A New Direction

Hi there! This blog has been seriously neglected and I have felt promoted to go in a different direction. So visit me at my new blog: Motherhood: A Sacred Calling.  Let me know what you think!

Part 5: The Final Chapter

This post is a continuation of a previous post.  To read Part 4 click HERE.

Wow!  If you are still reading these posts thanks for hanging with me.  I didn't realize that it was going to turn into such a book.  But I know that Charlotte with love having her birth story for her memory book and me for my journal.  So here is the final chapter...at least of the birth story anyway. ;-)

While we were in the hospital we had a few family and friends who came to visit.  But the most important person was of course her big sister Abby.  Bud brought Abby to visit the day after Charlotte was born.  She was a bit tentative at first and wanted me to hold her but knew exactly who the baby was when we let her hold her.  She was so sweet and kept giving her lots of kisses.  Bud brought her back to visit on Sunday after church and as soon as she walked in the door she asked if she could hold the baby.  It was so cute!  She had had a bit of a rough day at church and just wanted to sit on the bed next to me and snuggle which I loved.  Holding my two girls was unlike anything I had ever felt before.  To this day I am still in awe at how Heavenly Father increases our love so that no one child is loved more than another, just differently.  This experience has helped me to understand how God can love all of his children equally.  We are all so different and need different things yet we all yearn for the same thing, someone who loves us and sees us for who we are.  Incredible!

Abby first meets Charlotte

Abby's second visit (I adore these pictures!)

We were in the hospital for about 3 1/2 days.  I really enjoyed being able to spend that time bonding with Charlotte and also having time to heal a bit before going home.  I don't know that I will stay quite that long next time since it did get a bit lonely and the hospital bed was less than ideal since I was stuck on my back most of the time but I wanted to make sure I was ready since I knew I'd have to climb three flights of stairs and also because I knew Abby would want to climb all over me and not understand why she couldn't.  Most of our visitors came the second day we were in the hospital but other than Bud coming to visit with Abby on Sunday we were pretty much on our own.  I was hoping to get as much rest as I could before going home but due to some nursing issues (I could write a whole post on that fiasco...and I just might.) I didn't quite get the rest I was hoping for.  This left me feeling lonely, emotional and exhausted.  I am eternally grateful to my sister-in-law Erin who dropped everything (including her own three children) to come to my rescue.  She held Charlotte and let me pour my heart out and it was just what I needed to get me through the night until I went home the next day.

Some sweet pictures from the hospital

Bud came and picked me up after he got off work on Monday and boy was I ready to go.  Unfortunately the discharge took WAY longer than both of us had hoped and we didn't get home until almost 7:00 pm.  But I was SO glad to be home.  The next day my mom flew in to spend a week with us and she was such a great help with Abby giving her all of the attention that she needed.  My recovery was very quick and compared to my experience with Abby was SO much easier and with a lot less pain.  Within a week and a half I felt pretty much like myself and other than heavy lifting and being tired I felt really good and could do almost everything I needed to do to take care of my family.  In summary I am SO grateful to my doctor who gave me the option of having a C-section and I am grateful that I was humble enough to listen to my instincts and to the spirit and decide that this was best for me.  My experience this time has been so much more positive and I feel like I have been able to actually enjoy having a newborn instead being in so much pain.  I think the best thing about Charlotte's birth is that the experience was so positive that it makes me excited to have another baby and I couldn't say that after I had Abby for a long time.  Well I guess it wasn't that long since they are only 21 months apart.  Ha ha!


Charlotte is such a sweet, laid back baby.  She hardly ever cries, she loves to smile and she is such a good sleeper.  I feel incredibly blessed to have two incredibly sweet, beautiful, healthy little girls and even though having two kids has been an adjustment and a challenge at times I wouldn't change it for the world. 

The End

Part 4: Charlotte Rose Packard

This post is a continuation of a previous post.  To read Part 3 click HERE.

