Covenants

So it has been another while since my last post. I have not been writing as much as I usually do. I guess it has something to do with my internships, crazy class, my wonderful children, and my beautiful wife expecting. It is like there is nothing to do or something!
It is also Christmas time. A time I love because of the focus we can put on our Savior, but also a time that is considerably stressful because of strapped finances, worries about extended family and friends, and too many parties! Just kidding about the parties, my wife and I can't seem to say no to parties! Oh well.
A few things have been on my mind of late and I feel that this is my personal spot to talk about them without it having to make too much sense. After all the name of my blog is Insights, Thoughts, and a Little Insanity. Insanity seems to be a prevailing force in my life as of late, so I am glad I included it in the title. Who knew how prophetic it would be of the adult years: working, serving in the Church, and raising children.
Okay. So what's on my mind? Well there are a few things, but my main frustration lately is  the attitude many people take toward their Temple covenants.  If you think I am going to get really preachy from here on out, you may be right, but one of the most sacred things I have ever done was to go and covenant with God in the Temple that I would live his laws the rest of my life and beyond. It wasn't a joke. It wasn't a "if I feel like it". It was life or death. My soul is on the line.
Regardless of people's reflection on their Temple experience, the fact remains: They made a covenant. It needs to be kept. It is a matter of honor to God and self. If things have happened that have led to a slackening of commitment, I would say get back on track. We can't blame other people, no matter the situation, for our lack of commitment to God. It doesn't matter the 'hard' things we have gone through, or that we don't think we were prepared, or what not. We said we'd do something. So do it. Go back to the Temple, wear your garments properly. After all we have been taught that the way we wear them is a "outward expression" of our commitment to God. What else that we could be committed to could POSSIBLY be better than being committed to God in our personal and public lives?
I am usually a pretty patient and (I think) understanding person, but when it comes to throwing out promises we made to God, I boil inside. People act as if it is too hard to keep those commitments they made. I cannot understand or accept this. I feel that life is much harder and much more confusing when we don't keep those promises. They keep me safe. Anybody can do it, especially if a person as weak as me can do it.
Our lives revolve around our desires and our use of agency. How and where we spend our time, our money, and our words show our desires and our heart. I absolutely have things I need to fine-tune. But I can't do it on my own and keeping those Temple promises is one way for me to show God that I NEED his help. I NEED IT. How could I throw the only sure source of help out the window. Where much is given much is required (D&C 82:3).

There are people who have been to the Temple and who haven't. I absolutely believe that God will be more merciful to those who haven't been in some ways, rather than those that have been and then gone back on their word of honor. However I believe that he will be the most rewarding and happy with those who have been and who have kept their part of the covenant to the best of their ability.
We may not always live our covenants perfectly, we must always continue to get up when we fall, but we cannot quit, or give it away as if it has no worth, for those covenants are everything to this life and our eternal life after.
So, I would rather be a loser, in the eyes of the world, than a quitter in the eyes of my Father in Heaven and His Son. To those reading this, that I love, who have made covenants and who are struggling: Pick it up. There is no other source of joy or peace that can compare with the blessing of our Father in Heaven that comes through keeping our part of the bargain.

Forgiveness and Freedom

Forgiveness and freedom are intertwined. As humans experiencing mortality, life is too short to hold on to the pain and hurt we choose to feel when we are offended. I have chosen to be offended at times. I hate how it makes me feel. My inability to communicate effectively, the weight on my mind of anger or bitterness, and the withdrawal from things of light and happiness.

