointment to had a class and his minister friend whom I first talked to was the one who accommodated us. Maybe in a way it was the right thing to happen since the minister had stayed long in the US not just to preach but to study so he knows the culture of the people there.

Unfortunately, in one of their discussions, the minister said that the term "complete" apostasy is our conclusion and not in the bible. And he didn't wait for the proofs in the bible which is backed up by history behind that conclusion and he stood up and was ready to leave. The minister asked him why he is standing up and asked him to sit down. They had a discussion and when he was at the door, the minister told us not to stop him and let him. I don't know why the minister did this.

Now, I am torn. Really torn. He had made a FB post that he will propose to me and has asked his friends to sort of welcome me or something. I know that life without him is like living in zombie land. I'll go through the notions of living without ever living it. I had lived this in the last 2 years we've been on and off because of religion. But I don't know if I can stand losing my faith. I know what I believe in are based on the bible and not just interpretations and even if the people are not that ok and has faults, I had learned long ago not to be affected by them and just live my own life and try to bring glory to God's name.

I don't know why this is happening. And I don't know what I'll do.