The Children's Choir at Radiant makes their debut singing Jesus Loves Me. Gabriel and his girl Skyler are kicking it up a notch with a little battle of the bands...lead singer edition.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Preparing for Easter an Unpublished Life
Recently, one of my dear friends reminded me that I have not posted on my blog since February. It has been on my list and I knew that I had written a few posts in my head but never had a chance to put my fingers to the keyboard. Today, I opened my blog account to begin a new post and saw this post that I never published. I guess this is a good place to begin.
Easter Eve
It is the night before Easter and yes I should be sleeping but instead I am up waiting for my freshly painted nails to dry. Choosing a dress 17 weeks postpartum (the body shape factor) while nursing (the access factor) makes finding the "perfect cheery one-piece attire" nearly impossible. After several meltdowns (children and parents), I settled on a black dress...yep black. To compensate, I decided to add a pop of color on my feet...shoes were in the running (no pun intended) but quite honestly the price tag of the pair that was oh so cute was less than adorable. Somehow my pink fingers and toes will simply have to step-up and represent.
These last months have been a struggle, nothing exposes your humanity more than postpartum depression...talk about needing a savior...needing grace...
Fast Forward
That is as far as I got in my writing and I never hit "publish post." Admittedly, I lost my voice. I have always pursued authenticity in all that I say and do...and my writing is no exception but honestly I wrestled with bringing the anxiety, the darkness, and the pain of this journey to a public forum especially since the trick of postpartum makes trusting anyone...including yourself a constant battle.
I sat down with a former professor of mine, someone who has an incredible ability to see and speak into the places in my soul that I did not even know existed. As we sat together at California Pizza Kitchen and reflected on my pregnancy, Neriyah's birth, her stay in the NICU, and all that comes with bringing a petite-sized, winter baby into a germ infested world it became clear that my postpartum episodes were triggered in a like fashion to post traumatic stress. Literally all it would take is a well intentioned person saying something along the lines of "Oh my goodness, your baby is so small" and I would feel myself begin to panic and then disassociate from the conversation just to remain in the room.
When I realized that I had postpartum, I told Jeremey, my mom, and a few friends that I knew could serve as the "ladder" and "flashlight" should the pit get too dark or deep to get myself out of on my own. I also began working out religiously during nap time because the medication prescribed addressed my anxiety constantly when in reality I only had the anxiety when I was triggered...as you can imagine anxiety meds when you are not anxious will simply flatten you and that is the last thing I needed while trying to muster the energy to care for my children. Let me just say that the cycle is vicious. If I went out in public, (which is hard not to do when you are a pastor's wife of a new church plant and living on a college campus) I would become triggered by something simple (even something intended to be sweet), then feel incredibly guilty for not being able to engage in conversation or not wanting to be with people, which only increased when I arrived home again. The rumination about my public inabilities was endless serving only as a fuel to the already burning depression.
Mommy Group
One of the defining days of this ordeal was during a "mommy meet-up." My mommy's group was gathering in a home to celebrate Easter. I had RSVP'd yes and convinced myself that I was able to go and that it would actually be good for me. As I drove to the meet-up that day, I could feel waves of anxiety washing over me, but not believing these symptoms, I pressed forward. By the time I arrived, I was in tears. I quietly wiped them away, and pressed forward having conversation after conversation with other moms. Two of the mom's had babies almost the exact age of my daughter and of course they were both much bigger children. As I talked, the storm was brewing. I was pushing back my own emotions about Neriyah's size and health while watching my son be bullied by another little girl. I remember the room feeling so incredibly big, as though I could not reach Gabe to protect him and yet simultaneously feeling the walls and air closing in on me. One of my mommy friends with whom I had shared my battle, was there that day, she simply sat me down, gathered my items, put my son's shoes on his feet and ushered me out the door. I sobbed as I drove back to her home where she cared for me until Jeremey arrived to take over.
In the Light
There were many lights and ladders during this time. I'll admit, I was amazed at how persistent my friends and family were at checking in...never allowing my "fine" to go undefined. The last couple of months the postpartum has lifted and though this has continued to be a busy and sometimes stress-filled season, my mind has been released.
Church, Babies, Therapy, Vacations
I could write for hours about this last season of life but in brief...we decided to stay in California and plant Radiant, a fabulous church in Garden Grove that is more work and fun than I ever imagined. Gabriel and Neriyah are both doing well. Gabe was bitten by our family dog in May and his face continues to look more healed each day. Neriyah has exceeded all of our expectations by crawling ahead of schedule. She is one determined young lady (not sure where she gets that from). I went back to my therapy practice this spring at Journeys and also began working at College Hospital (a psychiatric hospital for some of the most mentally ill patients in LA and Orange counties). I am hoping to finish my hours as well as to bring home a little extra bacon to allow us to send Gabriel to preschool. I felt a bit unsteady in this transition back to work but I am beginning to find my feet. Our family just returned from a rest in Sedona, AZ and shortly we will be heading to Minnesota and Wisconsin to visit family, friends, and see my sis get hitched (we like you Kevin!)
