moved

you can find me at Reflecting Process

moseley

so last week i caved. i got a puppy :)

most of you know i've been wanting one for over two years. and i was tired of the constant arguments that it was never a good time to get a dog. let alone a puppy.

most of the time i love that i am rational. that i think through every decision. rarely do anything impulsive. basically live a boring life :) but seriously the logical, rational, realistic side of my brain always listed a myriad of reasons why a puppy is a bad idea.

so i silenced them last week and got the cutest puppy ever! like most i wonder if i am partial since he is mine. but it has been confirmed by everyone we've met including strangers of the street. and can i say that i love strangers of the street?

not just because they love my puppy but because they are nice. strangers smile. they stop and talk to you. the world really is a better place with puppy. so go get yourself one and start talking to strangers.

thankful that God gives simple things to help us connect with others. simple things that bring joy :)

meet moseley . . .

happy

so how many of you think of God as happy? joyful? laughing? smiling?

its hard to actually to picture it. there is so much going wrong in the world. earthquakes, hurricanes, bombs, hunger. then there is our own personal sins; anger, pride, selfishness, etc. so it almost seems crazy to think of God as happy. wrong in a way.

but these last few weeks i've been thinking about it. one my readings prompted the thought and since then i haven't been able to get it out of my head. and then in class we had to choose a verse to teach on.

our group choose zephaniah 3. do you remember it? it talks about God rejoicing over us with singing. and i am so glad we've chosen it. i want an excuse to really look at the happiness of God. a God who smiles, rejoices, sings. a God that still receives pleasure from his creation that is so messed up, sinful and ugly.

i'll let you know what i ended up discovering but since we are taking 7 weeks to learn the method of teaching it will be a while :)

so today i noticed my little violet budding. finally. and i smiled. because i had given up on it ever blooming again and today there it was :)

knowing

i am reading calvin's institutes for my doctrine of God class. its hard not to highlight everything. for example . . .

'it is certain that man never achieves a clear knowledge of himself unless he has first looked upon God's face and then descend from contemplating him to scrutinize himself'

or this one . . .

' until men recognize that they owe everything to God, that they are nourished by his fatherly care, that he is the Author of their every food, that they should seek nothing beyond him- they will never yield to him in will service. Nay, unless they establish their complete happiness in him they will never give themselves truly and sincerely to him.'

so i get to read stuff like this for class. and i love it. granted, i'll be doing lots of reading over the next couple of months. i have 10 books for one class, 4 for another, 3 for one, 5 and 2. so lots of reading, learning, writing, digesting and comprehending. but the greatest thing about all of it is that our professors remind us on a weekly basis that knowledge without taking it to the heart, that knowing without transformation is worthless!

so while i am thankful to be increasing in knowledge of God, his Church, his people and myself, i am even more thankful for the challenge to make it real in my life. that knowledge by itself is only arrogance and not beneficial to anyone including myself. our duty is to take what we know, what we believe and let it transform us from the inside out, so that our knowledge is a reality in us. my only prayer is that i remember this four years from now :)

knowledge of God is good but it must lead us to establish our happiness in God.

the trees are barren, asking for their clothes, echoing my cries for spring to come soon . . .

unearthed

a snow storm and a blizzard later i am finally starting to feel unearthed.

seriously what a week. i had just managed to buy a shovel and a storm came. dug myself out. got to class. ordered my books. took liz for pancakes. and then a blizzard. classes cancelled. more digging. this time for two and half hours. finally got liz to the airport. school opens. finally have my books. and its the weekend.

some how being snowed in the second time wasn't as fun. maybe missing my first class was the reason. maybe worrying about liz getting back to england because her flight was cancelled took the enjoyment out. i don't know but i do know that somehow i'm more behind then ahead.

aren't snow days suppose to be used for getting ahead? getting things done that you don't normally have time for. cleaning the house. cooking. watching movies. updating your photo albums. writing emails.

so while my car is unearthed, i am now using my weekend to unearth myself from the back-load of class assignments, untouched work, piles of laundry and messy bathrooms. so i can be ready for monday.

i've never been so thankful for the weekend. just the idea that weekends are supposed to be restful already has me relaxed :) and i am thankful for friends this week. thankful that i company for two storms instead of being on my own. thankful for good conversations. thankful for all the ways God takes care of me.

my car is the one in the middle- and yes we shoveled that pile of snow that is higher than my car!

sparrow

"You can't always get what you want,
But if you try sometimes well you just might find,
You get what you need"
- the Rolling Stones

i love how pop culture can be so profound sometimes. and how a song can get in your head and stay there for weeks. or you get a fortune cookie on your birthday that says . . .

