Sleeping Through a Turkey Trot

Alright everyone, I will be the first to say it: I am lazy. I was so excited for the first annual Turkey Rabies Awareness Trot, and how did I show my excitement? By sleeping right through the whole thing. Last night, Julianne said she wasn't going to come to the TT (Turkey Trot - I will be abbreviating this from now on) because she was going to sleep in. I am ashamed to say that I gave her a hard time for this. So I'm not sure if Julianne ended up going, but if she did, she will probably make fun of me for not showing up. I would like to apologize to all who attended/planned the TT, and beg their forgiveness for my laziness. I am a fool and missed out on one of the greatest holiday events in Phoenix. I will regret it for the rest of my life. I am not even going to tell you what time I rolled out of bed either. Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!

Pregnunt and Trashee

a cupple of weaks ago, i dun went to the stayt fare to sea my favurite thing ever - the demulishun durby. i luv how all them cars just hit each other and crash and all them fires get lit and stuff. i luv the smell of gasuline and smoke.  a few days before the durby, i noticed that i was pregnunt. i was like "oh crap, not again." what am i gunna do with anuther kid? there daddys never pay child suppurt or nothin (maybe cuz i am not sure who there daddys are anyway). but whatever. so i went to the fare and found two possibiltys. i cuddn't remembur witch one was my baby daddy, so i went with the one who treeted me the best. he took reel good care of me the hole nite and tried to feed me fried foods and all that. it was real nice. oh, and i got free stuf all nite from peeple workin at the fare. i got 2 free lemmonades just cuz i was pregnunt. i gess they felt bad fur me. but any way, i had a reel good time at the fare, and luve beeing pregnunt cuz it sure has its benufits if ya no what i am talkin' about.

I Must Be a Toilet or Something

The week isn't even over yet and I have already experienced a few disturbing things already. Yes, I have been the victim of a crime so repulsive and disgusting that I even hesitate to put it on my blog. Two different people on two different nights took it upon themselves to "blank" on me. For those of you who don't know, "blanking" is Breba's word for farting. She finds the "f" word offensive (go figure) and so refers to it as "blanking." And since I don't know how sensitive my NUMEROUS readers may or may not be about that apparently "vulgar" word, I shall henceforth refer to it as blanking. Anyway, on Tuesday night I was being righteous and sitting attentively in my Institute class minding my own business and listening to my teacher. I was sitting next to this one guy and things got real ugly toward the end of class. He shifted in his chair to put his arm around his fiance on the other side of him, tilted his butt off his chair and aimed "it" at me, and ripped the biggest blank you ever heard on those cold metal chairs. I whipped my head around in disbelief, he acted like nothing happened, and I was left to wallow in his stinky filth. I am not even kidding here. It was loud. Shelly was even sitting next to me and heard it and the girls in the row behind me heard it, I know they did. I dared not look at them cuz I knew I would be overtaken with a fit of giggles, but I KNOW they heard it too. I mean seriously, how can someone so blatantly blank like that in class and then act like it was no big deal? And how is that person even engaged still? Anyone see anything wrong with this picture? Well, I was offended. I think he purposely did it right on me to seek some sort of revenge on me. I am not sure what I did to deserve it, but I know I shall never sit by him again.

And last night at basketball, a certain person (who I will call "Mary" to protect her identity) who I was guarding kept blanking all over the court all night. I was her confidant and didn't tell anyone it was her (although people kept complaining that something smelt like dirty diapers), and she and I laughed all night about it. Well, after the third or fourth time, people were starting to blame me. Why does everyone always do that? I NEVER blank. EVER. So why I should be subjected to their jeers and taunting, I will never know. Anyway, after I started to get blamed for the offensive smells, I threw my "buddy" under the bus so to speak and ratted her out. I refuse to be blamed for something that I did not do. She was embarrassed to be sure, but I was vindicated and that is all that matters. 

Transient Bishop and a Cardboard Reba

Our basketball nights seem to be getting stranger as the weeks go by. Last week's incident with the stripper is long forgotten and has been replaced by more serious events. Breba is headed to Utah today to attend a Reba concert, and she brought one of her life-sized cardboard Rebas to b-ball last night so Reba could make her "debut" before she heads to Utah with Breba. I hope this isn't confusing anyone. But Breba left the cardboard Reba in one of the rooms at the church and kept "introducing" her to everyone who came in, including Ed W. (which was a mistake as we shall soon see). 