Sure I may have experienced the pain of someone saying hurtful things or doing something to disappoint me, but how many times have I said something that could have done the same to someone else? Many times things escape our mouths that we may believe in the moment, but when we step back and realize what we have spoken we realize the truth. Many times to our shame.
The Lord commanded us to forgive. He says, "I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men (D&C 64:10)." This commandment is for our good. We are not capable of carrying the burden of bitterness and anger around without damaging our spirit, and even our body. Anger and hurt not only hurt us spiritually, but they can change our perception of those around us. Where we once were able to trust and love our neighbor we now give way to mistrust and suspicion of kind motives.
Forgiveness is being able to let things 'slide off our back'. It doesn't mean that we put ourselves in the way of malicious people. It doesn't mean that we continue to associate with people who continue to hurt us. Of course not. But we give people the benefit of the doubt. We also learn that despite their actions we are going to be okay. We learn and believe that deep down most people are trying to be good and we all do and say foolish things along the way. This does not give us license to just give up trying not to offend people, we need to be sensitive to the feelings of others. Unkind words can destroy or tear down, while kind words build and help develop other people around us.
I have had my experiences with situations where I have taken offence. Bullying as a child, watching the mistreatment of those I love, and the words of others. However I am learning that I it is just too much work to hold on to a grudge. Despite my perceptions of other people's actions, I don't know their heart. I don't know their struggles. I don't always know what really happened and I need to withhold my judgment. My personal feeling is that I want the Lord to be charitable to me and I ought to be so with those around me. I hope that when I meet those people who have in my opinion have offended I can meet them openly and honestly with a feeling of charity. I can still improve in this area but the scripture in the New Testament echoes often in my mind, "For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what means ye mete, it shall be measured to you again (Matthew 7:2)."

I have not experienced some of the painful things others have in my life, I have had my own experiences though with the cruelty of others. My experiences pale in contrast with many people, for that I am grateful. I have erred often in making bad judgments of other people and I have regretted it when I find out the whole story. I am grateful for the Lord's gift of forgiveness. I have needed plenty in my life and will need more. I hope to be able to forgive "all men". It is not the easiest thing, but it is easier in the long run when compared to the alternative mindset.
This challenge can be approached with the faith that God will help us through.
Gaining charity in our dealings with other people seems to be key in the forgiveness of others. Moroni commanded us, "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen. (Moroni 7:48)." That's it. Amen.

Internship Insights

I have been a horrible blogger. This is ironic, because I love to write. Unfortunately, or fortunately, as one may look at it, I have been excessively busy. It isn't the kind of busy where I am constantly productive either. A lot of it has been 'putting in hours'. I am almost done with my Master's Degree and to finish it up I need to get a whole lot of internship hours. I have all school year to do this, but I am a little bit neurotic about getting things accomplished and have probably overdone some of my hours. I am a fourth of the way done, and I am only one month into school.
I do this for a reason, get much done now and have less to do later. I hope however in the process I keep my life in balance.

I am thankful for my wife who is consistently supportive of me in this. I am thankful for my children who miss me during the long days that I have had recently. Just knowing that they wish I was around make my heart a bit tender. I have wonderful children.
During this internship time I have been learning about the job of a school principal: high school and elementary. I have seen and am seeing how much goes on behind the scenes of a school that is never appreciated, or even realized by not only parents and students, but even the teachers. Administrators earn their money. Extra hours, demands of all involved, and a scheduled that as planned as possible never seems to really go as planned. These aren't bad things. I have found them, in my small experience as an intern, to be really enjoyable.
Education isn't just about children learning. It is keeping teachers educated, helping parents know how to best teach, befriending members of the community, and learning to find ways where parties can come to agreements when agreement doesn't seem initially possible.
I have new respect for the school administrator.
Which is why the counsel given by the Lord in D&C 121 rings even more true to me. The end of this section, in my opinion is the perfect format for leadership. In any given situation, the principles are solid. This section is dealing with Priesthood authority in the church and home. But any authority that is given to us in our communities or church will flourish when these principles area applied to them:

 "Hence, many are called, but few are chosen. No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned. By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile. Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou has reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; That he may know that they faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death. Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish they thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon they soul as the dews from heaven. The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant companion, and they scepter and unchanging scepter of righteousness and truth; and thy dominion shall be an everlasting, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever (v. 40-46)."
I had a student I was helping to behave last night ask me why I wasn't more aggressive. I asked him later why he was. It was a bit of a humorous exchange, but I thought about it. I didn't need to be aggressive. I needed to be calm and patient. The student knew he was a bit out of line, he knew what my job was, and things were fine. I see too often situations handled with anger or 'authority' and little good comes of it. I have found also that most of the time, people just need to feel a little proximity to those put in leadership to realize they need change certain behaviors.
I think the Lord works this way. There is no force. There is no compulsion. There is just His presence and his principles he has lined out for us. Certainly there is rebuke when it is needed, but as the scripture says, there is "an increase of love" "That [we] may know that [His] faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death v. 43-44)."
Reading scriptures, praying, serving, attending church, these things keep us in the proximity of the Lord. When we feel we are close to Him, it is easier to watch our choices and our treatment of others.
Getting back to God isn't a complicated process. It involves simple steps, it only gets harder when we cease habits that put us within the proximity of our Father in Heaven, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.
So see...I am learning something from all these internship hours! I love working with the students, teachers, and parents. It is not always easy to help people and 'keep the peace', but it can be done with effort, and revelation (yes, even in a public setting!).
I am also learning, that I need to balance things out better. I seem to always be thinking and striving for balance, and yet the application has yet to fully come!
Thankfully I have a supportive, beautiful wife who keeps me going and keeps me positive. If anyone on this earth loves me outside of my parents, I know it is her, and I am a blessed man because of it. She exemplifies womanhood and I will brag her up forever!