***Disclaimer: Please be aware that this post contains photos of the actual birth***

June 1st.  We arrived at the hospital a little before ten and found our way up to the maternity floor.  It was very quiet and calm and they were waiting for us when we arrived.  We got checked in and then they showed us to my room where we met the nurse who would be with me throughout the procedure.  She was very kind and went over everything that would happen in the two hours prior to the C-section to prepare both the baby and I for the delivery.  An IV was inserted, I was started on fluids and I was hooked up to a fetal monitor to track her heartbeat.  Surprisingly I was having some contractions and hadn't even realized it.  The lab came to do a blood draw and I met with the anesthesiologist to discuss the administration of a spinal block and signed a ton of papers.  Throughout all of this I was able to keep very calm.  I tried to rest as much as I could but mostly Bud and I just chatted the whole time.

Outside the hospital

 Final pregnancy picture

 Being monitored

 Bud in his HUGE scrubs

A little after noon my nurse came to escort me to the operating room.  She instructed Bud to stay in the room until I was completely prepped and then someone would come and get him.  As we walked into the operating room I remember feeling very calm.  There were nurses prepping instruments and soft music playing.  The anesthesiologist came in and administered the spinal block and then I was laid down on the operating table.  I remember lying there looking around the room and feeling so calm that it was almost like an out of body experience.  I had an overwhelming sense that I was being watched over and protected from harm and so were all of the doctors and nurses who were there with me.  Around 12:30 pm the C-section began and at 12:46 pm I heard the sound that every mother longs to hear.  This is probably one of the only times that a baby's cry can bring tears of joy to your eyes.  As soon as the umbilical cord was cut the doctor brought her around to my side of the drape so I could see her.  I couldn't believe how small she was.  He then gave her to the baby nurse who weighed her and wrapped her up before bringing her to me.  I still thought she'd be close to eight pounds and was shocked when they told me that she was only 6 lbs 15 oz.  I realize that this is a fairly average size for a baby but after giving birth to a 9 lb 8 oz baby it seemed so tiny!  I didn't get to hold her right away which was kind of hard but I was content to kiss her little face and talk to her.  She was so sweet and everything about her was so small.

After I saw her she and Bud went back to the room to wait for me.  About 10 minutes later I was taken back to my room where Bud was snuggling with her next to the window.  I was worried about not being able to hold her right after the surgery but was grateful that they were able to spend some time alone together while they waited for me.  I was excited to hold her and examine all her little features.  I couldn't believe how different she looked from Abby.  Everything about her was smaller, her mouth, her nose and her tiny little face.  She was wide awake and we just stared at each other.  Such a special time that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

 Our first snuggle

I was so excited to finally hold her in my arms.  It was hard to believe that I was now a mommy of two beautiful girls.  The C-section had gone perfectly and there were no complications other than I was pretty sick the first hour of recovery due to the pain medication that was in my IV.  They had to give me two different anti-nausea meds to help me feel better since the first one didn't work and I couldn't hold down my ice water and graham crackers.  Thank goodness I was still numb when that happened.  Yuck!  But as soon as the second one kicked in I felt SO much better and was finally able to eat some real food.

I was determined to have a smooth easy recovery if possible and had heard that the faster you get up and walk the quicker you heal.  I felt really good that night after the spinal block wore off and so with the help of two nurses was able to stand at the side of my bed and even walk the short distance to the bathroom to brush my teeth.  This was a really good sign to me and I felt very strongly that my recovery was going to be a much better experience this time than the first.

To be continued...

Part 3: The Choice

This is a continuation of a previous post.  To read Part 2 click HERE.

January 19th.  Today was the day of the detailed ultra sound to take all of the measurements of the baby and hopefully find out what we were having.  Bud had just started a new job and couldn't go with me that day but was, as most men are, secretly hoping for a little boy.  When I was pregnant with Abby I had a very strong feeling that our first baby would be a little girl.  The feeling was so strong that one night, about four months into the pregnancy, after saying my prayers I looked up at Bud and said, "I just realized that this baby might be a boy.".  He just laughed at me.  But deep down inside I knew it was going to be a girl.  Call it mothers intuition or call it inspiration but that's how I felt.  The same thing happened with Charlotte too.  I felt like our next baby would be another little girl even before I was pregnant with her.  I'll admit that since I was a little sicker during the first trimester than I remembered being with Abby and my immune system was pretty low I thought for a while that she might possibly be a boy.  But the day of the ultrasound I had the feeling again so when the ultra sound tech told me that she was 100% positive that it was a girl I wasn't surprised at all.  I think that Bud was a little disappointed when I told him but it didn't last long.  That night he said to me, "I love our little Abby and I'm so excited to have another little girl."

