New Year is coming, and I am still thinking about my new resolutions. Sigh. Guys, give me one reason why I should have a new resolution. I don't even remember this year's resolutions. Pity me. People out there are so busy sharing their resolutions on facebook, twitter, and blog. While reading theirs, I was thinking about mine. What are my new resolutions? Is there anything in particular that I want to achieve by the next coming year which is 2012?

Yes, I do have certain things to be achieved by next year or maybe the years after but will just keep it to myself  (even though there is someone who already knows about it). I did write my so called resolutions, but I cancelled them all. After having a second thought, I don't think there is a need to tell other people. And there is someone who says to me that some strangers might come after me because of making certain resolutions too public. Keep it secret. Smile.

Starting a new day tomorrow in a new year, I therefore announce to the blogging world that I'm starting to write my unfinished dissertation tomorrow. I will continue to finish my assignment on Language and Gender after that. So tonight, I am having extra hours for my playtime; facebook-ing, twitter-ing, google-ing, YouTube-ing, skype-ing (which is my daily routine) and stalk-ing, eyh? Stop stalking guys, go get a life. *hits back on your face*
After all, this year 2011 has been treating me very well. It is beautiful and there are so many sweet memories which I won't forget. It is all too wonderful to even describe it here. All the 'nikmat' given by Allah sometimes are too good to be true. Indeed I'm thankful and really grateful for that.

To end the year of 2011, and begin the year of 2012, one of the most important yet meaningful resolutions is to never stop loving and be in love with the same person, each and every day that passes. May this coming year be a blessed year and may Allah grant us all peace, health, success, wealth, happiness and laughter to our life. And let us pray that Allah will forgive us, and protect us.

Happy New Year to all. Have a joyous Sunday!  

I woke up at 2 something in the morning, after having almost 6 hours of nice and sound sleep. It wasn't sound sleep as I claimed, because I kept on waking up and looking at the time; realising that it was still 11 pm, then 12 am, and 2 am. I thought I already had a long sleep with too many confusing dreams, and wished that when I opened my eyes, it was a new day with bright and sunny sunshine. But it wasn't. 

I'm not fully recovered. Still a bit dizzy. And I felt myself so dehydrated when I was awake an hour ago. I was  whimpering alone on my bed, hoping that there was someone beside me that could get me a drink so that I didn't have to get off of the bed. How cool was that. 

Well, to be frank, I've never thought that the feeling of unconsciousness could freak me out. Before I passed out, I had a sudden terrible stomach ache and I couldn't bear a long standing. So, I sat on the chair and asked my friend, Athirah, to get Mestika oil, which is a medicated oil, in my bag. While waiting for her, I started to feel a bit of nausea. So, I decided to run to the toilet. Just after a few seconds, I thought my head was heavy and spinning. My whole body suddenly got numb, and cold. Just before I collapsed, I had a memory that I was calling for help. But now, I wasn't so sure, if that really happened or not. 

I was half-awake when I was unconscious. I could barely hear what the people around me were saying. The only voice that could reach my ears was Ummi's voice, when she asked me to try getting my eyes opened. I was trying very hard to comprehend what she was saying, and slowly opened my eyes. Once I opened both my eyes, I was in a terrible shock, that I saw so many people around me. And I started to feel so embarrassed lying down on the floor at the workplace, while my supervisor, Jamie, lifted up my both legs. My hands were cold and sweating. I was questioning myself if this really happened. Well, stop questioning, because it wasn't a dream Aida. It was real. Oh God!

Now I'm feeling much better. This could be one of the stories that I will definitely share with my own children in the future. That their mummy, was sent home by an ambulance because of blacking out at Royal Mail. Whoahh, great story huh? 

Thank you so much to my friends, for the great concern they've shown. And thank you to Shahreen, my new bangladesh friend for your worry. Your text was received while I was sleeping, so couldn't reply yours. Will surely send you a reply tomorrow morning. And I'm not going to forget to thank my personal doctor. May Allah bless us all with good health. And have a good day to all!