Blog Blog Blog
I hope to write again soon. Thanks for the encouragement to sit down and blog. Since I am taking requests and fulfilling them, I am now going to vacuum.
Easter Eve
It is the night before Easter and yes I should be sleeping but instead I am up waiting for my freshly painted nails to dry. Choosing a dress 17 weeks postpartum (the body shape factor) while nursing (the access factor) makes finding the "perfect cheery one-piece attire" nearly impossible. After several meltdowns (children and parents), I settled on a black dress...yep black. To compensate, I decided to add a pop of color on my feet...shoes were in the running (no pun intended) but quite honestly the price tag of the pair that was oh so cute was less than adorable. Somehow my pink fingers and toes will simply have to step-up and represent.
These last months have been a struggle, nothing exposes your humanity more than postpartum depression...talk about needing a savior...needing grace...
Fast Forward
That is as far as I got in my writing and I never hit "publish post." Admittedly, I lost my voice. I have always pursued authenticity in all that I say and do...and my writing is no exception but honestly I wrestled with bringing the anxiety, the darkness, and the pain of this journey to a public forum especially since the trick of postpartum makes trusting anyone...including yourself a constant battle.
I sat down with a former professor of mine, someone who has an incredible ability to see and speak into the places in my soul that I did not even know existed. As we sat together at California Pizza Kitchen and reflected on my pregnancy, Neriyah's birth, her stay in the NICU, and all that comes with bringing a petite-sized, winter baby into a germ infested world it became clear that my postpartum episodes were triggered in a like fashion to post traumatic stress. Literally all it would take is a well intentioned person saying something along the lines of "Oh my goodness, your baby is so small" and I would feel myself begin to panic and then disassociate from the conversation just to remain in the room.
When I realized that I had postpartum, I told Jeremey, my mom, and a few friends that I knew could serve as the "ladder" and "flashlight" should the pit get too dark or deep to get myself out of on my own. I also began working out religiously during nap time because the medication prescribed addressed my anxiety constantly when in reality I only had the anxiety when I was triggered...as you can imagine anxiety meds when you are not anxious will simply flatten you and that is the last thing I needed while trying to muster the energy to care for my children. Let me just say that the cycle is vicious. If I went out in public, (which is hard not to do when you are a pastor's wife of a new church plant and living on a college campus) I would become triggered by something simple (even something intended to be sweet), then feel incredibly guilty for not being able to engage in conversation or not wanting to be with people, which only increased when I arrived home again. The rumination about my public inabilities was endless serving only as a fuel to the already burning depression.
Mommy Group
One of the defining days of this ordeal was during a "mommy meet-up." My mommy's group was gathering in a home to celebrate Easter. I had RSVP'd yes and convinced myself that I was able to go and that it would actually be good for me. As I drove to the meet-up that day, I could feel waves of anxiety washing over me, but not believing these symptoms, I pressed forward. By the time I arrived, I was in tears. I quietly wiped them away, and pressed forward having conversation after conversation with other moms. Two of the mom's had babies almost the exact age of my daughter and of course they were both much bigger children. As I talked, the storm was brewing. I was pushing back my own emotions about Neriyah's size and health while watching my son be bullied by another little girl. I remember the room feeling so incredibly big, as though I could not reach Gabe to protect him and yet simultaneously feeling the walls and air closing in on me. One of my mommy friends with whom I had shared my battle, was there that day, she simply sat me down, gathered my items, put my son's shoes on his feet and ushered me out the door. I sobbed as I drove back to her home where she cared for me until Jeremey arrived to take over.
In the Light
There were many lights and ladders during this time. I'll admit, I was amazed at how persistent my friends and family were at checking in...never allowing my "fine" to go undefined. The last couple of months the postpartum has lifted and though this has continued to be a busy and sometimes stress-filled season, my mind has been released.
Church, Babies, Therapy, Vacations
I could write for hours about this last season of life but in brief...we decided to stay in California and plant Radiant, a fabulous church in Garden Grove that is more work and fun than I ever imagined. Gabriel and Neriyah are both doing well. Gabe was bitten by our family dog in May and his face continues to look more healed each day. Neriyah has exceeded all of our expectations by crawling ahead of schedule. She is one determined young lady (not sure where she gets that from). I went back to my therapy practice this spring at Journeys and also began working at College Hospital (a psychiatric hospital for some of the most mentally ill patients in LA and Orange counties). I am hoping to finish my hours as well as to bring home a little extra bacon to allow us to send Gabriel to preschool. I felt a bit unsteady in this transition back to work but I am beginning to find my feet. Our family just returned from a rest in Sedona, AZ and shortly we will be heading to Minnesota and Wisconsin to visit family, friends, and see my sis get hitched (we like you Kevin!)