By this point I still hadn't made a decision regarding how she would be born but began to really feel a push to decide.  I had talked to my mom, other family members, several friends, read online forums and discussed it a lot with Bud but I was still having a really hard time.  One night as we were getting ready for Bed Bud and I were talking about the decision and I broke down crying because just I didn't know what to do.  He asked me what I thought was making the decision so hard.  After thinking about it for a few seconds I told him that I felt like having a C-section was the right thing to do but I was angry and upset because it isn't what I wanted.  I didn't want to take the chance of going through what I went through with Abby but I wasn't sure that I wanted to willingly submit myself to major surgery either.  I felt like no matter what I chose a lot of pain would be involved and I was upset because I just wanted to have a normal, uncomplicated birth and there were no guarantees that I could do that on my own.  I was angry because I tore and couldn't blame it on one thing because there were so many factors.  I started blaming myself for not being induced earlier and then later blaming myself for being induced at all.  I wanted to know what it felt like to go into labor on my own and I also wanted to feel the same feelings I had after having Abby of having worked so hard for something so precious and I felt that by choosing the C-section I would be giving that up.  And lastly as silly as it may sound I felt like if I chose the C-section that somehow I was a failure or not strong enough and not doing what was best for my baby.  Fortunately for me I married a man who is incredibly calm and wise.  He just looked at me and said, "Kim, even though I've never been through the experience myself I can understand why you feel the way that you do.  But maybe you are being given this choice for a reason that you don't yet understand.  Remember that the doctor said that most doctors wouldn't even give you the choice.  Not only that but I remember how much pain you were in after having Abby and it was incredibly hard for me to watch you go through that and not be able to do anything to help you.  If you can avoid that why wouldn't you?"  And he was right.  I knew that I was supposed to choose the C-section and so I did.  I told my doctor in March that I had decided to go ahead with the C-section and he said that while he would have supported me either way that he definitely felt that in my case I was making the right decision.  We scheduled the C-section for June first and even thought I was nervous I left the office feeling excited that I knew exactly when I would meet my baby girl.   To say I was solid on my decision at this point would be lying though.  I still thought about it a lot during the following three months and even second guessed myself a bit as the day grew closer but I continued to trust the feeling that I was given originally and this is what carried me through. 

June 30th, the day before the C-section was not as calm as I hoped that it would be.  I was running around crazy trying to get the house clean, get laundry done, pack Abby to go to her cousin's house for a few days and also spend some quality time with her before everything changed.  I was kind of an emotional wreck and it made me sad.  I didn't want this to be the last thing Abby remembered before being away from us for a few days.  As little as she was I knew that it was important that she understood how much I loved her and it was important for me to tell her.  So before I left to take her to her cousin's house I sat down and talked with her.  I told her that I was sorry that I had been impatient with her that day and that I had been too busy to really spend time with her.  I told her that I loved her very much and that I was going to miss her so much.  I'm not sure she really understood everything I said but I felt like it was important to say.  I gave her lots of hugs and kisses and then we loaded up the car and I took her to my sister-in-laws house.  We have only ever left her overnight once and it was only one night but it was with this same sister-in-law and I even though I was sad to leave her I knew she was in good hands.  That night Bud and I were able to go out to dinner together and then shop for some last minute groceries that he and Abby would need while I was gone.  It was nice to spend some time together before the baby came. 

That night I had a bit of a hard time sleeping.  Not so much because I was nervous for the next day but because it felt strange that Abby wasn't home with us.  The next morning I woke up fairly early and even though we didn't have to be at the hospital until ten I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.  So I let Bud sleep in and I decided to write in my journal and write in my girl's memory books.  It was the perfect way to calm my nerves and prepare myself for that day.  I was able to get all of my fears, insecurities and worries down on paper as well express my joy and happiness that we were about to add another special little girl to our family.  After I was done I showered and finished packing my things.  Bud and I said a prayer together that everything would go smoothly and then I asked him to give me a priesthood blessing.  I had butterflies in my stomach but there were the good kind.  I knew everything was going to be ok and that this was going to be a very special day.  I knew that I would be in good, capable hands and I knew that Heavenly Father was going to watch over me and my baby.

