Dark Days

Since last week’s tragedy in Newtown, it's been harder to let the kids out of the house. The instinct is to keep them under lock and key, but every morning we have to open the door and let them go.  To the movies, to the mall, to walk to the bus stop in the dark.  Like many parents, I’m trying to wrap my head around this and figure out how it will impact my family.   At this age, it is less about trying to shield them from the news. It’s mostly about answering questions like “Why don’t they want to say the killer’s name?” "Why did that mom have a gun?"  “Would you ever get a gun?”   "Did he know any of those kids?"

These are the darkest days of the year, and this year sad circumstances have accumulated around me to make the days seem even darker than usual.  Long ago, the ancients thought the sun was leaving them, getting farther and farther away.  Each year they feared that it would never return.  It’s no coincidence that Christmas falls during the time when the ancients realized the sun was coming back.  Winter Solstice -  the day before the light starts to return.   Right now we are waiting, lighting the Hannukah and Advent candles.   

We spend so much time trying to teach our children that violence is wrong -- that loving each other is the reason we’re all here on this earth together.   We want them to know that love is our highest purpose.  That to feel  it is a blessing, and to express it is a gift, not to be taken for granted. Yes, we can teach them to accept that some people have disabilities that make it hard to cultivate love, or express it.  Acting out in anger is something we struggle with daily as a family.  But it’s impossible to explain  how someone could face a blackness as dark as what prompted last week’s horror.

Have you ever heard the saying that a broken heart is an open heart?   Right now it feels like the country is joining hands,  praying for the love in our hearts to pass from one hand to the next.  I’m hopeful that those grieving find their way out of the darkness and are touched by returning light and love in the coming weeks.

Please visit  The Brady Campaign to End Gun Violence 

Honor Your Ancestors: Attend a Family Reunion



Alzieri Family Reunion - August 2012

Going to a family reunion is one of the best ways to honor the memory of our parents, grandparents, and other relatives that have gone before us.

The Alzieri Sisters

A reunion organized by cousins of my grandmother a few years ago attracted very few young families.  It made me sad because my Grandma would have wanted us to connect.  She would have been happy to see us visiting with her sisters, recalling her smile and the sound of her voice in theirs. She would have been delighted to see her grandneices, nephews, and second cousins once removed playing with my kids.   It made me proud to be examined by a cousin who proclaimed "You look just like Rose did when she was your age."   It was a way to keep her memory alive,  a testament of her genetic fortitude.   Throughout the day, stories were told -- some important, some trivial -- that might have otherwise been buried and forgotten. 

Grandma Rose wasn't there to see the exhaustive research on the family tree that my dad's cousin Jeff performed on Ancestry.com, but she would have been proud that we were there to see it.  A huge diagram was displayed on the wall, including photo copies of documents from Ellis Island that recorded the arrival of our ancestors from Calabria, Italy.



Dominic and Rose Angelo, my great grandparents

One of the most precious documents in my cache of important papers is an essay by our cousin Doloris, who wrote about how my Grandma Rose worked hard and sacrificed, not just to keep our family fed, but to teach the former Italian peasants the American way of life.  She writes about my grandmother: 

Grandma Rose, in the darker coat, foreground left

"Aunt Rose was 14 years old and the sole support of the family...she was the only person left who could speak both Italian and English...They lived in Mayfield.  Aunt Rose taught her family and the DiGravios how to shop...how to understand money, how to set a table, all the things that come so natural for us, but were so new to these immigrant families.  Not only did she support her own family, but she sent money 50 cents at a time to my parents to help with the medical expenses for my eyes.  Were it not for her, I may not have the vision I have today.  Aunt Rose is a remarkable person."

  

Where do we have Sunday dinner when we outgrow the kitchen table?
In the garage of course!

Would you believe that Doloris found me on Facebook recently and sent me a friend request?   There aren't many people left in this world who remember my grandmother's contribution to the overall welfare and stability of our family-- even my father, because he wasn't alive yet to see it.    I'm so grateful to Doloris for recording it, and to be living in a time where connection with her is so easy, even when living so far apart. Still, a Facebook reunion is not the same as a live visit. Funny how our self-reliance, mobility, and online connections can also be the enemy of family continuity.  Why fly to grandpa's when we can Skype with him?

