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Monday, August 30

1st Friends, 2nd Love and 3rd Family

Damn Pissed.. this is my second time typing this post as my stupid dial up connection I had was so f**ked up.. when I finished typing my post, it went "Cannot find server".. then the "Back" button won't work.. I was so furious.. so here I go again..

Phone rang at the afternoon.. had lunch and was watching the Malaysian Idol show on TV which was the stupidest rendition of the original American Idol ever, don't even get me started about the pathetic malaysian television crap insults.. Clarissa a.k.a Jeng Tinq called asking whether if I'd like to hang out with her at the movies, her treat, as that's what I've been trying to do for the whole week and she reminded me to bring my books in case probably later after the movie if we had time, we'll go study at the library.. Alien vs. Predator.. didn't really like it.. it was loud and disgustingly stupid.. the story line was lame and boring since the trailers and the movie title tells all.. somehow I sorta enjoyed it a little.... NOT..!

we decided to go study at the nearest "7-11" ciplak store mainly known as "C-11" to study instead of the library.. bought a can of smooth choc and clarissa had a canned coffee with some branded honeycomb-inside chocolates.. speakers above us playing music from Mix Fm.. quiet dim lights.. a splendid place to study.. but hey, that's MY opinion.. we took the place at the end of the room at the corner and the most hilarios thing happened.. weird enough when I was asking her some math question, the biggest spider I have even seen originated from under the table at my side crawling towards her.. now, imagine in ur mind how would a girl react if she sees a hugh spider crawling in front of her towards her? yea...... that, but think Funny and Loud Screams.. hilarious.. eventually, we moved to the middle table in the room taking no chances, we checked under that table just to make sure and just in case.. spent bout 4 hours there mostly talking about stuff and occasionally finishing a few math questions.. then I reminded her about Kok Meng, our primary friend classmate who just returned from Melaka for the semester break.. Clarissa wanted to ask him out to Coffee Bean to meet up and talk about wad me missed throughout the years.. through the power of SMS (Short Messaging Service), we managed to "book" him at 6.30 to hang out.. talked about a lot of stuff and mature thoughts.. at one point we all were deciding on how to arrange "Friends, Love and Family" according to their priority for us.. I on the other hand chosed 1st as Friends, 2nd as Love and 3rd as Family.. that question strucked me the whole night as they both chosed 1st Family, 2nd Love and 3rd Friends mutually.. the reason I chosed Friends first is because in my opinion.. no matter what happens between u and ur Family or Spouse.. there would always be Friends to help you, comfort you and support you, Right? in my case.. a lot of things had happened to me and I had to face them all..I was alone.. but I was alone with friends.. that's why.. we spent the whole night talking about our lives but most of the spotlight was on them since nothing has ever happened to me.. recalled a lot of the funny primary school candid times.. and we laughed so loud the entire Coffee Bean was our voice.. it's amazing how innocent and decent we humans could be at young age and laugh back at our young selves years after.. we left the comfy cushions at bout 10.30 for other occupants just to show that we were really "kind"..

I've finally made up my mind of NOT going to school on monday tomorrow for that stupid crap Independent's Day celebration and supported by the fact that there's no school on tuesday which is SO ridiculous since they day after would be another holiday..

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Dezmond sprouts at 8/30/2004 06:30:00 PM | Permalink


Sunday, August 29

deep thought = unhealthy

i dunno, but it seems that the weather has an effect on my moods. the ongoing haze is getting worse everyday thus forcing me to spend my days indoors as i found out that playing outdoor sports in this kinda weather has hazardous effects on ones breathing. damn it all.

getting lost in your thoughts and thinking too much might prove dangerous for some, as it did for a friend of mine who, due to his deep thinking, landed himself into a spot of trouble with the church. even had to be verified of his stand on the faith by a pastor. w00t.

due to an innocent little debate with a friend of his, his words were taken out of context, thus misunderstood and brought forward to the church which culminated into a phone call with the church pastor. pity him. deep thinking is indeed dangerous to some. i, for one, find his thoughts provoking and particularly interesting 'cos he seemed to questioned the bible itself. which takes guts. good luck to brokenrice if you're reading this.
oh, a short disclaimer: don't question your faith, believe in it, understand it and trust it, for it maybe the only thing that anyone will have forever. XD

ok ok, lets stop with the glorious religious sentiments. i wonder what everyone else does on saturday night when it's all hazy? go clubbing? shopping? mamak? yam cha? i'm curious. lepaking at central park eating belacan stingray and various other unhealthy fried stuff while talking about the latest developments in life and/or music with bandmates isn't exactly happening. wait, actually it is. nevermind. leave comments! woohoo!



