It's been a while...

I just realized it has been OVER a year since my last post to this blog. 

Which makes me feel like a failure. 

I've decided it's time I start focusing on the gospel. 

Not that it isn't a HUGE part of my life but for the most part I'm not giving it my all. 

And I should be. 

I've got two little girls who mimick my every move and should those moves include: family and personal prayers, family home evening, person scripture study, maybe even some hymn music during the day?

I think so. 

A motivational speaker for the LDS church (Al fox aka "the tattooed mormon") read the Book of Mormon 6 time in the course of a year. 6 times people! 

How many of us have even read it cover to cover once?! 

I know I haven't, been close but never completed. 

So for a start I'm going to be reading, hopefully, everynight. I would love nothing more then to finish it at least once. To set an example for my kids. 

How great would that be? :) 

Also I'm going to am try to keep updating  this blog. 

Reasons being... 

When I scroll through Facebook lately the negativity towards the church seems to be growing, posts about religious harm and whatever. And to be honest... It's to the point that if I see a post with the word "mormon" in it (good or bad) I just scroll past. I don't even care to read it of find out if it is anti-mormon literature or not. 

Sad, huh? 

I've even considered unfriending FAMILY members who post nothing but negative articles about the church. 

I think they think it will change my mind about my religion but in reality it is changing my mind about them. 

Loosing respect for people who cannot respect the life I chose. 

I've always been rather quiet about my beliefs and very respectful of others disbelief and I think the time has come where people who believe need to be speaking out. 

The negativity is growing. 

And I, for one, think it is time for us to speak up. 

Stop tip toeing around trying not to offend the people who are so blatantly anti mormon and have no fear of offending us(family or friend).

I cannot even begin to count the ways certain family members have insulted me, whether by an off handed comment about my garments, or my choice to not drink coffee, or them not being invited to my endowments and sealing inside the temple when they have no desire to be LDS.

I should not have to defend my attire, my beverage choices or explain to them why they could not be a part of sacred sessions in the temple and that it was indeed THEIR choice to not be "invited". 

The decisions you make, the life you choose, is not my fault. I do not throw a fit when I am not invited to a bar night with the girls or a birthday party at a club. Because everyone knows I would be uncomfortable. That my lifestyle doesn't include the bar scene. same goes for the temple, it is part of my lifestyle. I am comfortable there, I dress the part, I join in, I use that time to relax. Not everyone I love would feel comfortable there. That is all there is to it. If you feel left out then, by all means, join us. Change your lifestyle, go to the temple and see for yourself why we hold it so dear. It is a sacred place. Wine isn't served, there's not disco ball, or loud music. There are scriptures, hymn music, prayers, and silence (and so much more) but as I've already said... It is a lifestyle. If you want to be a part of it then join us. The only person stopping you is you. ❤️ :)

9am Church

I use to HATE 9 o'clock church meetings but now.... I LOVE IT!
It's so much easier to get ready in the morning with both girls still sleeping, we have classes instead of sacrament meeting first (which means Chloie goes straight to nursery), we got to attend all of our meetings for the first time in a long time! :) AND after church is nap time!
I am loving this!
It also amazed me how many more people came to church at 9 as opposed to 1. Relief society was PACKED, our gospel doctrine was over flowing and we had to open the second overflow for sacrament meeting... Our ward is big when half the people don't show up so having the majority of the members attend... our ward is HUGE! I'm betting we will have another ward split here soon.

Grateful for The Gospel

With everything that is coming up this month I find myself being so grateful to have the gospel in our lives. I honestly don't think I would be able to handle whats about to happen with out it.
Ben is starting boot camp for Unified Fire (he was recently hired on as a full time fire fighter!!! Hooray!) and boot camp requires not only that he be there 5 to 6 days a week but we will pretty much NEVER know when he will be home. When he will be home he will be studying and practicing a million different things. He is also not allowed to have a phone with him at all during boot camp so I am completely on my own.
And boot camp lasts for 15 weeks.
Luckily 5 of the other guys Ben will be going through boot camp with have worked Paid call (part time fire fighters) with Ben so they are already planning study groups and carpooling and whatnot. Which is helping Ben a Lot, he's been stressed about studying so to have the guys tell him what he's gonna be doing has relieved some of his stress. :)
I know I can handle this. we went through a similar type of situation right after Chloie was born when he was is Fire Academy. This time is a little different... We are loosing one source of income and getting another (which unfortunately is slightly less) so our budget will be tightening, he will be gone a bit more then he was before, and I will have two kids to take care of...
This is not going to be easy. BUT it will be worth it.
I keep thinking back to the foot steps in the sand poem and I know that I will not be alone in this. As much as I may feel that way at times through out this experience, I will not be alone. I will have the support of the savior and I will have the support of my ward (which I have come to love), my family (my mom and whitney both had to deal with boot camp too so they get it) and the support of the other wives whose husbands are going through boot camp as well.
As terrified and stressed out as Ben and I are right now, We are THRILLED and so GRATEFUL for this opportunity to have a stable career that Ben loves. We will make it through this trial as long as we are faithful and supportive of each other.