An invitation to a family reunion is a precious opportunity to meet people like Jeff and Doloris.   Where else we bring the box of old photos and have the elders identify those we don't recognize?   We can take pictures and video, and then come home and write about it, too, just in case the future generations aren't on Facebook.

Check out this cool graphic that I got from my friend Scott's terrific genealogy blog Old Blue Genes.  If you're new to geneaology you might start with this post, Tips for New Genealogists:

The Gospel According to Woody Guthrie

Keth Crowley, Woody Guthrie Foundation Centennial Design Commission

This is a re-post. I think the first time I posted it was in 2009. I'm posting it again because it's Mr. Guthrie's 100th birthday and also because it's one of my all time favorite songs.  The melody is by the Austin-based singer/songwriter Slaid Cleaves  - I never get tired of hearing his version, and most mornings I do. When I first posted it, I included some of my favorite photos, but this time I'll leave it to you to envision your own promised land. I think that's the point, really-- to feel like this, even just for a minute every day, and have that little rebirth.

This Morning I Was Born Again By Woody Guthrie

This morning I was born again and a light shines on my land
I no longer look for heaven in your deathly distant land
I do not want your pearly gates, don't want your streets of gold
This morning I was born again and a light shines in my soul.

This morning I was born again, I was born again complete
I stood up above my troubles and I stand on my two feet
My head it feels unlimited, my body feels like the sky
I feel at home in the universe where yonder planets fly.

This morning I was born again, my past is dead and gone
This great eternal moment is my great eternal dawn
Each drop of blood within me, each breath of life I breath
Is united with these mountains and the mountains with the seas.

I feel the sun upon me, it's rays crawl through my skin
I breathe the life of Jesu and old John Henry in
I give myself, my heart, my soul to give some friend a hand
This morning I was born again, I am in the promised land.

This morning I was born again and a light shines on my land
I no longer look for heaven in your deathly distant land
I do not want your pearly gates, don't want your streets of gold
And I do not want your mansions for my heart is never cold.



If you are in the NYC area, I'm helping to produce a Woody Guthrie tribute evening at 92Y on Sunday, November 18 -- save the date!  Tickets will go on sale soon.

Garden Club of Nyack - Centennial Flower Show

The Garden Club of Nyack is celebrating its Centennial this year, and the annual flower show is this Saturday at Upper Nyack School.   Entry categories unique to this year include arrangments invoking the Titanic, the Girl Scouts and a rag by Henry Lodge.  Find out more here. 

Healing Through Horticulture

Plants have so many roles in our lives, especially for those of us who garden. This week in particular, as we remember 9/11, I'm thinking about how plants have the power to heal as well as symbolize growth and survival. There's something about planting a seed that makes everything just a tiny bit better.  The Brooklyn Botanical Garden will even be waiving their admission charge tomorrow, on the 10th anniversary of 9/11, acknowledging this fact.

The Survivor Tree
I heard the story of The Survivor Tree for the first time this week. This was the only living tree found, stripped of it’s branches but still alive, on Ground Zero. It’s a Bradford Pear (Pyrus calleryana), a hardy but sometimes fragile variety often used in city gardens because of its compact, upright growth. The tree was removed, and nurtured in Van Cortlant Park in the Bronx, where it also pulled through several damaging storms.

Below is a photo of the memorial garden at Brooklyn Bridge Park. Volunteers planted 25,000 daffodil bulbs in plots that were shaped like the Twin Towers.  Although the garden is no longer there, this is such a perfect example of ways that a community can come together and heal through gardening.

Stacey's Garden

Stacey McGowan died on 9/11 and was a student at Valley Cottage Elementary when she was a little girl.  "Stacey's Garden" was planted in our school courtyard as a memorial to her. I didn't know Stacey, but I thought of her whenever I watered it. Her garden is the first thing that people see when they come into the school courtyard. It's lovingly tended by her mother and always has something in bloom.

A Hero from Nyack

Another member of our community who died on 9/11 is Welles Crowther.  He was known as the "Man in the Red Bandana." He was an equities trader and volunteer firefighter, only 24 years old, who helped a dozen people get out of the towers safely. Here is a link to an ESPN video about him. 

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=6929979&categoryid=5595394

A couple of years ago, my daughter was asked to bring in an article about a 9/11 hero. She said half the class brought in articles about Welles. I will be wearing a red bandana tomorrow in his memory.