'No need to worry! You will always have everything that you need.'

but sometimes a word, a song, a friend comes at just the right time. your heart is soft, your ears are open and you are ready to hear the encouragement that you need the most. and from the strangest places.

i'm still mediating on that verse- love incorruptible. but it the mean time i really can't get that song out of my head. every time i want to complain. or worry about my circumstances. when i'm tempted to be ungrateful. or think that God has forgotten me. that He no longer cares. when i'm uptight about the future. and even when i remember this last year.

so to me this chorus says it all. it jump starts me out of worry. and bizarrely reminds me of a sparrow. that God's eye is on the sparrow and He cares. He will not let one sparrow fall to the ground without His eyes on it. His eye is on the sparrow. and He cares. for me.

so i might not get what i want. and even if i can't always try or i try too hard. God will always provide what i need. so i do not need to worry. His eye is on me and He cares for me :)

can i just say that food is more fun when there is someone to eat with you? for example our treats from the last week- carrot cake and picnics on the sleeper sofa :)

30

there is something nice about the end of a decade and a start of a new one. a chance to look at 10 whole years. remembering the best, laughing at the worst and being thankful for the good and the bad. so here are some standouts from the last decade- my 20's :)

Top 10 Disasters!

10. Camping in Wales- being so cold you can't sleep and its august!
9. Getting lost in Wales- in the dark, alone, with no mobile phone reception.
8. Paying UK Taxes! ughhh
7. A Christmas party- with no electricity or heat! in a building still damp from recent flooding :(
6. Having to eat fish pie- once a month for a year- yuck :P
5. Adjusting back to driving in the US- i.e. almost entering an exit ramp on the highway!!!
4. Language faux pas- i.e. getting a group of Muslim children to smile by saying 'sausages' in true British form :)
3. Almost burning NPU's chapel down! and seeing 4 Chicago fire trucks role in!!!
2. Getting my car stolen- in the suburbs after 12 years of city living!
1. Gaining a crown of glory i.e gray hair and lots of it :)

Top 10 Highlights :)

10. Graduating from NorthPark- with a BA in Art and Bible & Theology and with honours!
9. Road trips across the US and Europe- days in a car with friends :)
8. Acquiring a taste for a good pint :)
7. Discovering how much I love to cook and feed people- and take pictures of the result!
6. A Mexican Adventure- going a real mexican wedding and experiencing Oaxaca :)
5. Spending an evening at Kababish- my favourite curry house by far!!!
4. Chapel Installation at NPU- loving joining faith, God and art in a real and tangible way!
3. Traveling - seeing and experiencing 18 countries plus 40 of these United States- so that's Austria, the Balearic Islands, Belgium, Canada, Czech Republic, England, France, Germany, Hungary, Ireland, Italy, Mexico, Netherlands, Poland, Portugal, Scotland, Venezuela, and Wales!!!
2. Gaining a sister-in-law and becoming an aunt twice over :) loving our growing family!

and the best for last- number 1 of the last decade . . . .

1. Moving to and living in the UK for almost 7 years!! and everything that goes with it :)

so no regrets just lots of good memories and so much to thank God for- His goodness, mercy, love and joy :)

and my last gift of my 20's is a very close friend flying across an ocean to be with me, to close out a decade and begin a new one :) so blessed!

incorruptible

'grace be with you all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible' eph. 6:24

love incorruptible.

this verse hit me today. i don't think i know what love incorruptible is. and i confess that i sometimes wonder if i know how to love at all.

we live in a world where love is not pure. there is selfish gain to most aspects of love. and if there is not gain then it is commanded. or if its freely given it is still imperfect. so love incorruptible. what is that?

