Finally...

Yes We Can!

We can have dreams.

We can make noise.

We can break down racial barriers.

We can view people by the content of their character.

We can think a little bit differently.

We can be Christians and care more about people, than rules.

We can believe in things greater than our ideas.

We can hope again that the world will see us in a better light.

We can pray for peace.

We can pray for unity.

We can finally accept that okay is not good enough.

We can...believe that Jesus was not a Republican, but our Savior.

Voter Apathy

First time voter...check

27 years old...check

Obama or McCain...check

Life is complicated...check

No easy solutions to the world's problems...check

Finding creative ways to get more educated on how to make a difference...check

Enjoy SNL and the Daily Show as much as CNN and MSNBC...check

Want to end poverty...check

Hate Oppression...check

I am a part of the problem...check

...and the solution...check

I am finding it is most important to making a difference where I can. I want to put my faith and politics into action. Where I am at, with people that I can influence, and with resources that I have. I need to start by giving. Giving my time. My energy. My love. My money. My everything. For a purpose that is far greater than myself.


I am not profound. I am like everyone else. One person...with endless potential...as long as I am willing

I am thinking...

I realize my blogging ability has been suspect since moving to Maryland and having my second child. There are no excuses.

I am reading a lot of good books currently...like 10.

One of the books said this:

"I hate the pace of my life. I don't live. I just get things done."

You know when you turn the corner from doing something out of inspiration as compared to doing something out of obligation.

Lately I feel just obligated...

I felt obligated to buy some new cd's: Currently listening to Sigur Ros, Fleet Foxes, Anberlin, MGMT, and Donavon Frankenreiter.

i love the Nooma videos by Rob Bell: LUMP makes me cry.

The Chicago Bears are breaking my heart

I miss College.

I love my wife and kids, but sometimes I don't put them first.

I eat food as a comfort when I am feeling down.

I drink a beer to calm me down.

I wish I didn't, I wish I ran instead.

I am tired. I am exhausted. I am renewed. I am free to live the life I choose.

I want to be a fitness nut, but I don't have enough discipline.

I love conversations, but I have a lot of them.

I am done for now.

Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals

Spot on Impression...Perfect Storm Beard. HA

Thoughts on Prayer

“I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go.”

Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

My own personal Olympics

I am hooked. At first, It was just a Michael Phelps relay, then it was the steeple chase. By the end of the weekend, I found myself watching a women's field hockey competition between New Zealand and Poland. Are you serious? Not that Women's field hockey isn't great, but seriously, New Zealand vs. Poland. What is going on here? Why am I, like so many others, enthralled with the summer Olympics?  

So, I went on a run last night to make myself feel a little better about my own personal fitness and came to some conclusions in my mind during my slow jog (yogging).  I think that people love the Olympics because at that moment when someone achieves personal greatness through singular focus, there is no one better than them in the world at that one thing. Basically, people prepare their whole lives for that minute and a half competing against the world for the chance to be truly great at one thing. It got me thinking. What am I truly great at? Nothing, really. I am not making this statement to humble or even self deprecating, but rather just truth.  (Besides World's Best Dad...or Boss).  

There is really nothing that I have spent my whole life perfecting. I guess I have never had that singular focus. So many of us, myself included are determined to just be adequate at a lot of things rather than truly great in one thing. The problem is we settle for mediocrity when there is so much greater out there.  I wrestle with this question often. DO I have enough time in my life to be truly great at one thing and still be adequate in every other area of my life? Can I be the best father in the world and still be good at my job? Can I be the best mental health counselor in the world and still be a good dad, athlete, and friend?

Sometimes, when we focus so hard at perfecting one thing, we lose sight of all the other areas of our life. And yet, there are times, like the Olympics, where that singular focus transcends all the other things we suck at we truly are on top of the world at that moment. I just got to figure out something that I can be the best at in the world. Underwater basketweaving perhaps?

World's Best DAD!!!!

I thought I had something to share...

I am writing with the hope that I as I type I may remember what it was I wanted to share with the small world that actually reads this blog. Nope. Still not coming to me. I had something great. I promise. It was incredible, inspiring, not to be missed. It was one of those things where Eli says to me:

"You have to put that on your blog."

And as I sit here and type, I am left with nothing.
And so it goes, so it goes, with my ADHD brain. Does anyone else have this occur in their life?They have something so important that they want to share with somebody else, and then when it comes time to share it, it is gone, kapuht (don't know if this is a word). Wait a minute, I think it is coming to me..nope...there it goes, gone.

Ahh, so frustrating. How do you try to remember these things? I guess I go through my rolodex of awesome things from the past week in hopes that you all can be a part of our lives and how I am inspired:

My Rolodex of Awesome things 8/1:

- The Dark Knight: 9.5/10 - What a sick movie. Heath Ledger's performance is phenomenal. Hero archetype. Good vs. evil. Rules vs. Chaos/anarchy.

- Got a blackberry. These things are sweet. Can't put it down. I am wondering what is better: Iphone or blackberry?

- Emma slept in her toddler bed for the first time. So worried about her tearing apart her room while she took her nap. What was she doing in there: (most likely lighting things on fire, playing her music too loud, and reading questionable material) Or so I thought. In actuality all she was doing was sleeping reading her little Bear stuffed pop up bible. Shows you how worried I should be.

- Chicago Cubs continuing their pursuit of the World Series. The 100 year anniversary. Is this the year that Bartman is redeemed? Did you hear that story they offered him money to come out of hiding?

- Anyone see the Bear on the golf course the other day? Hilarious.

- Henri Nouwen is an incredible inspiration...

There it is! I remembered it!!!!!!!!! My inspiration. Yes. It worked. By writing I was able to come up with the sweetness. Here it is:

Every morning the first thing I do, after unsaid questionables, is wander on into my bathroom and begin my morning restroom break. Above my toilet is this sweet piece of wood Eli had from her college days with Mother Theresa quotes on it. Every morning I read those and think how I got life all wrong after looking at her quotes. The other morning one particular quote stuck out to me:

"God does not ask me to be successful, God asks me to be faithful." 

Ponder that for a moment. 

Wherever you are...Whatever you are worried about... Whatever you had planned for your day...whatever your plans are for tommorrow...think about them in that context: faithfulness over success.

If you were able to stick through the whole post, I applaud you. You truly experienced a moment inside my head. Nuts isn't it. Hopefully my randomness did not deter you from what I had hoped to convey. If not, you still got a picture of my daughter out of it. 

