Eli the wild beast goes to the library...

Have you ever seen the parents that walk around with their kid on a leash? Seriously? What is wrong with them? Treating their kids like an animal. Ok I will admit maybe I used to think this was weird until I had Eli. Eli is like an animal. I can’t take him many places with out having him on the leash anymore. If he isn’t strapped in the stroller he is hooked to the leash!


So today we finally made it to story time at the library today for the first time in a couple of months. Parker loves to go and pick out books and he will sit for the stories, but there is no way to get Eli to hold still. He just won’t do it. He has to wiggle and run and twitch. The leash is necessary at the library! We just can make it through without it.

Today, instead of paying attention to my wild child I was texting (oops) and I handed the leash to Parker. It was all he could do to hold on to that kid. Full tension on the rope, since they weight about the same it was a pretty equal fight.

Right in the middle of the quiet story time Parker’s little arm gives out and he shouts, “OH NO! He got loose!” I look up from my phone to see Eli like a wild beast busting out of a cage running as fast as he can down the little story time steps all the way to the bottom. I don’t think I have ever seen the kid move so fast. He throws himself around a little girl who was standing there a like a deer in the headlights! They both tumble to the ground and Eli had a death grip on the poor thing. I was down there pretty quick trying to pry him off the girl, but he just wouldn’t let go. It was like he had made his kill and was ready to eat! The little girl looked so scared, “Mommmmy!!!” All I could do was say sorry and hurry back to my seat with a better grip on the leash.

I think at first all the parents were a little nervous, but after I finally pulled him off I could hear a few chuckles. They were probably just relieved it wasn’t their kid he smashed in a choke hold.

It was weird to because through the whole event the story teller just kept reading as if everyone was able to see the book or hear. We were standing 6 inches from her feet blocking the whole show, but I think everyone there got their entertainment for the morning.

I laughed so hard after I was crying. Wish I could have got it on video. My words will never do the story justice.

Next time you see a kid on a leash don't judge. It is for your and your child's own protection! :)


Watch out for Eli the wild beast. Best left in a cage, or a on a leash.

It's not a tumor!

Possibly the most embarrassing experience in my life today. I never remember the embarrassing stories when people ask, so I thought maybe I would write this one down. I just had to laugh because I wanted to cry! Brian was sick today so I had to run to our store to get his stuff for him to work on at home. I was trying to hurry so I showered and then threw on some clothes. I got the kids dressed and had a hard time getting them out the door. They were both being spazs today!

So when I got in the car I sat down and felt like I was sitting on something. I couldn’t see anything so I just went along. I went into our shop and got Brian’s stuff, then decided since I was out to go to Fred Meyer to grab a few groceries and drink to re-hydrate Brian. It was -10 today, or possible colder so I told the kids we had to hurry in the store. Moving those kids along is a lot of effort….it wares me out!

Once we got into the cart lobby of the store I threw the kids in one of those car baskets. It kind of felt like there was gum on my pants or something so I reached to check and there was a lump on the back side of my thigh! What the heck? I thought for a second and realized there was a sock, probable stuck in there from the laundry. I tried to wiggle it down my leg but it wouldn’t budge. Damn skinny jeans.

I hadn’t noticed but the cart attendant guy was staring at me from across the lobby. I couldn’t at this point just reach my hand down my pants to get it out, and I was wearing boots so I couldn’t get it from the bottom either! As I started to walk along the guy noticed that I saw he was looking at me funny. He tried to cover it up, “Is that cart working ok for you today” Yeah…why wouldn’t it be? So what if I have something on my butt!

Well at this point it was either drag the kids back outside in the freezing cold to grab the sock out or make it fast in the store and try to go unnoticed! It is really hard to push those carts through the parking lot so I just decided to go for it. It would be a funny story anyway right? At least it wasn’t a busy time at the store and I didn’t bump into anyone I knew. I am sure there were some people thinking I had a tumor on my backside, but what do they know anyway!??

When I got home I was laughing so hard. I ran into the bedroom to show Brian. I turned around and he looked at me like I was crazy. He said, “Is that a turd in your pants??”