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Dezmond sprouts at 8/29/2004 07:39:00 PM | Permalink


Saturday, August 28

what did I do during the one week semester holidays..

sorry for the delayed post.. I've been kinda occupied with stuffs through out the holidays.. at least russ made an effort to post something here *ahem*..

well I'll try to let you guys know what I did during the holidays.. most of the time I went out with my best friend.. then FINALLY got my hands on a Google Mail (gmail) account which I am very happy of.. and signed up for Google Adsense which I can make money by clicks made by visitors to my blog on the advertisements below my tagboard hopefully.. also got an aop in #grss which I have no idea whether it means anything.. at first I was thinking of spending the whole holiday going for movies and instead I bought a leather dark green BodyGlove wallet... and I'm broke the whole week since I wasn't at home .. spent my movie money RM50 initially to last me for the whole week for a wallet.. gosh

today I got poked by a rustly metal net.. right between my thumb and my finger.. hurts SO badly.. blood coming out.. and everything.. and I think it got infected.. right now I think I seriously need a Tetanus Toxoid Injection. I told my aunt about it.. NO ONE CARED.. they just looked at it and continued doing wad they're doing.. sprayed a layer of permeable solution to cover up the wound for infections.. drove to Timberland myself to get an injection.. the hell.. RM20 for doctor's fee and RM10 for tetanus injection.. I was broke.. the nurses recommended me to another place near the twin tower.. I tried to find it.. I wish nothing bad will come out from the wound..

well.. come to think of it... if it did, it wouldn't be that bad either.. it's my one-way ticket to paradise and also a way to escape from the problems I face each and every day..

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Dezmond sprouts at 8/28/2004 08:51:00 PM | Permalink


Tuesday, August 24

forgotten memories

as the rain continued to pour outside his bedroom window, he tried to reach into his memories. trying to just remember her face. but it all seemed so distant. and blurry. he couldn't even see her face is his mind anymore. had it been that long? it had only been a year after all... but why couldn't he just see her face? as he struggled to pick up the forgotten pieces of his memories, he recalled a time that has long since come to pass.


times when every passing minute seemed to mean everything. when they had met incidentally, their eyes seemed to meet for a fleeting moment before they both wandered to the floor, their nails, anything. it's funny how you remember all those little things, like the way she did her hair, her clothes, the way she stood, like a heron in the sunlight. but her face was nothing but a vague memory. the times he had spent with her was so distant now. he had regretted many things... like not telling her how he felt before she left. but now he guessed it was too late. it wasn't exactly the end of the world when she left.

she was leaving to study abroad, to pursue her dream. to gain knowledge. why was that so hard to understand? as she told him of her departure, the silence that followed seemed endless. at last, he found his voice and asked "when?" "tomorrow." another awkward silence. he wished he could've said something, anything, before she turned and walked away. he was left there, standing on the sidewalk as he watched her silhouette disappear with the setting sun. it didn't even rain either. even nature had forsaken him. why? why?! a little bit of thunder and lightning would've been perfect. sometimes you wish your life was like the movies, when the violins started to play and rain poured whenever someone had his/her heart broken. but this was not to be. he sighed a long sigh and turned down the road, leaving the fragments of his happiness behind.


the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, the months into a year.


