Friends, let me just tell you how much I love my state...
Today I was driving home (to Albuquerque) from a cabin in Cloudcroft (a little mountain town near Ruidoso)(note, please if you're a Texan, the O on the end of Ruidoso, not an A, it's an O) and, as I drove down the mountain, I was treated to view of White Sands meeting black lava with blue and purple peaks of more mountains in the background. White Sands looks like an ocean of white (the dunes look like waves from far away) and it just kind of fades back into desert out toward the north (i think...) until the desert suddenly appears black. The black is from Malpais, a big lava flow. Always, always in the background are more mountains.
I stopped at Malpais and hiked around for a little while because I'd been raging within at the situation I've again found myself in (more later on that) and I needed some air. I was reminded how much I love, love, LOVE to be outside as I wandered down a path through the lava. Malpais is like another world...black lava that has bubbled and cracked and wrinkled and completely covered everything. There are some plants growing out of the crevices and they are almost startlingly green next to the black. In a place like Malpais, it feels like there is room for my soul to expand to the depth and width that it is supposed to be... it feels like the cold air and the blue sky and the mountains in the distance are all working to clean me out, all those crannies within that get so crammed full and twisted up with junk thoughts in every day life.
I know that New Mexico is ridiculed with every breath by nearly everyone I know in TX...but you're all wrong, it's not ugly or barren, it is beautiful. The openness and the desert is lonely and really does enchant you after awhile...the colors that vary from yellow to brown to red to pink to purple to blue to white beckon somehow...the mountains and their sweet cold air and pine trees and aspens speak peace...the sound of the wind through the cottonwood tree leaves tempts the soul to dream of flying, soaring. This is a place where I can think and where dreams feel unlimited and where it seems God himself reaches down to paint my sky and the land around every sunrise and sunset. Beautiful.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Well folks, it's about time
Sorry, as usual, that it's been such a long time since I've posted anything...other than quotes from other people...my mind has been on so many other things...
The exciting thing though is that I'm finally graduating! It feels so good to have finished something, and to be proud of it! The only sad part about that is that I'm leaving Lubbock (ha, laugh it up my friends, who ever thought I'd be sad to leave Lubbock!)... This last Sunday was my last Ninethirty and that was kind of bittersweet - I love my church at home and I'm excited to return there, but I have been changed forever by being a part of Ninethirty for the last 5 and a half years. I have at times been restless and have thought about visiting another church (and I actually did when I was a freshman or maybe sophomore...I don't remember) but then I think about how much I have learned about loving people at First B and how much I have learned about God as full of grace and mercy and how much I've learned about the Bible from the Ewings and from other lifestyle teachers. I have been impacted so much by the people that have loved me right from the very beginning and all the way through, especially during this summer when I had such a hard time. All that to say, I'm sad to leave. It also occurs to me that I no longer know anyone in Albuquerque (where I'm moving) besides my family and my best friend... and while I've never been one to shy away from being alone, I have come to value friendship immensely these last few years. I just didn't realize how valuable and necessary it is until lately (which sounds absolutely ridiculous, but is true). Emily and Sahala, my roommates, are so wonderful and are such good friends, it is going to be so sad to leave them. Melissa and Tyson and Makenna and Tracen have become like a second family to me and it will be really sad to not see them every week.
I am excited about new adventures and new places, very excited, just suprised by how sad I am to leave Lubbock. I always say that I like change, change is good...and I still think it is...time keeps on rolling and life goes on and the sun keeps shining, guess I gotta just get with it!
The exciting thing though is that I'm finally graduating! It feels so good to have finished something, and to be proud of it! The only sad part about that is that I'm leaving Lubbock (ha, laugh it up my friends, who ever thought I'd be sad to leave Lubbock!)... This last Sunday was my last Ninethirty and that was kind of bittersweet - I love my church at home and I'm excited to return there, but I have been changed forever by being a part of Ninethirty for the last 5 and a half years. I have at times been restless and have thought about visiting another church (and I actually did when I was a freshman or maybe sophomore...I don't remember) but then I think about how much I have learned about loving people at First B and how much I have learned about God as full of grace and mercy and how much I've learned about the Bible from the Ewings and from other lifestyle teachers. I have been impacted so much by the people that have loved me right from the very beginning and all the way through, especially during this summer when I had such a hard time. All that to say, I'm sad to leave. It also occurs to me that I no longer know anyone in Albuquerque (where I'm moving) besides my family and my best friend... and while I've never been one to shy away from being alone, I have come to value friendship immensely these last few years. I just didn't realize how valuable and necessary it is until lately (which sounds absolutely ridiculous, but is true). Emily and Sahala, my roommates, are so wonderful and are such good friends, it is going to be so sad to leave them. Melissa and Tyson and Makenna and Tracen have become like a second family to me and it will be really sad to not see them every week.
I am excited about new adventures and new places, very excited, just suprised by how sad I am to leave Lubbock. I always say that I like change, change is good...and I still think it is...time keeps on rolling and life goes on and the sun keeps shining, guess I gotta just get with it!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
flying...
Hope
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
(Emily Dickinson)
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
(Emily Dickinson)
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Psalm 118
Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
2 Let Israel say:
"His love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say:
"His love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
"The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD's right hand is lifted high;
the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
25 O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success.
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you. [a]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine upon us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up [b] to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
his love endures forever.
2 Let Israel say:
"His love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say:
"His love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
"The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD's right hand is lifted high;
the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
25 O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success.
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you. [a]
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine upon us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up [b] to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
reminiscing the motherland
1. Is reminiscing a verb?
2. I passed my teacher tests, whoo hoo! i guess i really AM a genius! ha!
3. 1 week and 2 days left of student teaching...whew, hallelujah, praise the Lord, let me do a little jig! this has been the hardest semester ever! except for maybe when i was in 10th grade and hated everything...ha ha
4. curses on golddigger...my kids love to sing that, especially the jamie foxx part and let me just tell you, that dang song gets in your head and NEVER leaves
5. it's finally cold - which is all fine and good because i like winter clothes (not winter, just the clothes) - except that my teacher still keeps the room at -50 degrees and so i am so stinking cold by the end of the school day that it takes a good hour of slippers and hot tea and blankets and books about fire-breathing dragons before i warm up! (not that any of those things are bad, i do in fact thoroughly enjoy them)
6. I'm finally realizing that i am moving in a mere month...and that is kind of weird...and sad
7. it WILL be nice to live near mountains again though!
8. God has already begun to provide $ for Africa and I am amazed, stunned, overwhelmed, near tears every time i think of it
9. I am lonely for the motherland (that would be costa rica) lately (hence the title) ... the other day i saw some comercial that had a jeep (or some kind of car like that) driving along a beautiful beach that had a jungle-y background and thought "oh, that looks like home!" and then realized a second later, "wait just one minute, that doesn't look anything like home" (as i am from new mexico, which is wonderful and beautiful (really, don't push me, i'll throw things at anybody who says new mexico is the ugliest place on the earth, just try it), though sadly lacking in both beaches and jungles) I don't know if it's strange that i get homesick for costa rica...i did only live there 4 short months...but i loved it so and i'd love to return someday... At any rate, it was pretty weird to find myself legitimately thinking that a beach-n-jungle scene looked like 'home.'