Lady Ambassador of South Sunset

May 7, 1997 – August 27, 2010

International Prayer Day 1999  was a time for contemplation.   Imagine our surprise when we returned from the water’s edge just after sunset to find a big yellow lab satisfying an eating disorder by consuming our entire picnic.  With minimal urging, and no one else around, she came home with us.  Her tag identified her owner, we called, and he came to pick her up about 3 AM.  This time my talking disorder proved to be a stroke of genius when I blurted out that if he ever wanted to part with her we’d take her.  He brought her back to us the next afternoon, together with her food, leash, bed, and toys.  She was often in a kennel, he said, because he traveled a lot, and when he was home, she’d do anything to get to the water, like going through the screen door.

Matilda, forever to be known as Tillie Elizabeth Louise, found just the place she wanted to be, a dog beach to the east, a huge sandy beach to the west,  and a jillion people walking by to greet. 

And greet them she did, stationing herself at our gate and barking “hey, c’mon over you guys”.  Her love for our close-by neighbors, Aunt Arline, Ron and Mary, John and Phil, and all of the wonderful neighbor dogs, made every day a special day for her.  And she made every day a special day for us, teaching us love, patience, forgiveness, and how to wag our tails at the world.

 *****************************************************

The above is a guest post from Ross (my dad) and Wendy, who lost their beloved Tillie in August.  They're not kidding when they said how much Tillie loved the water.  Here's a link to a post I did on this blog about my experience taking Tillie, Miss B and another little friend swimming. 

We miss you, Tillie, and will remember you every day!

A Tony Curtis Story

Have you ever heard it said that a true friend is someone you can sit with in silence and not feel the need to fill up the empty space with chatter? 

Not long ago Tony Curtis appeared at the community center where I work.  I had the honor of greeting him and escorting him backstage to the green room, where he was reunited with several old friends, fellow veterans of television’s Golden Age.  After the hugs and handshakes, they sat down to what I assumed would be a conversation of excited exchanges and interruptions.   Instead they spent a few minutes just smiling at one another, simply enjoying each other's presence.   After a short silence, Tony said  “See?  Here we are old friends, sitting together in silence.  Loving the fact that we’re lucky enough to still be able to see each other…. When you meet strangers, they go on and on….”

That is not to say that he didn’t enjoy his fans.  After the program, he proceeded to his booksigning, where he spent over an hour greeting a long line of admirers, reminiscing about old times, and signing autographs.  As he left, a crowd approached him on the street and he spent another 20 minutes talking with them before getting in his car.  He was a class act – one of the last true Hollywood gents.

I know you're up there somewhere enjoying some joyful -- and peaceful -- reunions, Tony.

Here's a link to Leonard Lopate's interview on WNYC a couple of years ago.

In Memory of Howard Zinn

(photo by Joyce Culver)

Howard Zinn, author of The People's History of the United States was an extraordinary man who changed the way we look at history and spoke for the people who couldn't.  I had the honor of meeting him several times when he spoke at the 92nd St. Y.  Most recently, when my colleagues and I produced "Voices of a Young People's History of the United States," hosting actors who brought the words of some often-forgotten historical figures to life on stage.  You can hear his intro to the evening by clicking on the top photo of my sidebar.  The Y, in fact, hosted the first of over 60 performances of A People’s History of the United States in 2003- that performance featured Alice Walker, James Earl Jones, Marisa Tomei, Kurt Vonnegut, Danny Glover and many others and can be seen here.   Below, I've compiled a few favorite quotes.

The memory of oppressed people is one thing that cannot be taken away, and for such people, with such memories, revolt is always an inch below the surface.

We need to decide that we will not go to war, whatever reason is conjured up by the politicians or the media, because war in our time is always indiscriminate, a war against innocents, a war against children.

Dissent is the highest form of patriotism.

 Historically, the most terrible things - war, genocide, and slavery - have resulted not from disobedience, but from obedience.

What matters most is not who is sitting in the White House, but "who is sitting in" -- and who is marching outside the White House, pushing for change.

If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.

Sandwiches and Santascones for Grandmama

Remember – with a little love, everyday things are fit for kings.