Right before leaving for the hospital

To be continued...

Part 2: The Road to a Choice

This post is a continuation of a previous post.  To read Part 1 click HERE.

~

Some of this isn't super relevant to Charlotte's birth story but for journaling purposes bear with me.

When Abby was about 9 months old I began to start thinking about how long I wanted to wait before getting pregnant again.  Our original plan was to space our kids about two years apart.  When we were engaged Bud and I had talked about wanting between 4 to 6 kids but due to the fact that we met and got married a little later than we both would have liked we knew that age was going to be a factor.  So we figured if we spaced them two years apart that we could have four by the time I was 38 and avoid getting too close to 40.  Even though many people have children at this age the fact is that there are increased health risks, infertility possibilities and as silly as it may sound I don't want to be too old to enjoy my grandchildren when the time comes.  But because my experience with Abby was so difficult and I was so afraid of it happening again I originally thought I'd want to wait a little longer to allow my body more time to heal.  But about a month or so later I began to feel that the timing was right and we decided to put things in Heavenly Father's hands and move forward.  It wasn't long after that I discovered that I was pregnant again.

The first three months are kind of a blur.  I was quite a bit sicker than I remembered being with Abby and struggled to stay active since I had that "I've been on the tea cups way too many times" feeling throughout most of the day.  Fortunately we were living with my in-laws at the time and so was Bud's sister Jackie so Abby had a cousin to play with during the day and Jackie (who was 6 months pregnant at the time) and I took turns taking naps and trying to keep the kids busy.  In November Abby and I traveled to UT to visit my family.  By this time most of the nausea had worn off but I was still a little wary of flying for fear of hitting bad turbulence which is common when flying into Salt Lake City.  Unfortunately my fears were realized and the last 15 minutes before landing were a nightmare.  At first I thought I'd be able to handle it but right before landing it got really bad.  Abby was squirming in my lap and I was trying to keep her from kicking the person next to me.  I felt so nauseous I thought for sure I was going to throw up, which is something I've never done while being pregnant (I know crazy right?) but I wasn't about to let that happen while stuck on an airplane with a toddler on my lap crammed next to a bunch of strangers.  I was fighting the urge so bad that I started sweating like crazy trying to hold it in.  To make matters worse my air vent was stuck and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't adjust it to blow on me to give me some relief.  So instead I held Abby tight, closed my eyes, did some deep Lamaze style breathing and prayed for mercy.  Fortunately my prayers were answered.  But I was so exhausted from the experience that when we got to the gate I was shaking.  Of course I had decided not to bring a stroller because my mom already had one and so I had to carry Abby to baggage claim.  But I didn't make it more than 50 feet from the door before I had to sit down.  I rested for a second, said another little prayer and continued to make my way down.  Luckily our gate was really close and my mom was standing there when we came out.  I just about cried when I saw her standing there and practically threw Abby into her arms.  It took me almost two hours to fully recover from the experience and you better believe I will never forget it.  We had a great trip and then drove back to CA with my parents to celebrate Thanksgiving with Bud and my grandparents.  Unfortunately Abby got croup on our way home and this seemed to be the catalyst for bad health for me for the next few months.

At the end of November I got a Bad sinus infection which lasted almost two weeks and completely knocked me out.  In December right after Christmas we all had some crazy flu bug that hit us like a freight train and swept through the entire household and even some of the extended family.  Sometime at the beginning of the year I caught some type of pneumonia and coughed so much I thought I'd never be able to sing again.  And toward the end of my pregnancy I got the flu again.  The best part of all of this was that because Bud's transfer to the CA union took so long we were without health insurance from August to January.  Thank heavens for Bud's uncle Donald who is a doctor who was willing to see me and give me some prescriptions or I would have been in bad shape.  But this also meant that I wasn't able to have my first pre-natal check up until I was about four months pregnant.  I was really nervous about not knowing how the baby was doing but I just kept telling myself that if something was wrong there would be nothing that could be done this early in the pregnancy anyway and that I just had to trust that everything would be ok.  At the beginning of January I was finally able to have my first check up.  I received a referral to a doctor from my sister-in-law Kristalyne and was anxious to meet him and discuss my previous experience with Abby and how we might possibly avoid it this time.  I had a really good feeling about this doctor as my sister-in-law indicated that he had a small private practice of his own and that he made it his practice to deliver all babies whenever possible regardless of the day and time they arrived.  It always made me nervous to think that a random doctor that I didn't know might possibly deliver my baby after having built a relationship of trust with someone else so this was very comforting especially given my history.