It is quater past eleven. Light is already off. I look exactly like orang tengah berpantang, with sweater, kain batik, socks, fleece, and a thick and comfy duvet, staring at the laptop screen, configuring why I am writing at this very moment. I have got Mandarin test tomorrow, with more than 100 characters to remember. And I have got issues in writing them all. It is not that hard to recognise and guess what each character means. Most characters are guessable, and the only way to help you to recognise is to visualise and place a clue in every characters given. The way you said, macam easy gila Aida. Boo to myself! Yes, boo me!

I was feeling very demotivated in the past two days. When I knew my assignment result was not like what I expected. I felt even more down when I knew my piece of work was like a mess. I should have tried to improve my work when I knew there was something wrong with the first point. I kept reading my writing for more than ten times before sending it. Trying hard to convince myself that "your assignment looks fine" (Even it is not). I did not simply edit my work. Because I knew, if I edited it, I had to edit the whole paragraph. And yes Aida, your first assignment mark was in line with your so-called-lazy attitude. Syabas.

At least, I learn something from it. I learn that Allah is testing me. That He wanted me to remember how dependent I am to Him. I am ashamed of myself, knowing how ungrateful I was. I prayed that I got the job, and He fulfilled it. And when He did not fulfil one of my prayers I was so upset. I shouldn't have been. How could I keep asking from Him, when I start to forget my duty to Him. How could I ask that He listens to my prayers, when I do not even care to spend a moment remembering Him. May You forgive this thankless me. 

Time flies so quickly, and I had been very busy with classes and works in the past week. Classes from 9 to 12, and then off to work at Royal Mail from 2 till 10 . The only hours left was just enough for my sleeping time. It goes on day by day. I am hopeless, don't know where else I could find extra hours except the given 24 hours a day that does not seem enough. I never knew how it is like, being a part-time worker at the same time being a student. I never knew that earning money is hell tiring. Now I know how difficult it is for Abah to make money, days and nights just to ensure that his wife and his children have a satisfied life. 

May Allah be with us through all good and difficult times. And let us pray that all our ibadah are accepted and our life be blessed. 

Salam 10 Muharram from this cold and freezing Canterbury. And selamat berpuasa!

#selamatmajujaya

What has life taught me?

1. Seize the choice you made, rejoice in it, and be sure to make it worth your time.

2. I don't need friends who talk behind me, all I need is someone who is brave enough to face me and say the hell out.

3. Appreciate people around you, and never take them for granted. 

4. Don't lie because a lie will lead to another lies. 

5. When you feel like losing yourself, keep in mind that Allah is there for you. And He never loses sight of you.

6. What is done is done. There is nothing you could do to undo it.

7. Second chance does not necessarily mean giving a new chance to the same person. Rather it means giving the new chance to another person.

8. Be thankful to the lost past. Because of that, you're now embracing a beautiful present.

9. It's okay to be angry, to be moody. As long as you don't take it so long. Be rational. 

10. There comes a point when you realise the only person who always makes you smile is the same person who never stops to care about you. And that person is surely worth to keep.

More to write! But maybe you could write yours too!

And don't ever forget to thank everyone around you. When they make mistakes, you learn. When you make mistakes, you too learn!

#selamatmajujaya and #thankyou to #onlyyou!

I have always wanted to write and write, but my body is too tired to even stare at this blogger dashboard. So yes, a busy and tough week has passed. The second week of my 3rd Year student starting in two days. Now all I could think about is a crap ton of work to do; dissertation proposal, mandarin practice, Julius Caesar reading with journal, and lots more to finish. After a tiring week I had, I'm beginning to picture how busy I will be in the next 9 months. I wanted to get this 3rd Year done, then finishing my final year, get posted and finally get married! Too excited yeh? What to do? Age doesn't wait, time neither. 

