Being Tagged is the worst!

Fuck! Well, that's what I thought when I read Mathdude's blog.


Ten Years Ago


Ten years ago, almost to the day, I was walking down the isle marrying my perverted husband, Schmoopie. I was living in "da hood' of Rockville, Maryland and working for one of the US's most prestigious rental car companies... (is that an oxymoron?) I was the Recruiting Manager for a region consisting of about 30 offices hiring college kids.


5 Things on Today's To Do list:


Laundry- I'm not working today
Prepare a healthy square meal for my family
Volunteer in my son's classroom
Haircut/color
Grocery shop


I managed to do the volunteering, hair and grocery shop so far. 3/5 ain't bad for me. I suck at lists.

If I were a billionaire
I wouldn't work
I wouldn't do laundry
I wouldn't clean my house

I would:
Own a helicopter so I could get Schmoopie to work easier.. (He'd still work, it's MY money, right?)
Work out with a personal trainer every day
Hire a cook and maid
Consider getting a boob lift (not a boob job, a lift)

3 Bad Habits

1. Watch too much tv. I live for it. I have something almost every night and EVERYTHING else is worked around the TV. My sex life thanks the inventor of the DVR.
2. I drive carelessly. While I have sworn off talking on the cell while driving, I do drive too fast at times and have had a couple of near misses. I do not tailgate, but I do love my horn and my middle finger. It will get me in trouble some day if I don't stop.
3. I love to gossip. Mostly, I gossip at work, but generally it's all the time. I feel bad on Sundays and swear I'm going to stop!

Places I've lived

NY for most of my life. Troy, NY, Cortland, NY, West Point, NY, Highland Falls, NY...

And also Newport News, VA, Ft.Leavenworth, Kansas (no, I wasn't a prisoner) San Jose, California, San Antonio, TX (one of my favorite!) Atlanta, GA (one of my least favorites!) Fairfax VA and Maryland. I really like where we live now and don't see us moving any time soon.

Jobs I've had:

It all starts with babysitting, doesn't it? I think my first gig was in 6th grade. Why? Who in their right mind would trust me with their child? Desperation, I suppose!
Hair washer for the local gay hairdresser. It was a one man show in town and the guy did die of AIDS sometime after I quit. I mean, who wouldn't be devastated to lose their best hair washer to McDonald's across the street? Cashier at McDonald's-gave away many a big Macs in the drive thru.
Cashier at the museum, Answering phones at the church (I think every kid in my family did this except maybe Tony Alva). I joined the Army Reserves and that ended up being my "job" during my college summers. Worked as a cashier at the local PX one Xmas break, the same place I was busted for shoplifting while in hs. I guess management turned over? I dunno! I held a couple of temp jobs while in college, as well as worked in the Financial Aid office at school. I held an internship at an advertising agency my Jr. year. Was activated during Desert Shield and worked in an Army hospital for 8 months-that was cool. After graduation, I began my career with the most amazing rental car company and I've worked there ever since! I am a recruiter. Whew! Whoa, wait, I forgot, most importantly... Mother to one, Ethan!

I wanted to upload a photo, but I need lessons from Mathdude.

Right of passage...

So, we bought my son his first cup this weekend. He needs one for baseball this year.

Practically begged us to stop and get it when I explained what it is and what it's for. You would have thought we bought the kid a new pack of pokemon cards or something he was so excited. He ripped open the package in the car and put the sliding pants and cup on when we got home. He even worn the pants to bed! My God! Imagine what's going to happen when he gets his first... well, I don't even wanna go there!

The Quickest 5 lb. weight loss I ever experienced!

I woke up this morning and told my husband to take a long look at me. I woke up 5 lbs. lighter today than yesterday. I've just completed the worst 18 hours in my ENTIRE life. And, I've had some experiences in my lifetime that one might say, yeah, that's bad. i.e. basic training, waking up at 4 am for 8 weeks, going through the gas chamber, butt love on my wedding night~ just kidding, (that was for you Tony), the first 6 months of my sons life~ waking up 3 x's a night, childbirth... all bad, but no comparison to enduring the 18 hours of hell I just experienced.