Today and Lehi's Dream

Practical application. That's what we are taught to do with the scriptures. Today I was reading Lehi's account of his dream. I have read it before. Many, many times. It stood out more powerfully to me today. I think a lot of it has to do with my concern over people not only accepting the gospel, but living it and staying true to it afterwards. Nothing changes lives more profoundly than the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Nothing is sweeter. Nothing can bring about a change of heart in the same way.

Yet, it is a hard thing for people to fully embrace sometimes. It doesn't matter to them that it will bring a fullness of joy, or that life will become easier in many aspects because of the safety following Jesus brings. I am not immune from some of these same problems, even as a baptized member who wants to live the gospel fully. There are things I don't want to do because I am more comfortable the "way I am". Thankfully the Lord does not give up on any of us. Ever.

In Lehi's dream we are given symbolism that illustrates many situations that we see in people's acceptance of the gospel. We have those like Lehi, who lead others to the tree of life, or the gospel. We have others, who are invited and hold to the rod all the way to the tree of life. We have others, like Laman and Lemuel, that look at the Lehi's like they are crazy and won't even consider the gospel. There are also people feeling their way to the great and spacious building who could care less about the gospel. Lastly there are those who partake of the fruit, last for a while and then leave, ashamed that they were members of the church.

Mists of darkness arise for us all at times, they cloud our way and obstruct our goals. Things can seem hard to discern and things that we thought were right are challenged by so many conflicting views.

What is the secret? It is that rod of iron that represents the little things that we do every single day. And we never let go.

Our prayers to our Heavenly Father, even on days we are not sure He is listening. Our scripture study, even when our kids are screaming at each other. Our home and visiting teaching. Going weekly to church, even when we could be doing something a lot more fun. God does not miss these things and He will come through for us.

But will we come through for Him? Not just for a day, or a week, or a month, or a year, or even several years. But will we come through with our whole souls and whole lives? It is not wasted. He says in Doctrine and Covenants 56:18, "But blessed are the poor who are poor in heart, whose hearts are broken, and whose spirits are contrite, for they shall see the kingdom of God coming in power and great glory unto their deliverance; for the fatness of the earth shall be theirs."

I believe it. I want it. But do I want it bad enough?

Thankfully we have Jesus to help us achieve these things despite our weakness. We can change and do better. Matthew 5:8 states, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

That tree of life is there for every soul living on this planet. Some care. Some don't. I suppose to each their own when it comes down to it. But I want it. I hope I can stay strong enough to make it. I hope I can help my family, friends, and others I love get there. I realize that people have agency. They can choose. They need that right. But there is a better way, and it really does bring happiness. But we can't really know until we really try. Working in missionary work in my ward has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. Perhaps even equal to my full-time mission. It is heartbreaking at times to see people almost accept the gospel, or accept than fall away. I wish I could choose for them sometimes. But my testimony still stands that God lives. Jesus is our Savior and His church is on the earth at this time. I am grateful for that. Everything good in my life has come from the Tree of Life, which we know is equal to the "Love of God (1 Nephi 11:25)".

End of Everything...Again!

School is out. Activities are winding down. Summer is upon us. THANKFULLY. Perhaps I say this too soon as I am starting four Master's classes next week, but at least there will be a few days respite! This last week of school was not my favorite, not because of the school or students but because the events concerning a former student noted in my previous post. I have been so utterly worried about things I can't control that my wife has had it confirmed that I am certifiably insane! Perhaps this is where trusting the Lord comes into play. There are things that are in His control will be worked out.

