Modesty

Lately I have been thinking a lot about modesty.  I have been seeing a lot of pictures on facebook of my sweet YCL's who went to prom.  I see the dresses they have chosen to wear, not that they aren't beautiful young women, but the dresses do not match the standards set by our Prophet.  I remember being 13, a freshman in high school, and wanting SO bad to wear an adidas tank top.  I wanted to wear it SO bad that I actually wore it under my shirt and took my top shirt off at the football game.  I can't tell you know WHY I wanted to wear that tank top but I remember knowing my mom would never let me out of the house in it.  I knew I what I was doing and yet I chose to do it.  I remember thinking that in order for a boy to like me I had to show more skin, so I would roll up my skirt at the top or would try and push the boundaries in whatever way.  Thinking about the way I was I try to come up with ideas to teach/encourage/strengthen the girls I work with and my future children that being modest is about respect.  It is about respecting yourself and respecting the boys whose attention you are trying to get.  It is about thinking about the right things and liking the right things about someone.  I don't judge them, I don't want them to judge me for the things I do, but I do wish they knew that the guidelines are what they are to protect us and the Lord will bless us for our efforts to maintain modesty.

Here has been my other thought.... sensitive as it might be.  As an endowed member it is HARD sometimes to find shirts that work for me.  It is harder to find dresses.  And yet, the promise made was that we would change our clothing, not the garment.  SO, please, for the sake of those young women who are looking to us for guidance, don't compromise the promises you've made to wear that dress.  Don't compromise the promises you've made to wear that shirt.  The young women of the Church are watching.

gratitude

I am at work tonight and I have a patient who is a psychiatrist at a university hospital in the area and had his first heart attack at 34, he has had numerous since.  I have a patient who is in her 80's, speaks no English, and had a GI bleed.  I have a patient in her 60's (looks MUCH younger than that) who has done everything to take care of her health and still had a heart attack.  I was in the room of my psychiatrist patient and offered to change his linens for him to which he responded that "that would be refreshing".  He then proceded to ask me "are you always this happy".  I chuckled a little bit and responded that I liked my job very much and was extremely grateful to be on my side of the bed and not his.  It has me thinking about attitude and how our attitude and our choosing to have gratitude for the situations and experiences we are given changes the way we see our circumstances.

This evening a patient came in from the ED.  She was just diagnosed with a brain tumor.  Her daughter was supposed to have her bridal shower on saturday, she just postponed it.  She was supposed to be in Mexico next week, that trip is cancelled.  And yet, her ATTITUDE was incredible.  I'm sure she had SO many emotions inside but she chose to have the attitude of what now. What do I do to fight this.  And while I'm fighting it I'm going to make you laugh.  And she did. 

Just now a woman in her 60's with 2 children in their 30's, with a husband in the air trying to get to her, passed away despite our best efforts.  Yes she had many medical problems that complicated things but she did not deserve to die.  Those children did not deserve to loose their mother and that husband should have gotten to say goodbye to his sweetheart.  Life isn't fair and I believe Heavenly Father will explain to us in the end why the heck things happen the way they do.  But I found myself doing something different tonight.  Rather than being in the room, in line to do chest compressions and push medications, I was outside in the hallway with the family and chaplain.  Don't get me wrong my adrenaline was going and I was eager to be in that room but something inside of me pulled me into that hallway with that family.  Someone to explain what was going on inside that room, someone to explain why we couldn't just shock her heart and bring her back.  That poor son just kept saying to me "how am I supposed to tell him".  My heart ached and does continue to ache for their loss, we truly did everything we could (and my arms feel it).  The profession I have chosen tugs at my heart and sometimes boils my blood with frustration but it is my calling and to know that, to have that, is SUCH a gift. 

As I think about the lives that I become a part of, even just briefly for 12 hrs, I am forever changed for their courage, their bravery, their attitudes, the lessons they teach me. 

Hug your little one a little tighter tonight, kiss your hubby or wifey a little longer, and be grateful for the lives that you are living and live each one knowing that it truly is a gift.

Realization

The last few weeks i've been working on.... me.  I have come to the realization that I am far, far, far from where I want to be, but i'm closer then I was to getting there.  Marrying Jans was the best thing I could've ever done for me!  He encourages me to be better, to take time for myself, and to do what is best for me.  I didn't know when I married him that he would encourage me to slow down and enjoy life instead of running through it.  Its sad when I don't remember day to day anything significant about my days so I am trying to live in the moment, slow down, look up when I walk so I can see the beauty that is around me.  

