Nannerpus!

Bandidas

If you like Westerns, Comedies, or Women, you'll love Bandidas!

This movie is more than just every man's fantasy of Old Mexico... it's also extremely funny, amazingly clever, superbly well written, is awesomely acted, and has perfect comic timing. It's so much fun, in fact, that even women will be able to laugh their way right past the parts that are made specifically for men.

The funniest moments are the very subtle things you'll miss unless you're really paying attention. Also, the music adds a lot to the general feel of the movie, and is much better than it needed to be. To top it off, it's full of western clichés, from the train robbery, to the long zoom into your hero's eye, to the trusty steed, to the bandanna-mask. I hate Westerns, but I loved Bandidas.

You will love this movie too!

high points: CSI Old Mexico, cutting edge thought-seeing technology, Padre Enabler... his secret is safe [cracked] with you, superfluous Bandida Academy.
low points: The villains are mean and evil, but not likeably so.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

It's like watching Joss Whedon go through Jr. High... awkward and strange.

-The Wife

high points: 1992 was a very happy time for me, and Buffy's very colorful attire was a blast. Now we know what happened when Bill & Ted's [either movie] knocked-up Clueless in a one night stand. A star-studded cast!
low points: Pee-Wee Herman is the least scary vampire henchman ever. The astoundingly brilliant mind that brought us the Firefly 'verse wrote this?

Adventures of Johnny Tao

Low budget, high fun!

The direct-to-video market is such a tricky thing, a wasteland of crap littered with occasional gems. Adventures of Johnny Tao is one of those gems. Its low budgetness assures that you don't take it too serious, but it's not as crappy as its place in the world of cinema suggests. The story is a bit simplistic, yes, but that fits right in with the rest of the movie, and doesn't get in the way of the fun. The most surprising thing about this movie is the wire-work that went into some of the fight scenes. Way too good for way such little budget.

high points: Who needs the Matrix to learn Kung-fu when VHS & Rock-N-Roll will do just fine! Fights that look a lot better than they have any business looking for that price.
low points: Explain to me again how an epic ancient Chinese battle between good and evil made its way to Calinewmexizona, and how a bloodline of warriors remaining there for hundreds of generations waiting for the demon to re-emerge still haven't perfected an American accent?

Stormbreaker

As tween movies go, this one isn't half bad. It was made in England, which means it's not totally stupid and formulaic, but you can see where they were pandering to an American audience.

Alex Rider is basically James Bond and Jason Bourne all rolled into one, and wrapped in popstar packaging. The action sequences in this movie were pretty fun, the characters (with the exception of alex) were colorful interesting, and the story was a fun take on the spy movie genre. I didn't believe for a second, however, that Alex was 14 years old.

high points: Old Alicia Silverstone, a tween movie that wasn't stupid, ice cream for the hero!
low points: Old Alicia Silverstone, thirty year-old spy in the seventeen year old body of a fourteen year old spy.

Doctor Strange

One part Batman Begins, one part The Matrix, one part The Legend of Zelda, mixed with some other animation you've seen but can't quite remember... that's Doctor Strange.

It's not bad, but it's not great. I got the feeling that there was a lot more story to tell, and not enough time to tell it. It certainly looked cool enough, but I wish they had made it a two hour movie and developed the plot and characters more. Going from hard-luck ex-surgeon to apprentice to Sorcerer Supreme able to fight Fireface came and went too fast to be very compelling. I would also like the story to have been more complicated. Everything seemed too black and white, and I get the impression it's supposed to be a story filled with grays.

Like I said, the show isn't all that bad, and worth a watch if you're looking for a way to kill an hour or so someday.

high points: It's an interesting universe and the magic looks cool.
low points: Not a long or complicated enough story.

Fool's Gold

When I first heard about Fool's Gold I also thought, How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days II: Treasure Ship of Trouble, and braced myself accordingly. The moment I saw Matthew McConaughey shoot Theo through the foot and into the shin, I began to think that I had been mistaken, and that I might have nothing to fear from this movie.

Rather than being a romantic comedy with a touch of action/adventure to appease the men crowd, this is an action/adventure/comedy with a touch of chick-flick sensibility¹ to keep it more or less gender-neutral. Also, the chick-flickness is divided-up among both the Matthew/Kate relationship, and the father/daughter relationship further softening the blow. And there are plenty of stunts.

That being said, it's a pretty fun movie. It never takes itself too seriously, it never gets too mushy, and it's actually funny. If you still feel compelled to categorize it with How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days, try to think of it as the Yang to HTLAGITD's Yin. And guys, you have nothing to fear from this movie.

high points: Shooting Theo, you did it unconsciously.
low points: Matthew McConaughey once again out-breasting Kate Hudson.

1) As if there were such a thing as sensibility in a chick-flick.

Night of the Living Dead

A classic horror film that did for zombies what Dracula did for vampires. This is definitely a B-movie horror flick, but it has some surprisingly scary parts to it just the same. The thing that interested me the most about this movie is how fast it could go from the stupid dialogue and character reasoning you'd expect from a scary movie made for a younger audience, to surprisingly graphic shots of zombies chowing down on human flesh.

It's basically the archetypal zombie story. Out of nowhere undead people begin relentlessly attacking, and a pretty girl somehow gets holed-up with a bickering bunch of other survivors, none of whom can agree on a course of action. Every once in a while they have a tussle with the zombies, and in the end survivors are picked-off one by one. I have to say, though, this movie had an ending that surprised me.

high points: Still scary, after all these years.
low points: It's hard to stay scared for too long with dialogue and damsel-in-distress acting this bad.