Apart from the hectic week, I too had an awesome weekend with the beautiful gegurls Athirah, Huda, Muna, Sheida and Ummi. Yesterday, we were celebrating Huda's and Haikal's birthday. Their actual birthdays had passed during the last summer break. So, I was planning with the other girls to throw a party and make it a real surprise birthday celebration ever! I woke up early, and got myself ready. Sheida and I went to Asda to buy cake, and other stuffs for the meal. Once we were home, I straight away went to the kitchen preparing the ingredients needed for sambal ikan bilis. The other girls, on the other hand, were very helpful. Sheida cooked the nasi lemak, and Athirah did the Ayam Goreng Adabi. Huda really had no idea about the party, neither did Haikal. After the meal was ready, we were then getting ourselves ready. Huda only wore her t-shirt and trouser. Athirah came to me "Awak, suruh Huda pakai cantik cantik sikit. Nak ambik gambar". At first I really had no idea how to ask her changing her clothes, spontaneously I said "Da, salin baju cantik sikit. Nanti Aida nak masuk blog". Without questioning, she went into her room and changed for a better shirt. I thought maybe she was weird why the other girls were too "jangok" (read-melaram/cantik). Anyway, to make it short, it was a real surprise for Huda, and Haikal (Maybe). He looked clueless coming with the pizzas, and "pemalu" (...laa, sangat). 

That was yesterday's story. And today, I went to Reculver Country Park in Herne Bay for the Autumn-MiniBioBlitz volunteering work. It was fun, and tiring as well. The weather was really hot. It felt like the sun was burning my face. Anyway, I didn't use the sunblock cream prepared by the organiser. Haven't used them before. All the volunteers were divided into small groups. Some of us were in spider group, butterflies, and reptiles group. My name wasn't on the list, so I chose to replace Zue's because she wasn't there today. Basically, my group which consisted of Jane (the expert), Muna and I were working on the finding of different types of grass and plants available on the country park. We only covered the centre area, near the shore, and up to the tower. We found almost 25 different species. Jane explained to us about all the different plants found, and how to recognise them by looking at the leaves, flower, or by smelling them. I never care about all the grass names before. It looks similar, and nothing much different. And today's activities really opened my eyes about the importance of studying about the nature. It's really worth your time. If it is not you or me, I'm sure some other people will surely find this fascinating and really enjoyable as their leisure activity. Before we were going back home, the Kent Wildlife Trust asked us to sign a petition requesting the UK government to allocate and support the marine near to the Reculver to be reserved. I have done my part to the nature. What about you?

We fight, we argue but we still care about each other. And now I miss you. I miss you Angah. I miss Ma Abah and the others too. We have gone through many bad and good things together. We always talk about our family, and we promise each other that we will help Ma Abah, that we will not burden them. We have seen enough how Ma Abah had sacrificed almost everything they had for us to grow up and be a better person. We knew the hardship they went through. 

Over the past few years, we no longer depend on Abah Ma. We started to be financially independent. We use our own money to buy all the baju raya, kasut raya, and other personal stuffs. We haven't worked, but yes we use the savings from our study allowance. 

Looking at how we both have grown that way makes me proud. Both Abah Ma's little girls are now grown-ups, and I'm sure they are proud of us too. We are like princess at home. Apart from sleeping and eating, we both enjoy being online 24/7. We don't cook at home not because we don't have the ability to, but because of the mindset "Ma is there, so she will cook. Plus, Abah only eats Ma's cooking" So, it is fair. There were times I was asked to cook. And I remember very well when I was in Seremban at Abang Lue's house, my sister-in-law Kak Linda and Abang Lue really wanted to try my cooking. That didn't include the unexpected guests which were Abang Joe and his wife. The feeling of nervousness came. I was imagining as if I was cooking for my mother-in-law. It was funny somehow. Oh yeah, my Ayam Kicap Berempah, and Kacang goreng got a first-class grade from my brothers and their wives. Other moment was when Angah and I were struggling at Mak Muda's kitchen to cook something for lunch. I remember when the rice got a bit of 'hangit' because of Angah's overconfidence that the rice can be heated in that 'periuk'. It was such a good memory we had. And I want to keep that, forever.

Angah, we will be good daughters to Abah Ma. And we'll keep praying from Allah. Hopefully, we won't break the trust Abah Ma have on us. We'll take care of them. InshaAllah. 

Clock is ticking, together with the time. It flies like an arrow. Very quick. It feels like I haven't had enough time to do all the things I planned. Three months in Malaysia was like three weeks. I didn't realise that all I did at home was laughing here and there. I enjoyed being at home with my family. Though it gave me headache sometimes to think about my own brother having problems with this and that. 