Keep it real

Team Hoyt...

Inspiring...Take ten minutes and watch if you have never seen it...

Annoying...

Have you ever been extremely annoyed? Not angry, or even frustrated. Just really, really annoyed. You know, when you are so annoyed by someone or something that all you want to do is get as far away from that situation as possible? As I try to describe the question, my mind is going crazy trying to think of all the different things that really irk me. For instance, when a fly has mysteriously gotten into your place of residence and seems to live for days and flies into your window at night while you are trying to drift off to sleep...zzzzz....gosh, that drives me nuts.  Other things that really annoy me...

• Advertisements for silencing your phone at the movies
• Nicknames for celebrity couples, ie. "Tomkat" or "Brangelina"
• Squeaky floors

These are just of a few of the things that can really get under my skin and make me want to tear my hair out. The other day my level of annoyance was at an all time high. The funny thing is that what was driving me crazy on this day was: ME. It was kind of strange. I wasn't mad at myself. I wasn't dissapointed. I was downright annoyed. It was like everything I did was driving me nuts. This may seem weird as I describe it, but that is how I felt. 

The irony lies in the fact that the way I usually deal with annoyances is to flee from them. But how do you get away from yourself? Everywhere I turned, there I was. So I shared this with my wife Eli. As I began to tell her how I was making myself batty, I began to realize that I was having some major self-confidence and second guessing stuff going on. Yes, I was annoying myself, but, mainly I was worried that the way I was coming off to others was bothersome, annoying. The fear really came down to if others liked me enough to want to be around me. I was really questioning who I was as a person and my self worth.  Either that or I had way too much caffeine for one day. (If you have ever ordered the Venti from Starbucks, this post makes all too much sense to you). Seriously, though, I was annoyed with myself because I was questioning my worth. Am I good counselor? Am I good person? Do you like me, wife? Do I annoy other people?  

So, Eli says to me: "Honey, lie down. Now. Take ten deep breaths. I love you."

It was all I needed to slow down and not believe the lies my mind was trying to tell me. I don't want to run from myself. I want to slow down and be comfortable with who I am. If nothing else, I know my wife loves me. Hmmm, I wonder why she always walks the other way as I creak on the squeaky floors over towards her. Who knows?

Like Favre...I'm coming out of retirement

It has been an emotional roller coaster, but such is my life. Some of the best weeks of my life have been recently. Yet I am worn out. I am in need of a break...Like Brett Favre, sometimes I just can't take all the preparation, the daily grind. I like the games, have a hard time with all the other stuff. 

I am so manic. ADHD. I think these things that make me crazy are also what made me choose the field of psychology and counseling for a profession. Anyway, I am so on again/off again with this blog thing that I wonder what is wrong with me. I know I enjoy when I write my thoughts down and it helps me clear my head of all the crazy...but I get sidetracked. Granted, i have just recently completed a move from Virginia Beach, VA to Bel Air, MD, but that is beside the point. I am back. I know that in between hanging up pictures on my walls and reading goodnight moon for millionth time, I can find time to update my life via blogland. So, i decided to return. No, no text messages or media coverage. No tears will be shed. No quarterback (Aaron Rodgers) pushed out of the way for my return, just one lackluster comment from a friend welcoming me back. 

On the other hand, I had some old friends (Adam and Sarah from DHP) tell me the other day that they like to read my blog. However, they said they really enjoy it for the pics I put up of the fam. While this is humbling since I figured people read the blog for my witty banter and clever ingenuity, I have decided to cave and post some recent pics. My hope in this blog is for intelligent commentary about life and it's often twists and turns. The blog is not just so that I can post baby pics of my kid drooling, or my kid rolling over, or pooping in the toilet for the first time (although, I do enjoy seeing other people's children eat and poop...what?!).  Seriously, though, I like to read about other people's lives and children. With all that nonsense being said, what people ask for they will receive. I am a giver by nature. So here goes, the montage of family photos:

My Girls at the Beach

My Sister Auntie Hana with my niece Alaina and daughter Leah

Three little cousins enjoying some cookies watching their dads play soccer...

Leah Hope at one month old enjoying the most comfortable blanket in the world.

My daughter Emma Adeline and her cousin Abigail Grace helping us move in to our new place!

With their help we were moved in in no time...And so it goes, and so it goes...I think I am ready to return to the practice time, the daily stuff. That is what makes the best pics...for those of you which is all you are interested in anyway

Almost Famous: My relationship with Coldplay

"Blue Jean Baby, LA Lady, seamstress for the band...Hold me closerrrrrr, Tiny Dancer...Count the headlights on the highway..." 

If you have ever seen the movie "Almost Famous", this song and scene need no explanation. If you have not, this is an amazing scene where a young kid is touring around with the 70's Led Zeppelinesque band interviewing them for a Rolling Stone article. He befriends the band, listens to their music, and becomes emotionally involved with everything that they are about. In this one particular climactic scene, after an emotionally tense moment, the entire band, one by one, breaks out into singing this Elton John song riding the tour bus . The scene is amazing and it kind of gives you a picture of what it would actually be like to take a journey (emotionally, mentally, musically, spiritually, etc.) with a band.  Check it here:

I, however, will most likely never be a writer for Rolling Stone and have a chance to ride around with Kanye or Radiohead. On the other hand there are certain bands that I feel like I have made a journey with. I think we all have those particular artists or bands we literally grow up with. For my parents it was The Beatles, or Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. As each album or song comes out, we literally think we have a personal relationship with the band. We get angry along with the music. We get excited when we are driving and we turn the dial up for a particular song that gets our juices going. We sit and ponder our life and wonder how their thoughts and lyrics could capture what we were feeling about that girl, our latest trip, or our questions of God, life, love, and relationships.

So for the debut of the latest Coldplay Album "Vida La Vida", rather than write a typical review, I thought I would tell you about my travels with the Band. There are so many moments where their songs have literally defined pockets of time to which I can't believe I remember a moment by a song. Is this incredibly sad, or pretty cool. You make the choice.