he had received news from a friend studying at the same university she was, that she was seeing someone else. it came unexpectedly, on a seemingly peaceful night when the moon was shining and the sound of crickets filled the air. but then again, you couldn't expect someone to wait forever when you didn't even tell her how you felt. he felt so worthless then. as long as she was happy he guessed. he felt depressed for awhile. he couldn't even bring himself to call her, to confirm if it was true. as the days passed, news came again that she had turned the guy down. joy filled him again. he knew it was wrong, gaining happiness from other people's misfortune, but he was too happy to think about that now. then he remembered something.

something he had given her a long time ago. he had waited in the rain for over an hour to give it to her. something he had picked up on his travels. a piece of lapis lazuli, pinkish in color. he saw it in a shop one day, while he was on holiday. it was sparkling in the sun, and seemed befitting for her too, the way she stood in the sunlight was simply mesmerizing. they had met again the night after he had given it to her, and she had hung it on her phone so that whenever he called she would see it. he wandered if she still had it.

as the years continued to pass, his memories became even more vague, so vague he couldn't even remember those happy times they had spent together.

5 years had passed. as he sat on the sidewalk where they had parted ways so long ago, everything seemed to come flying back. the smiles, the laughs, the times they had spent together. but her face remained a constant blur in his mind. he wished he could see her, that he could tell her how he felt. as he sighed painfully, he got up to leave. at that moment, his phone rang. an unfamiliar number popped up on the screen. he wandered who it was, and cursed the bad timing of the phone call. as he was going to answer it, the ringing stopped. suddenly, he heard a voice that had eluded him over the years. a voice that was to be calling his name. as he turned to look, the vague image in his mind turned into a vivid potrait of her face. every dimple, every strain of hair, her smile, her beautiful eyes, everything. she stood there before him, like a ghost from a time long forgotten, the familiar jewel, hanging from the phone that she clutched in her small hands. sparkling in the sun. sparkling as bright as she did. as they embraced, he whispered the words that he had meant to say to her all those years ago.

and at that moment, all was right with the world.

~fin~



inspired by brokenrice and a slight bout of depression. enjoy. ^^




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Dezmond sprouts at 8/24/2004 06:46:00 PM | Permalink


Friday, August 20


today marks the end of my first semester for this year.. and the start of the "one week" holiday which begins on monday.. planning to go kill some time watching movies alone at the cinema which I missed..

wednesday was a nightmare.. I had suffered from some kind of a virus infection and basically all my aunts and relatives suffered from the same symptoms and my gramps was hospitalized.. that whole morning I was apparently fine till around 1 in the afternoon.. while on the bus ride to my aunt's place, I started feeling nausea and constantly gagging.. had to control myself from vomitting.. up till I reach my aunt's place, I lied down on the couch resting, felt like a living corpse with things going through my brain that makes no sense in logic at all.. later which I had to force myself awake and walk to the sink for a puke.. whitish substance originated from my esofagus to my duodenum came pouring out of my mouth.. drained almost my whole body energy to force it out since I hadn't eaten anything till that morning excluding breaksfast.. I was completely weak.. had some rest till bout 6, had dinner then puked dinner, gruesome.. had some "Asamboi" (preserved sweet and sour seeds normally for preganant woman to prevent from gagging and vomitting) and I didn't really know why I ate it.. ate medicine then puked out medicine again.. gosh.. the next morning I was feeling alrite but still had occasions in class where I gagged.. must've been a while since I last vomitted.. and of all the days in the year.. I had to do my practical experiment on that day.. Chemistry again.. on the day I just recovered from my illness..!? sheesh.. gosh man.. I was sweating like a pig during the experiment.. fans were off.. well sorta, after lawrence had let the buret (or was it a pipette?) "sliced" into pieces by the fan blade letting shattered fragments of glasses cutting through mid air in slow motion towards me! OucH! fortunately I was alrite.. they missed..

after being reminded of my naive and insulting ways of communicating today by swearing in the name of Christianity and which I am deeply ashamed of.. I have made up my mind to make use of the semester hols to correct that "anomaly" inside of me.. AND ALSO to complete my long overdued math exercise.. hehe..