I have seen marriage that turns out well, and I too have seen some that do not. I always try to make a fair judgement and see the reasons behind it. Everyone can make a vow to love his/her partner eternally. However, not all people understand what love really means. It actually means everything. To feel the same happiness and the same pain. To be able to care and be responsible for the marriage they build. If in the beginning, they fight for their marriage to be approved by their parents, why not now they fight for the marriage to stand still. 

A husband divorced his wife because of his wife couldn't be able to give him his own "zuriat". That sounds cruel to me. As if only the husband wanted to have children and the wife doesn't. I don't really know the real situation of this, but yes, it happened. I have heard of this somewhere. Another case is when the in-laws families do not get along really well. The effects go straight to their children, which mean the husband and wife. I do not want to comment more about this because I'm not sure what really happens. What makes me aware of is the fact that marriage is not something easy as we always thought. It's not just having to pass the akad, have the real big reception, and be able to live together in a house. It means more than that. The responsibility is something that both husband and wife have to take. To have an understanding, to be able to help each other, care for each other and to always trust and tolerate.

Rasulullah SAW dalam hadisnya bermaksud, "Tiga perkara yang dilakukan dengan bersungguh-sungguh dianggap bersungguh-sungguh, dan yang dilakukan dengan gurauan (main-main) akan menjadi sungguh-sungguh iaitu nikah, talak dan rujuk"

It was on 21st July, Abang Lue, Kak Linda and I went to Ice Room in Senawang. Abang Lue and his wife have always promised to take me to the Ice Room once I was in Seremban. So yes, I decided to spend few days in Seremban. 

I went to Seremban by Komuter which totally sucked. It was my first ride on Komuter to Seremban, and the unlucky part was the train broke down at Bandar Tasik Selatan Station. I was so angry and unsatisfied with the service. They should have checked earlier so it would not give any trouble to the passengers. There were so many people on that train. I had seen two aunties who came from Perak (If I'm not mistaken) with so many baggage with them. One of them kept complaining like a mother who was nagging to her child. She was so upset because Serdang which was the next station after Bandar Tasik Selatan was just so close. She wanted to stop at Serdang, I could hear she was saying "Tinggal satu station je lagi. Kalau nak rosak dekat situ pun takpe la jugak". I was like "Kalau macam tu saya pun nak train tu rosak dekat Seremban la jugak". I was smiling to myself while thinking how funny it was when it came to this very moment, everyone seemed to be very selfish. 

I was with my junior, Syara. She stopped at Bangi Station where her house was. It was really good knowing how kind she was. Well, we just got the opportunity to get to know each other, because back in Canterbury I wasn't really close to my juniors, except for few people like Shap which was like a younger sister to me. 

Anyway, I arrived in Seremban at 6. And my body was so smelly. Can you imagine how bad it was to be on the train with so many people, and that made my body perspiring. And what wasn't good was my throat. I suffered bad sore throat with coughing. Well at least, with the coughing condition, it didn't stop me from eating Mango Ice Cream at Ice Room which was the best place for Ice Cream! Now, I'm craving. Abang Lue and Kak Linda were having Nuts Ice Cream (Something about nuts, I couldn't remember the exact name for it). We too ordered Watermelon Juice, Chicken Chop, Chips, Famous Nasi Goreng Kampung (I wasn't so sure what was so famous about it, at least it tasted good). After all, we were so full! Really full. Thank you to my lovely brother and sister-in-law. You both know how much I love you guys. And you may read this as well. I have more to write about you two. So many. And I admire how you both take good care of each other, how you both love and miss each other. Most importantly, I knew I had never lost my brother even though he was married. He never stops being a caring brother. Thank you Abang. 

The thing that used to get on my nerves was when people said to me, 'Oh, so you're his mother as well as his father?' I could never work that one out.