This misguided and one way relationship all started for me  8 years ago in the Napster era, sitting at my desk in my dorm room sophomore year of college. I was searching as I always do for the next greatest thing and I cam across a band that had not yet released their now famous "Parachutes" album, but recorded some eps with some songs. Without knowing anything about them I downloaded "Yellow" and "Shiver" and "Spies" and put them on a mix as I brought them home for Christmas Break. I remember decorating my tree with my mom and brother and listening to that mix which also included with bootleg John Mayer songs (also before he had a major label cd) while decorating the tree. I fell in love with the coldplay songs and was hooked. 

One a half years later, I found myself on a stage in Australia singing with my best bud "We live in a beautiful World".  Gosh, it was that same year, "The Scientist" and "Clocks" killed me. A Rush of Blood to the Head was just spectacular. By now, my little Coldplay secret was no longer my own. Initially, I was kind of jealous that others now knew of my Band. I was also happy that others could enjoy such wonderful tunage. I remember going to see them in concert in Chicago and having the place half empty with two drunk guys talking throughout the songs not realizing how famous they would be.

The story goes on and on: Rented minivans in Vermont when X & Y came out listening to "Fix You", Training for my marathon to "White Shadows", and remembering old loves to "See You Soon". So many emotions, and yet I have never even met these people. As I write this, I feel a little silly. What is it that makes us such fans and emotionally tied to music. I can't explain it. 

Anyway, when one of my best buds Brent P. wrote a little email review of Coldplay to me today, I began to think of all these things. I am awaiting what moments in my life the new songs will define. A move to Baltimore, Maryland? Starting a New Job? Flying into Chicago to visit family and friends and going to weddings? Who knows...but for now I am along for the ride...

Matt

P.S. Early favorites from Vida La Vida include Strawberry Swing, Vida La Vida, and Violet Hill.

Interesting things for me this week:

-I am a super NBA fan, but I am slowly being turned off more and more by the shenanigans of this league. Referee scandals. The Bulls hiring Vinny Del Negro to be the next Coach. The foul discrepancy in the NBA finals. Blah...

-Coldplay's cd comes out soon, pretty stoked to hear what that is all about...

-Currently reading these books all at once: John Eldredge's Walking with God, William Young's The Shack, David Guterson's The Other, Dan Allender To Be Told, and some more I can't think of

- I am currently fading off to sleep and deciding which book to read tonight...

- Gosh, i love the show Last Comic Standing

- David Cook singing the National Anthem...not great...not terrible...nothing like Carl Lewis...I will leave you with Carl Lewis singing the National Anthem...a serious treat worth listening to....

Idealist.Org

What an awesome website and idea. If you care for people and believe in non-profit organizations meeting needs for people around the country and world, you have to check out this site. I recently joined and have found a lot of cool organizations that I would have never known about. I was lucky enough to find an awesome job right out of grad school, but for many others, this could be a great resource. So check out Idealist.org and let me know what you think...

Again, I am probably way late on this thing, but I maybe I heard about it before someone else. maybe not, either way it pumps me up to see people with similar hearts being able to accomplish their dreams through nontraditional means. 

A New Hope

I have always loved a good story...

While some may think I am referring  to the original Star Wars movie when referencing the term "A New Hope"...this is not the case. No, no, what I am referring to when referencing "a new hope" is our new daughter Leah Hope Margaronwho was born at 6:01 am on 06/01. We are so excited. I was actually supposed to drive up to Baltimore on Sunday to look for places to live and orient with my new job up there, but instead I was sitting in a hospital room holding what is now my second daughter. Crazy. 

If someone would have told me three years ago that after being married and moving to Virginia Beach, by the time I was done with graduate school that I would have two daughters and be moving to Baltimore, I would have said "Man, you insane....you crazy."  But, now I am saying thank God for His unbelievable blessings and surprises. That is why I don't plan my own life. Because my plan would suck compared to this. Will write more later...For now it is staying up late tonight...watching the Stanley Cup Finals go into the second overtime and taking care of my three women. 

Not so sunny after all...

Aw, yeah...long weekend, sun, beach, fam, friends, movies, and hanging out...

Or so the story was supposed to go...
For the past three years, the fam has enjoyed meandering on over to a random field and picking Strawberries when the time is right. Well, to be honest, it is not a random field and it is always over Memorial Day Weekend. A nearby town outside of Virginia Beach has their annual Pungo Strawberry Festival which is absolutely crazy. Anything you can think of to make strawberries with, they do. And then they sell 'em. Whenever I tell people about the strawberry festival, i think of Bubba Gump in Forrest Gump listing off all the different types of shrimp fixings..."strawberry pie, strawberry smoothies, strawberry ice cream, strawberry cobbler, etc."

Anyway, our friday plan was to hit up the festival, pick out some strawberries and other good veggies from the stand. The rest of the weekend we were going to head to the beach, go to church, watch some movies, help some friends move, etc. My how plans can change...

...After the annual strawberry madness where Emma was covered in mud and strawberry juices, we bought some strawberry syrup and some zuchinni and squash. Why is this relevant, you ask? Mostly because these veggies were the tipping point to a weekend spent over the toilet and sinks for all three of us as we had some sort of flu, food poisoning, or ebola virus. Our weekend of fun and sun turned cloudy very quickly....

...Aw, crap. I just spilled my coffee all over my new bible, computer, my warm-up pants, my kitchen stool. It is everywhere. I got to clean this up...

Okay, I am back. How do you clean up coffee? Can there be something that stains worse...wine, maybe, chocolate, poo...

Well, I guess that is a perfect way to end this post. As I look out the window and see the rain drops filling up my view, I guess I have to think to myself...

When it rains, it pours...

A Glorious Pairing

The other day I was watching television. I know, I know, television is so uncool and not green these days. Anyway, I was watching the tube when all of a sudden I fell privy to an amazing pairing of two of my favorite things. I completely understand that I have piqued your interest at this point without giving you the goods. What you ask is this glorious meeting of two amazing things?  Well, I will tell you, but first I wanted to reminisce of some of my favorite pairings that work, and some that did not work so well.

Glorious and Wonderful Pairings

Peanut Butter and Jelly

Chips and Salsa

Macaroni and Cheese

Books on tape

Linkin Park and Jay-Z

J-Lo and Marc Anthony

Bob Marley and the Wailers

Pairings that didn't work so well

Peanut Butter and Jelly in the same can

Cheese inside the hot dog

Ben Affleck and J-Lo

Ruben Studdard and Clay Aiken 

Bill and Hillary Clinton

Alright, now that that silliness is out of the way...

Coldplay and MAC.