The other thing I learned while reading 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is that you can't make and keep promises to others until you can make and keep promises to yourself.  I prefer keeping promises to others but realize that it hurts me.  I need to keep promises to me first.

Sorry

So I've realized, after a few comments by people I love that my last post maybe hurt a few people. That was NOT my intention. I more want people to know that it IS okay to be real on your blog. Let people rally around you and support you through your struggles. I LOVE reading about what fun people do and to see pictures of my Nieces And nephews but I do not wan to rely on my sisters blogs to know what's happening, I wan them to know me and know I care what they are doing. I dont blog because I don't. You blog for whatever reason you do and all I am saying is be real!! Be the you I see at your home and at work. I love you people!!

blogging

i've been thinking about why I don't blog.  Why don't I share with others the happenings of life.  Why do you blog?  I like reading your blog.  Is that why you do it?
Sometimes I think people share things that are too private, things I would have a hard time telling my best friend let alone the world.  Sometimes I think people brag when they blog and that bugs me, your life isn't perfect so don't pretend what like it is.  I guess more than anything is I find that I don't see the real side of people on their blogs, I see the side that the person wants others to see but when you spend time with people you see the side of them that they aren't always proud of.  You see the vulnerable and imperfect and quite frankly that makes me feel better.  It makes me feel human, it makes me feel like its okay to have my messy kitchen and piles of laundry, I can console you in your moments of need because I can see them, because I see you.  I hear in your voice the pain, I see in your eyes the sadness.  its okay to fight and cry, its okay to be human and to feel life happen.  I want to be real, I want to be me and quite frankly that me is not the me that blogs.  it just isn't me so why pretend?  If you want updates on my life I want you to call me, or email me.  I LOVE talking and spending time with people.  I want to share with you whats happening in my life.  But honestly, I dont want you to know whats happening in my life if you won't pick up the phone and call to find out.... I want real friends and real family.  I want people who are there, who are present, and who take the time to develop a real friendship with me.
I know a lot of people blog so that they have a record for their kids but thats not me.   If I blog it will be about something, about a cause or something.  So for now I am not blogging because quite frankly I haven't found something worth taking the time away from my friends and family to blog about.
Until then.  Call me :)

Girls Camp 2011

WE MADE IT!!!! Girls camp was this past week, I just got home not too long ago.  I really want to post about it because if I don't do it now I am afraid I wont.  But unfortunately I work the next 5 nights in a row so I will be heading off, right now, to slumber for a bit so that I can be alive tonight for my patients.

Remind me to post about my week!

Firsts

It's been 36hrs of firsts for me!! First ever real adult size play!!! Mom and dad came and picked me up on Tuesday two hrs after I woke up from my night shift slumber and we headed down to the Kennedy Center where we met up with Corinney, Shee, and Meag for WICKED!!! we went early to catch the nightly free performance (365 days a year my friends) and since I can't count and didn't save enough seats I enjoyed it standing from the back for about twenty minutes and then enjoyed a great talk with my fabulous sister!!! After the performance I fiund myself a credit card accepting diet coke machine because as excited as I was for wicked I knew it would be a long night!! Meag and I ran into a good friend of mine in the bathroom and that is always fun!! So off we go to find our seats only as we are going to give our tickets I frantically shove my diet coke in my purse only to find out moments later that THE LID WASN'T ON all the way!!!! to say I was a little perturbed would be an understatement. Diet coke slopped up by bathroom paper towels and mom, dad And I went to find our seats!! I was lucky enough to sit between my parents for the entire 3 hour play!! What joy I found with elbows on knees and cheeks in hands tapping my feet to the familiar music of Wicked!! My eyes got very very heavy right before intermission but when Elfi starting singing defying gravity I got ll my energy back... SHE had an amazing voice!!! I hadn't known the entire story so it was somewhat of a surprise for me which I'd alwAys fun, and as mom kept saying on the drive home "I you had read the cd sleeve you would've known that" thanks mom :) I came home to my sweet hubby watching the 13th inning of the braves game! At about inning 17 at 1:30am we turned off the lights and started dozing off with the familiar braves commentators in the background. We woke up when the controversial call that ended the game in the 19th inning was made at 1:55 and then truly went to sleep for a few brief hours!

