Ornament Pictures!

Finally.

Here are the beautiful ornaments we received last week (They were double sided, so I took two pictures):

And some bonus pictures of the cats. The first one is of Maggie and Joey snuggling together by the tree. The second one is Miss Maggie being cute.

Results are in...

I'm pregnant.

The office does not do the betas until 1 week after the positive qualitative test, so now I have to wait until next Monday to get my first beta. That will put me at 23DPO. I know I could call my high-risk doctor or my old pcp's office and get one before then, but I really don't have a problem waiting. I know I'm pregnant. Obsessing over numbers won't help any situation. Now, I may change my mind mid-week..lol.

The nurse told me on the phone to not get too excited yet, until we see the numbers rising. I felt like say, "I know lady, I've been around the TTC block a few times." She's really nice and means well though. She just doesn't deal with informed people too often, I guess.

The only symptoms I have had is heartburn...oh the heartburn. Every day. Almost all day. Not so much fun. I may have a few hours of relief during the day, but not much. I haven't tried Tums or anything yet, I have just been watching what I have been eating to see if that made a difference. Also, tender bbs, and some tiredness. Other than that, all is well. The line on the hpt was almost as dark as the control line today. I am glad they are getting darker still. I am not sure when I will stop testing.

Today, after our day of errands and IKEA, I went upstairs to take a nap. We have a door at the bottom of the stairs to keep the dogs out of our living space upstairs. Our kitties enjoy it upstairs because it is the only carpeted place in the house. As I was dozing, our cat, Joey jumped on my back (I was laying on my stomach). He started kneading my back (which is not unusual). He was trying to make a comfy spot to lay down, or so I suspected. He jumped down and I started to smell something bad. Poop. I turn over and he had POOPED ON THE DUVET COVER. Now our cats don't have accidents. They are very well behaved and neat. BUT HE POOPED ON ME. This wasn't just a little turd or two. It was like a big pile of dog poop on the blanket. He was locked upstairs and couldn't get to his litter box downstairs, so HE JUST POOPED ON ME. WHAT? Needless to say I was awake then. Luckily, it was fairly easy to clean-up. But still, MY CAT POOPED ON ME.

Later, when I was back downstairs, I was going to eat my leftovers from our lunch out today, and as I was walking into the den, I dropped my entire lunch on the floor. Nothing was salvageable. I was so upset!

So first, the cat poops on me, then I loose my lunch.

I guess I will never forget B's 30th birthday.

CD14

Today was day 5 of HIGH on the CBEFM. If I was "normal" I would have a PEAK tomorrow. OPK was not positive today. Darker..but not positive.
I have decided to keep all of my OPK and CBEFM to compare day to day. I love obsessing.
Speaking of obsessing, I cannot obsess over my temperature for the next day or so because Mr. Jakerpants decided to chew mine to bits. He even chewed off the tip. I need to purchase another one, perhaps tomorrow.
My friend who we purchased our crib from a while ago (in fact, we still owe her some money on it), would like us to pick it up from her house this week. She wants the space in her house, and it is totally understandable..just a bit unexpected, on the week of our EDD...
I've been a bit emotional lately, with the holidays (which I am not in the spirit for), the EDD, babies being born, being sick, etc....I'm hoping it gets better soon. Hopefully once we are in another TWW, I will have something to keep my mind occupied. And then the new year will start...and it will be a blank slate. 2010 will be our best year yet.

Its hard

It's hard to keep up with this baby-making journal when you are "on a break."
"We were ON A BREAK." I can't help but think of the Friends episode.
In TTC news, I have been working on a piece of artwork for our PNKD. I am about a 1/3 of the way done and if I really dedicate some time to it this weekend, I could possibly finish.
July 30th was my last medicated cycle. Our first IUI at the RE's office. That cycle lasted 29 days.
August 29th was my first unmedicated cycle. We didn't try that month and my temps were all over the map. I don't think I ovulated at all. The cycle lasted 59 days.
October 27th was last month. No meds. I didn't temp, but I bled for 9 days and then had a 29 day cycle.
This current cycle started on Nov 25th. No meds. I am still bleeding. CD9. I usually start temping once AF has hit the road, so hopefully I will get to do that soon.
I don't remember ever having a 9 day cycle. And now its two months in a row. Ugh.

In other news, our little guy Joey is doing so much better. He still has his feeding tube, but now he only needs feedings twice a day. Yesterday was his first day at home without having to go to the vet for kitty daycare. He did great. He just has to keep gaining weight now and we will be all set! In fact, I am late to feed him, so I must skidaddle!

We're still alive

Everything happens for a reason has always been my mantra throughout life.
Now, more than ever, I can see the truth in the statement.

Dealing with day-to-day life AND Joey (our sick cat) has been quite stressful. He has feedings every 4 hours and is very nauseous all of the time. We take him to kitty day care every day when we are both working. We try to go on with our regular days, but we are always thinking about how he is doing, not to mention the guilt that creeps in for not giving the other animals the attention they deserve. Needless to say, I cannot imagine having a little one right now (we would already have our baby if our first or second tries worked), or even being pregnant (subsequent tries).
God has a plan, and He knew that having a baby/pregnancy right now, would be too much to handle.
So, another break it is. For a cycle or two. We need to get Joey in a better place, as well as our finances. Eventhough last cycle was anovulatory, I began to bleed on CD59. Currently I am CD6. I will begin temping again when AF jumps ship. Hopefully our PNKD is still interested and we can get everything lined up (contract signed, etc) to be ready when we're ready.
I hate taking breaks, but I know it is the best thing for our family, both human and non.