Bud and I went to the appointment together and were excited to see our baby for the first time.  Since I was almost 4 months pregnant we knew that we would see a tiny little person moving instead of just a little dot on the screen and maybe just maybe find out what we were going to have.  The doctor performed the routine exam and then did the ultrasound.  The heartbeat was there and the baby was moving and growing perfectly, but he told us that we wouldn't find out the gender until later that month when he'd send us for a detailed ultrasound.  I was excited and happy to see and hear that the baby was doing well.

 On my patient form I had indicated the complications that occurred when I had Abby and he said that he wanted to discuss them further and asked me to get dressed and meet him across the hall.  When we met with him he indicated even though I had healed very well that he could tell that there had been significant trauma during Abby's delivery.  I will spare you the details but basically some muscles had been damaged in sensitive areas and would never be the same again.  I asked him why he thought I tore so severely and he said it was impossible to know because there are so many factors involved and every person is so different, not to mention the fact that he wasn't there.  I asked him what the risks were of tearing that severely again and again he told me it was hard to know.  He said in his experience people most people who tore severely the first time tore only a little or not at all the second time but that there were cases where it happened again and sometimes worse.  It was at this point that he said, Many of my colleagues would disagree with me but I feel very strongly in cases like these that I should offer my patients the option of having a C-section.  It is your body and I feel that you should be able to weigh the pros and cons and make the decision yourself.  I will not push you into anything that you do not want I just want to give you a choice."  He knew that I had endured a very difficult recovery and told me that I was perfectly capable of delivering vaginally again but that no matter what he did to prevent tearing there were obviously no guarantees that it wouldn't happen.  My heart sank.  I guess I expected him to tell me that this time would be a breeze and that there would be no complications.  But the reality was he couldn't do that and although I was extremely grateful that he cared enough about me to give me a choice I just didn't know what to do.  I never expected to be confronted with this decision and I didn't know how I felt about electing to have major surgery.  I knew that there would be risks either way and I wanted to do what was right.  And So I spent the next few months doing research, talking to friends and family who had been in my situation and praying for guidance and direction.  Everyone had different opinions, everyone wanted what was best for me but no one could make the decision for me and that was the hardest part.

To be continued...  

Part 1: The Story Before the Story

I have been wanting to write about Charlotte's birth for almost a month but I kept putting it off because I felt that to really appreciate Charlotte's birth story it was important to know what happened when Abby was born.  I knew that this would need to be an entirely separate post because it would be somewhat lengthy and would require revisiting some tender emotions and memories and it's been a bit hard to find the quiet time to be able to do that. But I have been itching to write lately and since both of the girls are napping at the same time today I chose to forgo a nap and finally begin.  So without further adieu here is the story before the story.

Abby was expected to arrive on August 14, 2010.  I didn't have a lot of strong opinions regarding her birth other than I wanted to have her in a hospital where there was immediate medical attention if something went wrong and I didn't want to be induced if I could avoid it.  [As a side note I recognize that other women chose to have their children under different circumstances and I totally respect that choice and feel that each woman needs to do what she feels is best for her and her baby.] I did not have any contractions of note with Abby and the last three weeks of my pregnancy I was dilated to 1 1/2 cm and 70% effaced and stayed there.  The day before her due date, at my check up, the doctor indicated that eventually we'd probably want to discuss induction (I hadn't told him about not wanting to be induced.  I probably should have but I didn't.).  He told me that if I wanted to be induced that he was available on Monday (it was Friday) or the following Monday.  At this point I had become so impatient waiting for her to come that I agreed to be induced three days later and left the office.  But after leaving I didn't feel good about the decision and was so upset that I ended up taking the day off of work (actually my boss sent me home because I was such a mess.) that I called my doctor and moved the induction to the following Monday to give her more time to come on her own.