Blog Blog Blog
I hope to write again soon. Thanks for the encouragement to sit down and blog. Since I am taking requests and fulfilling them, I am now going to vacuum.
Monday, February 22, 2010
For the Love of Ice Cream
One of the perks of living on a college campus is our all-access pass to the cafeteria. Jeremey and I are delighted to have a personal chef who makes all of our meals saving us both from cooking and from buying groceries. Gabriel however, could care less about the food as his ritual is to head straight for the ice cream machine. We have had to reign him back from this simple pleasure but quite honestly on the occasions when he does have his way...it is one of the sweetest sights.
Two weeks ago, just before my mom arrived (which PS was fabulous) I brought Neriyah in for a check-up. As a nursing mommy, I keep pretty close tabs on the liquids and solids that are emitted from my babe's bottom so you can imagine my shock when she was registering the exact weight that she was 3 weeks previous. Dr. Willis was a bit perplexed and decided to give her a very thorough examination. He discovered that her tongue was tied down which was preventing her from moving it properly during nursing and requiring more of her energy to eat (essentially she was taking in milk but the expenditure of calories equated to the same number coming in...hence lack of weight gain).
Two days later, we went to see Dr. Chacone, another pediatrician in the office to have Neriyah's tongue cut. Although I was offered a front-row seat, I opted out...(I love that the Dr. tried to get me to stay by saying that most mom's want to be there...really?? I was certain that someone with many more years of medicine under their belt would be a better stand-in and so a nurse took my place).
There are numerous benefits to having the tongue clipped...including allowing for a better latch while feeding, alleviating speech issues down the road, and opening up our daughter's food repertoire to ice cream cones (apparently licking a cone is not an easy feat with a tied tongue).
Already in just a short-time, Neriyah has made progress in her feedings and weight gain. We will continue to take her to the doctor twice a week until she is demonstrating consistent gains. Would love your prayers that this is soon as there are many other activities more appealing with a 2-year-old and a newborn than seeing the inside of a pediatricians waiting room. As of her last appointment on Friday she was 6lbs 3 oz. We'll be heading in for another weigh-in tomorrow morning.
On two other notes...having my mom out here for nearly a week was such fun. It was her first time holding Neriyah! My sweet mom had to leave before we were able to have visitors hold her in the NICU so she had all of the work of taking care of me and none of the perks. During this trip, I was able to be active and we took full-advantage...shopping and eating out plus trips to the park and zoo.
The second note is about our "what's next in ministry." Since Jeremey graduated in July we have been exploring a variety of possibilities. To catch you up...we left our church, HOPE, at the end of January. It was definitely the right time but oh so bittersweet...it had been my worshipping home since I arrived in Cali six-years ago and had served as a great training center for Jeremey as he continued to grow into his role as pastor.
Although we have had a mix of options to explore, there were two that stood forward from the rest. One was to plant a mission congregation in Southern California (this was based on dreams that J and I had on the same night) and the other was to take on a church just outside San Antonio, TX.
Planting a church was certainly not on our radar before this dream...and really only had legs because we were "following the process through" by talking to friends, other pastors, and writing a business plan (I think to prove it was NOT possible...smile). Simultaneously, we remained in conversation with TX...and actually traveled there at the beginning of February. We had asked in our prayers for clarity and to some degree this is what we got. While we were there we both said, "hmm, I guess we COULD do this...hmm" Not exactly the enthusiasm that drives a couple to move across the country.
Crazy enough during the final two weeks at HOPE (end of January) a group of people showed up to worship (mind you they have never met or heard of my husband). These folks had left their church over theological differences and felt called to start a mission congregation. When they heard that Jeremey was leaving they inquired with him and found out that he too was thinking of starting a church. After a few more conversations, we agreed to come to their first home-church gathering. I felt energized by the movement of the spirit and Jeremey agreed.
All of our reasons for NOT moving forward with a mission plant were seemingly refuted with the connection that was made to these people (we had wondered where we would get enough money...people, etc. Apparently, God likes to show off his ability to provide...). This group that began with fifty has now grown in four-weeks to eighty and is ready to officially launch a church including calling a pastor. This week they voted unanimously to move forward with calling Jeremey. It is not finalized yet...but it looks like we are quite potentially staying in California to raise up a new congregation. I'll keep you posted as we learn more.
Thank you for your continued pursuit of prayer for our family.
