Yesterday I was struck with a tantrum child. My two year old son screamed and cried. At my wits end I put him down for a nap. His little body must have been exhausted from all the drama. But nonetheless he stayed awake and got into even more trouble for another 4 hours.
The tension and angry stress built up and a break down of being a strong willed mother had all been lost. Tears of weakness and effort trailed down my face like rivers of remorse.
Lately I had been feeling like I am losing myself. Lately I realize I wasn't my true self and that I begrudgingly tried to hold onto the person I was before I was a mother.
My sister and I both young mothers and ambitious souls. Going through the ups and downs of a parenting transition. She has a son who is one. I have two, a two year old and a newborn that is two months old.
Trying to care for both of them at the same time has become a task I have yet to conquer. I find at these moments I don't know what the right thing to do is?
I recently came across this article and all this woman said and experienced was the biggest awwhhaaa moment for me through the struggles.
Here is the link:
http://m.dosmallthingswithlove.com/y9kw8ss/articles/36843/Why-I-Need-the-Pain-of-Childbirth
The part that really hit home!
It’s not easy for me to surrender my body, my ambitions, my everything for my kids. It’s a death. It is so worth it, but it is a death.
Sometimes I feel like I am being ripped in 2–torn between what I want and what my kids and husband need. It feels as if my rough, selfish edges are actually being painfully filed off.
But like childbirth, the pain and anguish end and I am left with a beautiful child in my arms.
So for all those mother's who are starting out or having a bad day. Tomorrow is a new day. Cherish the perish children why they are children. Your mind and body went through a chaotic miracle to deliver them. You are women of strength, beauty and poise.
As my sweet sister put it, maybe we are supposed to lose ourselves after having kids. Than we will be able to find our real true self. Something I believe and hope you do as well.
