Gender specific language

I never really got to know my mother in law. In fact, in 24 years of marriage, I think I spoke to her on the phone briefly less than 10 times. Basically answering the phone and finding my wife so she could talk to her mother.

She made it to our home in California once and I went to her home in Austria once.

Not only did we have a geographic distance between us we did also had a language barrier. I don't speak German and she doesn't speek English.

I'm sad that I'm not able to be there for my ex in her time of need.

I provided the following general status update recently...

"My ex mother in law passed away due to respiratory failure on New Years Eve in a hospital near her hometown in Salzburg, Austria. I'm VERY thankful that my daughter was able to visit her and be there with my ex a couple of weeks ago and they were able to get some closure and say their goodbyes"

This is one of those occasions where gender specific language makes things very difficult to write.

Traveling to DC Diamond Circulate

Now that all of the work of moving and setting up my new house is done, it's time to get on with living life.

I merely existed for several years. While I took joy in the achievements my daughter accomplished I was not really doing much for myself.

Since 2005, I've been very active in square dancing including going to the International Association of Gay and Lesbian Square Dance Clubs (IAGSDC) annual conventions.

Going out to the local club nights and interacting with gay and lesbian dancers was my primary means of gaining experience and socializing with "normal" people. Normal in that they did not have gender identity issues, but were very accepting because of their own adaptation to their sexual orientation. As a result, I was able to practice my presentation. The photographs and differences in social interaction from when I first joined them until today shows a marked improvement, to the point that I was just another woman without regard to being in the "safe" environment of square dancers or out shopping, dining, flying and just living life in mainstream America.

Flying to Washington D.C. alone this time was the first time that I traveled by air (except for returning home ten days post op) with my identity and anatomy in sync. While I had flown with my old id and also my new id, there had always been some concern with being "discovered". Fortunately, I never did have any problems, but the worry was there.

This time however, there was no cause for concern. As a result, I was able to sit back, relax and just enjoy the trip.

Moving In

I spent much of the week moving the "delicate" electronics and things in the back of my van. I made a trip each day with a full load after work and by Sunday was ready to get a U-Haul and meet Mark and Charlie at the apartment to move the "big" stuff. Thank you both for all of your help!

Having been on hormones for a while and it being only three and a half months since surgery, I was constantly reminded of how much strength I had lost, especially watching them lift things that I used to be able to carry without even thinking about. I quickly gave up even trying to lift the heavy or ackward items and let them do the work.

While they were doing that, a contractor was busy laying tile in the small bathroom and ripping out carpet and installing a hardwood floor in Jenn's Dance Palace.

I've been working really hard to keep up with work, service appointments, social commitments as well as taking care of all those little things that make a house a home.

I'm one tired little girl....

Wait begins again

On March 6, 2009, the escrow process complete, I received the keys to my house!

The ten year old house is a three bedroom, two bath with a small backyard, living room/family room, garage and a room that I intend to use as a square dance floor.

While it's just a typical suburban tract home, it's mine and I can finally park in the garage again!

I ordered cable Internet and met the installer that same day, it was installed and up and running in minutes and I had the fastest home connection I have ever had. And I've had most all of the technologies over time, modem dial up, ISDN, DSL, Cellular Wireless and now Cable.

I had previously committed to driving over 250 miles that day with my friend Rebecca that day so that she could get hair transplants the next day and then return to my apartment after another 250 mile drive to care for her during her initial recovery until she returned to work on Monday.

But that is what friends do. So with the house keys in my pocket and a fast Internet connection sitting idle the moving process would just have to wait. ;)

She felt badly for taking me away from my new house, but I reassured her and told her I would much rather be with and help a friend, that the house was just a thing. It had waited this long, a couple more days would not make any difference.

After the drive, we checked into a hotel for the night and then went out to dinner and a movie. Dinner was at a fresh mex type place. As the staff prepared the burritos, if a patron answered yes to guacamole, the whole staff would shout out GUACAMOOOLLE! Kind of corny, but memorable. We then went to see Watchmen on opening day as an early birthday celebration for Becca. When we got back to the room, I gave her a card and a dark brown stuffed bear that she named Sophie.

The next day after a big breakfast, we headed over to the treatment center for her procedure. The staff was very professional, chatty and cheerful and took good care of her. Since we were the only ones in the office, I had full run of the suite. I initially myself up in the waiting room with my book and computer, but it wasn't long before my curiosity got the best of me and I went to check on her. The doctor asked if I was ok with seeing the blood and I assured him that I would be just fine. I'm one of those people that always watches and never looks away.

Once the donor site had been harvested and while the target sites were being prepared, I sat with her and kept her company. At one point, she got very emotional and needed to take a break. The mental anguish she has gone through in trying to hide the widows peaks hit her hard and knowing that there was finally something being done about it hit home.

After a few minutes and some reassurance, the the staff proceeded with the transplants.

