Leah's 2nd Birthday

Our special little lady got to have 2 little celebrations for her 2nd birthday!

Since Daddy was going to be out-of-town on her real birthday, we celebrated the weekend before with flowers, cake, and of course, pizza! If you think that this sounds a bit like last year, you're right... we definitely don't stray from routine and love our comfort zone, lol.

I love how particular Bryce is when choosing flowers for Leah.

On Leah's real birthday, we planned a special activity with Bryce's class. I had asked the director a few weeks ago if it would be okay to do a butterfly release at Leah's tree on her birthday. She eagerly agreed and I was so excited! His teacher read the class "The Hungry Little Caterpillar" followed by a butterfly coloring activity that I found at the craft store. I also gave them butterfly stickers to wear or to decorate their butterflies with.



Cupcakes for Bryce's awesome preschool teachers!



The butterflies warming up under Leah's hibiscus tree before the kids came out.

Our beautiful little "Painted Lady" butterflies! 

A little blurry, but this one stayed at her tree:)

And of course, my child colored his butterfly nicely and then scribbled all over it with a black crayon, lol.

Bryce and Mommy's cupcakes on Leah's Birthday.
When singing "Happy Birthday" Bryce would point up
 everytime we said "Happy Birthday to you!"

Side note: I would love to say that our butterfly release went off without a hitch, but of the 12 butterflies I ordered, only about half of them flew away. We had the tell the kids that some of the butterflies were still "sleeping" and would wake up later:( But they seemed to understand since they themselves had just woken up from nap. In the directions it said that the temperature must be at least 70 degrees and not too windy. Many of the days leading up to Leah's birthday were quite chilly by Florida standards and March 7th was no different. Oh well, it was worth a try and I think most of the kids really liked it. Some were afraid of the butterflies and a few wanted to love them a little too much (this also may be why some didn't fly off). But the best part of the day was that Bryce had fun sharing his sister's memory with his friends and teachers and that our sweet little girl's memory will live on in the hearts of those who knew her.

Happy 2nd Birthday in Heaven Sweet Girl!

(I also must say a special thank you to the Director at Bryce's Preschool and all of the teachers there who joined in our celebration of Leah's special day this year. We also appreciate all of the text messages, Facebook posts, emails and phone calls on Leah's birthday. It means so much to us to know that Leah has not been forgotten and how she has touched so many people! Thank you!!)

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!



Wishing you a Happy 2nd Birthday in Heaven, Leah!

(We can only imagine what a grand celebration you are having!)



I love how this picture shows just how tiny you were in Daddy's arms.

 

Wishing that I could have held you forever.

Mommy, Daddy, Brycie, and Finley love you and miss you so much!

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!

2 Years... Too Soon

2 Years...

I can't believe that my precious little Leah would be 2 years old already! Walking, talking, and if she was anything like her brother, telling everyone what to do, lol.

My heart breaks because I want to know her so badly.

To see how big she'd be.

To know how smart she'd be.

To know what her curly locks look like and to run my fingers through them.

To hold her hands and play "This Little Piggy" with her toes.

To kiss her chubby cheeks and those rosebud lips!

But most of all, to just hold her, hug her...and never let go!

It's too soon for 2 years to have gone by so fast.

I know that we have healed a lot in the past 2 years, but nothing rips those wounds wide open like a birthday or anniversary and no flood gate is big enough to hold back the tears and pain.

Its. Just. Not. Fair.

We know that for whatever reason God had different plans for Leah and our family. And that whole adage of closing doors and opening windows is true. We now have our "Princess" and our family feels the most complete it has felt in 2 years.

All 5 of us:)

Still Here... I Haven't Disappeared!

Sooo... It's been a while since I've logged on. I was in the midst of my 31-Day Blog Challenge that I was determined to complete.

Unfortunately...life happened!

Things got crazy hectic.

Halloween, My Birthday, Thanksgiving, Jason's Birthday....

Soccer - 3 days a week for Bryce.

Oh, yeah... and getting ready for our Baby Princess due in December!!

Well, she arrived and is perfectly perfect!!

(THAT is what I've been doing lately!)

I promise I will post updates soon.

I need to finish the Blog Challenge. I will share our new baby's birth story. And I will probably post more than once about being pregnant again after losing Leah.

(Since I didn't do such a good job of posting about all of that either!)

I hope everyone is having a wonderful New Year and I wish you all the best in 2013

Days 22-25

Day 22: Do you have a song or songs that make you think of your child?

"I Will Carry You" (Audrey's Song) - by Selah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o

"Glory Baby" - by Watermark

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Hxc_ANJptk&feature=related

"My Little Girl" - by Tim McGraw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOWrfs4Ec7I

and not so traditional but SO meaningful to the many emotions that I was feeling while pregnant with Leah...

"Firework" - by Katy Perry

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw

It was on the radio every day during my drive home and just brings a smile to my face every time I hear it:)

Day 23: Besides the outcome, what is one thing that you would have done differently?

Nothing.

Day 24: On Birthdays, Diagnosis Day, Anniversaries of Passing... How do you prepare for them?

I always know that they are looming and start planning in my head what I want to do. I started planning Leah's 1st Birthday celebration months and months before it arrived. Everything that we wanted to happen, happened and that made it so special and memorable. That being said, the 6 month anniversary of her passing was the most difficult to deal with. I was a wreck! I had to work that day, but cried at every free second I had. I'm sure that I wasn't such a pleasant person that day or in the days leading up to it. I was just so hurt, so lost, so raw.

Since the first year has passed, these days have gotten easier. I know that we will never let one of these days pass without mention or remembering Leah. If anything, it always gives us a chance to take out some of the things that are hidden away and remember each and every special moment that we had with her.