Evelynne Alice Andrus

I cannot believe I had a baby today! I'm sittin in my hospital bed just watching her sleep in my lap right now. it really has been a crazy couple days!

I tried to take a nap on Tuesday around 3pm, Chloie was already napping so I just snuggled up on the couch with her an fell asleep. At 330pm I woke up to strong contractions about 3minutes apart. Around 5 I decided to head out to my parents (Ben was working a 10am - 10pm shift at the fire station) I stayed at my parents til Ben got off work and came to pick me up at about 10:30pm. By that time I was having a hard time even breathing through the contraction but I was surprisingly calm. Next thing I knew we were at the hospital, admitted into L&D and I was getting an epidural!!!! Unfortunately the got a blood vessel with the fist epidural so my heart rate started dropping so I got an epidural twice, which was not bad at all surprisingly, I barely felt anything!
I stayed dilated to a 5 til my water broke at 6:15 am. It was so weird, I heard my water break. There was an audible "pop!" It kinda scared me, I had no idea where the noise came from or what it meant so I paged the nurse. Sure enough my water literally popped!
Less then an hour later I was at a ten and the baby was coming! From a 5 to a 10 in less then an hour and one push and we had our second baby girl in our arms! Easiest labor ever!
And recovery so far has been a breeze, I just barely asked for something stronger then a Motrin and I was up walking around and taking a shower about two hours after Eve was born. (My epidural had pretty much worn off right as I started pushing so I felt it all, which surprisingly was not that bad. I survived) so I was up walking within an hour. With barely any pain. :)
And Eve is a little on the small side so they keep checking her blood sugar, but so far so good! She is healthy and perfect! She is already sucking her thumb (not to thrilled about that but oh well!) she already LOVES her daddy, she seems so much more content in his arms then she is with me :( but Ben is already wrapped around her finger he ADORES her! So it's a good thing!
Chloie LOVES Eve's hair she just wants to pet her! It's cute and she kept kissing her and whispering "it's alright. Shhh" to her, it's adorable!
Ben took Chloie home to get some sleep before Eve and I go home tomorrow, so Eve and I are getting some one on one time. :)
It still doesn't feel quite real, it all happened to quickly I just can't seem to wrap my head around it!
Due to all the excitement I haven't slept at all yet, so I'm going to let them take her to the nursery for a couple hours so I can get a little sleep(hopefully).
So thank you all for all your sweet comments on our pictures and thank you to those of you who have visited us, it means a lot to us to have so much support and love from everyone. It's a little scary to go from just one kid to two so it has been amazing to be surrounded by so much love and support! I have been overwhelmed by emotion today, I cried when I held her for the first time, I can't even look at Ben with out smiling. I was unbelievably excited to see Chloie, iTs been a day of pretty much complete BLISS! I don't think today could have possibly been any better! I am on cloud 9!!!! I didn't think I could possibly have enough love to split between Chloie and eve but I love this new little girl the exact same amount as I love her big sis! All my fears were completely diminished the second I saw Chloie kiss her baby sister on the forehead and say "I lub you".
These girls are more then Ben and I could have ever dreamed of and we are THRiLLED!
Once again thank you all for all your love and support we really appreciate it! :)

Seriously Slacking....

Ben and I were doing so well up until a few weeks back at reading our scriptures together every night that he was home but for some reason we just got outta the habit. :(
I'm betting its because he's been working more and having interviews and tests to get hired on with unified fire and I've been so worn out by the time he gets home I basically just hand Chloie over to him and go straight to bed. Awful excuses, I know.

BUT I am happy to say that Ben will be starting full time fire fighting with unified fire (the same dept. that my dad and Jordy work for) on January 16, 2013.(my parents wedding anniversary) :) It's been a long 4 years of EMT and Fire academy and tests and paid call, so we are really excited about it!
AND I am scheduled for induction on the 18th, so 5 more days (tops) of being pregnant (if all goes according to plan, that is. Hopefully it doesn't get pushed back at all) So we will have two kids with in the week... :) (and I'm only putting that info on this blog because very few people read it and I don't wanna jinx anything by announcing it on fb or my family blog... so shhh!) :)
So our two excuses to not be reading scriptures every night are basically no longer existent.

So I'm gonna start getting us back into the habit tonight, the longer we wait to get back to it the more excuses we will have and the more difficult it will be to get Chloie use to it again.
SO....
Time to get back on track... Wish us luck!

Being a mommy

There is something I don't tell many people and I've realized that maybe it's something I should be telling people...soo....