i love. i love deeply sometimes. i love when it hurts. but i feel like its a shadow of what real love is like. and i think this is at the root of it. that only God can love pure, without false motive, fully, past hurt and pain, unconditionally. but even more than that- Gods love cannot ever even be corrupted.

even if we, the object of God's love are weak, needy, corrupt, evil, without any real concept of true, lasting, perfect love. we cannot corrupt God's love for us. how amazingly wonderful is that?

it makes me want to love. to truly love because i am loved incorruptibly. and it makes me want to keep loving even when i don't think i do a very good job. when it seems like other people love me better. or that others know and love others better than my weak efforts. and even when others seem to love God so much better than ever i can or will be able to.

today i am thankful for God's love. His unending, unbelievable, unconditional love for me who does such a bad job at loving and who's love for Him is corrupted by this world and by my sin.

i had friends over last saturday- frankie loved dessert :)

fair-trade

i was wandering the aisles of the grocery store this week. mostly trying to get essentials and stock my kitchen. but it was a taxing process.

if i was in england i would know exactly what to get. what was more cost efficient. what was worth the brand name and what didn't matter.

but instead i was looking at prices. and frankly appalled. and left wondering what on earth am i going to start cooking for myself. i'm going to have to start to new habits. new ways of cooking. and definitely new ways of saving money.

and i also have noticed the lack of fair-trade items. i always bought fair-trade bananas, coffee, sugar and chocolate. and it was so easy to buy local veg. and then i found an aisle with british products and almost wept.

i miss knowing how to shop. how to be economical but spend the extra when its worth it. like on fair-trade food. or local produce. because it helps the world and helps the environment.

my kitchen has become the constant reminder of what i miss most of all. cooking was where i found comfort and joy. and now i find myself having to learn all over again. it reminds me that i never really lived in the US- never really supported myself as an american. instead i cooked and shopped like a european for 7 years.

but i am thankful for finding some small reminders of britain. lyle's golden syrup to make tiffin bars, heinz beans to have beans on toast with cheese, my favourite digestives for when i need them and galaxy chocolate so i don't have to worry about someone sending me some from england. small mercies. and maybe one day the US will understand the importance of fair-trade and start shopping like they know their choices affect the world. yet for now i am just thankful that i will learn, i will adjust and eventually i will just be thankful in my kitchen without wishing to be at sandford road in my tiny kitchen cooking for 8 :)

my find of the week . . .

debt

have you ever been indebted to someone? have you known that feeling that you will never be able to return the favour, pay them back or even come close to thanking them enough for all they've done? well every time i think i get used to that feeling something will inevitably happen that will again place me in someones debt.

my car this week being a prime example. a friend has saved me hundreds of dollars in repairs and labour. i will never ever be able to pay that back. and i can start to feel the weight of owing them. and i can start to feel the loss of joy because the relationship now feels unequal and i can't make it up. instead i should be thankful. not indebted.

and i can feel that pretty much every day. my salary is paid by people that have names and faces. amazing people who give and sacrifice because they believe in me. i know them each personally. i know how much they give. and if i let myself i can get weighed down by the knowledge of how much i owe them. how much i can never return what they have given me, whether in money, prayers, gifts, encouragement or pretty much everything. and it is humbling.

it also made me think about other peoples jobs and gifts. for example my brother is employed by the government so technically each of us that pays our federal taxes contributes to his salary- whether willingly or unwillingly :)

and think about the simple choice of toilet paper- a willing and necessary choice. when you by it you support the tree growers, harvesters, shippers, makers and packers. when you buy a certain brand you pay for the advertisement, the TV commercials, the CEO and even the middlemangement that went into that toilet paper. in effect you have contributed to the salary of hundreds by a simple choice of toilet paper.

you may not know their names or see their faces. and of the 4 dollars that you spend on it, probably less than a penny goes to each. however you have still paid it. they are still receiving it. and so they are indebted to you for your simple choice in a daily product.

so i am trying to remind myself to receive with a thankful heart. to lay the burden of indebtedness down. to remember that if i feel this way about simple things then i need to question if i am carrying that same burden for Christ who gave so much more. thankful that Jesus said my burden is light and my yoke is easy. thankful that God does not want us walking around with the burden of debt on our shoulders.

from my time on whidby island, washington.