I was his father. And if his mother wasn't around, then I could still only be his father. If you lose your right arm, does your left arm become both your right and left arm? No, it doesn't. It's still just your left arm. And you get on with it. (p.22)

PART 1
PART 2

Mom, too, is a great wife. She treats Abah very well. She knows that being a good wife is a ticket to Jannah. Abah is a husband who only eats Mom's cooking. Even though we were out for lunch or dinner somewhere in Kota Bharu, but in the end once we arrived at home Abah would ask Mom to cook another meal for him. Mom knew it too well, so she never complained. It is an obvious lie if I say they never had any argument. Of course, they do. What makes it different is the way they handle the misunderstanding. Whenever they are into small argument, Abah will just keep his mouth shut because he knows that Mom will keep mumbling and continuing her "speech". So the only way to settle this is for Abah to stay silent. And after few moments, they will be back together talking and teasing each other like nothing happens. When Abah is driving during the midnight, Mom will try very hard not to fall asleep. She wanted to keep Abah company so that Abah will not get bored while driving. Though sometimes Mom just couldn't help herself but fell asleep. So, I will take my turn. Not to sleep but keep an eye on Abah in order to ensure that Abah will not drive with closing eyes. If I see Abah's eyes are closing, I will do the sign language such as "coughing" just to wake him up.    

I'm always proud of Mom. The way she takes care of her children. Not just one child but there are seven of us. Mom has stopped being so strict to her children. But when she stops being one, Izani will always take it for granted. And I hate this anyway! So, now I demand that Mom will be firm again. Don't worry, Izani may not be afraid of Mom but he surely knows how to be scared when Abah is calling his name. So, it is fair! Whatever reason it is, Izani is still Mom's baby. No matter how big he is now, he still looks fragile to Mom. And it is really hard to control Izani when he's at home. Sometimes, he is nowhere to be seen. 

I miss when Mom keeps reminding Abah to perform prayers in the mosque. Mom loves to go to the mosque for subuh and isya' prayers. During Ramadhan, Mom has never missed to do her subuh prayer and isya' together with tarawikh at the mosque. Except when she got her 'cuti'. I always spent some time to recite Al-Quran everytime after sahur, and when Mom heard the azan, she would knock on my door and asked "Aida, nak subuh dekat masjid tak?" . People will look at both Mom and I walking into the ladies' prayer side. And when Dad was on leave from his work, he too will join us praying at the mosque. I always pray that Allah will bless my family with great happiness. 

I didn't mean to be so arrogant saying how good my Mom has been. I'm sure every mother has done great to their own children. This is just a quick reflection on how hard my mother has worked for her family. She may not be working as officer, but yes she's the one who takes care of our family. I respect her with all my heart. And thank you so much Ma and Abah, for everything you have done. I'm all a grown-up now. But still, I'm your little child that always cry whenever I miss you both. 

Little did I know that my life has been so much challenging during my childhood but now Allah has given me a  lovely family. I wanted to have my own beautiful family, and see my own children growing up. I wanted to give them my love as much as they want. But the question remains unanswered. Do I have time to complete my unfinished jigsaw bit by bit? I don't know. I just hope, I will have enough time and I'm ready for it.

So, here I am wishing you a very Happy Mother's Day Mom! I wish you were here with me, so that I could give a warm hug and kiss your cheeks. I wanted to slowly whisper in your ear that I love you, and I will always do. InshaAllah. 

I could vividly remember a blissful week we had at ESSET. It was supposed to be the week of pre-departure briefing for all students who were under KPM scholarship. We met many people there, both PPC programme and B.Ed TESL programme. The stay at ESSET was really awesome. It was like staying in a hotel. And yesss, the food too was marvellous. We were divided into small teams, and we too were introduced to KPM officers. 

I know it sounds crazy, suddenly pointing out something that had been a long time ago. It was because I found something really interesting. I was looking at my personal file, and my eyes were amazed after seeing 5 pieces of small notes. Those were given during one of the programme at ESSET when we were asked to choose 5 friends and write them a simple note saying how much we appreciated them. Surprisingly, I still keep them. Anyway, that's not really a surprise because I used to keep all the letters and notes that my friends had given me since I was in primary school. Maybe one day I can share my personal stuffs with someone. =)

At first, I was thinking of taking pictures but then it seems too complicated for me. So, I write them down. Thank you friends. And you know that I feel so blessed to have you guys in my life. 