Day 25: On Birthdays, Diagnosis Day, Anniversaries of Passing... How do you handle them?

Each one is different.

The first year, all of those days were extremely rough and emotional. I have learned to embrace them and act on my emotions. If I need to cry, I do... and I don't feel bad about it. If we are happy, then we make it a wonderful, joyful day full of memories:) I'm sure as time goes on, the roller coaster will continue. We are buckled in for a bumpy ride but will always remember our sweet Leah for everything that she was, is, and will always be to us.

Days 17-21 (A little behind...)

Day 17: Do you feel that your child is watching over you?

I feel that she is always here for us and lets us know that she is still very much a part of our family! I feel it in the timing of things that happen. I feel it when Bryce talks about her or wants to do something special for her. I feel it when I miss her most - I do feel that she sends us "signs."

Day 18: Have you found something that puts you at peace?

Talking about her.

Hearing Bryce talk about her.

Continuing to blog (even though it's sporadic).

**Trusting in God's plan for our family.**

Day 19: What is your happiest memory of your child?

*Hearing her cry as soon as she was born!

For a baby that was likely to be stillborn and not have enough lung capacity to breathe on her own - it was AMAZING!

*Hearing her cry again shortly after when they took her from me to get her weight and footprints.

*Watching Bryce meet her for the first time and point out her nose and say "Baby" when her saw her!

*Giving us the most precious hour and nine minutes of our lives!!!!!!

Day 20: If you have anger... what are you most angry about?

I really have no anger towards Leah's situation. By the time we found out what was going to happen, there was nothing anyone could do to make it better. So we made the best of it.

I will say that the only thing that does make me angry are people who don't appreciate and/or take care of their children. Or people who do foolish things during their pregnancy to cause harm to their unborn children.

Day 21: Is there something about your child that brings a smile to your face?

EVERYTHING!

*Even if it's a smile through tears!*

Day 16

Day 16: Do you take time for yourself?

Honestly, probably not as much as I should.

There have been a few times that I have been by myself and have been able to stop by the cemetery alone. I use my time in the car on my drive to work to think about her as I watch the sun rise over the city - such beautiful hues of pink and the sun bursting through the clouds make me miss her so much. I do allow myself to cry when it comes. I have called our Hospice counselor when I know that there are just some things that I need to vent about or be reassured about. And my husband is a really good listener when I just need to talk about her!

Day 15 and 100th Post!

Day 15: Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. What are you doing today?

Choosing to remember all of the good things that she has brought us!!

Along with lighting a candle at 7:00, we also turned on Leah's lamp. I love her lamp as it is delicate and sweet just like she was. Thanks to two of my amazing friends, Suzie & Carolien, for thinking of such a special gift for our family. We have a special place for it in our kitchen and turn it on whenever we need to know that she's with us or just want to smile. Bryce also knows that it is Leah's light and will ask for us to turn it on!



My most favorite candle topper from Yankee Candle:) I had to have it!



Prayers and Peace for any and all families that have lost a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss.

Day 14

Day 14: What have you done to preserve your child's memories or make new memories of your angel?

While pregnant:

Regular Ultrasounds

3D/4D Ultrasound 

Video of Ultrasound

Week-to-Week Pictures of my growing belly

Maternity/Family Photo Session

Bryce made her a Build-A-Bear stuffed animal (Baby Bunny)

Including Leah in holidays and special events even though she was still in my belly.

Saved every single card and memento that was sent our way.

Saved every single appointment card, bill, etc. from our Doctor's appointments.

Started our Blog.

At Leah's birth:

She was Baptized

Took a few pictures and videos with our camera.

Had a photographer from NILMDTS present - AMAZING pictures = amazing memories!

Made sure Bryce was able to meet Leah!

Took all of her measurements and have them recorded on her own tape measure.

We kept her crib card.

Made plaster imprints of her hands and feet.

Made ink prints of her hands and feet.

Cut locks of her hair.

Kept Leah with us as long as possible!

After:

Had a celebration of life and released butterflies

Walked and raised money for the March of Dimes

Planted a Magnolia tree in our backyard that was given to us by family.

Bryce's school bought and let him plant a hibiscus tree in Leah's honor:)

Walked and raised money for Stepping Stones (Hospice organization that has helped us.)

Had Leah's name written in the sand in Australia - See this post.

Write Leah's name in the sand when we go on vacation.

Donated money to different causes in Leah's name

Wear special pieces of jewelry that friends have given me in memory of Leah.

Made a wreath with many of the ribbons, bows and similar flowers that were sent to us.

Celebrated what would have been Leah's 1st birthday with a day off, cake, flowers, and butterflies!

Visit the cemetery often... take pictures of different decorations and flower arrangements.

Continued to Blog

Displayed pictures and gifts throughout our home

Have 2 boxes filled with her sparse belongings, cards, and anything that reminds us of her.

Continue to celebrate her life by talking about her and how she helped us have a stronger relationship with God and each other.

Day 13

Day 13: Does anyone else besides you speak your child's name?

YES!

And I LOVE it!

Each and every time it brings music to my ears.

Jason, Bryce and I speak her name often. We talk about her pictures and things that we have around the house. Bryce still has her baby blanket and "Baby Bunny" that he made for her. We talk about what things would be like if she were here and about how much we miss her.

Most importantly, my wonderful school friends and Bryce's teachers at his school have not forgotten her. The butterflies at my school and the tree at Bryce's are constant reminders of her.

My best friends also mention her from time to time, whether it's asking how I'm doing or asking a particular question about my pregnancy with her or her condition.

And the new friends that I've made through Blogging... other BLM's know how important it is to hear or read their baby's name. I make it a point to mention their child by name because I know what warmth it brings to the heart.