10. that's all i have for now...this week's top ten...if you will
2. I passed my teacher tests, whoo hoo! i guess i really AM a genius! ha!
3. 1 week and 2 days left of student teaching...whew, hallelujah, praise the Lord, let me do a little jig! this has been the hardest semester ever! except for maybe when i was in 10th grade and hated everything...ha ha
4. curses on golddigger...my kids love to sing that, especially the jamie foxx part and let me just tell you, that dang song gets in your head and NEVER leaves
5. it's finally cold - which is all fine and good because i like winter clothes (not winter, just the clothes) - except that my teacher still keeps the room at -50 degrees and so i am so stinking cold by the end of the school day that it takes a good hour of slippers and hot tea and blankets and books about fire-breathing dragons before i warm up! (not that any of those things are bad, i do in fact thoroughly enjoy them)
6. I'm finally realizing that i am moving in a mere month...and that is kind of weird...and sad
7. it WILL be nice to live near mountains again though!
8. God has already begun to provide $ for Africa and I am amazed, stunned, overwhelmed, near tears every time i think of it
9. I am lonely for the motherland (that would be costa rica) lately (hence the title) ... the other day i saw some comercial that had a jeep (or some kind of car like that) driving along a beautiful beach that had a jungle-y background and thought "oh, that looks like home!" and then realized a second later, "wait just one minute, that doesn't look anything like home" (as i am from new mexico, which is wonderful and beautiful (really, don't push me, i'll throw things at anybody who says new mexico is the ugliest place on the earth, just try it), though sadly lacking in both beaches and jungles) I don't know if it's strange that i get homesick for costa rica...i did only live there 4 short months...but i loved it so and i'd love to return someday... At any rate, it was pretty weird to find myself legitimately thinking that a beach-n-jungle scene looked like 'home.'
10. that's all i have for now...this week's top ten...if you will
Saturday, November 12, 2005
waiting
sometimes i am so impatient...
today, while doing some of the study that melissa and i are doing, i learned some things about waiting and, while i'm till trying to digest what i read, it seems like putting it into writing might begin to make what i learned real. In this study, there is a story about a girl named ruth and a boy named levi...levi has asked ruth to marry him and ruth is waiting, waiting, waiting for levi to come for her. The story is a parallel of us being the bride of christ, waiting waiting waiting for him to come for us.
i am impatient like ruth in two major ways: impatient to begin my life with M and impatient to be who I want (ought) to be... being impatient for M makes me a total whiny crybaby and (i think) a heavy weight on his back...it makes me selfish and blinds me towards everybody else as i'm consumed with me...and, since i know that that isn't right and that i shouldn't feel or act the way i do, i get so frustrated because i'm not "moving along" on that path to perfection like i think i should be, because i'm not who i want to be...and i am impatient for God to change me and to make me perfect.
The study today said that waiting should be purposeful - that, as i wait, I should be 'waiting on' other people... and so i realize that, in waiting for both M and for Jesus, I am becoming who I ought to be. As I wait for M, i should be trying to become the kind of woman who would be a wife that brings honor to her husband - and this kind of wife is one who's eyes are not on herself but on others and what she can do for them...As I wait for Jesus to come for me, I am becoming the kind of bride that brings honor to Him. If I am waiting, then I'm not through yet... and i'm not just waiting, i'm waiting with the purpose of growing, changing, becoming...
Strap used to say that you should be an A+ person who looks for and marries an A+ person...and I have been frustrated by my lack of A+ness lately - but i'm realizing that, though I've found an A+ person, i (and probably he) have more to learn before we can be A+ people together - so while we wait, i should take hope in the fact that i am becoming a more fit partner for him...
Maybe waiting isn't so bad after all...
today, while doing some of the study that melissa and i are doing, i learned some things about waiting and, while i'm till trying to digest what i read, it seems like putting it into writing might begin to make what i learned real. In this study, there is a story about a girl named ruth and a boy named levi...levi has asked ruth to marry him and ruth is waiting, waiting, waiting for levi to come for her. The story is a parallel of us being the bride of christ, waiting waiting waiting for him to come for us.
i am impatient like ruth in two major ways: impatient to begin my life with M and impatient to be who I want (ought) to be... being impatient for M makes me a total whiny crybaby and (i think) a heavy weight on his back...it makes me selfish and blinds me towards everybody else as i'm consumed with me...and, since i know that that isn't right and that i shouldn't feel or act the way i do, i get so frustrated because i'm not "moving along" on that path to perfection like i think i should be, because i'm not who i want to be...and i am impatient for God to change me and to make me perfect.
The study today said that waiting should be purposeful - that, as i wait, I should be 'waiting on' other people... and so i realize that, in waiting for both M and for Jesus, I am becoming who I ought to be. As I wait for M, i should be trying to become the kind of woman who would be a wife that brings honor to her husband - and this kind of wife is one who's eyes are not on herself but on others and what she can do for them...As I wait for Jesus to come for me, I am becoming the kind of bride that brings honor to Him. If I am waiting, then I'm not through yet... and i'm not just waiting, i'm waiting with the purpose of growing, changing, becoming...
Strap used to say that you should be an A+ person who looks for and marries an A+ person...and I have been frustrated by my lack of A+ness lately - but i'm realizing that, though I've found an A+ person, i (and probably he) have more to learn before we can be A+ people together - so while we wait, i should take hope in the fact that i am becoming a more fit partner for him...
Maybe waiting isn't so bad after all...
Friday, October 21, 2005
gee whiz
Man, it's hard to find time to post (or look at other people's blogs) these days...student teaching is amazingly time consuming. I am looking forward to the day that I get PAID to be exhausted by teaching all day, grading/planning all afternoon, crashing into my bed as early as possible, still dragging out of bed the next morning at least 30 min. after my alarm has started ringing...
Most days I like it...a few I really hate it...
I realized today though, after teaching oxidation numbers all day long, that maybe the best aspect of student teaching in an IPC (integrated physics and chemistry) class is that not only am I learning how to teach and how to manage a classroom, but even more exciting, I am understanding for the first time ever in my life the chemistry that I have to teach. For example, never before have I understood in the slightest exactly what oxidation numbers were, how they were assigned, or what the point of knowing them would be...after teaching them today, I now know how they were assigned and why one would want to know them...and that is EXCITING for nerds like me : ).
On a weird note, I feel kind of sad and out of the loop in pretty much every friend circle I have...because I don't see many people outside of church on sunday morning and challenge on sunday night...true, I don't have much time to do anything and absolutely NO money...and I'm a terrible caller although I have been working on that most of my life (no, really)...but still, since I'm not on campus I don't see any bio friends, since I'm not at work I don't see my work buddies, since I'm not a challenge leader I'm way out of the loop in the church cliques...sad, I miss people mucho. I don't mean to sound pitiful...or even disgruntled by the "church cliques" comment - I have yet to go to a church that lacks cliques...and I have stuck with First B throughout college partly because of the people - all I mean is that I'm out of the loop and it's sad because I'll be leaving in Dec.
Ay, enough rambling already! Back to grading lab reports (ugh, sick, I hate them, no, I loathe them)...
Most days I like it...a few I really hate it...
I realized today though, after teaching oxidation numbers all day long, that maybe the best aspect of student teaching in an IPC (integrated physics and chemistry) class is that not only am I learning how to teach and how to manage a classroom, but even more exciting, I am understanding for the first time ever in my life the chemistry that I have to teach. For example, never before have I understood in the slightest exactly what oxidation numbers were, how they were assigned, or what the point of knowing them would be...after teaching them today, I now know how they were assigned and why one would want to know them...and that is EXCITING for nerds like me : ).