Over the past 5 to 8 years there has not been much that is cooler than coldplay and MAC (Itunes, Ipod, Iphone...). And now they have teamed up for one of the better commercials in a while. I am eagerly anticipating the new coldplay release but for now enjoy this spot.

Big Dreams, Bigger God.

I feel like I am always in a wrestling match. Not the WWE cage match where chairs are flying and roid rages abound. Oh and definitely not the Nacho Libre type where I am getting my hair torn out and ripping "my blouse". And especially not the olympic type that no one has ever seen unless they are an adamant follower of obscure olympic sports monthly. No, I am talking about the type of wrestling of wills: mine vs. God. 

This epic battle and test of wills is done in the mind, the soul, and especially the heart. The most interesting thing about this struggle is the only way I win is when I "tag out" or surrender. I know, it seems ironic, counterintuitive, misunderstood. But I am learning that the harder I push to win, the weaker I become. The more I battle for personal gain, the less peace I receive. 

This has never been more evident in my life than in the past couple of months. I have been on a journey. A search for my passion, my calling. My dreams and delusions of grandeur are being cast aside by practicality, dwarfed vision, budgeting, and bills. How does one live in true harmony with what God has called them to do?  I want so desperately to understand what His will is for my life and not get in the way. But when it comes down to it, all I do is get in the way. I constantly ask myself what are the desires of my heart. Because I know he promises to give those to us. But are my desires pure? Are the desires of my heart in tune with what God's desire is for me? And more importantly, what is the timing of it all? Will God give me the desires of my heart tomorrow, two weeks from now, in five years, or when I have two surgically repaired knees, failing organs and am moving towards the light? 

Seriously, this wrestling match in my heart and soul has been epic to me. I don't know if I can do it justice. It has consumed my every day. But, I guess it is part of my story. The one I will tell my kids of how God formed me and grew me. I hope my wrestling makes me a better man, a humbler man, a kinder man. I pray I become more faithful, more passionate, more generous. And most of all, I crave bigger dreams, bigger love, and to understand a Bigger God.

Life Comes Fast

Been a while. Been quite busy. Eli's birthday, Mother's Day, Graduation, Emma's Dedication, Two trips up and back from Maryland, and some job interviews in the past two weeks have got me reeling. My mind races a million miles an hour and it is hard to process it all. I find myself riding the wave of decisions and emotions. Life comes fast...

In the next couple of weeks, everything will change. Eli and I will be having another baby (daughter), we will be moving, most likely buying a new house, and starting a new job. It is exciting, but nerve racking. All in all, God is good.

Eli's Birthday

Hey, it's my wife's Bday. Eli's big day. Can't believe it is already May. We have a lot going on in the next week. Graduation, Emma's dedication, Mother's Day. But nothing is more important than celebrating her today. Eli is: 

Peace

Inspiring

Compassionate

Chocolate

Simple 

Mysterious

Adventurous

Gracious

Kind

Sweet

Lovely

and finally:

Chocolate

Have I ever told you how much I love my wife? I am in love with my wife. That is pretty awesome to say. She is an inspiring woman. Seriously, I mean it. She inspires me daily to be a better man. Even when I don't want to be better, Ha. I think this G. Love song sums it up:

"Don't care what we do as long as I'm with you, everything is going to be alright...

I love every little thing about you don't you know...

I even love it when you are mad and so frustrated even though you made my simple life complicated...I love every little thing about you don't you know"

Sunshine, G. Love "The Hustle"

What do you all think? Isn't it time to celebrate Eli. If you read this, let me know some words that you have that describe her. (P.S. she doesn't know I am writing this, she rarely uses the computer, ha, I love that about her...)

Cinco de Mayo

Hola,

There is time every year when I get extremely excited because we are celebrating our neighbors from the south, Mexico. Although, I am writing this a day late, I very much enjoy Cinco de Mayo. I never really knew what it was before. In my ignorance and silliness, all I focused on was that I was going to be savoring some wonderful Mexican cuisine. Ahh, the burritos, the queso, the enchilada, the wondrous joy that is chips and salsa. 

Nevertheless, I realize that there is far more to this celebration than my selfish wants for good food that isn't Taco Bell. Here is a brief history: Pretty cool, huh. 

So in honor of this day, I am going to make some good chicken enchiladas tonight for the fam. I was all set on making them last night, but there was a free barbeque for graduation. That was a big debate. 

Can you imagine the torment in my mind:  MMMM, free food...or chicken and cheese and pepper goodness in my mouth...MMM, burgers, and potato salad at no cost...or margaritas and salsa dancing with my pregnant wife.  

Needless to say, the word FREE most often wins out. But tonight we celebrate...and I am going to make a serious point to recognize why it is such an important day and not just cause of the wonderful food. 

The Young Man and the Sea he did not recognize

We all search for ways to express ourselves. Whether it is dyeing one's hair, shopping at Banana Republic vs. Old Navy, blogging, our careers, etc. How does one really distinguish themselves from everyone one else on this world? I think this is something that is especially important in our more formative, independence seeking years. But this desire for self expression and individuality never really leaves us. As time has gone on, I believe this has been my biggest struggle in life. How to get out all the crazy stuff that is going on inside of me. I have tried bleaching my hair, piercing my eyebrow, writing poetry, learning the guitar, snowboarding, and yet I still don't know if I have truly found the way that I am supposed to express the thoughts that clutter my daily mind. 

I think this is a task that each one of us has to figure out. It is something that is essential to our learning of who we really are. It is only when we answer this question of "what are the ways God has given me to express all my deepest desires and longings?" that we truly find peace. I do not believe it is something that we ever really fully achieve, but it is something that needs to be sought out with every ounce of our beings. 

When I think back on life, I am realizing that I have always loved to write. I am just too ADHD to stick with it. In high school, I was made fun of for writing poetry and even worse carrying it around in my wallet. My buddies, to this day, have never really let that go. I still get made fun of for the poetry stuff. But I am realizing now that I need to write. If I do not write, it will eat me up inside. The same goes for each one of us in whatever passions we have found are the best way to express ourselves. Ask yourself, this question: "Must I write?", "Must I play soccer, basketball, tennis?", "Must I travel the world?", "Must I give my life to medicine, to music, to ministry?" .   And if I don't, what will I become? It really is a search for identity and meaning.  I have always loved this book by Rainer Maria Rilke called Letters to a Young Poet. In it, a young aspiring writer is asking a wiser, more learned man for advice on this exact subject. Here is Rainer Maria Rilke's answer:

" Well now, since you have given me permission to advise you, I suggest that you give all that up. You are looking outward and, above all else, that you must not do now. No one can advise you and help you, no one. There is only one way. Go within. Search for the cause, find the impetus that bids you to write. Put it to this test: Does it stretch out its roots in the deepest place of your heart? Can you avow that you would die if you were forbidden to write? Above all, in the most silent hour of your night, ask yourself this: MUST I WRITE? Dig deep with yourself for a true answer"  

Letters to A Young Poet, Rainier Maria Rilke, p. 11

What is it that you must do? What must I do? 