More on Joey

Today will be day 4 of our new routine.
4:30am wake-up, give Joey 2ml of anti-nausea medicine, feed Maggie
4:50 start preparing Joey's medicine, water, and antibiotic syringes. (We have to heat up the food)
5:00-5:20ish Feed Joey. We have to take our time when feeding him, or he will get sick.
5:20-5:25 shower. quickly.
5:25-5:35 get dressed and get ready.
5:35-5:45 eat breakfast, if time.
5:45-shoes and socks and a kiss for B (who has hit the snooze button twice by this time)
5:50/6:00 out the door for school.

(Then B takes over the home routine)

School ends at 2:30. Most days I have a meeting/tutoring/homework club until at least 3:30.
After all of that, I head to the vet to pick the little man up. Usually we get home around 6pm. At that point, this is the schedule.

6pm Get Joey in the spare room, open his carrier and run out the room without him following. Shut the back door to the basement and let the dogs outside. Feed Maggie. Get the mail, answering machine messages, and go to the bathroom.
6:15-6:30 Check email/journals while eating some sort of snack
6:30 Joey gets 2 ml anti-nausea, dogs back inside and fed
6:40-7:00 Computer time with dogs in office
7:00 Dogs back outside, feed Joey and give him antibiotics
(Then hopefully by now, B is home.-It is so much easier with two of us here, especially since the dogs make Joey nervous.)

If we are lucky, we get an hour together in the living room. I'm usually checking papers, or falling asleep though...B falls asleep in her recliner until its time for more medicine and food for out little guy, then joins me upstairs for a few hours before we repeat.

Mom is home; Joey is not doing so great...

Starting with the good news: My mom came home from the hospital yesterday.

The not-so-good news (copied and pasted from B's other journal):

Feline Hepatic Lipidosis. Joey's disease. Google it, I dare you. The internet is full of info. Tonight I googled variations of "feline tube feeding" to see how long it generally takes for cats to respond to the forced calories. Because our little guy is not doing well at all. Our poor little Joey.

He's been home since yesterday and is still struggling, even just to lift his little head. We feed him 4-5x a day, 15ml at a time through his feeding tube. He gets meds every 12 hours, also through the tube. After he eats he gets very uncomfortable and
lethargic. All he wants to do is sleep. He's not bathing himself either, which means J and I have been wiping him down with a warm washcloth every so often.The worst part is that he can't purr because of the tube down his throat. It is incredibly heartbreaking to hear him try.

The mortality rate for a cat in Joey's condition is high. We didn't notice a significant change in his health until it was nearly too late. Thank God we have an amazing vet who sprung into action immediately.

Right now he's asleep in his favorite spot downstairs, on top of one of the dog's blankets we have folded and stored. I am scared to let him sleep alone, and will probably bring him back upstairs before I go to bed.

I'll have to take a partial day tomorrow, and probably again throughout the week so that I can come home to check and feed him. I'll probably do quite a bit of working from home, if not going back to work in the evenings so that I can maintain my hours.
Hopefully I can work out an arrangement for the next couple of weeks or at least until he starts eating on his own again. Unfortunately because I live so far from my work, it's not as simple as taking a longer lunch. It takes me at least 45 minutes to drive to work, most of the time it takes an hour.

I knew the first few days home for him were going to be hard, but this is unbelievably difficult. He is not himself and I keep praying that we've made the right decision. Seeing him in this state - it's awful. I can't even describe it. The one animal we own who has the most spunk and love in his heart is the one hit with this awful, shiteous disease.

Joey

Our little man is home. He has a feeding tube and bandages and has lost lots of weight.
He's not back to normal, nor would I consider him "better," but if Dr. Bonnie said it was ok for him to come home, then I believe her. She said he was grooming himself and being a little frisky and was doing much better than before.
He's still slow moving and sometimes sits in an uncomfortable looking crouch, but other times he sprawls out or curls up in our laps. We have to feed him through the tube every 4-6 hours.
I never knew that animals could become anorexic. =(

In related news, my mom is still in the hospital. She passed out when her blood sugar level dropped to 40. Luckily my dad was there and he was able to get the nurses. She was all dressed and ready for discharge. So now she is not in for her leg, but to stabilize her blood sugar. They took blood at 2pm yesterday afternoon to run further tests, and it can take anywhere from 24-48 hours to get results, so I am not confident that she is coming home today either, perhaps tomorrow though.