My genetics are such that hair loss is not something that I have had to deal with. I have a full head of hair and no indication that balding is likely. One area of transition that I did not have to deal with other than just letting it grow out naturally!

It felt really good being there for a good friend on her birthday and being able to help her get through the procedure.

House Hunting

With all of my legal identity and financial information in order and a W-2 for 2008 in hand, I began my search for a house.

The apartment that I have been staying in was fine for what it was and I will remember it fondly for all of the major events that occurred in my life over the last year and a few months.

But it was too small and I will be the first to admit that I was ashamed to invite friends over because it was full of the possessions that I had collected over the years and had to squeeze in after moving out of the home that I owned with my ex.

I had been watching the market and had a good idea of where I wanted to live and what features I wanted.

With my major surgery behind me, healing well on it's way, the real estate market at a low, mortgage rates at very favorable levels and cash in the bank for a down payment, I was a buyer with a mission.

Walking into a real estate office as a woman alone and requesting available properties to be shown was more than a little intimidating. This wasn't just some retail store purchase, this was a BIG DEAL.

The realtor was very professional throughout the entire process. At no time did she ever indicate that I was anything other than a woman looking for a home.

All of the properties that we looked at happened to be foreclosures with lenders willing to make special deals to make the sale. I was shocked at just how badly some of the homes had been treated. While I can understand the pain and anger the previous owners felt at losing their home and their investment, the amount of damage and theft that I witnessed still boggles my mind.

Fortunately, there were a couple of properties that were in excelent condition. I made an offer on one property and put down a deposit.

The waiting is agony. But I've learned to be patient as I have had to do a lot of waiting for things that I really wanted like going full time and SRS.

After waiting a couple of days, I was informed that the seller had received a higher offer and accepted it. Oh well, plan B.

The next day I went back to the realtor and went house hunting again.

We went back to one of the properties that I had passed over the first time because of some crazy interior painting but was otherwise in move in condition. A few dollars for paint and some labor by my daughter and it would be in great shape! So another offer was made. This time I had to wait for four days because of the weekend but come Tuesday, I was told that my offer had been accepted!

I knew that my credit reports, 2008 tax return, W2 and earnings statements all listed the correct name but one thing that I hadn't counted on was the lendor requested that I sign an authorization for the IRS to release my last THREE years of tax returns. You know, the ones that had my previous name on them! After a phone call to the lendor explaining that my name would be different on the previous returns but not telling her what the name was, I was reassurred that it was a release "just in case" and more than likely would not be sent to the IRS if everything else was in order.

With the inspections scheduled, the loan application accepted and escrow opened, it was back to waiting again...

Toy shopping

At about 7 weeks post op, my libido restarted and I increasingly became aroused. While that was a welcome sign after having gone several months without much interest due to the anti-androgen medication that I had been on, it was a bit disconcerting as I had new equipment that wasn't quite healed yet.

Since I haven't had a partner since separating from my ex in July 2007, the only alternative for now was pleasing myself.

Rebecca and I arranged a meeting downtown near our support group meeting on Sunday afternoon and went toy shopping.

I had never used a sex toy like the ones we were shopping for so I approached the sales assistant and told her the facts. She didn't bat an eye and described some of the features of the more popular toys and how they might best be utilized.

After discussing the choices with Becca, I finally settled on one and purchased it. I then left it in my car and we proceeded to get a light dinner and go to the support group meeting.

I couldn't get my mind off of it and eagerly waited for the meeting to get over so that I could get home and check it out!

Arriving home, I cleaned it and loaded it with batteries, turned on some music and went to bed.

Initially it overwhelmed me and wasn't as pleasant as I had imagined, but some manipulation did manage to arouse me. Even still, it wasn't quite time for the Big O.

I tried again on Monday and Tuesday. On Tuesday it was eight weeks since surgery. My surgeon had said it was safe to try at six weeks, but I just wan't quite ready then. Eight weeks today was the big payoff day!

The O was very different from what I had previously experienced but still very pleasureable. While I had practiced pleasuring myself before, I've always found it much more satisfying when it involved a partner. One of these days...

Jury Duty Summons

A jury summons came in the mail a couple of weeks ago addressed to my previous name. Rather than cause any problems by a failure to appear, I went to the jury waiting room on schedule.

After the jury commissioner came into the room and gave instructions, I approached her and asked her to correct the name on the list, showing my court ordered name change and she assured me it was not a problem.

I had received the name change decree the same courthouse just a few months ago. You would think they would update the juror selection database when a name is changed, wouldn't you? I had registered to vote under my new name the same day I received my decree.

The typical jury selection process occurred with 18 people being called into the jury box area. Four prospective jurors were dismissed for various reasons and then my name was called to fill a seat. As the process continued, I answered the questions asked the previous jurors along with some new ones.

At no time was there any indication that I was anybody special, just another woman doing her civic duty.

The defense attorney dismissed me along with two other jurors, no idea why...