Tonight. Ah tonight.
Tonight I spent three hours trying to give my son medicine for his newly discovered ear infection.
I hate giving medicine. I'm horrible at it. I never remember to give the doses at the right time so we always end up stretching out the number of days they were supposed to be on the prescription in order to use up all of it. I get completely overwhelmed if more than one kid is on something at once and am all stressed that I'll forget or mix up doses and I can't seem to keep track of who's had what for how many days and 'did I give them the medicine last meal or not, I dont want to double dose so I guess we'll just wait til next meal'...and so on. Add to that the fact that my children hate taking the medicine and you just really have to know you're in for a week or more of misery whenever this family takes a trip to the pharmacy.
Well lucky me, this week we now have two mini patients requiring multiple doses of multiple prescriptions daily. Macy had her tonsils and adnoids out on Tuesday poor thing. She is trying hard to be a trooper I can tell, but she is definitely not herself. The child won't swallow. At all. She walks around with saliva piling in her mouth because she wont swallow it, she won't eat or drink more than a bite/sip or two before she quits and she absolutely positively does NOT want to take either of the two medicines she is supposed to have three times a day.
And this morning we discovered that yesterdays complaints of ear pain were infact legit. Carter has an ear infection. Not a huge deal except for the prescribed Amoxicillin that he's supposed to swallow twice a day. My son has decided he loathes this foul substance with a passion and fury that could make a grown man cry. (Or at least storm from the house in exasperated annoyance!)
Just kidding, Ryan had to go to work, so he wasn't really abandoning us on purpose, but I bet he wasn't exactly sad to leave...just sayin' :)
Aaand so we are brought back to the beginning of this post. Where I was telling you we spent an honest three hours attempting to get the aforementioned "poison" down my 5 year old's throat.
The funny thing is, this post is not actually about frustration.
I actually, by some heavenly intervention and miraculously gracious gift of God; did not lose my patience tonight. I am taking a second to pause and praise Jesus for the ability to type that last sentence. This is NOT a common occurrence friends, but I am working on it.
Tonight, as I was talking with my son about self control I was practicing it myself. As I was explaining to him how he could choose not to 'throw up' his medicine for the third time, I was reminding myself that I could choose not to raise my voice or dive into the crazy dance with my 5 year old showing him all my frustration and anger at how inconvenient his stubborn fit was to my plans for the evening.
Tonight, I heard tiny voices in my head, little lessons and nuggets of truth were floating between my head and heart as I steadily played out the three hours of dinner time, dishes, pjs and bedtime amidst the continued 'I am NOT taking that medicine' drama. I've been reading the book 'A Thousand Gifts' by Ann Voskamp and it has been some awesome stuff to chew on that's for sure. The funny thing about it is, I have not been able to re-articulate much of it to Ryan or anyone else. Something about the structure of the book, the way she writes etc, has made it hard for me to say in any succinct terms what exactly I am learning from it at any given moment.
Oh but I know I am learning. And tonight I saw it in action, so I will give a feeble attempt to record the truths I know are taking root.
* Joy and contentment come from a place of gratitude and thankfulness.
And a thankful heart sees everything as a gift from God. EVERYTHING.
* Faith does not simply accept what WE perceive as good gifts as the things which we will open our hands and receive. Faith keeps it's hands open to ALL that comes into our days with the knowledge that giving thanks even for the things we don't think we want, performs a miracle, making that thing the very thing that will sustain and build my trust in Him who provides.
* When I choose anger and annoyance at the so called 'undesirable' in my life, I am simply grasping for control. I am declaring that for what it's worth, I reject this 'thing' that is happening right now and I refuse to embrace it. I am defiantly closing my hands to what has been handed me and telling God I don't need or want Him right now, I'd rather take the pay off of anger than believe that God is ultimately good and sovereign and He says in ALL things, give thanks.
Well, I'm not so sure how much sense any of those floating little philosophies make hanging there all independent and unattached to all the beautiful context and scripture Voskamp paints around them.
But here's the thing. She talks of how Eucharisteo (communion, the act of giving thanks, what Jesus did when he taught the disciples to take the suffering of the cross and give thanks for it) precedes the miracle of feeling joy and peace in this life. She teaches that before you feel thankful, you give thanks.
And then you wait and watch God actually turn an ugly thing into beauty. It's miraculous.
And tonight it was.
I steadied myself against my son's ridiculousness. It was just medicine after all. WILDLY frustrating, yes. But just medicine. I chucked my hopes for the evening. I breathed deep. I talked slow. I gave thanks for silly things and I closed my eyes for long moments when my chest started pounding fast at the sheer insanity of what was unfolding into multiple hours. And when he finally took it, and all children were finally asleep, I sat in silence and I felt calm and oddly comforted.
And then it fell on me, sinking deep like those epiphanys that solidify truths you'd been scratching the surface of for weeks without being able to put a clear finger on.
My kids, BOTH of them, do not want to swallow medicine that I actually know they need. Macy pouts and cries and runs away from me. My son yells and screams and gets angry and throws fits. But both of them are squeezing tight their fists and refusing what is being offered to them. Because in their tiny little perspectives it tastes bad, or it hurts to swallow it, or physically they think they can't handle it (Carter was convinced beyond all shadow of a doubt that the medicine was making him throw it up).
And all the while I know this substance offers healing to them. It offers restoration and relief to the broken parts inside them. They just can't see it.
Don't I respond the very same way to the things in this life that I don't think I want? By refusing to live a life of thankfulness, by my vain attempts to control what I will or will not 'embrace or give thanks for' in this life, I am essentially hiding down the hall or screaming at the top of my lungs that I don't even care if I stay sick, I will not surrender the 'controls' of my life to some 'bigger being' out there.
Every battle I've engaged with my kids over medicine this last week has found me repeating the same phrases time and again. I need you to trust me. This is going to help you, please you need to trust me.
I guess when it comes down to it, we don't give thanks for the things we didn't think we wanted in this life because we don't trust that the giver is actually a kind and good, trustworthy parent. And that's why we don't experience the wild-abandon type JOY of a child who lives safe and secure in the arms of amazing parents.
Give thanks this week, even for the hard things, and experience the miracle of JOY.
Bubbly. Spunky. Silly. and oh so smart.
Happy. Kind. Thoughtful. and full of compassion.
Sweet Soft Spirit. Feminine. Sensitive. and sometimes shy.
Daredevil. Competitive. Self proclaimed 'boy-girl'
Nurturer. Comforter. Patient. THE Best Big Sister.
Creative. Curious. Determined. Builder of machines and robots.
My first born. My only girl.
The sparkle in my eyes. The brightness in my days. A complete and utter gift from the Lord.