Much love,
Michelle
Two weeks ago, just before my mom arrived (which PS was fabulous) I brought Neriyah in for a check-up. As a nursing mommy, I keep pretty close tabs on the liquids and solids that are emitted from my babe's bottom so you can imagine my shock when she was registering the exact weight that she was 3 weeks previous. Dr. Willis was a bit perplexed and decided to give her a very thorough examination. He discovered that her tongue was tied down which was preventing her from moving it properly during nursing and requiring more of her energy to eat (essentially she was taking in milk but the expenditure of calories equated to the same number coming in...hence lack of weight gain).
Two days later, we went to see Dr. Chacone, another pediatrician in the office to have Neriyah's tongue cut. Although I was offered a front-row seat, I opted out...(I love that the Dr. tried to get me to stay by saying that most mom's want to be there...really?? I was certain that someone with many more years of medicine under their belt would be a better stand-in and so a nurse took my place).
There are numerous benefits to having the tongue clipped...including allowing for a better latch while feeding, alleviating speech issues down the road, and opening up our daughter's food repertoire to ice cream cones (apparently licking a cone is not an easy feat with a tied tongue).
Already in just a short-time, Neriyah has made progress in her feedings and weight gain. We will continue to take her to the doctor twice a week until she is demonstrating consistent gains. Would love your prayers that this is soon as there are many other activities more appealing with a 2-year-old and a newborn than seeing the inside of a pediatricians waiting room. As of her last appointment on Friday she was 6lbs 3 oz. We'll be heading in for another weigh-in tomorrow morning.
On two other notes...having my mom out here for nearly a week was such fun. It was her first time holding Neriyah! My sweet mom had to leave before we were able to have visitors hold her in the NICU so she had all of the work of taking care of me and none of the perks. During this trip, I was able to be active and we took full-advantage...shopping and eating out plus trips to the park and zoo.
The second note is about our "what's next in ministry." Since Jeremey graduated in July we have been exploring a variety of possibilities. To catch you up...we left our church, HOPE, at the end of January. It was definitely the right time but oh so bittersweet...it had been my worshipping home since I arrived in Cali six-years ago and had served as a great training center for Jeremey as he continued to grow into his role as pastor.
Although we have had a mix of options to explore, there were two that stood forward from the rest. One was to plant a mission congregation in Southern California (this was based on dreams that J and I had on the same night) and the other was to take on a church just outside San Antonio, TX.
Planting a church was certainly not on our radar before this dream...and really only had legs because we were "following the process through" by talking to friends, other pastors, and writing a business plan (I think to prove it was NOT possible...smile). Simultaneously, we remained in conversation with TX...and actually traveled there at the beginning of February. We had asked in our prayers for clarity and to some degree this is what we got. While we were there we both said, "hmm, I guess we COULD do this...hmm" Not exactly the enthusiasm that drives a couple to move across the country.
Crazy enough during the final two weeks at HOPE (end of January) a group of people showed up to worship (mind you they have never met or heard of my husband). These folks had left their church over theological differences and felt called to start a mission congregation. When they heard that Jeremey was leaving they inquired with him and found out that he too was thinking of starting a church. After a few more conversations, we agreed to come to their first home-church gathering. I felt energized by the movement of the spirit and Jeremey agreed.
All of our reasons for NOT moving forward with a mission plant were seemingly refuted with the connection that was made to these people (we had wondered where we would get enough money...people, etc. Apparently, God likes to show off his ability to provide...). This group that began with fifty has now grown in four-weeks to eighty and is ready to officially launch a church including calling a pastor. This week they voted unanimously to move forward with calling Jeremey. It is not finalized yet...but it looks like we are quite potentially staying in California to raise up a new congregation. I'll keep you posted as we learn more.
Thank you for your continued pursuit of prayer for our family.
Much love,
Michelle
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
The Common Car
I had one of those "you know you live in Southern California when..." moments the other day. I came home and asked Jeremey, "Hey babe, what is that C-A-Y-E-N-N-E car?" I see them everywhere so I am assuming it is maybe a step-up from a Ford. Jeremey responds, "It's a Porsche"..."Really? Are you sure? Cause it is real cute,"I say. Laughter from hubby who says, "you have great taste honey." I was still determined that he might be wrong or that somehow these vehicles would be in my reach so I looked it up on Autotrader...yep, he was right it was a Porsche and USED it cost twice as much as my parents first house...I guess that would take our 60-month car payments to approximately 30 years. I wonder if the car would still be running?
Family Time
For the most part, though we cannot afford the above luxuries, I love where I live. The weather is great, although fairly predictable (sunny) except for the very occasional rain (which causes my house to flood...not so fun). Now that I have two children, I am especially craving more time with my family. We have been incredibly lucky to have my mom here multiple times this Fall and Winter (she comes again next week!!) and my dad was able to make a nine-day appearance at the beginning of January. He is an amazing breakfast chef and I put in my request each day...admittedly my tastes are predictable but I adore his crepes (with berries and whipped cream of course).