On a weird note, I feel kind of sad and out of the loop in pretty much every friend circle I have...because I don't see many people outside of church on sunday morning and challenge on sunday night...true, I don't have much time to do anything and absolutely NO money...and I'm a terrible caller although I have been working on that most of my life (no, really)...but still, since I'm not on campus I don't see any bio friends, since I'm not at work I don't see my work buddies, since I'm not a challenge leader I'm way out of the loop in the church cliques...sad, I miss people mucho. I don't mean to sound pitiful...or even disgruntled by the "church cliques" comment - I have yet to go to a church that lacks cliques...and I have stuck with First B throughout college partly because of the people - all I mean is that I'm out of the loop and it's sad because I'll be leaving in Dec.
Ay, enough rambling already! Back to grading lab reports (ugh, sick, I hate them, no, I loathe them)...
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
whew
So it's been a long time since I've posted...sorry about that to anyone who might read this. I will get those Africa stats up sometime soon (but not today, I forgot to bring them with me). The exciting news about Africa is that I just received an email yesterday with flight information for me - Mar. 1 I fly to Chicago, London, Nairobi Kenya and Mar. 30 I fly home! So now comes the tough part - finding funds. It's amazing that it is so difficult to ask others for money...I guess probably because it takes a lot of humbling. As someone who generally likes to be pretty independent, I hate to write those letters asking for help! I am going to have to be dependent on God's provision of money for this adventure though and that means humbling myself enough to ask others! Besides that, anyone who might want to fund my trip and everyone who prays for my trip is actually taking part in the trip which is really cool. I guess the point of fellowship with other believers is that we stick together, help each other out, walk through life in support of each other... and that's pretty great!
On another note, the reason I have been posting so few and far between is that student teaching has gotten to the c-razy point! I have started the "full teach" part of the semester which means I plan, teach all day, design all lesson plans, grade all papers, etc. etc. and it is absolutely amazing how exhausted I am every day! I like it most of the time, like it a lot in fact, but still, this is really tough. On Saturday I took my 2 tests to become certified and I am praying that I passed! The science test (over chemistry, physics, geology, astronomy, meteorology, cell biology, genetics, ecology, and science teaching methods) was REALLY HARD!!! and the teacher test was just weird... wow, I hope I passed, I do not want to do that again! All together almost 5 hours of testing, 220 questions (130 of which were science). I guess that's really just a warm-up for the GRE that I'll be taking in the spring sometime, but still, ay ay ay! Ha, at least it's over...
On another note, the reason I have been posting so few and far between is that student teaching has gotten to the c-razy point! I have started the "full teach" part of the semester which means I plan, teach all day, design all lesson plans, grade all papers, etc. etc. and it is absolutely amazing how exhausted I am every day! I like it most of the time, like it a lot in fact, but still, this is really tough. On Saturday I took my 2 tests to become certified and I am praying that I passed! The science test (over chemistry, physics, geology, astronomy, meteorology, cell biology, genetics, ecology, and science teaching methods) was REALLY HARD!!! and the teacher test was just weird... wow, I hope I passed, I do not want to do that again! All together almost 5 hours of testing, 220 questions (130 of which were science). I guess that's really just a warm-up for the GRE that I'll be taking in the spring sometime, but still, ay ay ay! Ha, at least it's over...
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
whew, so much to say
Ay, it's been a long time since I've had a minute to post something...but finally, I have that minute (or really, I'm just going to take that minute whether I have it or not).
First, the Africa training was incredible in many, many ways. I left feeling that God confirmed 2 things for me: 1) I absolutely, positively, 100 % am sure that M is the one I want to marry and 2) a short term trip is acceptable right now (as opposed to a longer term of a year to 2 yrs). I hope to go to Tanzania for February - I'm still waiting to hear from Rafiki whether they want me to go then or not. I have to earn about $4000...which pretty much sounds like a million. The good thing about that, is that "God ain't poor" as they say at First B. Aside from the logistical part (which is almost always interesting to a traveler like me), the really exciting part of the weekend was hearing the passion that these people have for their work. They are absolutely committed to ministering to those who need it (specifically children and widows) in every way - physical, mental, and emotional. For instance, in their childrens homes, they accept 160 orphaned children (they don't have the facilities to meet needs if there are more than that) and each child lives with 9 others in a cottage with a native mother. Each cottage acts as a family unit so the children consider each other brothers and sisters and the mother has the responsibility of loving them like a real mother would, including the disciplining that takes place. The kids attend primary school on site and this school teaches both African subjects as well as western subjects in order to allow the kids to be as well educated as possible so that they can become leaders in their countries. For example, they learn the local language as well as english, cultural music and dance as well as biology. It is the goal of Rafiki to "Turn hopeless children into godly leaders for their countries." Subjects like English are taught using the Bible and all the adults (teachers, native mothers, groundskeepers, etc.) are christians and so the children grow up hearing, seeing, and knowing the truth. Another side of Rafiki is their Vocational Schools for teenage girls and boys who cannot afford secondary school. So far they have several girls' schools and just opened up their very first boys' school. These schools are my favorite part of the work that Rafiki does in Africa! These schools go from 8 - 4 every day, so the students do not live there in the Rafiki Village like the orphans. The students are girls who have finished primary school but cannot afford secondary (uniforms, transportation, books, etc. cost money) and so are left to fend for themselves, many becoming prostitutes, beggars, thieves, etc. and who have absolutely no hope for their future. In school the girls improve their english, including spoken, read, and written, and math skills as well as various business skills (like using a fax machine, data input system, switchboard, etc.). They also learn a skill like wood carving, sewing, painting, etc. which creates products that are sold in the U.S. that support the schools. The girls also attend classes like health and hygiene (like how to not get AIDS, and what are lies and myths - one they told us about is that the common knowledge currently is that a man with AIDS will be cured if he has sex with a virgin - and they don't know any better) and cooking and social graces - all designed to allow them to get a job, support themselves, and be at ease in the business world. The girls go from being hopeless and with almost no life expectancy, to being full of hope for the future and better prepared to succeed in a society which is very tough. All of this of course is taught from a biblical world view. In each of the countries that Rafiki is in, the First Ladies have expressed interest in starting their own programs similar to these and have worked closely with Rafiki to help and support the Rafiki Villages.
The director of Rafiki, Rosemary Jensen, repeated several times to us that, as christians, we are responsible to help those who are in need. Obviously there are people everywhere in need, including here at home, but she stated that she feels a strong call towards Africa because they lack so much. For instance, the annual income in one of the countries that Rafiki is in is $91/yr! I didn't bring my statistics with me and so I'm not saying which country that is because I don't want to be wrong, but I'll post that in the next couple days. Rosemary was also very purposeful in saying that the goal of Rafiki is not evangelizing the African people - as she put it, "The Africans have been evangelized already." Instead, she feels strongly that we ought to live our lives loving people and witnessing within the relationships that we make - hence why Rafiki is dedicated to caring for the physical (a bed, clothes, nutritious food), mental (education), emotional (love from 'brothers and sisters', 'a mother', teachers, etc.), and spiritual (everything based on a biblical world view) needs of those who have nothing and no hope.
Whew, this is really long, but I get pretty fired up about it! I can't wait to go! In case you're interested in finding out more about Rafiki, the website is www.rafiki-foundation.org. I'll post more in the next few days about this I'm sure...