God bless you all... and thanks for reading my blog... Amen... :)

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Dezmond sprouts at 8/20/2004 10:15:00 PM | Permalink


Tuesday, August 17


let's see wad I did recently.. hmm... downloaded the Nike's advertisement midi ringtone "Bright Side of Life" into my phone, sorta brighten's up my day whenever I hear it.. reloaded my phone.. realised I had received a total of 2304 messages and sent a number of 925 messages, received 9011481 bytes of data and sent 2058920 bytes of data with a duration of 7 hours 20 minutes and 09 secs, received calls with durations of 19 hours 24 minutes and 28 secs and dialled calls for a duration of 4 hours 33 minutes and 47 secs which sums up to a duration of 23 hours 57 minutes and 59 secs and couting up since the day I bought my phone knowing the fact that now my phone's memory is almost reaching it's memory capasity of it's critical limit now and gradually realising the stupidity of my ownself by posting this crap as if anyone would give a damn about the usage of my phone... -_-"

got back my math's paper one back yesterday.. somehow clairvoyant, I knew.. I did badly, still I passed.. wasn't really a positive-happy-go-lucky period for me these days.. expected my buddies to say something positive or give some encouragement or advise to make me feel better for the results I got and yet I got nothing.. and today, got back my math's paper two back.. I failed.. fucking 26% man...owh.. wait.. it's 24%.. at first I had the idea that Ms Hiu had mistakenly corrected my paper where more marks behind aren't included in my score.. but her bloody way of marking is SOoo complicated and not systematic stating that the marks behind which were graphs, were already included..! Geez... After she re-calculated the marks which lead to neither addition nor improvement in my score.. she noticed a marking error on the front page which wasn't supposed to be given ANY mark.. it caused me one mark, times two, 2%... I was like going in my mind "What The FucK!?!" and said "I already failed and u still wanna minus marks!?" the hell!! she just smiled and crossed a strike on my 26%, writting 24% beside.. Jesus Christ! God Forbid! I'm gonna be holding a grudge against her forever.. constantly nagging and reminding her about how non-passionate, cruel, mean, bad, and cold-hearted she is.. hmmph... *aHemB*itch...!


had our physics practical experiment today.. supposed to do something to calculate the moment of inertia of something something mass.. by the time we were starting to do the experiment, other groups have already started preparing their reports.. and one of the group members was deliberately doing nothing! I mean NOTHING.. that no good kelvin tan her ruey..! he was sleeping and chit-chatting with Mr. Chua throughout the WHOLE experiment.. WTF!? SheESh.... ended up finishing the report after school staying back in the lab.. fortunately Mr.Chua was doing extra classes in the lab for students taking physics as an extra subject and we managed to hand in the reports at 2pm that afternoon.. phew~ close..

heading back home now.. can't wait for the semester holidays starting next monday..

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Dezmond sprouts at 8/17/2004 06:20:00 PM | Permalink


Saturday, August 14


the real question is "can u trust a lie?"... "is a lie trustable..?" or "should we live with words knowing that they're lies?" the human ways of manipulating and communicating with lies and deception is inevitable.. personally I fucking despise it.. although we trust friends with everything but still is it worth trusting them when we're not trusted back? gosh.. I feel like I'm beating around the bushes.. not making any sense for what I'm typing... Is it just so hard to be trusted as a friend?

usual classes.. at 11am had computer class.. then chemistry tuition at 2pm.. but since I wasn't driving to school this morning, I was forced to take 2 bus rides down town.. this is how it goes.. (time shown is time from watch)

1225pm: left computer class early hopefully fast enough to catch the bus..

1230pm: waiting for the bus at the bus stop outside school..

1245pm: waiting for the bus at the bus stop outside school.. still not coming.. starting to lose my patience..

1253pm: waiting for the bus at the bus stop outside school... pissing me off..! Fuck Them!

1300pm: fucking bus came..

1311pm: at main bus station waiting for another second ride down town..

1315pm: waited for the bus

1325pm: waited for the bus AGAIN...

1330pm: bloody bus arrived

1335pm: bus driven at speeds of 30 to 40 miles per hour "dragging" along the road..

1340pm: arrived home fortunately.. took FAST shower.. hair...got my books and water bottle..