Quick Update

• My mom's in the hospital. She had an angioplasty on Tuesday and had some complications. She is in a lot of pain and cannot walk, but is doing much better everyday.
• Our little man, Joey, is at the kitty hospital. He stopped eating, got a liver infection, jaundiced, and then was hospitalized. He will be there until tomorrow at least. My sister, God love her, offered to help us cover the $650+ vet bill that is expected and we can pay her back weekly.
• I'm on CD43 and I started temping again this week.
• Next week will we most likely sign a new donor agreement with PNKD.
• After the agreement is signed, if I haven't started yet, I will hit up the RE for a not-needed-why-am-i-paying-for-this pregnancy test and a prescription for pro.vera to jump start my cycle.
• Then CD3 ultrasound, clo.mid, and trigger.
• Then home insems. =)
• I'm sure we will be in the TWW before we know it...

I did it.

I took my National Board Certification test today. Now there is nothing I can do to control my results (that I have to wait for until November or December-6 months!). It is out of my hands now. I felt such a sense of relief when I left the testing center.
When we returned home (I carpooled today with B to work), Gracie had a crate full of diarrhea. Poor girl. That was sure fun to clean up...ew. B said, "can you imagine what its going to be like to clean this up when we have babies?" and I replied, "at least babies poop in diapers." She reminded me..."not always." =)
We don't want to leave her home alone, so I will venture off to "girls' night" at my sister's house and B will stay home.
Have I mentioned how much I love her, because I do. A lot.

Randomness for Friday

I am so glad it is Friday. The week after being off a week is always the toughest. For the most part, the kids have been well behaved, but I have a clique of 5 that seem to give me the most trouble. Hopefully the notes home yesterday will help with today's behavior.

The weather has been a little wacky this week. We started off warm (mid 60's) and yesterday in was in the 40's for most of the day and rainy. Today it will be in the 70's. I am excited about that! Spring does wonders for everyone's emotional states. However, the changing weather also means that allergies are here. The sinus headaches this week have been less than desirable. I am also getting a sore throat. Boo.

We had the dog trainer over on Wednesday. We are feeling much more confident with our dogs and day one with our new confidence has led to well behaved and respectable dogs. Now we just need to keep it going.

Tomorrow I have another baby shower (last weekend was my dear friend's and tomorrow is a co-worker friend). There was a cute (drooly) baby in my dream last night. He was the brother of one of my students and I was just handed him to hold during a conference, and then my BBT alarm went off. I remember his beautiful blue eyes.

I guess that is all for now, I am rambling and I should hop in the shower to start my day. Not counting today, I have 3 days until my NP appointment! =)

An Update on Gracie

We decided today that we will not put her to sleep. While we don't want to make any excuses for what happened yesterday, and we are definitely taking the situation seriously, we cannot in good conscience put her down. We've contacted our trainers (Bark.busters) and along with guidance from our vet will decide what the next step will be. If someone is willing and able to take her we will give her away, but if nobody steps up we will continue to work with her ourselves. If it happens again, no matter what the scenario or circumstance, she will have to go.

Neither J or myself feel we are compromising ourselves or feeling like we are backing down from our original plan. Biting is a deal breaker, but Gracie did not attack J. Gracie was being food aggressive towards Jake and J got between them. It was an intense situation and Gracie reacted the only way she knew how. Within the next few days we will have the trainer come out to evaluate her, but both they and the vet strongly believe that Gracie is NOT human aggressive, and can be rehabilitated and trained. Several other rescue organizations I have contacted have also said the same thing.

I feel like a 100-lb brick has been lifted off of us, but we are still drained from it all. After our BFN sobfest on Sunday night and all the crying we both did yesterday and this morning, we are both completely exhausted (and bloodshot). I am so grateful for all of the warmth and love you each have sent in our direction over the past several days/weeks/months. This is truly an amazing community and we both appreciate all of your kind words.

Loss

What a time of loss for us right now.

We lost the hope for a baby in 2008.
We may only have one more try with KD, and that is if we are lucky. He moves in May.
Our dear Gracie girl will be leaving us one way or another. Either to a new family or to heaven.
I can't stop crying.
I am losing so much blood/tissue it is unreal.
I am reminded of all of this every time I go to the bathroom.

I am so sad, and I can't do anything to make either of us feel better.

I was supposed to call the doc this week to talk about fertility meds. I can't even get through a conversation on the phone without breaking down.

It's so hard. And most people think we are just sad about Gracie, since they have no idea we are even trying to get pregnant.

On top of all of this..

As if dealing with a 3rd BFN and these super long cycles isn't enough...

Our pitt/shepherd mix, Gracie bit me today. She was going after Jake's (our lab mix) food and I walked toward her and she bit my leg. It broke through my pants and broke skin.
She is a very frightened girl, and normally as sweet as can be. She is food agressive and very protective.
We love her so much and do not want to get rid of her, but biting is a deal breaker, especially with the hopes of children in our near future. Clearly, our home is not the best fit. She needs to be in a home that has a bigger back yard, no other animals, and no small children.
The rescue we adopted her from suggested euthanasia, but we will only use that as a last resort.

B and I have been crying for what seems like days. It started last night when the excitement of the shower was finally over and we could grieve over this BFN. Then this morning, when we realised the truth that we cannot keep our sweet girl. We saved her from a life on the streets and had 2 great years with her, but we can't take the chance of her biting again. We are heartbroken, in more ways than one.