While I believe we definitely need to seek out others for help and advice, and ultimately God gives us direction, Rilke's answer has extreme significance. Each of us at our core has something that we need to do. Not that we want. But we need to do.

For me, right now, this is writing. So, I have devoted myself to reading all the time. Seeking ways to figure out what it takes. I am picking up books that I shelved for so long. One book, which I missed the beauty on was The Old Man and the Sea. The story of an old fisherman stuck in his ways, and a young boy he teaches everyday about life and fishing. If you have not read it or did not appreciate it, read it again, and ask yourself the question: What is it the Old Man must do? There is so much wisdom in simplicity. I will leave you with a passage from the book...

"Usually when he smelled the land breeze he woke up and dressed to go and wake the boy. But tonight the smell of the land breeze came very early and he knew it was too early in his dream and went on dreaming to see the white peaks of the Islands rising from the sea and then he dreamed of the different harbours and roadsteads of the Canary Islands.

He no longer dreamed of storms, nor of women, nor of great occurences, nor of great fish, nor fights, nor contests of strength, nor of his wife. He only dreamed of places now and the lions on the beach. They played like young cats in the dusk and he loved them as he loved the boy. He never dreamed about the boy. He simply woke, looked out the open door at the moon and unrolled his trousers and put them on. Her urinated outside the shack and then went up the road to wake the boy. He was shivering with the morning cold. But he knew he would shiver himself warm and soon he would be rowing."

The Old Man and The Sea, Ernest Hemingway, 1952, p. 25

Have you ever visited the website Poetry.com. Anyone can write what they so please and post it for the world to see. Kind of like a blog, but more abstract and artistic. Write something. 

Top ten music lists: College and Now

Anyone who knows me, really knows me...understands how much I love music. I listen to it everyday all day. Whenever I get a chance I am listening, critiquing, experiencing, whatever. I also love making lists. Top tens. If you have ever spent significant time with me, I am inquiring to you questions like: Alright, what are your top ten sunsets ever? Or top ten movies? Or, top five ways to cut a pineapple? 

So, in honor of music, lists, and graduating from grad school five years post college, I wanted to make a couple of music lists. The lists will be as follows:

1) Top six artists that I loved in college that are no longer steady rotations

2) Top ten artists that I loved in college that I still love 5 years later (These stand the test of time)

3) Top twenty artists I have discovered since college that I listen to on a daily/weekly basis (Hardest list to compile, so many)

Top seven artists I was enjoyed in college which I no longer listen to on a regular basis:

1) Ben Folds

2) Dashboard Confessional (still rock out every once in a while to hear a whiny heartbroken guy)

3) Guster

4) The Juliana Theory

5) Tool

6) David Gray

7) Vertical Horizon

Top Ten incredible artists still putting out great tunes five years later:

1) Jimmy Eat World (Clarity, and Futures will never leave my permanent rotation)

2)Damien Rice

3)Ryan Adams

4) Jack Johnson/Donavon Frankenreiter/ G. Love (all basically the same guys)

5) Ben Harper

6) Joseph Arthur

7) Coldplay

8) Radiohead/Thom Yorke

9) Something For Kate

10) Death Cab For Cutie (Just keep getting better) New Album out next Tuesday

Top Twenty Favorite artists I first heard since college (last five years): 

These groups may have been around way before this, but I first heard all of these groups since leaving college:

1) Jose Gonzalez (Such incredible tunes)

2)Alexi Murdoch

3) Margot and the Nuclear So and So's

4) Keane

5) Sufjan Stevens

6) Iron and Wine

7) Rogue Wave

8) The Shins

9) Pinback

10)Bon Iver

11) Postal Service

12) Midlake

13)Ray Lamontagne

14)Snow Patrol

15) Beirut

16) Teitur

17) UNKLE

18) Broken Social Scene

19) Guillemots

20)Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova

Here are some videos from the past five years from these artists:
The Shins: Australia

Postal Service: Such Great Heights

UNKLE : Reign

Beirut: Postcards From Italy

Snow Patrol: Chocolate

Jack Johnson and the rain

Spring is officially here as evidenced by the copious amounts of rain and puddles. Along with the rain comes the blooming of flowers and trees which is awesome, if you are a flower type of person. Are there people that don't like things that bloom? I guess anyone with allergies hate blooming things. Anyway, this time of year makes me want to drive around with the windows open and listen to Jack Johsnon, Donavon Frankenreiter, some G. Love and the like. So I wanted to encourage anyone who is having a tough day to open those windows, blast the music, and enjoy the rain.  Here is my favorite Jack video. Extremely funny as well...enjoy the spring driving...

Take a look at me now...Sweet Bliss

Today, I am reminded of that brillant tune by one of my favorite artists, Phil Colllins. "So, Take a Look at me NOWWWWWWW...". Gosh, that was a amazing tune. (No joke, when i was a little one, i had his video collection "But, Seriously..." and would watch it falling asleep at night...possibly dancing in the mirror to other greats like "I Wish it Would Rain Down "Another Day in Paradise".)  

Onward and upward to more important subjects...

One more paper. That's it. Of course, it is due Sunday and how much do you think I have done? I will let you answer that. Nonetheless, I will graduate with my Masters in Counseling. Who would have thunk it? From a young class clown in Mrs. Uppal's science class breaking test tubes to a more polished distinguished man saluting our country in the pic, below:

 (Seriously, How is this guy qualified to be a dad or even worse a counselor?)

I have had quite a journey. Here are a couple of graduation pics for you enjoy, as I prepare to graduate again...

High School Graduation (Swisher Sweets and peeling out...)

College: Where cool hair turns into Clown College...