1345pm: off to chemistry tuition.. just realised I forgot my calculator AGAIN..

1355pm: picked up jeffrey.. took the wrong turning and ended up in a traffic jam.. took discrete turnings and got out..

1400pm: speeding along the "short-cut" to Pn. Sia's place.. hope I can make it on time..

1420pm: arrived..

well, guess what..? I was early... realised two things.. speeding up your watch's time could do u tremendous help if u're on a "time-dominated" lifestyle.. it helps u get ON time.. and one more thing.. if u can't stand waiting for the bus for tooo long, just walk... seriously..

went to the Kuching Festival tonite alrite.. with chin sian and his sisters.. kelvin.. kim soon.. jeffrey.. met some of our friends.. even classmates.. we didn't stayed longer since they all had planned to leave and desert me at around 8.30pm.. I was left alone.. went to my cousin's place nearby after.. talked about a lot of stuffs.. and we went to the fair again for supper.. met avidonn driving on the way back to pick up his sis..

just notified to wake up at 6am tomorrow morning and 9am later for charity raising functions to redeem food and goods.... great.. JUuSsSTT GREAT... I hate it..

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Dezmond sprouts at 8/14/2004 11:35:00 PM | Permalink


Friday, August 13


*BuRp*.. just got back from Habana Club, M.P. for dinner/supper... man.. I'm officially bloated.. salmon was nice.. up till I had like 3 plates of them, I was gradually starting to puke when I see orange stuffs after.. (know why? go figure..) just found out that when raw meat, i.e. salmon are put together with ice, dipped into wasabi and "kicap".. fuYOo.. sedap.. Oysters too! Somehow.. I look up high on the skills of the chefs for their manipulating skills.. believe or not.. they had two layers of cheese and chocolate for the cakes as dessert.. and the portion for the cheese layer was ridiculously smaller than the chocolate layer.. but I'm smarter (hehe).. as my friends know my love for cheese, I ate the first layer of cheese and the second layer of chocolate left untouched! and took two rounds to sum up to 6 slices! meaning technically, I had 3 CHEESEcakes.. since they charge the bills by "per head" basis, no matter how much I eat, the price's still d same.. Hah! I outsmarted the chefs!!

got back my Physics paper today.. then PA (Pengajiam Am).. I seriously have nothing to say about my results.. I've tried my best... and I failed.. and yet all my friends are complaining to one another about how badly they did, I kept quiet... yet not letting them realise that I did worst then them.. I'll strive for improvement next time.. though I know it's not easy.. but still eventually, I have to try... for my own sake..

There I was, waiting for my aunt at the bus stop opposite my school.. saw my friend parked his car behind the bus stop.. I greeted him and he was off buying lunch at Lao Li's... then I continued talking to my friend at the bus stop while she was waiting for her bus.. I noticed again he drove the car again inside the same exact spot.. saw his lips mimicking the word "accident".. then I realised, he had accidentally bumped into a Toyota Spectra (if I'm not mistaken, not that fond of cars) from behind.. the driver of the vehicle was obviously rich and spoke english with us.. bloody hell.. could even see that he's so filthy rich still need to be so fucking stingy about a silly little scratch on the stupid bumper.. asked me to become witness still.. the other lady also fucking annoying, complaining about my friend's driving skill.. for God's sake man.. we're only "P" license holders which stands for "Probation"..d'oh! cut us some slack would you!? Gosh.. seriously I hope my friend could resolve his problem without paying a single cent.. Ironically, today in class, we were talking stuff bout car accidents.. I started the topic..

I have a guilt feeling inside of me.. somehow I'm responsible...