HAHA! Oh my gosh that was embarrassing. Glad it is over, and now I have a moment that I can share on those dumb papers people make you fill out.

Poop (For lack of a better title)

First off I can't believe it has been 6 months since I last posted. Seriously, I might be busy with kids and stuff, but I have plenty of time I could be blogging more often than every 6 months! Not making any goals or promises about blogging, but I do want to keep sort of record of all the funny and crazy things that happen around here.

So actually that is why I am posting tonight. I wanted to post a story that I think is funny even though it is kind of gross. Brian is off being the busy guy he always is and I have no one to tell this story to except myself :)

A couple of weeks ago Eli and Parker were taking a shower and when it was time to get out I got them both dry and they were running around while I found their clothes to wear. Parker was yelling to me that the dog was getting on his bed, which is never allowed so I was headed in to take care of the issue. I came back into the hall way and almost stepped in the biggest pile of poop our dog has ever made in our house! I'm a screamer so of course I was freaking out and it scared the kids and especially the dog! She was crawling across the floor trying to make her way into our garage. I spanked her and put her in the garage and then went back to clean up the mess. Luckily it was a pretty dry log so it didn't stain the carpet. I was so mad!

After the mess was cleaned up I called up Brian and freaked out again...."You're dog is so stupid....I hate your dog....blah blah blah same old stuff I always say! He was pretty surprised that our dog who has been potty trained almost a year now would have such a weird accident. I assured him that she had just been out to go potty not long before the big poop. I was so mad on the phone and I had to get the kids dressed I ended up hanging up on Brian!

So then the thought occurred to me, "maybe it was Eli that pooped in the hall". There was no way. I asked him, "Eli did you go poo poo in the hall?" He just said his usual "No". But he since he does say that to everything I decided when I was putting his diaper on and getting him dressed to wipe his bum just to be sure. Well sure enough there was a streak on the wipe the same color as the turd in the hallway. The little stinker had dropped a load while running around naked!

I was appalled. Before this even became funny I disgusted that my child had pooped on my carpet!!! I have heard similar stories before, but I never could understand how it would happen. My children rarely get to be naked for more than a minute at a time so I just never saw it coming. Well there went that privilege!

With this story fresh in my mind tonight, while the kids we showering I got right on top of the diapers and PJ's and they were all ready to go before the kids even stepped foot out of the bathroom. That's how I normally do it and sense I don't want poop stains on my carpet that's how I have continued to do it. I learned my lesson. So I thought anyway.

This is where the story gets a little fuzzy. There was complete chaos for a couple minutes. If you know me, you know how I act when I start loosing control of the situation or of my kids. I started to like wig out and yell. I can't even think clearly I just start going in 4 directions AHH AHH AHH! So Parker comes bailing out of the bathroom butt naked on all fours barking like a dog and jumps on our dog and starts beating her. Then I look back at Eli coming out of the bathroom running around naked again and I yell to him, "Eli hurry come here and get your diaper on!" I turned back around to chase Parker down with his pull up and pajamas pry him off the dog and try to get the little doggy dressed, while at the same time lecturing him on how dogs don't bite or hit and how he needs to be a good  dog and listen to his mommy.

I thought I really getting through to the kid, I could tell he was listening and he was saying OK and then we both heard this squishy "TTTTHHHHHHpppppppppp...pppp" sound! I looked over and saw Eli squatting down in the hallway and I had to do a double take. If you know Eli, you know he is a stinker and every time he bends over he farts like that, and not to be too graphic but alot of times they do sound wet. So at first glance I saw my happy 2 year old passing some Eli gas, but a longer second look showed me a naughty little boy taking a crap on his mommy's carpet again! Not that a blame the poor un-potty trained child.....but really? 1 more minute or less and I could have had his diaper on him. Of course I screamed and he stepped in it ran into the bathroom. I chased him in there and stuck him on the potty while I cleaned up the mess. It was minimal damage....just a couple little squirty dumplings. Thank you Brian for feeding him Capn' Crunch Berries for breakfast. Now we have 2 little blue-green stains on our carpet.  

Needless to say, diapering will now be done before leaving the shower.

The End.