Show Grandmama you’ve been thinking of her. Surprise her. Make something special. Scones can be made ahead of time. Suppose Grandmama comes early and surprises you. Serve bread and butter sandwiches, tea or coffee.

Lovely Bread and Butter Sandwiches
Cut thin slices of bread. Use only the very best butter. Like the White Rabbit. But don’t put it in your watch like he did. Put it on the bread. Whip it first. So it will spread nicely.

Put two buttered slices together. Trim off the crusts. Cut from corner to corner. Place on square of foil. Wrap carefully. Make one for each person. Place on baking sheet in moderate over. About 10 minutes. Serve “gift wrapped” in foil.



Santascones
Sift together 2 cups flour, 1 teaspoon salt, 5 teaspoons sugar, 3 teaspoons baking powder. With your fingertips (wash your hands!) rub 4 tablespoons butter into this. Beat 2 eggs, add ½ cup cream and pour into the flour mixture. Stir. On a lightly floured board, (did you wash your hands?) pat it out about ½ inch thick. Cut in fancy shapes. Brush tops with egg white.

Bake on cookie sheet in moderate oven 12 to 15 minutes. Serve with jam and marmalade.

Very good with spiced tea and gossip. Grandmama and Mother. Not you.

This recipe is an excerpt from my favorite holiday cookbook, A Child’s Christmas Cookbook, by Betty Chancellor, designed by Kay Obering and illustrated by Thomas Nast. It was published by the Denver Art Museum in 1964 in conjunction with an exhibit there. The recipes are all written in that spare, dry humorous way – and the pictures are totally charming. I can’t say the recipes are very contemporary, but it does give you a sense of how the Victorians might have celebrated.

I miss my grandmothers this time of year - it's something about the baking.

Lucy used to make these:

and Rose made pizzelles.

If you're baking anything fun right now - or if your grandma did -- I'd love to know about it!

Arrow Park Nature Walk

On Sunday a group of “Friends of Arrow Park” got together to hike to the waterfall there in Sterling Forest, with the hope of identifying some native flora and fauna along the way. The hike was led by naturalist John Yrizarry.

He and his wife Mary are conservationists -- they’ve been working with the Orange County Land Trust on keeping Sterling Forest in its beautiful, pristine state. We have people like John and Mary to thank for making sure that future generations will be able to enjoy the serenity of rare and precious spots like Arrow Park – and maybe even tell their children what species exist there!

If you want to know how to tell a turkey vulture from a black vulture, ask John.

He knows his birds. But he can tell you a lot about plants, too. Below are a few highlights from our walk.


Knotweed (polyganum) –
It was notable that other invasive weeds like garlic mustard and purple loosestrife were mostly absent from the woods.


Since we’ve had such rainy humid weather here lately, the mushrooms and fungi were in abundance. John explained to us the difference between a "gilled" and a "pored" mushroom and provided examples.

There were lots of varieties of moss. Some of the most prevalent were pincushion (Leucobryum glaucum).
and Juniper (polytrichum) moss.

Turkey Tail mushroom (Trametes versicolor).
Old man of the wood mushroom (Strobilomyces spp.)

(I think I see an old man's face!)

Phragmites australis (a common invasive reed often found all over the place in marshy areas)

Spruce trees are being planted on the ridge here in memory of victims of 9/11.
Wintergreen (Gaultheria procumbens).

Japanese barberry (Berberis thunbergii) - invasive in the northeast, but beloved by birds.





Red Oak (Quercus rubra).

John thinks this might be one of the biggest red oaks in the area - but it's not as old as you might think. It's just been very well nourished because it's near the waste stream.

I didn’t manage to get photos of any of the animals we saw – they just weren't posing for me. But among those spotted:

Water snake and leopard frog







Green heron and Blue heron












(photos from Wikipedia)


Then, finally, the falls...

Gotta get the feet wet to make the experience complete.






Special thanks to Sandy Derevnuk for organizing the hike and her devoted efforts on behalf of Arrow Park.

You can find out more about Arrow Park on their website at http://www.arrowparkny.com/. The Orange County Land Trust site can be found here.

If you would like to join the "Friends of Arrow Park" email list, just send me an email at nyackbackyard@gmail.com and I'll make sure that you're added. There will be a plein aire painting class on August 29, and a yoga class on September 6.