My Porsche
Adding sweet Neriyah to the mix has certainly made life full. It is amazing how a little person that only eats, sleeps, and poops can consume nearly all the energy of two-grown people. She went through a phase about a week ago where she would ONLY SLEEP on mom...so I slept half-sitting up all night (waking frequently with that creepy startle...you know like when you doze off in class and then hear the teacher call your name and you try to pretend that you were tracking). One morning, after yet another sleepless night, I jumped on Craigslist and found a swing called "sweet peace" since this is what I was lacking, I decided we would be proud owners by that night. The Porsche of swings, it features a vibrating seat, multiple speed and sound options (including an i-pod dock). Neriyah loves that it moves like the womb and even has a blood/heartbeat sound setting. I am finally getting the luxury of sleep which makes life with an infant and a 2-year-old far more enjoyable.
The Mute Button
Gabriel is definitely two...a lovely age as it is so fun to watch him explore the world but not without its challenges. My son, who has great hearing, seems to have the technical ability to mute my voice (I would like the same feature when he is screaming in the car). Favorites right now for this guy are macaroni and cheese, eating vitamins, drinking chocolate milk, watching the Polar Express, and playing trains...riding trains...yes there is a strong theme in our home right now. He is working on potty training (although we haven't officially started with underwear). M & M's are a great incentive but even greater is that he simply does not like a dirty diaper any longer. Hilariously, Gabe imagines nearly every speck on our floor to be a spider...so several times a day, I hear a scream followed by "SPIDER" (or SNAKE). At the off chance that there is really something to fear, I come to investigate. Typically, I find a string, piece of fuzz or a feather. Clearly my dirty floors make for the nightmares of small children.
Big Bro
Quite honestly, I expected him to be a bit resentful of his sister. Our experience has been much the opposite. He loves to gently kiss her and is still making every effort to teach her how to pray (I think her lack of response when he asks to her to pray baffles him). I'm sure this relationship will change many times over the years but so far he seems to be a really sweet big bro.
Neriyah is already 8 weeks old! What? Time is flying and yet she is gestationally only 1 week old. So, we will not see smiles for nearly two more months...and at 5 lbs. 12 oz. she is just beginning to fit into her newborn clothes. She is nursing like a champ which makes feeding time a shorter and much more meaningful process for me than the pumping and bottles.
Lots more going on in our world in terms of next steps for ministry...I will try to post again soon! For now...Neriyah just woke and is ready for some mama time.
I had one of those "you know you live in Southern California when..." moments the other day. I came home and asked Jeremey, "Hey babe, what is that C-A-Y-E-N-N-E car?" I see them everywhere so I am assuming it is maybe a step-up from a Ford. Jeremey responds, "It's a Porsche"..."Really? Are you sure? Cause it is real cute,"I say. Laughter from hubby who says, "you have great taste honey." I was still determined that he might be wrong or that somehow these vehicles would be in my reach so I looked it up on Autotrader...yep, he was right it was a Porsche and USED it cost twice as much as my parents first house...I guess that would take our 60-month car payments to approximately 30 years. I wonder if the car would still be running?
Family Time
For the most part, though we cannot afford the above luxuries, I love where I live. The weather is great, although fairly predictable (sunny) except for the very occasional rain (which causes my house to flood...not so fun). Now that I have two children, I am especially craving more time with my family. We have been incredibly lucky to have my mom here multiple times this Fall and Winter (she comes again next week!!) and my dad was able to make a nine-day appearance at the beginning of January. He is an amazing breakfast chef and I put in my request each day...admittedly my tastes are predictable but I adore his crepes (with berries and whipped cream of course).
My Porsche
Adding sweet Neriyah to the mix has certainly made life full. It is amazing how a little person that only eats, sleeps, and poops can consume nearly all the energy of two-grown people. She went through a phase about a week ago where she would ONLY SLEEP on mom...so I slept half-sitting up all night (waking frequently with that creepy startle...you know like when you doze off in class and then hear the teacher call your name and you try to pretend that you were tracking). One morning, after yet another sleepless night, I jumped on Craigslist and found a swing called "sweet peace" since this is what I was lacking, I decided we would be proud owners by that night. The Porsche of swings, it features a vibrating seat, multiple speed and sound options (including an i-pod dock). Neriyah loves that it moves like the womb and even has a blood/heartbeat sound setting. I am finally getting the luxury of sleep which makes life with an infant and a 2-year-old far more enjoyable.