First, the Africa training was incredible in many, many ways. I left feeling that God confirmed 2 things for me: 1) I absolutely, positively, 100 % am sure that M is the one I want to marry and 2) a short term trip is acceptable right now (as opposed to a longer term of a year to 2 yrs). I hope to go to Tanzania for February - I'm still waiting to hear from Rafiki whether they want me to go then or not. I have to earn about $4000...which pretty much sounds like a million. The good thing about that, is that "God ain't poor" as they say at First B. Aside from the logistical part (which is almost always interesting to a traveler like me), the really exciting part of the weekend was hearing the passion that these people have for their work. They are absolutely committed to ministering to those who need it (specifically children and widows) in every way - physical, mental, and emotional. For instance, in their childrens homes, they accept 160 orphaned children (they don't have the facilities to meet needs if there are more than that) and each child lives with 9 others in a cottage with a native mother. Each cottage acts as a family unit so the children consider each other brothers and sisters and the mother has the responsibility of loving them like a real mother would, including the disciplining that takes place. The kids attend primary school on site and this school teaches both African subjects as well as western subjects in order to allow the kids to be as well educated as possible so that they can become leaders in their countries. For example, they learn the local language as well as english, cultural music and dance as well as biology. It is the goal of Rafiki to "Turn hopeless children into godly leaders for their countries." Subjects like English are taught using the Bible and all the adults (teachers, native mothers, groundskeepers, etc.) are christians and so the children grow up hearing, seeing, and knowing the truth. Another side of Rafiki is their Vocational Schools for teenage girls and boys who cannot afford secondary school. So far they have several girls' schools and just opened up their very first boys' school. These schools are my favorite part of the work that Rafiki does in Africa! These schools go from 8 - 4 every day, so the students do not live there in the Rafiki Village like the orphans. The students are girls who have finished primary school but cannot afford secondary (uniforms, transportation, books, etc. cost money) and so are left to fend for themselves, many becoming prostitutes, beggars, thieves, etc. and who have absolutely no hope for their future. In school the girls improve their english, including spoken, read, and written, and math skills as well as various business skills (like using a fax machine, data input system, switchboard, etc.). They also learn a skill like wood carving, sewing, painting, etc. which creates products that are sold in the U.S. that support the schools. The girls also attend classes like health and hygiene (like how to not get AIDS, and what are lies and myths - one they told us about is that the common knowledge currently is that a man with AIDS will be cured if he has sex with a virgin - and they don't know any better) and cooking and social graces - all designed to allow them to get a job, support themselves, and be at ease in the business world. The girls go from being hopeless and with almost no life expectancy, to being full of hope for the future and better prepared to succeed in a society which is very tough. All of this of course is taught from a biblical world view. In each of the countries that Rafiki is in, the First Ladies have expressed interest in starting their own programs similar to these and have worked closely with Rafiki to help and support the Rafiki Villages.
The director of Rafiki, Rosemary Jensen, repeated several times to us that, as christians, we are responsible to help those who are in need. Obviously there are people everywhere in need, including here at home, but she stated that she feels a strong call towards Africa because they lack so much. For instance, the annual income in one of the countries that Rafiki is in is $91/yr! I didn't bring my statistics with me and so I'm not saying which country that is because I don't want to be wrong, but I'll post that in the next couple days. Rosemary was also very purposeful in saying that the goal of Rafiki is not evangelizing the African people - as she put it, "The Africans have been evangelized already." Instead, she feels strongly that we ought to live our lives loving people and witnessing within the relationships that we make - hence why Rafiki is dedicated to caring for the physical (a bed, clothes, nutritious food), mental (education), emotional (love from 'brothers and sisters', 'a mother', teachers, etc.), and spiritual (everything based on a biblical world view) needs of those who have nothing and no hope.
Whew, this is really long, but I get pretty fired up about it! I can't wait to go! In case you're interested in finding out more about Rafiki, the website is www.rafiki-foundation.org. I'll post more in the next few days about this I'm sure...
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
The Plague
It turns out that, unless you like catching your students' pestilences, it's good to have the immune system of...well...I don't know, maybe an iron horse or something if you teach school. Is that a saying (the iron horse part)? Hmm, not entirely sure...probably due to the pestilence that has taken over my lungs, vocal cords, nose, sinuses, and brain.
On a happier note, this weekend is the weekend for training for AFRICA!!! Hopefully I'll know after this weekend if I get to go and when and where...very exciting!
On a happier note, this weekend is the weekend for training for AFRICA!!! Hopefully I'll know after this weekend if I get to go and when and where...very exciting!
Thursday, September 01, 2005
the madness begins
ay ay ay, people get ready, Ms. Fraser is on the loose! Student teaching began today...9th grade IPC...am I allowed to laugh at the students as much as I do??? They're just so funny! All I did today was watch and grade papers and I am way tired. Not sure exactly how to feel about that...alas, maybe going to sleep at 2 isn't such a great idea anymore. Not that I am a very late stayer-upper anyway, but now that I have a love to talk to, the time flies and low and behold, it's late before I'm willing to hang up the phone these days.
Aside from student teaching madness though, I read this last night and thought it was, as usual, pretty incredible..."I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place....I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hands...How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you...Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord!" (Bits and pieces from Psalm 31)
Aside from student teaching madness though, I read this last night and thought it was, as usual, pretty incredible..."I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place....I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in your hands...How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you...Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord!" (Bits and pieces from Psalm 31)
Friday, August 26, 2005
nerd fact of the week...
Did you know that red and green light mixed makes yellow??? And red and blue light makes magenta? And blue and green makes cyan (turquoise)? And, coolest yet, mixing red, blue, and green light makes white??? If you ever have really bright flashlights that you can put a red, blue, or green filter over, you should try this light mixing fun!
These are the kinds of things I learn at work.... whew, it's good to be a nerd : )
These are the kinds of things I learn at work.... whew, it's good to be a nerd : )
Monday, August 22, 2005
The Princess story (again, but with a new ending-beginning)
One day the beautiful princess set out upon a journey. She packed her bag and ironed her dress (I mean, her wonderful and excellent lady-in-waiting ironed her dress) and set out in her teal chariot. She stopped to pick up a neighboring princess and they began their journey into the depths of the country of Texas, singing all the way. Well, actually, the princess was sort of singing, but not in her usual manner. You see, when her Father took away her gift, her songs went away. As he taught her so many things and gave her wings, music slowly began to creep back in, but had yet to just burst out of her like it had her whole life before, hence the sort of singing.
After many hours of talk and sort of singing, she and her friend finally arrived and quickly found a suitable place to refresh themselves and put on their oh-so-carefully ironed dresses. This place, called by the natives of the land "Starbucks inside a Kroger," delightfully provided a fortifying drink (chamomile tea some call it) which the princess needed in order to feel brave enough to attend the event that she had traveled so far for. The dress, spectacularly red, also served to boost the bravery of the princess to dizzying heights.
Fully of bravery, the princess and her friend positively waltzed into the castle in which the wedding of yet another neighboring princess was taking place. They found other friends and took their places and enjoyed a beautifully simple wedding. Afterward, the princess and these friends went to a party for the newlywedded and merrily took part in the eating and drinking that happens at these royal events.
Just as the princess was thinking to herself, "Why, this was fun, I probably didn't even need that tea for bravery," she stumbled upon that gift her Father had taken away from her. She was suprised by the gift, stunned might be a better word, and she suddenly was glad that she had some of the fortifying tea left in the chariot. It appeared that perhaps her Father was presenting the gift again to her, but could that possibly be? Suffice it to say, the princess was in a daze for the rest of the evening.