An entire week passed and there was no change.  The night before the induction I was a wreck.  I wasn't sure if I was making the right decision but I couldn't keep prolonging the start of my maternity leave, my mom had already arrived in town and by this point I was exhausted emotionally and physically.  Before we went to bed I asked Bud to give me a blessing to calm my nerves and help me sleep.  In the blessing I was told that what I wanted was not Heavenly Father's will and that Abby needed and extra little push to come into this world.  This helped me to know that I had made the right decision and even though I was anxious I was at peace.  There are a lot of details about the day of her delivery but I will spare you the details by saying I was supposed to be induced early in the morning but due to high traffic in labor and delivery that day I wasn't induced until that evening.  Everything went smoothly and she arrived safely 6 1/2 hours after the induction started and with very little pushing or pain (I had an epidural).  It was a beautiful moment and one I will cherish forever.  What I wasn't prepared for was recovery.

Due to the fact that I chose to have an epidural I was unaware that during the delivery I suffered a very severe tear.  Tearing during delivery is measure on a scale of 1 - 4 with 4 being the worse.  Mine was a 3 and required a lot of stitches.  I had no idea the kind of pain I would have to endure until after the epidural wore off.  I spent the next three days in the hospital barely able to get out of bed, go to the bathroom or even adjust my position in the bed.  If my mom had not been there to help me while Bud was at work I don't what I would have done (cried a lot I'm sure).  On top of that I was having issues nursing and I was in pain and Abby wasn't gaining weight.  The nurses wanted me to feed her every two hours to help her gain weight and told me if she didn't that I'd have to supplement her with formula.  I realize that many babies are fed with formula but I felt really strongly about breastfeeding and was trying to avoid it if at all possible.  This caused me to be severely sleep deprived and that coupled with all of the pain I was in made me an emotional wreck by day two.  I was so tired and in such shock from everything that had happened that except for the times that I was nursing Abby I barely even remember holding her which breaks my heart.

The first two weeks home were really hard as I continued to have severe pain from the delivery and from nursing.  My mom was a rock and was incredibly patient and understanding as I cried in pain and frustration.  I was angry and sad because this was supposed to be a beautiful, special experience and I couldn't even enjoy it.  After two weeks I finally got some relief after meeting with a lactation consultant and having time to heal but I still was in considerable pain.  On top of that Abby slept all day (I had to use every trick in the book to get her to wake up just to eat.) and slept almost not at all during the hours of 8 pm - 3 am and cried almost the whole time.  I don't know if she had colic or if she wasn't getting enough food but since I had no idea what I was doing I didn't know what to do.  I read a million books and every single one contradicted the one I read before it and it was making me crazy.  Bud refused to let me read one more book and told me I needed to start trusting my instincts as a mother.  I just cried.  I felt like I didn't even know what that was.  I had prepared, done my homework and had always loved and been around children.  This was supposed to be easy for me, or so I thought.  Having Abby literally rocked my world and if it hadn't been for the power of prayer and an incredibly supportive, loving, patient husband who was willing to take turns with me at night even though he had to leave for work at 5 am every morning I'm not sure that things would have turned out as well as they did.

I was an emotional wreck those first six weeks and felt like a failure.  But I survived and learned a lot about myself.  I had to learn to let go of my pride and ask for help as I realized that if I did not that the Lord would humble me in his own way.  I have never felt so many emotions in such a short period of time.  It was scary, humbling and overwhelming and even thinking about it gives me anxious butterflies.  There were so many times that I told Bud in those first six weeks that I was done, this was it, we weren't having any more children if this is how it was going to be because I couldn't handle it.  Yes, I know, I'm kind of dramatic.  Ok, I'm really dramatic.  But it's the truth.  I felt out of control of everything and the perfect ideal in my head was shattered by this experience.  It left me shaken physically, spiritually and emotionally and at the time I didn't know how long it would take me to recover.  But recover I did.  And every day I spent with my beautiful little girl who had, and still has, and incredibly huge, contagious smile I was healed. Slowly the pain began to fade and I began to think about the other special spirits that I knew would one day join our family.  And this is where Charlotte's story begins.