"I don't know why but I like your style. Maybe bcoz awak tau cara nak interact with others. Xtau la apa nak cakap tapi ape pun I love you as my fwen. Muah muah." - Fyza

"You have me and I do hope I have you" - Muna

"Setiap manusia dilahirkan dengan kelebihan masing-masing. Jadi anggaplah dirimu seorang yang sangat berguna dan bernilai" - Zue

"Z rase Aida memang ditakdirkan untuk Z. =) " - Zz

"Persahabatan umpama sungai yang mengalir. Ia sentiasa mengalir...dan tidak akan berhenti..." - Cik Abby a.k.a Trex

p/s: Spot the guy who was wearing the red shirt? I used to admire him. And everytime  he came to my group and took some pictures. My heart pounded fast. I felt nervous whenever his eyes met mine. Anyway, he was the official photographer for our programme at ESSET. And Z would whisper at my ears "Da, dia tengok awak".  It was funny and now I wish that I could meet him again. I guess he's a married guy now. 

A brave confession. No one knew about this, only me and Z. =D That's what we call as "kenangan". 

Things went well as we had planned. We were heading to Canterbury City Centre by bus and stopped by near to Azouma Restaurant. It is an arabic buffet restaurant with delicious and awesome food. Well, it really is! Anyway, I don't have picture to show you guys. You know when it comes to food and eating, everything on mind is forgotten even it is just for a few snaps. The buffet started at 12 in the afternoon, and we nearly finished by 1.45 PM. Good enough this time because if we are to compare with the previous buffet, we spent about 3 hours eating and laughing hysterically. The buffet cost us about 10 pound each, with Pepsi as drink. 

We continued the so called girls' day out to Canterbury Cathedral. Yes, it is a big church. Anyway, we were there just for the short visit. Taking Shap, our junior, for her first time. This Cathedral is famous for tourism purposes, and most people who come to Canterbury will at least have a look at it even for once. You may google the image of the Cathedral if you wish to. 

After that, we walked to Currys. Again accompanying Shap buying her first Ipod 4th generation. What a rich girl, =D. Alright, ignore it. Finish with that, we were then searching for the right place to perform our Zohor prayer. As usual, we would definitely hit some shop's fitting rooms. But this time, we chose Mark & Spencer's fitting rooms. And I just love one of the spring dress there. Lovely! The only problem was that, too expensive and didn't have the right size for me. So glad! 

And guess what! We went to Amsterdam! Really, I saw many tulips there! But not a real Amsterdam of course, just a little Amsterdam called "Westgate Garden". Lots of beautiful flower here and there, and English people were everywhere landing on the green grass doing the perfect sunbathing. When we were sunbathing as the English people did (in an acceptable way of sunbathing), there came two little boys who laughing out loud. We looked at them and they suddenly said "Why are you fucking looking at us?". I was like, "Haa sudahhh...". Alright, ignore them! A few minutes later, one of the boys was pulling his friend near to us. His head was close to my feet. They did it for few times, and there were moments when the boys made a "kissing" signal, and slowly said "beautiful" to us. Thank God there were children, if not....Anyway, that didn't just stop there. While these two boys were playing around, this one boy suddenly threw a sock to a friend of mine, Sheida. And that really triggered the lost of Sheida's patience. "Is it a funny thing to do? Is it?" "Idiot!" I didn't believe she said this because she never got angry before, at least not in front of my eyes. The boys said "We are not bitch" and Athirah gave a perfect reply "Yes, you are". Never ever think that we are toys that you can play around, because we too deserve the same respect as you want others to give you. To get things settled, we got off and left those two boys with unsatisfied faces. Ahhh....this is what we call life. Isn't it?

Enough with those silly incidents, we then walked back to the City Centre and stopped at one of the bookshops. We spent quite some time there, and I managed to buy 3 novels and one wordsearch collection book. At first, I was thinking of buying the book "Men from Mars, Women from Venus" but it sounded not pretty much promising if I could read it because I already had one called "Why Men Don't Listen, and Women Can't Read Maps" written by Allan & Barbara but never get the chance to finish reading it.

p/s: I don't fancy romantic English novel. I'm more into fictional family based novels. That's why I read more on Danielle Steel's instead of Nicholas Sparks' like other people do. I'm aiming at reading Tony Parson's books. Not now because I have got a lot of things to do at the moment. Will catch this later! Hopefully! May Allah bless us all. =)