After returning to Woefully-Flat the next day, the princess thought and thought about this reappearance of the gift and she talked to her Father about it often. She decided that in order to know whether her Father was truly presenting the gift to her again or just testing her to see if she meant it that she trusted him, she would need to investigate the gift. So, the princess looked at the gift from every angle and asked every question she could think of, and slowly it began to dawn on her that this gift was different than it had been, in fact, it seemed better than it ever was. As the princess turned this over in her mind (and over and over and over), she realized that she wanted more than anything for this gift to come back to her life if her Father was the one responsible for keeping it.
The princess took the gift and then said, "Father, you keep it for me. I will love it and take care of it, but in the end, you can be the owner." As she said this, she began to feel the music start to bubble up again and out it came for hours and hours. The princess sang songs that were old and new and she sang them at the top of her lungs in celebration and joy that her Father had seen fit to restore her gift, even as she had thought that it was gone forever.
The princess still tries every morning to fly, and still every night sometimes she finds herself on the ground again, but the good news is that flying sometimes seems easier when there are music notes to float on...
After many hours of talk and sort of singing, she and her friend finally arrived and quickly found a suitable place to refresh themselves and put on their oh-so-carefully ironed dresses. This place, called by the natives of the land "Starbucks inside a Kroger," delightfully provided a fortifying drink (chamomile tea some call it) which the princess needed in order to feel brave enough to attend the event that she had traveled so far for. The dress, spectacularly red, also served to boost the bravery of the princess to dizzying heights.
Fully of bravery, the princess and her friend positively waltzed into the castle in which the wedding of yet another neighboring princess was taking place. They found other friends and took their places and enjoyed a beautifully simple wedding. Afterward, the princess and these friends went to a party for the newlywedded and merrily took part in the eating and drinking that happens at these royal events.
Just as the princess was thinking to herself, "Why, this was fun, I probably didn't even need that tea for bravery," she stumbled upon that gift her Father had taken away from her. She was suprised by the gift, stunned might be a better word, and she suddenly was glad that she had some of the fortifying tea left in the chariot. It appeared that perhaps her Father was presenting the gift again to her, but could that possibly be? Suffice it to say, the princess was in a daze for the rest of the evening.
After returning to Woefully-Flat the next day, the princess thought and thought about this reappearance of the gift and she talked to her Father about it often. She decided that in order to know whether her Father was truly presenting the gift to her again or just testing her to see if she meant it that she trusted him, she would need to investigate the gift. So, the princess looked at the gift from every angle and asked every question she could think of, and slowly it began to dawn on her that this gift was different than it had been, in fact, it seemed better than it ever was. As the princess turned this over in her mind (and over and over and over), she realized that she wanted more than anything for this gift to come back to her life if her Father was the one responsible for keeping it.
The princess took the gift and then said, "Father, you keep it for me. I will love it and take care of it, but in the end, you can be the owner." As she said this, she began to feel the music start to bubble up again and out it came for hours and hours. The princess sang songs that were old and new and she sang them at the top of her lungs in celebration and joy that her Father had seen fit to restore her gift, even as she had thought that it was gone forever.
The princess still tries every morning to fly, and still every night sometimes she finds herself on the ground again, but the good news is that flying sometimes seems easier when there are music notes to float on...
Thursday, August 18, 2005
fear, courage, and woah
1. 2 woah's: My birthday is the best day of the year! (thanks to my friends who love me)
2. (2nd woah): My mom is going to Peru this fall on a short-term mission trip which will provide wheelchairs and medical services (from physical therapists) for those who need them. She had to raise $2300 for the trip...she wrote some letters...God provided more than $2300 in 2 short weeks...2 WEEKS...TWO, just 2...folks, what we have here is God-the-provider (again)!
Now on to the fear and courage part...
I hate to admit it, but I have a bit of an issue with fear...some may say my personality tends to be fearful...by that I mean that I have been or am afraid of many, many, many things. Things like the dark, the bad guys of the world, failing, being "stuck" somewhere, scary movies (to the extent that I don't watch em), being in crowds, having to start a conversation with people I don't know, sometimes having to start a conversation with people I do know, being awkward, my brothers never taking up God's offer of life, rides that free fall at amusement parks, etc. etc. etc. Maybe in fact there are only a few things that I positively know that I am NOT afraid of: going places I haven't been, eating new food, being dead (which is different than dying), and being by myself (even including going to a movie by myself or eating in a restaurant by myself).
So I have fought these fearful tendencies for as long as I can remember...I hate fear, hate it with a passion. Fortunately, with God's help, I have had many a victory over various fears but there are always so many more to conquer. This summer I have thought very hard about the idea of courage - just what does that mean? What is courage? For some reason, I thought it was the absence of fear (bad news for us fearful folk)...
One of the books I read (The Dream Giver) talks a bit about fear and courage - "...God rarely makes our fear disappear. Instead, He asks us to be strong and take courage. What is courage? As Ordinary (the main character) discovered, courage is not the absence of fear; rather, it's choosing to act in spite of the fear. You could say that without fear, you can't have genuine courage. When you do act in courage, you discover that fear doesn't have to stop you. You see that what you thought were your limits are more like starting points. To take courage, you have to decide to go forward anyway."
In the beginning of the book, Ordinary has to walk through a sort-of wall of fear. It is very hard to even get near this wall, but once he makes it through, ahh, relief and more strength for the future.
This summer I decided to take on my fear of social situations...this fear is absolutely ridiculous but nonetheless often overwhelming and I generally cave to it. God had been prompting me to begin to take care of this for a long time and something someone said to me pushed me finally to the edge...really, I let it grow for far too long. First step: walk through walls of fear regarding situations with people I know and enjoy (aka Friends). It turns out that once you walk through one wall, the others really do begin to become a little more transparent, a little easier to get through (at least in that area). Second step: work on talking to people. Mission: find somebody sitting alone at church, sit with her, talk to her (aka be friendly). So far, 2 weeks I have found somebody alone to sit with and be friendly to and it has been so very good. Partly because my mission distracted me from emotional things that were very very hard to deal with, partly because I felt good about being friendly to 2 girls who haven't been to First B before, partly because walking through walls that once seemed made of steel makes you want to dance with joy.
I say none of this to "toot my own horn" - only because I want to encourage my fearful friends that I know are out there. I don't know why some people are fearless, some in between, and some paralyzed by fear, I only know that being paralyzed is awful and I hate it. The good news is that we're not in this alone - we can still run and hide under God's wings when we've taken that first hard step into thin air. He reminds us that we can be strong if we'll put our hands in his and keep stepping.
The battle will last my whole life but I'm less afraid now that I'll never be victorious because I can find some courage when I choose to act in spite of fear...and that is good, good news.
2. (2nd woah): My mom is going to Peru this fall on a short-term mission trip which will provide wheelchairs and medical services (from physical therapists) for those who need them. She had to raise $2300 for the trip...she wrote some letters...God provided more than $2300 in 2 short weeks...2 WEEKS...TWO, just 2...folks, what we have here is God-the-provider (again)!
Now on to the fear and courage part...
I hate to admit it, but I have a bit of an issue with fear...some may say my personality tends to be fearful...by that I mean that I have been or am afraid of many, many, many things. Things like the dark, the bad guys of the world, failing, being "stuck" somewhere, scary movies (to the extent that I don't watch em), being in crowds, having to start a conversation with people I don't know, sometimes having to start a conversation with people I do know, being awkward, my brothers never taking up God's offer of life, rides that free fall at amusement parks, etc. etc. etc. Maybe in fact there are only a few things that I positively know that I am NOT afraid of: going places I haven't been, eating new food, being dead (which is different than dying), and being by myself (even including going to a movie by myself or eating in a restaurant by myself).