Once our basketball game started to wind down, and all the men who were in the church building had left and us basketball girls were the only ones there, Krista discovered that the beloved cardboard Reba was GONE!!! Yes, "someone" (Ed W.) kidnapped Reba and left a rather disturbing ransom note. The demands he left were for several chocolate bars to be delivered in an "unmarked brown bag" by Sunday, or else cardboard Reba would get the shredder! You can imagine Breba's distress.  She of course left for Utah this morning and she couldn't leave without her life-sized Reba. As we were trying to figure what kind of sicko had kidnapped Reba, we heard a loud banging on the doors in the foyer. We all ran out there thinking the kidnapper had delivered Reba only to find a strange man with a shaved head banging on the door. This is when the fun and games came to an abrupt halt. Thank goodness we had locked the doors after all the guys left, and Breba was trying to talk to the strange man through the glass doors. The guy was asking for a "transient bishop" or something crazy like that and wanted to come inside the church. We of course did not open the door, and we all were getting a little creeped out. So we ignored the guy and went back into the cultural hall pretending to be unconcerned with the weirdo who ended up sitting in front of the doors right by all of our cars. So we couldn't leave the church because then we'd have to pass the guy. So Sis. Bale called her hubbie and I called my dad and they both came down and talked to the guy who turned out to be homeless and an ex-convict (yikes). We also called 911 just in case. Finally, the guy walked away and we were able to leave, but not without the cardboard Reba, who we found locked in Ed W's office. She didn't seem to mind the kidnapping. We found her just standing there with a bag of Fritos in her hand like it was all no big deal. 

I used to hate when someone would say us girls shouldn't be down at the church without priesthood there. I would always say "I don't need a man to protect me," and Breba would say that since she is the R.S. president, she is pretty much like priesthood (is that blasphemous? Maybe...). Well, that was a lie I have now discovered. We all felt very vulnerable last night having a weird man outside of the church and no guys there to protect us. But now the real concern is how are we going to keep up our girls basketball nights? What guys are going to stay down there with us while we play? I'm thinking that Sports Chalet stripper might agree to it....

Oh, and for ALL Weathersby women who read this, please do not tell Ed W about this incident!!!!! We are planning on rectifying this situation in the future by having that male stripper with us every night anyway, so there is NO NEED for him to get all panicky and lecture-y on us!!!

Birthdays, Basketballs, and Strippers

Yesterday was Breba's 25th birthday, and we celebrated by playing another crazy game of girl's basketball. Things were going OK until everyone on the other team kept getting hit by basketballs to the head. Some of this was my fault (sorry Martha). I can get a little crazy when I try and exert my "athletic" abilities. Finally, after almost everyone on the other team had been injured in some way, we decided to stop the game and eat Breba's birthday cupcakes. Now this is when things got a little weird...Evans and Cindy show up in their pajamas and then this guy comes in his "work" clothes and starts taking his belt off in a seductive manner near Breba, and some pervert told this man to "Spank her! Spank her!" I was in complete shock. How did this innocent birthday get-together turn into a striptease? I may never know the answer to that, but my suspicions tell me Lily had something to do with it...

And of course, no one had a camera for any of this, so I could be making this up. There is no way to know.   

Professional Prize Winner

I have gone through much of my life without ever winning any prizes and such, and I started to think I was very unlucky until two weeks ago. Two Mondays ago I had just turned the radio to KISS fm, and they said to call now to win Gavin DeGraw tickets (which I was going to buy tickets to anyway, but I just didn't have any money to do it), and so I got my house phone on one ear and my cell phone on the other and kept redialing until they picked up and told me I won two tickets!! I was screaming like a school girl and I was on the radio and everything. It was awesome. Then that following Saturday, Krista and I were driving somewhere and we had just turned it to KISS fm and they said to call now for Gavin tickets and so I had her cell phone on one ear and my cell phone on my other ear and kept redialing until they picked up and told me I won two more tickets! We were screaming our heads off, and pulled the car over for safety reasons so as to avoid any collisions. So yep, I am a professional prize winner now. The concert was on Monday and we had the time of our lives and met Gavin for the THIRD time! Life is beautiful.