The Mute Button
Gabriel is definitely two...a lovely age as it is so fun to watch him explore the world but not without its challenges. My son, who has great hearing, seems to have the technical ability to mute my voice (I would like the same feature when he is screaming in the car). Favorites right now for this guy are macaroni and cheese, eating vitamins, drinking chocolate milk, watching the Polar Express, and playing trains...riding trains...yes there is a strong theme in our home right now. He is working on potty training (although we haven't officially started with underwear). M & M's are a great incentive but even greater is that he simply does not like a dirty diaper any longer. Hilariously, Gabe imagines nearly every speck on our floor to be a spider...so several times a day, I hear a scream followed by "SPIDER" (or SNAKE). At the off chance that there is really something to fear, I come to investigate. Typically, I find a string, piece of fuzz or a feather. Clearly my dirty floors make for the nightmares of small children.
Big Bro
Quite honestly, I expected him to be a bit resentful of his sister. Our experience has been much the opposite. He loves to gently kiss her and is still making every effort to teach her how to pray (I think her lack of response when he asks to her to pray baffles him). I'm sure this relationship will change many times over the years but so far he seems to be a really sweet big bro.
Neriyah is already 8 weeks old! What? Time is flying and yet she is gestationally only 1 week old. So, we will not see smiles for nearly two more months...and at 5 lbs. 12 oz. she is just beginning to fit into her newborn clothes. She is nursing like a champ which makes feeding time a shorter and much more meaningful process for me than the pumping and bottles.
Lots more going on in our world in terms of next steps for ministry...I will try to post again soon! For now...Neriyah just woke and is ready for some mama time.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Let me start by saying, I didn't remember just how many times a day a newborn poops! I thought something was wrong with our daughter for the first couple of days but after researching breastfeeding infants...sure enough it is normal to poop 8 to 12 times per day. I am real glad that at some point we outgrow this feature because going to the bathroom would literally consume a better portion of our lives.
Being home is great! We are in the midst of working out a rhythm...meaning that some days I get a shower and others I just put on another coat of deodorant and call it good. Feeding Neriyah is what I spend every waking and admittedly sometimes sleeping (dozing and pumping are more compatible than you might think) hour on. Here's a typical routine: Neriyah wakes (change poopy diaper #1) and attempt to breastfeed...after 20 to 30 minutes I take out the bottle from my last pumping session and feed her...when she is finished (poopy diaper #2 is changed) and then I reswaddle her and hold her for a bit as she falls back to sleep. Once Neriyah is sleeping, I get out my pumping gear and pump for 20 minutes (and check facebook status updates...you are all so interesting at 2 a.m.!)
I have learned in this last week that the nighttime schedule just needs simplicity so I have begun skipping the breastfeeding and move straight to the bottle and pumping. Hoping this creates some space for real sleep as the above process was taking 2 plus hours (she eats every 3 hours...so my feeding to sleep ratio was a little crazy making).
In my spare time, I have been trying to take pictures of my sweet babe. This is a bigger challenge than you might think. Not only am I quite forgetful (about pictures and most everything else) but when I do remember she is hungry or tired and well you can see the result (above photo).
On Sunday, my Dad arrived just in time for Jeremey to leave for a work retreat. It is so good to have him here. He and Gabriel built a fort out of a cardboard box and have spent hours playing together. I am more than grateful for the help and the home cooked meals!
Yesterday, I took Neriyah to her first pediatrician appointment since her release from the hospital. Our regular pediatrician (Dr. Pellman) will be out for several months after back surgery so we are getting to know Dr. Willis. He read through her chart from the NICU and thought that her weight gain looked great (she is now 5 lbs. 6 oz.). He would like to have a pediatric cardiologist follow-up on her heart to ensure that it continued to close properly (she had a murmur which they believed was related to being a preemie). She goes back in 2 weeks for another check.
We hope this New Year has begun well for each of you!
God's Grace,
The Kings
Monday, December 28, 2009
The Homestretch
Our Normal
This week Neriyah went from being the lone princess in the NICU to sharing her space with two other babies. One of the families had taken their little boy home healthy but ended up in the NICU because the mom was having some trouble breastfeeding which resulted in her baby having jaundice. These sweet first-time parents were beside themselves having to leave their little guy. They asked numerous questions and even tried to sleep in the lobby just to be nearby...my heart absolutely broke for them as I realized in watching their tears that this place was not their "normal" as it had become for us. We are so accustomed to being in this space that we are able to reattach monitor leads, use the scale to weigh our babe (in both lbs and grams), take her temperature, and find any miscellaneous supply on demand. More importantly, we have felt like partners with the care providers from the nurses to the Neonatologists.
Breaking up is hard to do...
Tomorrow we will likely bring our little girl home! After I finished the feeding tonight, I realized that there were NICU staff that I may not see again. As I said goodbye to Neriyah's nurse, Ricci, I began to cry. I realized these women have become part of our family...and leaving them is going to be bittersweet.
