Thankful

This time of year usually makes me so happy. I can't lie, this year is tough! I thought I was going to get through it without being SO emotional, but I guess I thought wrong. I miss my kids...I miss them A LOT! This is the first holiday season in seven years that Darrell and I won't wake up to any kids waking us up to get the festivities started. I miss that...the noise of laughter and playing. I won't have any helpers in the kitchen with me this year...it really hurts my heart, literally.

When Addi passed away, I remember lying in bed when a sweet friend, another heart mom, sent me a text with a song that she said helped her get through losing her brother. I listened to it and just cried and cried. The words were perfect..."I am restless." What a perfect description of the mixture of emotions I feel. The feeling of want-I want to see their precious faces and cover them with hugs and kisses. I want to hear their voices. The feeling of longing-I long to be with them. The feeling of laughter-I laugh when I see pictures and videos of them being so silly and just being themselves. And the feeling of love-I love those two kiddos more than I can explain. I love that I can remember all of those hugs, kisses, laughs, and "I love you's"!

I am restless this season, but I am still thankful for the life that God gave me. I am thankful for His grace because I sure need it. I am thankful that I have an unbelievable husband who loves me and is ALWAYS there. I am thankful for Cade and Addi. They brought me so much joy and happiness in their short time here. I'm thankful for our families who have been by our sides from the beginning. I'm thankful for our sweet friends who have showered us with kindness. I'm thankful for doctors and nurses who did everything they could to keep Addi here. I'm thankful for prayers that have come from SO many people. And I'm thankful for the plans that God has in store for our family!

Happy Thanksgiving!


Here are the words to the song. I listen to it regularly!

"Restless"

You dwell in the songs that we are singing,
Rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart.
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I am restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

Oh, speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark, the dark.
'Cause I know You're more than my salvation
Without you I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
You are the keeper of my heart

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I am restless, I'm restless

'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You, Oh
I wanna rest in You

Still my heart, hold me close
Let me hear, a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

Still my heart, hold me close
Let me hear, a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry

And I am restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, let me rest in You
And I am restless, so restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You, Oh God
Let me rest in You.


AUDREY ASSAD lyrics are property and copyright of their owners.
"Restless" lyrics provided for educational purposes and personal use only.
Copyright © 2000-2012 AZLyrics.com

Beyond Excited

So, I know many of you have been waiting for an update...I apologize for not keeping up with this better.

Darrell and I went to see a fertility specialist on Thursday to see if we had any options as far as having any more children ourselves. Dr. McKenzie told us that we would be able to have a child with the help of an egg donor and a sperm donor! We are so excited about this! We love the fact that we will be able to go through having a child one more time. Dr. McKenzie told us that the success rate is 70% so the odds are in our favor. There will also be a 30% chance of us having twins!

We have started moving forward and I could possibly be pregnant within a couple of months! Our prayers are that this process will work (we love the idea of twins) and that everything goes as it should. I'll keep everyone posted with our progress. We are truly ecstatic!!