See, I got that tube stuck up my bummy. That was the easy part though. I drank 20 ounces of citrate magnesium, (which apparently is a lot easier that the gallon of shit others have had to drink~ask Special K) and 8 dolcolax laxatives to empty my intestines completely. The pooping part wasn't so bad, it was the nausea. I just can't deal with the nausea. I did end up throwing up 2ce and began to worry I wouldn't be able to complete the dirty deed.



I tracked my day, just for those curious:



No coffee in the am...yikes. I miss my caffiene and of course have only decaf soda. Immediately, I have a slight headache. I opt for a little retail therapy.

1:00 First 10 oz. drink of Citrate Magnesium and 4 laxatives (it went down relatively easy, no problems, I gulped it down with a straw) Called Mom and sister, bragging, this isn't so bad!

2:30 First visit to the potty

2:45 Second visit

3:30 Third~ Feeling a little nauseous now... not quite so perky

4:00 Fourth visit

4:15 Fifth visit, ended up w/my mouth sweating.. started to think I might throw up

5:00 Oh shit! I gotta drink the second 10 oz. drink and take more laxatives...

5:15 Throw up... no one is home to hold my hair back, first time in my life my hair is long enough to need someone to hold my hair, where's my husband?

Massive head ache ensues.... I'm dehydrated, no longer caring about food. I think I'm dying.

5:00pm-11:pm slowly drink my drink along with water and Ginger ale. Potty breaks regularly.

3:15 am Throw up again, no one awake to hold my hair, Mr. Coolmomma snoring when I return to bed~Bastard!

7am Get up, my mouth tastes like someone pooped in it~quickly brush my teeth letting a tiny bit of water slide down my throat. Not supposed to have any liquids. I'm not hungry at all, just ready to do this!

12:30 pm Mission accomplished, very little to say except I'm glad it's over. I have recorded a toot of mine to play for my girlfriend, Ali, who thinks toots are as funny as me. Keep contemplating leaving one on her answering machine at work.

One bit of advice I do have. Never take a toot for granted~if ya know what I mean!

Idol Gives Back...

Is Idol giving back or are we, the viewers donating and 'giving back'. I think it's great and all, but let's call it what it is.... 'Americans give back'? Clearly this is a touching show and I do enjoy seeing my favorite celebs in a different light. Terri Hatcher was so cute singing. Heart and Fergie rocked, yes?

So last night, we were snugglin' in our family bed (not! I'm no Michael Seabolt), Ethan, me, Mr. Coolmomma. I leaned over and kissed Mr. Coolmomma. Well, my son turns around and so adult-like says, "is it kissy time?" and followed up saying, "is this what you guys do when I go to bed?" We looked at eachother cracked up and said, "Uh... yeah!" I better start closing my door at night.............

brrmbpdpdmdm

If you ain't sure what I'm talking about, git on it! Mike Doughty's show at the 9:30 Club this weekend was most excellent. I only wish I'd been in that coveted VIP section and had a better view of him. He played Grey Ghost, no doubt for the West Pointers in the crowd. He did know we were going to be there after all. My girlfriends unfamiliar with Doughty were happy to hear his Soul Coughing song, Circles. A friend said they heard 27 Jennifers on Free (lame) FM radio today. It won't be long before Mike is mainstream.


So, which bachelorette will go home tonight without a rose? Does anyone give a shit out there?

I don't want to wait til Wednesday

I got my breasts squeezed really hard Wednesday. It was a little uncomfortable. I don't know what the big deal is....really. I mean, there's so much hype about it and it's all for nothing. Heck, I did it on my lunch break for God's sake! Well, after my lunch break with a friend, but a break none the less during work.

Now, I gotta get that tube put up my bummy in the upcoming month or so, now THAT might be something to worry about..............

Blog shmog!

So, I have a blog. Wow.... Now what?

I'm really not a political person, so you won't see me blog about that.
I don't have too much to say, yet I've been told by my adoring family that I talk to much.
I just wrote an essay on a topic I find very funny and 10 minutes later, regretted it and have now deleted it. Who am I kidding? I would be mortified if someone from the PTA or the homeowners association found it. I am a freakin' chicken! BWOK BWOK!