Eating like a Champ
Over the course of the last few days the NICU nurses have been working hard to feed our daughter to ensure that she comes home before the New Year. First, her feeding tube was removed which allowed for every feeding to be either by breast or bottle...a huge step! Neriyah was also lowered off her high-calorie breast milk fortifier to a 22 cal. version that more closely mimics the nutritional value found in straight breast milk. The reduction was made to see if she would still gain weight...and she has done very well...now weighing in at just over 5 lbs.
Call Me Anytime
I knew they were thinking about sending her home when they performed the hearing test as this is a standard assessment before discharge. They also informed us that they were planning to do the VCUG to get a better understanding of her kidney issue and a bone X-Ray (to see if there was any calcium on her bones which could be an indicator of a skeletal syndrome). As I sat with Neriyah yesterday, knowing that these tests were scheduled for this morning, I couldn't shake that internal sense that she did not need all of this testing and that we needed to talk to the doctor about her exposure to radiation before moving forward. After talking with my mom and a friend whose son has had kidney issues, I had a better sense of clarity about the questions that I needed to resolve prior to moving forward. I called the NICU and requested to talk with Dr. Jacinto, the Neonatologist. They called back and gave me her HOME phone number...oh gosh...her home number...right...yep...I called. Dr. Jacinto answered enthusiastically "Hi Michelle!" and begins telling me how wonderfully my daughter is doing and then answers my questions about the upcoming tests and agrees that the bone scan (not ordered by her) was NOT necessary and called the NICU to cancel. Before we got off the phone, the doctor says "now you have my home number, you can call me anytime." Love the care we have received!
All Clear
The Kidney test report came back tonight...clear! Not sure what has caused her left kidney to carry a bit of fluid (making it slightly larger than the right) but hopefully this is something that she will simply outgrow.
Every Request...Answered
We want to thank each of you again for the time that you have committed to praying for our daughter. We are in awe at the way in which Neriyah has been healed...and we're pretty sure our doctors are wondering "what the heck happened?" I think the explanation for this case is going to be a tough one to find in the medical books.
With Love and Grateful Hearts,
The Kings
This week Neriyah went from being the lone princess in the NICU to sharing her space with two other babies. One of the families had taken their little boy home healthy but ended up in the NICU because the mom was having some trouble breastfeeding which resulted in her baby having jaundice. These sweet first-time parents were beside themselves having to leave their little guy. They asked numerous questions and even tried to sleep in the lobby just to be nearby...my heart absolutely broke for them as I realized in watching their tears that this place was not their "normal" as it had become for us. We are so accustomed to being in this space that we are able to reattach monitor leads, use the scale to weigh our babe (in both lbs and grams), take her temperature, and find any miscellaneous supply on demand. More importantly, we have felt like partners with the care providers from the nurses to the Neonatologists.
Breaking up is hard to do...
Tomorrow we will likely bring our little girl home! After I finished the feeding tonight, I realized that there were NICU staff that I may not see again. As I said goodbye to Neriyah's nurse, Ricci, I began to cry. I realized these women have become part of our family...and leaving them is going to be bittersweet.
Eating like a Champ
Over the course of the last few days the NICU nurses have been working hard to feed our daughter to ensure that she comes home before the New Year. First, her feeding tube was removed which allowed for every feeding to be either by breast or bottle...a huge step! Neriyah was also lowered off her high-calorie breast milk fortifier to a 22 cal. version that more closely mimics the nutritional value found in straight breast milk. The reduction was made to see if she would still gain weight...and she has done very well...now weighing in at just over 5 lbs.
Call Me Anytime
I knew they were thinking about sending her home when they performed the hearing test as this is a standard assessment before discharge. They also informed us that they were planning to do the VCUG to get a better understanding of her kidney issue and a bone X-Ray (to see if there was any calcium on her bones which could be an indicator of a skeletal syndrome). As I sat with Neriyah yesterday, knowing that these tests were scheduled for this morning, I couldn't shake that internal sense that she did not need all of this testing and that we needed to talk to the doctor about her exposure to radiation before moving forward. After talking with my mom and a friend whose son has had kidney issues, I had a better sense of clarity about the questions that I needed to resolve prior to moving forward. I called the NICU and requested to talk with Dr. Jacinto, the Neonatologist. They called back and gave me her HOME phone number...oh gosh...her home number...right...yep...I called. Dr. Jacinto answered enthusiastically "Hi Michelle!" and begins telling me how wonderfully my daughter is doing and then answers my questions about the upcoming tests and agrees that the bone scan (not ordered by her) was NOT necessary and called the NICU to cancel. Before we got off the phone, the doctor says "now you have my home number, you can call me anytime." Love the care we have received!