ANYWAY. This was the last day of school with my students. I have to say that the last two years I have had with students have been very, very close to heaven. The students have been wonderful. This year I had the privilege of working with two Mrs. Glovers and they were very wonderful to work with.

My class this year had a great mix of personalities. Funny, loud, outspoken, goofy, serious, shy, and just about every other mix you can think of. That was only in eighteen children. I miss them already!

I live in Orderville and teach in Kanab. I have a separation from my job. This is a good thing. It gives me a chance to really change gears and not let my two 'lives' interfere. I try to leave work at work. However I don't try to leave family at home. They are most definitely welcome at work! I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love the students I teach. I also love being able to come home and be with my family and not stress (too much) about my job. Of course there have been days.

I feel like my job is a blessing. It is not as great a blessing as my wife Jenna. Nor is it as great as my children or membership in the Church. But it has given me opportunity to serve and help others. Not just children, but those I work with. I don't know how effective my service has been for others, but I believe that it has saved me, and will continue to do so.

The Lord provides us many opportunities to be of service. Like the school year, they end. Things we feel that will go on forever, don't. Time passes. This is good. It is also sobering. We only have so much time to be an influence for good on those around us. Then that time passes. There are so many people to care for and reach out to that it can be overwhelming. But we try anyway.

I don't claim to do a very good job with my time, but with my students this year and last year I feel satisfied, happy, and confident that we did a great job. Not perfect, but great. I realize that someday I will retire. It will come sooner than I can believe, I hope I can say that I was a positive influence on some lives. Not just in learning for school, but for life.

This same concept/principle applies to my children and wife at home. Thankfully we are sealed, we will be eternal. But that doesn't mean Jenna and I have an infinite window to teach them. We don't. We need to take advantage of the time given us to teach them how to make correct decisions. If we don't someone else will teach them how to make decisions. Who will that be? I don't want to leave that up to chance.

The Lord knows that we aren't here forever. We have a set amount of time to improve our circumstances and talents (Ecclesiastes 3). We have a set amount of time to serve those around us. We need to balance this. We need to care for ourselves and our families, but while we're at it we can keep our hearts and minds open for those around us who need that extra help. I believe as we take the time to study and ponder scripture, pray, and look for opportunities to serve we will be given those opportunities. We will bless some lives along the way and we will be blessed even more in our lives.

So Much to Process

This last twenty four hours have been somewhat insane. Not just for me but for our community. It is the end of the school year, students are excited for summer. Teachers are also excited. These are good things. Life with my family at home has been wonderful. Jenna has been busy helping those around us, and I might add being so very attractive! Our children have been so much fun to play with and watch go. They have such funny personalities. We are so very blessed.

There have also been some upsetting things. There have been several families going through some severe trials and struggles.

Yesterday was a great day at school. We had a lot of fun. We worked a little, I read to them a lot, we cleaned the classroom up a bit and we even got to play. It was a great day with these students I love. I get pretty attached!

Sadly, after school I found out that the the dad of one of my favorite former students had passed away. It wasn't accidental. It was heartbreaking. My heart goes out to her, to her mother and brother. People shouldn't have to face these kinds of trials, but the decisions of others can bring us pain. Thinking of the coming weeks, months, and years, the shifting of their world and the struggles they are going to have to face is, again, heartbreaking. There is a desire to be of help, and yet helplessness because no matter what we as humans can do, it can't erase the pain completely. However, we can comfort though and reach out.

On top of that, I hear about a case of inappropriate behavior on the heads of some church leaders in our area, and I think how easy it is to fall into transgression, how important it is to be wise. While at the same time loving the individuals who have made mistakes so they can be given the second chance they need. People who make mistakes need love. My friend Bruce Rose brought this out yesterday as we were discussing things. People don't need us to judge them. They need us to love them.

In both of these situations there were things that could have been done differently. There were decisions on the parts of individuals that could have been avoided. It didn't have to be this way, but I am not going to cast a stone at any of these people who have caused pain for others. They are in enough pain themselves and need as much support as they can get to recover and, if nothing else, come to their own peace. In this life or the next, God will not abandon his children as long as their is hope. It doesn't mean he will take away consequences, but He will not abandon his children.

With all his said, I think to myself how grateful I am for the gospel I am blessed to have. It doesn't take away bad things. It doesn't solve everyone's problems immediately. But it provides peace and through the Atonement relinquishes pain. It takes time. It takes complete trust and faith in Jesus Christ. It requires us to realize that we can't do it all, that the Atonement will help and we need to ask for that help.