So I have fought these fearful tendencies for as long as I can remember...I hate fear, hate it with a passion. Fortunately, with God's help, I have had many a victory over various fears but there are always so many more to conquer. This summer I have thought very hard about the idea of courage - just what does that mean? What is courage? For some reason, I thought it was the absence of fear (bad news for us fearful folk)...
One of the books I read (The Dream Giver) talks a bit about fear and courage - "...God rarely makes our fear disappear. Instead, He asks us to be strong and take courage. What is courage? As Ordinary (the main character) discovered, courage is not the absence of fear; rather, it's choosing to act in spite of the fear. You could say that without fear, you can't have genuine courage. When you do act in courage, you discover that fear doesn't have to stop you. You see that what you thought were your limits are more like starting points. To take courage, you have to decide to go forward anyway."
In the beginning of the book, Ordinary has to walk through a sort-of wall of fear. It is very hard to even get near this wall, but once he makes it through, ahh, relief and more strength for the future.
This summer I decided to take on my fear of social situations...this fear is absolutely ridiculous but nonetheless often overwhelming and I generally cave to it. God had been prompting me to begin to take care of this for a long time and something someone said to me pushed me finally to the edge...really, I let it grow for far too long. First step: walk through walls of fear regarding situations with people I know and enjoy (aka Friends). It turns out that once you walk through one wall, the others really do begin to become a little more transparent, a little easier to get through (at least in that area). Second step: work on talking to people. Mission: find somebody sitting alone at church, sit with her, talk to her (aka be friendly). So far, 2 weeks I have found somebody alone to sit with and be friendly to and it has been so very good. Partly because my mission distracted me from emotional things that were very very hard to deal with, partly because I felt good about being friendly to 2 girls who haven't been to First B before, partly because walking through walls that once seemed made of steel makes you want to dance with joy.
I say none of this to "toot my own horn" - only because I want to encourage my fearful friends that I know are out there. I don't know why some people are fearless, some in between, and some paralyzed by fear, I only know that being paralyzed is awful and I hate it. The good news is that we're not in this alone - we can still run and hide under God's wings when we've taken that first hard step into thin air. He reminds us that we can be strong if we'll put our hands in his and keep stepping.
The battle will last my whole life but I'm less afraid now that I'll never be victorious because I can find some courage when I choose to act in spite of fear...and that is good, good news.
Friday, August 12, 2005
Once upon a time
Once upon a time there was a beautiful young princess who lived in a land named "Woefully Flat" in a country named "Texas." This princess was generally what you might consider a goody-two-shoes, in fact her middle name was something along the gist of "Not Interested", referring to most of those things the goody-two-shoes of the world don't bother with. All that to say however, that this princess took a disobedient turn one year in the middle of November and neglected to correct this disobedience until July of that year. For this disobedience, her Father (we'll call him God) left her to her own devices which turned out to be rather inadequate for getting through life. So, this princess, upon acknowledging her mistake, decided obedience might be a better plan and immediately embarked upon the road named for her Father (My Way).
She was overjoyed to realize that her Father didn't hold grudges and welcomed her back with open arms. Despite a little lingering sadness over the disobedience, this princess was overwhelmingly happy that her Father decided to let her back in to his circle of friends and she decided that she would never again tell her Father "I'll do it anyway" when he said "No."
Not so very long after this decision (one day in October to be exact), the princess was given a wonderful gift by her Father. This gift was a complete suprise in every way and it thrilled her heart in a way no other gift ever had. She was so amazed by her Father's love and generosity that she couldn't help but thank him at the beginning of every new shining day, and again at the end of those days. Sometimes she even did a little jig of rejoicing in the middle of the day.
The princess's gift taught her many things, sometimes even things about her Father that she hadn't known before...things about fear, about bravery, about confidence and beauty, even about listening to her Father's voice. She cherished her gift and held it dear but always remembered to look to her Father in thanks for the gift, at least for the first few months.
Unfortunately, this princess began to sway in her focus on her Father and she started to hold her gift too tightly after awhile. When her view blurred, she stumbled and began to slide down down down a hill that never seemed to end. She fought to stay up, but the mud proved too slippery and, with her arms all tied up with the gift, she couldn't reach for her Father's hand very well. Even though she slipped and slid further down the hill, her Father still used her gift to teach her many things and sometimes just to dry her tears and hold her up to see that the blue sky was still there.
Finally one day, after a particularly difficult few weeks, her Father decided to take her gift away. The princess was shocked and questioned her Father over and over about the wisdom of his decision, but to no avail, her Father remained mysteriously quiet. The princess gave up fighting to stay on the hill and so rolled the rest of the way down the hill, which did have a bottom as it turns out. As she lay there, broken and bloody and full of tears, her Father came for her. He picked her up and held her close to his beating heart and he carried her away to a restful place. In the days to come, her Father wrote her many love letters, all which told her that his love would endure forever, no matter what.
The princess clung to her Father and read his letters over and over and over and one day, she found the courage to try to look out at the world again. She was suprised to find that the sky was still blue and the birds still sang and soared and that her friends still loved her. The princess spent many days watching the birds as they flew about in such freedom and decided that that's what she wanted - wings to soar on. She asked her Father for wings, especially for her heart, and he said "Yes."
As this princess tried to learn to use her wings, she spent a lot of time falling. She was frustrated sometimes by the way that she started nearly every day ready to try to fly and ended all of those days on the ground, wings all broken and dirty, and her heart in tears again, but her Father always repaired her wings while she slept and asked her to try again each morning. The princess knew that her Father really did love her and knew what was best for her, she knew it in the very corners of her heart, so she put her hand in his and kept trying to fly, longing for the freedom she knew awaited. For the first time in her life, the princess realized that she finally trusted her Father all the way and, in a way, this trust gave her the sense of freedom and adventure that she had longed for for so very long.
This is as far as the princess' story can go at this point...someday she'll soar and she'll never have to fight distraction from her Father again, and when that happens, her story will have found it's end (or maybe the beginning, it's yet to be determined for sure).
She was overjoyed to realize that her Father didn't hold grudges and welcomed her back with open arms. Despite a little lingering sadness over the disobedience, this princess was overwhelmingly happy that her Father decided to let her back in to his circle of friends and she decided that she would never again tell her Father "I'll do it anyway" when he said "No."
Not so very long after this decision (one day in October to be exact), the princess was given a wonderful gift by her Father. This gift was a complete suprise in every way and it thrilled her heart in a way no other gift ever had. She was so amazed by her Father's love and generosity that she couldn't help but thank him at the beginning of every new shining day, and again at the end of those days. Sometimes she even did a little jig of rejoicing in the middle of the day.
The princess's gift taught her many things, sometimes even things about her Father that she hadn't known before...things about fear, about bravery, about confidence and beauty, even about listening to her Father's voice. She cherished her gift and held it dear but always remembered to look to her Father in thanks for the gift, at least for the first few months.
Unfortunately, this princess began to sway in her focus on her Father and she started to hold her gift too tightly after awhile. When her view blurred, she stumbled and began to slide down down down a hill that never seemed to end. She fought to stay up, but the mud proved too slippery and, with her arms all tied up with the gift, she couldn't reach for her Father's hand very well. Even though she slipped and slid further down the hill, her Father still used her gift to teach her many things and sometimes just to dry her tears and hold her up to see that the blue sky was still there.