So now it is time to move on again, where will it all lead? All I am left with are the lyrics to the another Phil Collins great "On My Way" to guide my graduation steps...(like all the good Valedictorian speeches have done before) 

"Not the snow not the rain can change my mind

The sun will come out wait and see

And the feeling of the wind in your face can lift your heart

Oh, there's no place I'd rather be

'Cause I'm on my way

Well and true, I'm on my way now."

SWEET BLISS!!!!!!!!!

Benny the Bull breaks my dentist's arm

Did you all hear about this story about Benny the Bull (the Chicago Bulls mascot). Hilarious. When my brother frank knocked out his teeth twice in high school, Dr. Kalant fixed them. Now he has gone on to bigger and better things by sueing the Chicago Bulls mascot for a high five gone all wrong. Wow.  

Wild, Wild Men of Heart Living Epic Lives taking the time to listen...

First and foremost, for those who voted: Fozzie the Bear is your overwhelming choice for favorite muppet. If you want to vote on you favorite male action hero do so now...

On to far less important things, I want to share a little about today's thoughts. While waiting in the airport the other day for my wife and daughter to get off the plane, I decided to peruse my daily news and book shop. After realizing that there is a fake National Geographic magazine (kind of like MAD) and that I had already read the latest Better Homes and Gardens, I decided to head into the book section looking for the next great thing. I saw that Oprah was promoting some new age guy's new book. Good for her. I hope she accomplishes something in life. Anyway, I meandered on over to the Religion and Spirituality section of the store. After just briefly browsing Joyce Meyer, Deepak Chopra, and Dietrich Bonhoeffer, I saw it. The author of Wild at Heart and Sacred Romance came out with a new book. A couple of years back, Eldredge started a revolution by callin gout all men to understand who they were. Passionate, adventurous, wild, wild men living epic lives. 

While I enjoyed the book, I am not in the masses who felt it was the greatest book to ever hit manhood. Nonetheless, I was intrigued by Eldredge's new title "Walking with God".   Here is a brief description from the back of the book:

"...We have a lot to sort through on any given day. A whole lot to navigate over the course of a week or month. Am I in the right place? The right relationships? How am I going to come up with enough money to do the things I want to do? And what about love-is this the one? Will it last? What is causing all those fears I keep pushing down inside? Why can't I overcome those "habits" that look more and more like addictions? Am I at the right church? Should I even go to church? What is God doing in my life?...

We have two options.

We can trudge through on our own, doing our best to figure it all out.

Or, we can walk with God. As in, learn to hear his voice."

Needless to say, I was intrigued. How many times in these past two years have I asked those questions? How many times have I sought out all different means to find the answers? This concept and book resonated so much to me. i bought the book on the spot and have really been trying to take my time to listen to what God is saying to me...

It is humbling.

I have to unclench my fists and surrender.

I have to stop and be quiet.

I have to tackle my pride. My guilt. My fear. My anxiety. My anger. 

I know that I will not get all the answers to MY questions: (What is my next job? Where are we going to move? What will our next daughter going to look like and what should her name be? What am I going to order for lunch at the Mexican restaurant? etc). 

I am learning that it takes a lot of listening to be able to figure that out. That is what I intend to do today, tomorrow, and the next day after that. 

Listen and write about the experience.

Living Fully Alive

St. Iraneaus has this famous quote which caught my eye off of Brandon's facebook: 

"The glory of God is many fully alive!"

What does this mean?

While eating Carne Asada burritos at Three Amigos Mexican Restaurant last night, Eli and I pondered this thought...

I think it is enough said, without my useless commentary.

"The Glory of God is Man Fully Alive"

Sometimes I think my daughter has a better handle on it than I do...

I am going to make an effort today...

Coffee, a good book, and some pesky wizards

I used to hate coffee. The smell repulsed me. The taste reminded me of the underside of my worn out indoor soccer shoes or licking my '79 Jeep Grand Cherokee's tires.  Isn't it funny how things change? The days of orange juice and water in the morning has been replaced by the sound of the bean grinder and the smell of sweet medium roast. 

In my second year of graduate school, I took a class about the nature of addictions and the prospect of grace. Our main assignment for the class was to give up something in our life for the semester and journal about our experience. Realizing my new found addiction to coffee (and not so new addiction to caffeine), I decided to give up all caffeine. It was nearly impossible, but I tried. I failed a couple of times, but mostly succeeded. The results were overwhelming, besides the occasional withdrawal symptoms such as headaches. I felt refreshed. I felt invigorated. Focused. And yet when that class was over, I went right back to drinking the sweet nectar of the earth.  Why? Perhaps it because I have a 1 and half year old who poops at 3 in the morning when I am in the middle of my REM sleep. My dreams of grandeur of defeating a million little wizards with only my lightsaber and a biggie size coke are rudely interrupted and I can't get good sleep. I thus rationalize that I need the caffeine in order to get through the day, to stay awake while I drive, to defeat those dang wizards that keep haunting my dreams.

You know, it is really funny. I set out this morning to tell everyone about my all time favorite book that I just read. And yet, here I am talking about coffee. Perhaps it is because they go so well together. Maybe I can't sit down and write without the inspiration that the good stuff gives me. So here I am, sipping my favorite coffee, without remorse, from my favorite coffee shop, The Bean, in Sanibel. So please, enjoy your coffee and check out this book:

It is a book about faith and hope, a father's love for his son, and utter persistance in the midst of all encompassing darkness. It won the pulitzer prize and will stay with you. It is not for the faint of heart. It is not for everyone. But it is the best book I have read in years. 

Oh and if you want to order some of the good stuff, do so from the Bean.

DCFC New Album

I am really pumped about Death Cab For Cutie coming out with a new album on May 13. In college, I had the privilege of seeing them with 400 others in a bowling alley with Jimmy Eat World. Crazy good concert. I hope the new album is like Transatlanticism. A beaut...here is their first single...long intro, but great video and song. 

I don't feel like writing

I apologize...

I have no inspiration to write today. I don't feel like I have anything that anyone else would want to hear. So I am sitting here contemplating what to say...I got nothing. I read somewhere that we need to write not only when we are inspired, but when we are dead. This resonates clearly with me. I think the best of us can come out in moments when we least expect it. So often I am inspired by a great movie, a quote in a book, or Oprah and yet after that inspiration I sit and do nothing. I may tell someone what i heard, but I personally do nothing about it. I am inspired...but I sit stagnant, paralyzed. Why? Why can't that inspiration be used to get things done?