Before I met Ben I had this... lets call it a feeling... that I would not be able to have children, so I had pretty much just written it off and decided that I just didn't want kids. And Ben had already come to terms with the fact that he might not have children (due to something his patriarchal blessing says). So we were prepared to not be parents. Then the week after we were married I received my patriarchal blessing and when I heard the words "you will be blessed to be a mother in Zion" I nearly fell off my chair. When I received the written copy I still couldn't believe it. There it was, a promise straight from my Heavenly Father that I would be a mom.
So, needless to say, the emotions I felt when we found out we were pregnant with Chloie were VERY mixed. Especially since it was an accident (I was on birth control). As the pregnancy progressed I became increasingly depressed (oddly enough). How in the world was I expected to be a mom? I had no idea how to be a mom! I was terrified. And Ben's fears came off as uninterested and absent. Which made for one CRAZY me... That is until the second Chloie was born.
Something in me changed the moment they put her in my arms. All of my irrational fears were calmed. All of the sudden I was ready, I wasn't scared. That first night (even with all the medication they were giving me) I couldn't sleep, I just sat in the hospital bed holding my baby, I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was PERFECT.
The first 3 months being a mom I was ALONE. I had my amazing mother in law with me for the first few days but after that I was on my own. Ben would leave at 6am and wouldn't come home til after 10pm, then he was out for the night. So I spent A LOT of time bonding with my baby.
Those first few months were the hardest, yet, most wonderful months of my life. (so far)

I am grateful for my daughter, more then anyone could ever know. I would not trade the fits, messes, and all her (inherited) attitude for anything. And although I do need to vent sometimes about the more difficult days (rip my own hair out because I'm so frustrated kinda days)  She is the best thing that has EVER happened to me. She changed my life, has made me a less selfish person. I LOVE being her mommy, more then anything!


That being said...
Lately I have a lot of time... again.
Ben is working CONSTANTLY, which is really not a bad thing, just makes for a lonely and bored me.
I've run out of things to do. Sad, right? My house is clean all I have to do is make beds and wash the occasional dirty dish. So the past few days I've spent my spare time (Chloie's nap time) organizing all of Chloie's newborn and 0-3 month clothes for our next little addition.
As I was going through them I found the outfit I brought her home in. It was a preemie outfit and looks to small for her dolls and found myself tearing up as I folded it. I cannot believe how quickly the past 21 months have flown by. Chloie is not the little baby I brought home, she is her own little person. FULL of personality. She makes me smile when I don't feel like smiling. It amazes me everyday how much I love her. I do not remember life before her and I cannot imagine it with out her.
Being pregnant with a second child brings on a whole new set of fears, I worry that I won't love this next one as much as I love Chloie (which I know is irrational) I worry that I won't be able to have the energy for two kids, that Chloie will resent the new baby who is taking up her mommy's time. I worry that I won't have the time or energy to spend time with my husband, I worry that I could die in child birth and leave two little girls and my husband behind.
And the pregnancy nightmares do not help.
But I know that, just like last time, the second they put this little girl in my arms my fears will be diminished.
I am so grateful for the chance to be a mother (again), that my Heavenly Father trusts me with these two little girls is amazing.

Love of Reading

Lately Ben and I have been trying to be better about reading our scriptures whether Chloie is awake or not. It is much easier when she is asleep, but when she is awake we turn it in to scriptures/Seuss time. Which means we read 1 chapter from the Book of Mormon out loud and then I transition seamlessly to Hop on Pop or One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish just to keep her entertained.
I know that Chloie doesn't fully understand why we read out of a book with no pictures but I am hoping that us doing it every night will help it become a habit for her. So when she does understand what is happening it will be easier to do as a family and for her to do on her own.

I personally have always LOVED to read, I would spend hours with my nose buried in a book. I have read fun books, enlightening books, how to books, murder mysteries, Shakespeare's plays (every one including the sonnets), I have read dracula (incredibly long and hard to get into) but NONE of the books I have read have ever had as profound of an impact on me as the Book of Mormon.
I want my children to be well read and to have the same feelings about this wonderful book as I do. There are Chapters upon Chapters that I do not understand but I have found that one verse can hit me like a ton of bricks and send me searching for more answers, more of that feeling from a verse that seems it was written just for you to read one day. I want more then anything for my children to feel the way I do and I do not believe that they will if I do not show them how much it means to me every time we read together.

I remember walking into my parents room as a child and seeing my mom with her nose buried in her scriptures I would bet that she didn't even realize I was in the room sometimes. When my mom is reading her scriptures she gets this look on her face like she is using every fiber of her being to tune out the world around her (which is not an easy thing to do) and yet with all her concentration she looks peaceful and content. My mother's scriptures are always being highlighted and she writes notes along the side to remind her self why that particular scripture was important. I have always admired my mothers love for her scriptures, it has made such a difference through out different stages in my life to know that my mothers testimony is strong and that her love of the gospel is unwavering.

Whether or not we realize it our children are constantly watching us, learning from us, and taking everything we do and say to heart. I want my children to get my love of reading from me just like I got it from my mom.