The Dark Knight

As with all sequels to awesome movies, my second biggest fear is that they'll crank it out too soon, and we'll get a crappy sequel. Not so with The Dark Knight! The first episode in this Batman series was awesome because it was so dark. Batman is supposed to be a dark character with a dark past, and just crazy enough to be a superhero despite no actual super-powers. The second episode takes that darkness and runs screaming into the streets.

The movie is called The Dark Knight, but it may just as well been called The Joker. I don't know if Heath Ledger deserves an Oscar for his performance (though it would be cool if he did), but he sure is a villain custom-made for our world today. He's an anarchist, there's nothing he won't do to achieve his goals, and he's single-handedly able to bring Gotham to its knees. In other words, he's a villain fit for an age of terrorism, and we've all lived under his kind of fear for several years now. That's why the Joker works so well in this movie.

About the only thing not perfect with this movie is that it's so very long, and has a few too many endings. Don't get me wrong, every second of it is pure cinematic gold, but too much of even an awesome thing is too much. The only other thing I would have changed is that when in costume, Christian Bale is just a bit too growly, and sounds like he has a stuffy nose.

Everything else about The Dark Knight is every bit as awesome as everyone says. The characters, the sets, the special effects, the story... everything. See it, and get the large popcorn, but small drink... trust me.

high points: That part between the opening scene and closing credits, creepy Batman, creepy creepy creepy Joker, not your average girl-or-citizens choice, no Katie Holmes
low points: Long long long, how about a spot on your utility belt for some cough drops there Brucey.

Hancock

Have no fear citizen, Hancock is just as awesome as we all hoped it would be!

One of the many great things about Hancock is that it's not another straight-off-the-assembly-line superhero movie with our hero discovering and/or coming into his powers, then using those powers to thwart an enemy that conveniently sprang up at the same time. Instead our superhero has been around for a long time, and his only enemy is himself. The story isn't about action, it's about characters, which is a rare treat in an action movie like this. The special effects aren't perfect, especially for a movie of this caliber, but it's not really a special effects movie. The special effects are secondary to the story, and the story is what make this movie great.

Will Smith, who always plays some kind of awesome guy, is brilliant as the biggest jerk you can imagine. The only reason you don't hate Hancock yourself is because Jason Bateman does such a great job being a nice guy, and believes in him so much, that you can't give up on him completely. Charlize Theron comes out of nowhere to make the movie totally unpredictable and touching.

I looked forward to this movie for a long time, and I wasn't disappointed.

high points: Fresh Prince? No way that guy was the Fresh Prince!, Achooo!, if we gang up on him there's no way he can fight us all, keep your hand on that button!, Mr. & Mrs. F.
low points: almost-special effects

Alvin and the Chipmunks

When I first saw the preview for this movie I was convinced that it was going to be a mix of the worst elements of dated pop culture from today and from fifteen years ago, and a total throw-away movie. And while there is a little datedness to it, for the most part it's a fun kid's movie.

I thought that Jason Lee seemed a little disinterested in being David Seville, and his "AAALVIIIN!!!" never quite convinced me. David Cross was awesome as the superjerk. The chipmunks were about 15% annoying, 50% funny, 35% cute. There were several funny parts to this movie, but there were a lot of touching family moments.

high points: Kung-Fu chipmunks, presumptuous Theodore.
low points: aaalvin... or something.

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

For those of you who though that this was a good movie for the kids, you may be surprised to find that you like it better than they did. Yeah it's about a magical toy store, and yeah it's about a man who talks and acts funny, but more than that it's about coming to terms with the end of things we care about.

This movie, while sometimes a touch preachy, preaches something that may just be worth considering. Change is often not what we want, and can even leave us in pain, but with the proper perspective change can also be exactly what we need. It also has strong things-are-not-just-what-they-seem-and-often-what-you-make-them, whenever-one-door-closes-another-one-opens, and an-end-is-just-a-new-beginning themes throughout it. Pretty heavy stuff for movie-goers who are old enough to catch it, but thankfully you're not beaten to death with it.

Some parts of this movie are eye-rollingly cliche and seem a bit forced, but other parts of it are brilliantly told, especially when Mr. Magorium talks about moving on. He's not just a goofy old man who talks funny, he's a source of hundreds of years of wisdom, all of which has taught him that your perspective is the most important factor in your life, and it's entirely in your hands. I thought that Dustin Hoffman did a brilliant job with the part. Natalie Portman was good in this role, but not perfect¹. Jason Bateman did a great job of being the grown-up, and the everykid was perfect. Other than some of the customers who were a bit too much, everyone else in this movie was great.

This movie was a lot of fun, but wasn't made with kids in mind. It's a bit heavier than we were all led to believe, but not unnecessarily so. It's also nice that, in this day and age, a movie with a whole lot of CGI can still have good writing.

high points: Mr. Magorium's speeches make mortality seem not that bad. Hats hats hats!
low points: Really, that's the best you can do to make the CG balls look realistic? Most perfect day ever = most annoying part of the movie. Go back to ruling ancient future worlds Natalie, you're just not cut out to be a conductor/dancer (conduncer?).

1) Of course maybe I looked at her performance with the wrong perspective.