I always seem to have so many feelings swirling around in my heart during this time of year. I begin to realize that the end of the school year is coming. That I will miss my students.

I have realized that even though they are not my children, they are my kids and once I am invested in their growing up, I feel invested in their lives. For the rest of my life. Twenty years down the road, I may not always recognize them, but I will remember them. I hope I never forget.

There is a book by Carol Lynn Pearson titled "The Lesson". In this book it says that the real lesson we are learning all along in this life is "how much do you love?" I hope I will be able to answer that question positively before the Lord if I am asked. Loving others will bring us pain, but it will bring us joy. The joy is worth it.

The more I learn the more I am convinced that all the warnings and "thou shalts" are given because the Lord knows what things will bring us joy and what will bring us pain. It is out of love and a desire to prevent pain that God floods us with instruction and revelation. He gives us opportunities to course correct because He wants us home. Much more purely than I want my children home and safe. He wants us home and safe. I know this.

"Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28).
The following video helped me feel some peace this morning. It is about 5 minutes and worth a look. It is powerful and brings peace.

God may not take our pain away immediately. We may have things to learn from that pain. But He will help and over time our wounds can be made whole. All of them. That doesn't mean we won't remember and that we won't feel something, but the pain can be replaced by gratitude and God will be our friend.

The Book of Mormon

I was on the Church website today and I came across a great video about the Book of Mormon. I wanted to share it here on my blog. After I watched the first one there was another video similar, but powerful, both testify of the Book of Mormon.

I am grateful for the wisdom contained in this book. One of the greatest lessons that I have learned from the Book of Mormon, and all scripture, is that we can trust the Lord. Unreservedly. These books teach how to be and what to do, but they also teach us the God loves us. He care for us. He wants us to understand what is at stake.

I love the Book of Mormon and the Bible. I love the Doctrine and Covenants and Pearl of Great Price. The more we treasure them the more we learn to love God and know He loves us.

Here is the first:

Here is the second:

Charity

I am not dead. I am still alive. I have felt like I have fallen off the face of the earth though. I would like to blame it on my School Law class this semester but that excuse rings hollow and...lame.

I have had lots of thoughts about things. I have learned some pretty good lessons lately. I have been happy, stressed, and anxious. I have been a bit frightened as I read the news around the world. Things are crazy.

The first thought that comes to mind lately has revolved around the need for charity. In the scriptures we are told that if "ye have not charity, ye are nothing" (Moroni 7:44). Why are we nothing?

There are a lot of things that we need to be striving for in our lives. Honesty, integrity, hard work, obedience. There are many commandments we need to learn to obey. We can master everything, but if we fail at loving our fellowman, what was the point of any of it. First and foremost, God is love. He loves his children. Yes, we need to obey a number of commandments, which by so doing we are protected from all sorts of problems, but charity, the pure love of Christ takes our focus from ourselves, to those around this. It is pretty hard to have charity by' only practicing on ourselves. This is a hard thing for me, but the Lord has made a way. Moroni says, "Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love." (Moroni 7:48). I don't think that this love comes in any other way. Life is too full of problems and conflicts to think we can develop charity on our own. I think that we can get pretty far by self-control, but the feeling of love towards others, real love, comes from God, and we have to ask for it. God makes it happen for us. It may be through some trials involving other people. It may be that we have to endure some hardships to be schooled in the ways of charity. That is okay, because it conditions us to seek for God's love, which gives us understanding. If He can love us regardless of our faults, and we can recognize that love, then we can love others. We love him because He first loved us (John 4:19). When we know he loves us, asking for charity becomes something we want. Naturally.

It is interesting to me that people who have the most charity have oftentimes suffered the most. They have earned it by staying faithful through adversity. They have turned the other cheek in moments of shame and humiliation at the hands of others. They (have) look(ed) to God and lived (Alma 37:47).

Garden of Gethsemane picture taken from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Retrieved from: http://lds.org/scriptures/bc/scriptures/content/english/bible-maps/images/03990_000_bible-photo-12.jpg
The Garden Tomb Picture take from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Retrieved from: http://lds.org/scriptures/bc/scriptures/content/english/bible-maps/images/03990_000_bible-photo-14.jpg