Welcome yesterday afternoon. My friend Kim from work and I had picked yesterday to have me drive up to Thurmont to enjoy some time in the sun together by her pool!! After making the trek and spending some time alone lounging by the pool on the phone while Kim finished her three hr hair appt we decided to go CRAWFISH fishing!!! Oh my word who knew!! We shlupped her two kids, their two friends and a niece and nephew along for the journey! I only have flip-flops so I was not anticipating getting in the water and I quickly became the keeper of the crawfish. A big one was found first, we was capable of climbing out of our little container so I had to keep a close watch!! Then I was brought a second one much smaller thanthe first. Then I was brought 4 more. The whole time I kept thinking how much my two sweet nephews would love it so I willhave to figure out a time to take them!!! I felt so far removed from the city I had just enjoyed spending the previous night. I love it here!!!

The final first of the last thrity six hrs involves me eating Greek yogurt!! I bought just one when I went out with mom on Monday and I have been scared to try it but this morning I did and after the initial funky texture or quick after taste it was good!! I was pleasantly surprised that the bitter after taste after your bite doesn't linger. I think I willhe picking up some more!!!

L

I haven't written about this sweet boy not because we haven't spent hrs of fun together but because I don't blog much :) L is my step-son. He is 10 and lives in Virginia. Everyother weekend Jans and I get to drive down and pick him up and bring him to our house to play!! Usually our visits entail my resting from a night shift and the boy playing video games but this visit was different!!! We picked him up and took him to his high school where he wa supposed to have a pick up soccer game with his new team. We aren't quite sure where te communication breakdown was by his team didn't show. Luckily there were enough random boys that a pick-up game was started and he got to play!! Mind you it was 94 degrees at 10am where we were without a tree in sight!! By 11:30 the boys were hot and I was sweltering so L said goodbye to his mom and we were off!!! We got home just in time got Corinney to drop by and say hello which is always so fun for us!!! We like having a place for people to come say hi!! Shortly after she left we headed out to CAPTAIN AMERICA 3D!!!we met up with two good friends of ours and had a great time!!! after the movie we promised L that we could FINALLY go to the community pool. We have been waiting all summer for our passes and they finally arrived on Friday!!! We stayed until the boys were hungry and then headed out to my requested cafe Rio!! They were such good sports even though both their mouths were seriously hurting from sour patch kids consumed earlier in the day. My pork salad was fabulous and diet dr pepper always brings me joy so I was set!! We finished off the day with some video games and called it a night much too late :). Sunday started late, L was still sleeping when Jans and I woke up at 10. But after some eggs and requested bacon by the boy we just hung out together, watched soccer and baseball and enjoyed being together!! Having to take L home us always sad for us but we are so grateful for the time we get to be together!!! We are getting super excited for our trip to GREAT WOLF LODGE that's coming up the middle of august!

Here is to an awesome weekend with the cutest 10 year old I know!!!

I am officially

ACLS CERTIFIED!!! it may not mean much to many of you but it means a lot to me because I no longer have to have another nurse transport my patients!! You see, As an ICU nurse you have to be ACLS (advanced cardiac life support) certified before you can take your patient off the floor for tests. This is because they are hooked up to a cardiac monitor that we keep on the bed with an AED and baggie of drugs. ACLS teaches tests your ability to decipher different heart rhythm and the intervention for each. It's a two day class with the first day teaching and the second day testing. My scenario and written test went great and I was done by noon on the second day!! Hazaa!!!! Wouldn't you know it that my first day at work after my patient needed three ct scans?!? So I got my monitor, drugs and aed and headed down, praying the whole time I wouldn't have to use anything that I had learned. It went off without a hitch but I was nervous the whole time!!! I am sure in time it will be less stressful!

ATL - Braves v Phillies

We drove down to Atlanta on Thursday so we could see the Braves play the Phillies. Since I met Jans baseball has been a big part of what we do in our down time. I have grown to be a huge fan myself so I was pretty dang excited to take a break from life and head down to ATL!

Since Jans came to the US he has LOVED the Braves, by loved I mean LOVES the Braves.  Being at Turner Field was a DREAM COME TRUE for him!!

Waiting for the gates to open on Friday

Honestly, I could ask Jans who this is cause I can't see their number, but mostly I had to show how awesomely close we were!

I just liked this picture even though he didn't say three

There was a fireworks show after the game on Friday.

Saturday they had army parachuters come in, it was awesome!

Seriously, this is the only picture of the two of us from Saturday.  It was SOOO hot and lets just say I got FRIED.  

Meet homer.  He is funny.

Me with Chipper Jones AKA Jans - My parents got him the jersey for his birthday in anticipation for our trip

It may be a bit blurry but here I am.  This is outside the players parking lot, we watched all the players leave :)

It was great!! We LOVE the people of Atlanta, they are SO friendly, I thought it was great and honestly would love to move there some day!