 8 weeks old (huge smile!)

Abby right after we brought Charlotte home (huge smile!)

To be continued...

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Not feeling too well

Abigail was not feeling well yesterday and while it might have been somewhat cruel of me to take all these pictures they are so angelic. She was happy and energetic in the morning until bath time. Right in the middle of her bath she started to get sad and cried big crocodile tears the whole time I was getting her dressed and kept saying she was tired. We talked to my mom and my sister on the phone and then she fell asleep right on my tummy. She was a little warm but I wasn't too worried. She slept for about 2 1/2 hours and woke up seemingly happy but pretty warm. I figured she was just warm from sleeping and decided to try giving her lunch. She said she wanted string cheese and grapes but as soon as I put them on her tray she started crying and asking me to hold her. So I took her out and snuggled with her and that is when she started coughing. Fortunately she had not eaten anything since breakfast and it was 2:30 pm by then so she only threw up a tiny bit. We cleaned up and I got a towel and laid it across me and we just snuggled on the couch and she fell asleep again for a few minutes. Bud surprised us by coming home early and we gave her some medicine (she was still pretty hot by then) and she laid down with Bud and slept while I went to the store. After waking up her appetite returned and she ate her lunch and a Popsicle. She seemed like her old self and ate like a champ at dinner. But after I laid her down for Bed and checked on her a bit later I could tell she was hot again. About 9:00 pm we decided to wake her up and give her some more medicine. She took it really well and went right back to sleep. But about every two hours I would hear her start fussing. She was a little warm but not enough for more medicine so I just gave her back her binki and she'd go back to sleep. But about 4:00 am she was pretty hot again so we gave her some more medicine and she slept with us until after 7:00 am. Bud didn't have to work today which was nice since I was up a lot with her so he let me sleep in. So far she seems to be feeling pretty good today. Sure hate to see her so sad and sick. No fun!

The beginning...not feeling too well.

 

5 minutes later, asleep on Mommy

 

After her long nap...feeling miserable. 

(her eyes are so pretty in this picture)

 

Asleep again

Nap with Daddy wrapped in a towel

Yea!  Feeling better.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was simple and perfect. Bud woke up early with Abby so that I could sleep in and they made a delicious breakfast of French toast and strawberries which is my favorite! They also surprised me with a card and a single beautiful red rose. Church was very nice and afterward we all took a much needed long nap.

Being a Mother has definitely turned out to be one of the most difficult yet rewarding things I have every done. I often get really frustrated with myself that I'm not better at being a mom or having more patience but I try to remind myself that this is the first time that I've ever done it and that just like everything else in life it is a work in progress. It still doesn't seem real that I am going to be having another baby in just 3 short weeks. I think that I was so in shock the first time that I just stared at Abby in her little hospital bed more than I held her. I think I was in disbelief that she was really mine. I know that this baby will be completely different from Abby in many ways but I hope that I am more at ease with many of the things that worried me and seemed so foreign. I honestly always thought that I would have a lot of boys but have loved every minute of having a little girl and I am so excited to have another one. Poor Bud...I guess he'll just have to wait a little longer. ;-) He is such a good dad and has such a sweet tender spirit that is perfect for our little girls.

Bud's Birthday

This past Saturday was Bud's birthday.  My sweet friend Rebecca who I sing in the OCMCO choir with offered to watch Abby on Friday so that I could take Bud out for dinner.  We chose to go to Famous Daves for some good old southern BBQ.  Men love their meat and we had a $15 off coupon.  Can't beat that!  On Saturday we just relaxed and I let Abby help me make his favorite cake, yellow cake with chocolate frosting with Heath Bar on top.  She was so excited to help because recently she has been watching a Signing Time "Happy Birthday" video.  Bud didn't want me to make a big deal about his birthday but I told him we had to since Abby's 2nd birthday is in August and it would be fun for her to see him blow out the candles.  She has been talking about it ever since and walking around the house singing "Happy Birthday Daddy" to herself.  Too cute!