All Clear
The Kidney test report came back tonight...clear! Not sure what has caused her left kidney to carry a bit of fluid (making it slightly larger than the right) but hopefully this is something that she will simply outgrow.
Every Request...Answered
We want to thank each of you again for the time that you have committed to praying for our daughter. We are in awe at the way in which Neriyah has been healed...and we're pretty sure our doctors are wondering "what the heck happened?" I think the explanation for this case is going to be a tough one to find in the medical books.
With Love and Grateful Hearts,
The Kings
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Baffled
Neriyah had two tests this week and we are once again filled with thanksgiving for each of you that have offered prayers for her health.
The first was a second ultrasound on her kidney's. The results came back showing that she still has an enlarged left kidney (hydronephrosis...swelling of kidney due to backup of urine). The doctor's are not sure what is causing the enlargement as her output (peeing) has been great. They will perform another test called a voiding cystourethrogram (VCUG) where they will basically insert a catheter, dye, and use an x-ray to watch her empty her bladder. There does not seem to be great urgency for this test and we may have it done when she is an outpatient at a children's hospital that specializes in pediatric nephrology (kidneys). The neonatologist was encouraged that although her left kidney is enlarged that it has not grown larger since her birth.
Her second big test was a full-brain MRI. I mentioned feeling a bit unsettled about this one. In talking with my cousin, she asked "are you worried that after getting so many good reports that this one might come back with something?"...I think she hit my fear...that this might be the test that showed what all the doctors have been looking for...something...anything...to explain why my daughter had a two-vessel umbilical cord, a flattened nasal bridge, and high amniotic fluid.
The preliminary results came back...all of her brain structures are intact and look great! The only minor showings were two subdural hematomas. Both were very small and are not causing any pressure on the brain. The Neonatologist believes that they were likely caused during delivery and that the blood will reabsorb in time. This doc...like all that have examined her are so incredibly baffled as to why they cannot find "what is wrong with her"...All I know is that there have been a great number of people praying on her behalf and if there was something "wrong" we may never fully know...but we trust that we have a God that heals beyond our imaginations and has the ability to leave the "concrete, scientific community" scratching their heads.
Today was a great feeding experience. I was able to put her to breast for some practice and then fed her nearly an entire bottle (about 40 cc's) even while she was sleepy from the meds they used prior to the MRI! She is weighing in at about 4 lbs. 12 ounces...only a few ounces until she makes the 5 lb. club...which is about the range that they send babes home. She will also need to consistently feed vs. being gavaged...so we'd still love your prayers that this takes off in the next week.
Stay warm and drive safe MN friends! We hear the snow is on its way.
God's Peace,
The Kings
The first was a second ultrasound on her kidney's. The results came back showing that she still has an enlarged left kidney (hydronephrosis...swelling of kidney due to backup of urine). The doctor's are not sure what is causing the enlargement as her output (peeing) has been great. They will perform another test called a voiding cystourethrogram (VCUG) where they will basically insert a catheter, dye, and use an x-ray to watch her empty her bladder. There does not seem to be great urgency for this test and we may have it done when she is an outpatient at a children's hospital that specializes in pediatric nephrology (kidneys). The neonatologist was encouraged that although her left kidney is enlarged that it has not grown larger since her birth.
Her second big test was a full-brain MRI. I mentioned feeling a bit unsettled about this one. In talking with my cousin, she asked "are you worried that after getting so many good reports that this one might come back with something?"...I think she hit my fear...that this might be the test that showed what all the doctors have been looking for...something...anything...to explain why my daughter had a two-vessel umbilical cord, a flattened nasal bridge, and high amniotic fluid.
The preliminary results came back...all of her brain structures are intact and look great! The only minor showings were two subdural hematomas. Both were very small and are not causing any pressure on the brain. The Neonatologist believes that they were likely caused during delivery and that the blood will reabsorb in time. This doc...like all that have examined her are so incredibly baffled as to why they cannot find "what is wrong with her"...All I know is that there have been a great number of people praying on her behalf and if there was something "wrong" we may never fully know...but we trust that we have a God that heals beyond our imaginations and has the ability to leave the "concrete, scientific community" scratching their heads.
Today was a great feeding experience. I was able to put her to breast for some practice and then fed her nearly an entire bottle (about 40 cc's) even while she was sleepy from the meds they used prior to the MRI! She is weighing in at about 4 lbs. 12 ounces...only a few ounces until she makes the 5 lb. club...which is about the range that they send babes home. She will also need to consistently feed vs. being gavaged...so we'd still love your prayers that this takes off in the next week.
Stay warm and drive safe MN friends! We hear the snow is on its way.
God's Peace,
The Kings
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