"...what these daughters really wanted was to be able to bare their souls to the one person in the world who would love them without restraint, whose approval was priceless, who would find them and their myriad life issues endlessly fascinating."
I hope that I can build the kind of relationships with each of my daughters that allows them to "bare their souls" to me. With so many struggles that young women have to face, I want to be the one they turn to, and confide in. I am starting to realize that that type of relationship doesn't come easily. They are little now and have little problems, and I find myself asking them to be quiet instead of talking my ear off, or waiting to tell me something later. It is hard to "find their myriad life issues endlessly fascinating" at this age, but I try to be an engaged listener. It seems a daunting task looking to the future when their problems, and decisions will get bigger, as they do.
When I say that I want to be my daughters' friend, I do not mean that I stop parenting/disciplining them. That would be a disservice to them, and I could not function as a mother of 5 small children if I didn't enforce all of the rules that keep our family somewhat stable and on track. I believe that by following rules and living up to expectations, they can learn the discipline they need to make the most out of life, and enjoy it to its fullest. It exhausts me to see parents let their kids throw fits to get their way and make their parents bend over backwards for them to satisfy their whims. I have more of a "get with the program" attitude about parenting, but try to balance it with one on one time with each child, plenty of praise for their accomplishments and success, and as many hugs as they want. 
It is a balancing act, trying to give them all adequate time and attention, especially when they all demand it in different ways. Ariel is very vocal and wears her heart on her sleeve. Adriana is more independent, but is always excited to tell me about something interesting. Annika is very cuddly and expressive. Alice is still very little, and gets most of my time, and it will be interesting to see where she fits into our family dynamic as she gets older.
When we had the ultra sound and found out that baby number five was daughter number four, I had this distinct impression that "There is a reason why I need to raise girls." I am still trying to figure out what those reasons are. I think one of the most important has to do with self worth. I think it is something that most girls struggle with at some point. I do everything I can to convey how important they are to me, and how significant their life is in the world. One of the hardest things is teaching them to build each other up. There always seems to be an undercurrent of sibling rivalry. I am trying to figure out how to show them to be happy for each others' accomplishments, and how to validate each other. I think that when we are happy with ourselves it is easier to be happy for someone else. When girls feel confident about who they are, and the direction their life is headed in they are less likely to end up in unhealthy relationships.
I couldn't find the quote, but in part of the book, she expresses the disappointment a mother experiences, when her adult daughter does not reciprocate the friendship. The daughter doesn't want her mother to confide her darkest secrets in her or hear about her troubles. She just wants her to be an anchor for her. I conclude that maybe "friend" is not the right word, because in this life we will never be peers. I will never need them in the way they will always need me. Not to wipe their noses or go shopping for them, but to be rooting for them and being avaiable and accessable to them in their times of need. In contrast, as a grown woman, my needs are better met by other women and men my age. I will cherish the times I will spend with my daughters not only as children but also as adults, but I will not ask them to bare my burdens.
I like how she worded, "whose approval is priceless," becasue children are constantly seeking approval, and as adults we come to a point where others' approval no longer matters as much as it used to. But somewhere, ingrained in our psyche, remains a place for our mother's approval. Not that we are actively seeking it the way a child does, but when it is acknowledged, makes us feel complete. Our ego says, "If Mom liked it, it must be good." Because our mother is our first teacher. She is the one who shows us what is good, and safe , and right, and beautiful.
One reason that mothers can love their daughters without restraint is becasue they are their own. You can never get enough of a good thing, and one of the best things is life, is your mother's love. She knows your strengths and weaknesses and loves you because of and in spite of them. You are her life. So much of her life is spent in assuring that yours is full. She takes on the role of helping you be the best you can be.
The most important thing I can teach my daughters to help them find happiness in this life is to turn to their Heavenly Father for comfort and guidance. Some of the most influential and memorable advice that my mother gave me happened in my teen-age years. The first instance was when I was 16 and my first boyfriend, who I believed to be my one true love, dumped me. I came to her room crying, and she said to me, "This is the first day of the rest of your life." Letting me know in a moment of loss and rejection, that she still loved me and had confidence in me and in my bright future. The next instance was when I was deciding on a major in college, she encouraged me to read my patriarchal blessing and pray about it, teaching me to turn to the Lord to direct my life. For a young adult who was unsure of herself and her future this spoke volumes. This taught me that my mother believed that I was good enough to ask the Creator of the Universe for advice. Something that I did not myself believe at the time. Secondly, that my life was worth worrying about. That my college major mattered.
Many times in my adult life I have repeated the pattern that she taught me when faced with a tough decision. She equipped me to find my own way.
Although Annika only called me her BFF for one day, I hope she, and Ariel, and Adriana, and Alice will count me as a friend forever. More than a friend, her mother.