Sometimes late at night I turn on that show the Big Idea with Donnie something or other. Anybody seen that show? Well it always has people on there who have made millions by inventing a new line of slimming jeans, or franchising eco friendly cleaning products, or this one lady I saw made money my using a cardboard box to fold clothes. What the heck? Why can't I do something like that. But mostly rather than doing anything, I sit and watch the show, go to bed, and then wake up and do nothing. That sucks. I wish I could use my inspiration for better ways. I wish I could share what was in my heart to everyone and use that not for money, but for the betterment of everyone around me. 

So hopefully this will be a start. I wrote when I didn't want to. I pushed forward because I would have been remiss not to...I hope I can make this fundamental shift in all areas of my life. For passion without action is wasted inspiration.

Rock the vote

Perhaps it is my love of the land down under.

Maybe,  i miss living in golden aussie land, the beaches, the Toohey's, the laid back people. 

Perhaps, It is because he reminds me a little of my

 favorite aussie lead singer Paul Dempsey (from Something For Kate). 

Or maybe it is because he has the same last name as another great Lead Singer from Australia's Siverchair Daniels Johns...

But mostly it is just that I am a closet (well not so much anymore) American Idol fan and I am extremely dissapointed that the Australian Michael Johns got booted tonight. He was my lock for the final three. Whatever the reason, I will miss his greatest performance...

The soundtrack of hiatus, "For Emma, Forever Ago"

I have returned. I am sorry for the hiatus. Life has been hectic lately. Finishing up grad school, medical problems with the fam, licensure exams to study for, looking for a new job and home, etc. It's all good though. Life is meant to be lived. Thanks for the anonymous requests to return. Even though my inspiration to write was somewhat quelched during the last month and a half, I have not stopped being inspired by good music. It is funny how music can be a soundtrack for our lives. Certain songs and artists just match how we are feeling in that moment. Every time I hear "Woke up today to everything gray" I think of freshman year of college and Guster blaring through my speakers. Driving out to Colorado, passing through the vast wasteland of Nebraska, Damien Ric's melancholy melodies coloring the backdrop "But so it's not hard to fall, when you float like a cannonball". 

So during this past month, I will always remember the music of a new artist I picked up named Bon Iver. He defines solitude and thinking to me. He spent three months in a cabin in the middle of winter in Northern Wisconsin by himself chopping firewood, drinking whiskey, smoking cigarettes and recording this album "For Emma, Forever Ago". Check him out:

Valentine's Hangover

UGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  IT JUST CAN'T BE OVER! IS IT REALLY OVER?  

No more chocolate treats lying around the house. No more red roses, messages of love and mints waiting for me on my pillow. Back to the mundane simplicity of life. Back to the idea that loving my family, wife, God, and community is more about giving them what they need from me daily, instead of masking over problems with chocolate cakes, cd's, and lingerie. (Not that I bought anyone in the community any lingerie, if you were wondering...) 

Seriously though, all of this hallmark holiday stuff is good reminder that we need to treat each other special. However, reminders should not come once a year, but weekly, daily, hourly. I know, I know. I am probably being idealistic, but I like a challenge. I want to be able to do things for my family to show them I love them daily. I think the greatest form of love is consistency. Did you hear that? Did I hear that? The greatest form of love comes in unconditional consistency. Dang. That sounds hard. I think this is what God does for us. I think that this is the message of the gospel of Jesus Christ. What would it look like if we took this concept into our own lives. We loved and believed in ourselves daily. We loved our family daily. We loved our community daily. We loved our God daily. We didn't just give God a card and some chocolates every once in a while. We treated Jesus like he gave us the ultimate gift of salvation through his death on the cross. I have to recognize that the cross is gift that I must reconize and receive constantly, not just on special occasions. 

Anyway, these are just my thoughts. Regardless of my idealism, Eli and I had a wonderful Valentine' s Day. We celebrated last weekend at dinner and a Border's date. Last night we spent V-day serving food at the local homeless shelter with our church. I think all these "musings" stem from this experience. I wish I was more consistent in loving others unconditionally. I wish I had the answers in how to accomplish this practically. I wonder what life would look like if I started to live in this way?

Once

I am probably way behind as far as pop culture goes. Not that I ws ever the coolest person in the world, but I felt that I prided myself on being at least a little bit knowledgable about the happenings in music, movies, books, and such. Maybe it is just a "dad" thing. I am no longer hip. Just the fact that I am using the word "hip" is a significant thing. Nonetheless, the whole point of this post is to share my thoughts on a movie everyone may not have heard of before. Or, everyone may be aware and way ahead of the game on me.

Regardless, I felt that the movie was unique enough that it should be mentioned on my now infamous blog. Ha. 

"Once" is the story of a street musician in Dublin, Ireland who is pining over his lost love as he jams on the street. His late night melodies bring along another girl from the Czech Republic who also has some hidden talents. Over the next couple of days the two are brought together by their broken lives and wind up writing songs together in a series of odd ways. It is such a unique and different movie full of good tunes with true emotion. I would love to hear what you think of it...(The music is similar to Damien Rice)

Check out this little preview...

Super Tuesday

It was a big day in our country as we are continuing to decide who is going to be the next president of our country. For a moment, suspend your political leanings, and enjoy what comes about through the process...

EMMA'S ENTRY

Emma has informed me she wants to share something with everyone. After watching her dad type on this silver thing with an apple on it all day, she has decided to try typing herself. Her words of inspiration to us all:

h QWEEE 3WWWWWQQQQQQQQTCGXAWEEA QWWWWWWFRSTX6R B  SWEO TBGGGCV 3MKX3LK12X32EQW YFJFRF DR4E4552 ¸Ç˛q 

(her words, not mine...)

I am glad she is learning to blog at such an early age. She is hilarious and the joy of my life. Eli bought her a big bird stuffed animal on Saturday. She has taken it everywhere with her since. In the picture above she decided that bigbird needed to eat some strawberries with her.  Later in the night, without our knowledge, Big Bird's big yellow beak happened to be popping through the bubbles in her nightly bath. Stuffed animals and water don't usually mix all that well, but it was awesome nonetheless.