Finally one day, after a particularly difficult few weeks, her Father decided to take her gift away. The princess was shocked and questioned her Father over and over about the wisdom of his decision, but to no avail, her Father remained mysteriously quiet. The princess gave up fighting to stay on the hill and so rolled the rest of the way down the hill, which did have a bottom as it turns out. As she lay there, broken and bloody and full of tears, her Father came for her. He picked her up and held her close to his beating heart and he carried her away to a restful place. In the days to come, her Father wrote her many love letters, all which told her that his love would endure forever, no matter what.
The princess clung to her Father and read his letters over and over and over and one day, she found the courage to try to look out at the world again. She was suprised to find that the sky was still blue and the birds still sang and soared and that her friends still loved her. The princess spent many days watching the birds as they flew about in such freedom and decided that that's what she wanted - wings to soar on. She asked her Father for wings, especially for her heart, and he said "Yes."
As this princess tried to learn to use her wings, she spent a lot of time falling. She was frustrated sometimes by the way that she started nearly every day ready to try to fly and ended all of those days on the ground, wings all broken and dirty, and her heart in tears again, but her Father always repaired her wings while she slept and asked her to try again each morning. The princess knew that her Father really did love her and knew what was best for her, she knew it in the very corners of her heart, so she put her hand in his and kept trying to fly, longing for the freedom she knew awaited. For the first time in her life, the princess realized that she finally trusted her Father all the way and, in a way, this trust gave her the sense of freedom and adventure that she had longed for for so very long.
This is as far as the princess' story can go at this point...someday she'll soar and she'll never have to fight distraction from her Father again, and when that happens, her story will have found it's end (or maybe the beginning, it's yet to be determined for sure).
Thursday, August 04, 2005
happiness =
* coffee in the morning (or any time of day really)
* tea, lots and lots and lots of tea
* sitting on my balcony at night
* flowers
* the sun shining in my windows
* laughing at ellen degeneres stand up comedy
* ben and jerry's magic brownies ice cream (eaten by the pint full)
* the Honorary Title in my radio
* friends who hold me up when i can't do it on my own
* family who loves me no matter what
* dreams of far-away places
* being able to see the Lubbock sky
* curling up in my red chair and reading for hours...
* opening up my windows when it rains
* waking up with wings on my heart (especially after going to sleep with my heart crashed into the ground, wings all broken and dirty)
* tea, lots and lots and lots of tea
* sitting on my balcony at night
* flowers
* the sun shining in my windows
* laughing at ellen degeneres stand up comedy
* ben and jerry's magic brownies ice cream (eaten by the pint full)
* the Honorary Title in my radio
* friends who hold me up when i can't do it on my own
* family who loves me no matter what
* dreams of far-away places
* being able to see the Lubbock sky
* curling up in my red chair and reading for hours...
* opening up my windows when it rains
* waking up with wings on my heart (especially after going to sleep with my heart crashed into the ground, wings all broken and dirty)
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Safer than a known way...
I want the world to know about some books that I've read this summer that have changed me. It has been amazing how God has sent another book (or person with words of wisdom) along just as I am ready to move one step further. It's sad that it took being emotionally lower than ever before to bring me to a place where I finally had to change, had to put my trust in God to the test, but I must say that there is a good side to heartbreak - I won't ever be the same again. So, realizing that everyone deals with heartache differently, here's the list-o-books that let me see so many new sides of my Father (the tender, protector, gentle, righteous, omniscient, purposeful sides) - I hope that maybe these can help if you are ever in a place where you just can't stop crying.
Fairytale Faith - Brenda Waggoner (really uplifting book for women about the things most, maybe all of us, struggle with)
Passion and Purity- Elisabeth Elliot (story of Elisabeth and Jim Elliot's wait for each other)
Safer Than a Known Way - Pamela Rosewood Moore (the life story of Corrie Ten Boom's last personal aide)
The Dream Giver - Bruce Wilkinson (parable-ish story followed by how-to advice on pursuing the dream God set in you)
Hind's Feet on High Places - Hannah Hurnard (my favorite book ever - I want to be on those high places)
Psalms 31:2-5,8,14-24; 73:23-28; 118
The Safer Than a Known Way book is a pretty amazing tale of trusting God's hand even when you don't know what He's doing or where you're going...everybody should read it!
The Gate of the Year" by Minnie Haskins 1908
I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year
'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.'
And he replied, 'Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!'
So I went forth and finding the Hand of God
Trod gladly into the night
He led me towards the hills
And the breaking of day in the lone east.
So heart be still!
What need our human life to know
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife of things
Both high and low, God hideth his intention."
Ps 31:24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord!
Fairytale Faith - Brenda Waggoner (really uplifting book for women about the things most, maybe all of us, struggle with)
Passion and Purity- Elisabeth Elliot (story of Elisabeth and Jim Elliot's wait for each other)
Safer Than a Known Way - Pamela Rosewood Moore (the life story of Corrie Ten Boom's last personal aide)
The Dream Giver - Bruce Wilkinson (parable-ish story followed by how-to advice on pursuing the dream God set in you)
Hind's Feet on High Places - Hannah Hurnard (my favorite book ever - I want to be on those high places)
Psalms 31:2-5,8,14-24; 73:23-28; 118
The Safer Than a Known Way book is a pretty amazing tale of trusting God's hand even when you don't know what He's doing or where you're going...everybody should read it!
The Gate of the Year" by Minnie Haskins 1908
I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year
'Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.'
And he replied, 'Go into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way!'
So I went forth and finding the Hand of God
Trod gladly into the night
He led me towards the hills
And the breaking of day in the lone east.
So heart be still!
What need our human life to know
If God hath comprehension?
In all the dizzy strife of things
Both high and low, God hideth his intention."
Ps 31:24 Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh my!
So I got a letter inviting me to the training session for Rafiki MiniMissions...AKA, training for a month in AFRICA!!! This invitation doesn't mean I get to go for sure, but I am closer than I was before, so yahoo!
A very exciting side note to this is that I have to pay $150 to attend the training (for materials, food, a bed, etc.), $150 that I didn't have. Well, yesterday I went to sign my lease for a new apt. and discovered that there is a move-in special (which the lady who showed us the apt. forgot to mention) of half-off rent. Rent would normally be $300 for me...half off...hmmm, imagine that, God has provided exactly $150 for me. Man, it's good to know the God of the universe!
A very exciting side note to this is that I have to pay $150 to attend the training (for materials, food, a bed, etc.), $150 that I didn't have. Well, yesterday I went to sign my lease for a new apt. and discovered that there is a move-in special (which the lady who showed us the apt. forgot to mention) of half-off rent. Rent would normally be $300 for me...half off...hmmm, imagine that, God has provided exactly $150 for me. Man, it's good to know the God of the universe!
Thursday, July 21, 2005
oops, I forgot
2 things I was supposed to put in the last post and forgot:
1) I love snowballs (thanks Amy Cooper for donating them to me every week at bible study)
2) I have officially applied to go to Africa (Tanzania, Kenya, or Malawi) in the spring to work in a christian orphanage/girls' school for AIDS orphans...so if you pray, I sure would appreciate some prayers about that!
1) I love snowballs (thanks Amy Cooper for donating them to me every week at bible study)
2) I have officially applied to go to Africa (Tanzania, Kenya, or Malawi) in the spring to work in a christian orphanage/girls' school for AIDS orphans...so if you pray, I sure would appreciate some prayers about that!
friends are great
By great, I mean pretty FAN-tastic! Somehow I made it 22 years of my life without knowing that friends are there to support and love you, especially in tough times...until now. (How, you may ask, did I not know this? Well, my only explanation is that I must be very slow...)