What is it in a little child that tells them that life is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest? Where did we as adults lose that desire? Is it responsibility? Is is that we are no longer naive to the evils and negativity in this fallen world? For little ones each day, each hour, every moment is a new discovery waiting to be made. Breathing the air, pointing at birds flying by, and tugging on grass are all things that I take for granted so often. But not Emma. Every one of these adventures is something that can not be missed. I wish I was more like this. Today seems like a good day to learn a little something from my daughter. 

Luke 10:21 " At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said "I praise you, Father, Lord of Heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, father, this was for your good pleasure."

Do we look alike? Who's helping who? Who is teaching more to the other about what life is really about?

An UltraSurprise...yeah, right.

The other day, my wife Eli and I went in for our second ultrasound regarding our newest addition to the family. Even though we have been through this process before with our little daughter Emma, we were still a little bit anxious about the appointment. You never know what is going to show up on the screen. A small part of me was envisioning the movie "Aliens" and some weird thing popping out of Sigourney Weaver. The greater part of me was just praying that every part of our little one is developing in all areas. For some reason, with our first child, I was struck with this fear and anxiety that something was going to go wrong. Maybe it is because I work in a field where I see a lot of hurt. Maybe it is because I have my own issues. Regardless of the origin of the issues, these anxieties caused me to do what every parent should do for their children and unborn little ones: pray. And this we did. We prayed for our little Emma almost every night, and she is a healthy, wonderful and joyous little girl. Would Emma have turned out to be all these things without prayer? I don't know this answer, but I do know that it can't hurt.

And now, we are going through all again, and I having some of the same anxiety. I will admit that it is less than that of when Emma was born. It was all so new. I am learning that my prayers for my children should remain constant regardless of my levels of anxiety. 

...Anyway, we arrived at the appointment and everything is going great. Eli and I had decided that we did not want to find out the gender. We had the nurse  check a box labeling the gender on the inside. She then proceeded to staple this piece of paper inside of an envelope around 10 times. 

This did not work...Eli was way too anxious and peeked. We are so excited to be having another little ...

GIRL!!!!

Differing Perspectives

This is a Associated Press photo from a BBC news website on January 18, 2008: 

As I have recently stated, my family is over in Kenya currently in the midst of this crisis. For years Kenya has been a place of stability in the middle of chaos around Africa. Currently, it has become a place where people feel that their voices are not heard. Please read these people's perspectives on what is going on. For now, my family is safe, but continue to pray for the country of Kenya.

Steve Nash

This video is so sick. I think I may have a man crush on Steve Nash. He has mad skills as a soccer player and basketball player. 

Just watch:

The policeman who didn't like music

When driving through Cleveland at night, I would advise not speeding, shaving your face beforehand and turning off all music. On a road trip in college, my friends and I quickly learned our lesson as we were pulled over for having week old mustaches and a plethora of snacks strewn around the car. My buddy had pulled onto the Interstate and quuickly saw the flashing lights behind him. As is customary in those waters, policeman routinely drag people out of the car and question them regarding searching the car. While my old friend was being harassed for nothing, I was left to bide my time with the other officer who stood at my window asking me questions about life.

"So, do you like music?" He implored.

"Yeah. Of course."

What type?

"Well, I like all different sorts, but mostly rock and indie. Do you like music?" I asked.

And with an emphatic "NO", I had recieved my answer. To this, I pose the question: Have you ever met a person who doesn't like music? I mean, seriously. I mean there are plenty of people who can't listen to K-Fed for longer than an hour at a time or so. But not liking music at all, that seems like utter silliness.

Anyway, to my point. There are times when I feel like the cop who doesn't like music when I asked about music in the Christian genre. Sure, there are gems that come along ever so often, but often they are cheap subsitutes for the greater "secular" bands (if anyone uses that word anymore.) Well, i am unsure how many people feel this way, but when I do find music that I can listen to that is uplifting as well I like to share it with others. Here is someone that I have found recently that I really enjoy...you probably already know him, but oh well

Phil Wickham

Papa John's + Louis Armstrong = The Meaning of Life

Have you ever had those days when you wake up and your head throbs? Not from a cold, a fever, a hangover, or anything else that is physically explainable. Your head hurts strictly from all the various questions and worries that are swirling around inside unanswered. On Tuesday morning, I woke up and could not get my head to drain. I couldn't release all the crap that was taking over and not letting me be present with the day. I was focused on all the things that were out of my control at the current moment. What does my family's future hold? What is my legacy in life going to be? Why am I watching Rachel Ray cook chicken gravy? (Well, I guess I can control that much)

Anyway, my day became consumed by negativity. I couldn't shake myself out of it. I tried praying, playing with my daughter, reading the news, watching Sportscenter, working, everything. Nothing was helping.  My wife came home from work and asked me what was wrong and I told her that I didn't know. "I am just having a bad one, hun! I just can't shake the worries and negative thoughts. What am I doing with my life? I don't know why I am in this mood and I don't know quite how to get out of it."She was confused. I pushed her away. I left for work where I actually spent time counseling with children trying to overcome severe trauma. As a counselor, I find that often times it is hard to separate what is going on with myself from helping others. It is a difficult task to work through other's problems when you are not feeling on top of things in your own life. Amazingly, I had some wonderful sessions, but was still feeling overwhelmed. 

"What the heck is going on here?" I asked myself as my cell phone vibrated in my pocket on my way home from work. "Nothing is going to make me feel better." 

"Hello."

"What do you wan't for dinner?" My wife asked.

"I don't care" As apathetic an answer as I could muster.

"How bout Pizza"

"Sure, whatever, doesn't matter to me. 

I hung up the phone and stared up at the rows of brake lights lined up in front of me as I wondered when the red light would finally give way to the the glory of green. My phone was vibrating again. Only this time my old college buddy Brandon was calling. We spoke the whole ride home about life, what was going on, how blessed we were, and to live each day for the day itself. I walked through my front door still chatting away. My daughter threw her breadstick down and through her pizza sauced grin yelled "Dah-dah". 

"How about a little Jazz, honey?" I stated.

...Keane, Kings of Convenience, Leeland, Linkin Park...Oh, there we are... Louis Armstrong. The Ipod was set, the pizza was being devoured and before I knew it we had been over come by the need to dance. My wife and I danced. My daughter wanted in on the moment as well. So I picked her up in my arms and we twirled around smiling and singing. 

Have you ever had one of those days where you feel like you finally figured out what life was all about? I had one. Who knew all it took was a friend, a little pizza, and some Louis Armstrong.