I have been so well loved by my friends who have held me up, encouraged me, given me wisdom, just listened...so thanks to all of you : ) You make my days wonderful, even (especially) the very hard ones.
I have been so well loved by my friends who have held me up, encouraged me, given me wisdom, just listened...so thanks to all of you : ) You make my days wonderful, even (especially) the very hard ones.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Boys, read please...
So I was flipping through Jeff T's new book (Friendlationships, go buy it) and saw the boy survey in the back. One of the questions was something like "If you knew the girl was not the one God has for you, do you stay with her or break up with her" and a very large percentage of boys apparently would stay with her until "the right time".... My roommate Emily and I were dumbfounded (yes, dumbfounded)...WHY would a boy stay with a girl for any length of time after he knew she wasn't "the ONE"????? Don't they know that the longer you stay with her, the more attached she will grow, and the harder the breakup will be? Please, I beg on behalf of every girl I know, if you discover that the one of us you're dating isn't the one for you, break it off quick! We will feel more betrayed and disappointed and hurt if we've thought you thought we were the right ones if, in reality, you were really just waiting for the 'right time' to end it.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
2 things
2 things God tells me over and over and over lately...
1) His love endures forever (FOREVER)
2) Freedom awaits...
I am overwhelmed by this peace that flows through me and by the joy that has begun to fill my heart again...even in the midst of being sad. What an amazing Father I have in Heaven, He cares for me so gently.
1) His love endures forever (FOREVER)
2) Freedom awaits...
I am overwhelmed by this peace that flows through me and by the joy that has begun to fill my heart again...even in the midst of being sad. What an amazing Father I have in Heaven, He cares for me so gently.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
at long last
Whew, FINALLY, the last final of college is over!! Yahoo!! It's actually kind of odd to think about no more classes, no more tests (besides the ones I write), no more finals...nice though! I'm off to Chicago for a family vacation later today too and I'm excited about that. Mostly because it will be a good distraction from the relentless missing of M. Why is it so hard to kick him out of my brain/heart? I try and try but alas, back he comes and it is a constant battle between wanting to call him and thinking that I must NOT call him. How ridiculous, I think my heart is revolting against my brain...it'd be nice if they'd get on the same team!
On another note, I'm starting to get excited again by the thought of traveling, especially if I can manage to use work (teaching) as a travel tool...I'm going to go home after I graduate and try to work a lot, save some, pay off some debt, and figure out what the heck to do with myself. Grad school or work? At any rate, I'm going to attempt to go to Africa for a mission trip (short term) and see where God leads from there. Everyone says you need at least 2 yrs experience teaching in the US to get a job overseas, but maybe I can find one that doesn't require that experience...maybe, we shall see. It's an odd place to be in - the "not knowing who I want to be or where I want my life to go" place that is - especially since I thought I knew at least for the past several years. Odd but in some ways kind of exciting because it seems that I am much more available for molding by the Father when I am in the state I currently am (as opposed to my usual 'independent, know what i want' state).
On another note, I'm starting to get excited again by the thought of traveling, especially if I can manage to use work (teaching) as a travel tool...I'm going to go home after I graduate and try to work a lot, save some, pay off some debt, and figure out what the heck to do with myself. Grad school or work? At any rate, I'm going to attempt to go to Africa for a mission trip (short term) and see where God leads from there. Everyone says you need at least 2 yrs experience teaching in the US to get a job overseas, but maybe I can find one that doesn't require that experience...maybe, we shall see. It's an odd place to be in - the "not knowing who I want to be or where I want my life to go" place that is - especially since I thought I knew at least for the past several years. Odd but in some ways kind of exciting because it seems that I am much more available for molding by the Father when I am in the state I currently am (as opposed to my usual 'independent, know what i want' state).
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
really? a purpose in this?
So as I've struggled through life these last few days (weeks), so much has gone on in my heart that sometimes it feels like I need to come up for air...
My mom gave me a book to read - Passion and Purity - by Elisabeth Elliot that has rocked my view of things. I cried (and cried and cried) all the way through it, for lots of reasons, but was it ever worth the read. I have come to several conclusions since finishing:
1. Maybe I didn't grossly misunderstand God in the last many months and He did in fact allow me to love M with everything I had.
2. It is not profitable to keep asking "Why???" (in every direction that question can be taken) - sometimes, maybe even often, it seems God keeps a mystery about the way He works and who am I to try to 'force' an answer of why he would allow, permit, perhaps even cause such heartbreak.
3. There is in fact a purpose in this awful struggle, and though I don't yet know what it is, I can be sure that God will fulfill that purpose for/in me. He has promised - when I asked, He immediately showed me a psalm in which I'd underlined "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me, His love endures forever" sometime in the past...if that's not a direct answer, I don't know what is.
4. So, knowing there's a purpose, believing that God loves me and His love will endure forever, I will just wait to see what He wants from me in this - how He wants me to change, who He wants me to be, and how I can know Him more deeply. I guess this deep wound has finally stopped bleeding and now, moment by moment, God is beginning to breathe life back into my mangled heart. It is a comfort to know that He will heal the wound not with scar tissue, which is ugly and dead, but with Himself.
My mom gave me a book to read - Passion and Purity - by Elisabeth Elliot that has rocked my view of things. I cried (and cried and cried) all the way through it, for lots of reasons, but was it ever worth the read. I have come to several conclusions since finishing:
1. Maybe I didn't grossly misunderstand God in the last many months and He did in fact allow me to love M with everything I had.
2. It is not profitable to keep asking "Why???" (in every direction that question can be taken) - sometimes, maybe even often, it seems God keeps a mystery about the way He works and who am I to try to 'force' an answer of why he would allow, permit, perhaps even cause such heartbreak.
3. There is in fact a purpose in this awful struggle, and though I don't yet know what it is, I can be sure that God will fulfill that purpose for/in me. He has promised - when I asked, He immediately showed me a psalm in which I'd underlined "The Lord will fulfill His purpose for me, His love endures forever" sometime in the past...if that's not a direct answer, I don't know what is.
4. So, knowing there's a purpose, believing that God loves me and His love will endure forever, I will just wait to see what He wants from me in this - how He wants me to change, who He wants me to be, and how I can know Him more deeply. I guess this deep wound has finally stopped bleeding and now, moment by moment, God is beginning to breathe life back into my mangled heart. It is a comfort to know that He will heal the wound not with scar tissue, which is ugly and dead, but with Himself.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
sad thoughts
so I've named this joy in a hope that my joy will come back to me...one of these days maybe I'll wake up and the sparkle will have returned.
At the moment, I think Ben Harper says what's in my heart best in his song Walk Away:
Oh no - here comes that sun again
and that means another day without you my friend...
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say
But sometimes, sometimes
you just have to walk away, walk away
With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say
But sometimes, sometimes
you just have to walk away, walk away and head for the door...
Not the whole song, just the gist...
today has been a sad day but who knows what God will bring tomorrow, who knows when ol' joy will show herself again. We shall see.
At the moment, I think Ben Harper says what's in my heart best in his song Walk Away:
Oh no - here comes that sun again
and that means another day without you my friend...
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say
But sometimes, sometimes
you just have to walk away, walk away
With so many people to love in my life, why do I worry about one?
But you put the happy in my ness, you put the good times into my fun.
And it's so hard to do and so easy to say
But sometimes, sometimes
you just have to walk away, walk away and head for the door...
Not the whole song, just the gist...
today has been a sad day but who knows what God will bring tomorrow, who knows when ol' joy will show herself again. We shall see.
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