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Dezmond sprouts at 8/13/2004 10:49:00 PM | Permalink


Wednesday, August 11


The End...
Exam's Over..!! to be honest about today's PA (Pengajian Am) and Chemistry, I could care less.. all my mind can think of is sweet genuine freedom after today as it is the last day of exam! of course.. ignoring the fact that my results' gonna suck like hell... -_-"

The Beginning...
so I guess till now u guys must've noticed the change in my blog rite..?! spent the whole afternoon yesterday editing the html and javascript codes just so that it can look better not to mention putting together the comments' code so that it'll show... yea.. that's what I've been doing yesterday instead of bothering to study for this morning's paper.. owh well.. that's the less I could care for now..

just finished editing the little errors on my blog.. took me three hours.. got into a lil hitch, ALL my posts was GonE! Gone... GoNe..... GONE!.. but after some corrections on the codes and a little touch of intelligence (muahahaha).. I manage to make them visible again..ahhh... fortunate indeed..

anyway guys.. do continue to post in tags, messages, comments, or wadever on the Tag Board at the right okay.. I'll be posting again soon.. ciao! ;)


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Dezmond sprouts at 8/11/2004 05:32:00 PM | Permalink


Sunday, August 8


Either today was sheer bad luck for me or it wasn't my day.. having my Physics and MUET (joel's blog has a whole list of MUET facets.. go read.. funny) exam tomorrow and I'm forced to attend functions... not just one but TWO.. and there's more to it... sighh.. at mid afternoon, had lunch at a restaurant in conjunction with my mom's mother's friend's son's baby daughter's @ mom's mother's foster son's baby daughter's @ uncle's baby daughter's one-year-old birthday celebration... Phew~.. later that evening around 7, I had to attend another of my mom's sister's son's @ cousin bro's engagement dinner at Lok Thian.. Good Lord.. where in heaven's name would I have the time to study for Physics?!

and there I was feasting upon delicious cuisines of Shanghai food.. in spite of the horrendous outfit I had and my "questionable" punctuality.. dark sizzling brown coke in glass with a pair of purple chopsticks beside not matching the white glass plates on the table.. surrounded by relatives.. waiters moving back and fourth pouring refills and serving dishes from table to table.. right till the end of the dinner, one smooth swift of hand movement knocked the glass of orange juice beside me, pouring sweet orange coloured liquid right on my lap..! "WHat ThE.........!?" Shit... humiliated.. it was my aunt.. fortunate enough it happened at the end of the dinner.. other guests were already leaving and I was left alone under the table cloth wiping orange coloured substance off my jeans soft white branded tissue.. UghH.... later then, the waiter was wrapping red table cloths and I was forced to leave the table.. by then, the disgusted orange juice had dried.. leaving a stain of orangish substance on my shirt and jeans..

Never will I be anywhere close to orange juice again and never will I even drink it..


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Dezmond sprouts at 8/08/2004 11:49:00 PM | Permalink



watched the parade along Padungan Road.. mostly infested with faggs as the paraders.. sigh.. wad a "sight"..

went to the kuching festival alrite.. met a few of my old classmates.. walked around bought some taiwan sausages.. MmMmmm....... so nice.. had a hard time finding a parking place though.. ahh.. how sweet the wonders of night time parking space hunting..

drove myself and ken home bout 10.30pm.. traffic seems flowing... went to pick jeff from friend's place and brought him home after.. Reached home bout 11.30..

Tired...

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Dezmond sprouts at 8/08/2004 12:10:00 PM | Permalink


Friday, August 6


"Exams"!!! ARgH.. by the sound of the word it has decreased the life span of my brain..

had my maths paper today.. paper one to be exact.. all the questions are within my capability of completion.. BUT! because of the time limit we had.. which is a ridiculous 1 hour and 20 minutes (if I'm not mistaken), we had to finish 5 questions (or is it 6?) within the period of time given.. there's more.. every questions had sub-questions and to make things worst, every sub questions has more sub-sub-questions, and to make things even more annoying, GRAPH.. and to end my life, we had to draw THREE graphs..! THREEEE!!!!! how in God's name do you expect us to finish them all?! siaw ah!?

sigh... my first ever exam subject for form 6 this year.. didn't finish it.. weekend's coming.. planning to visit the kuching fest this saturday to get over my grief..

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Dezmond sprouts at 8/06/2004 03:49:00 PM | Permalink


Wednesday, August 4


for the first time since this year.. today, I was late..

went to my aunt's place after school yesterday till late midnight since no one's willing to bring me home.. spent a ridiculous 12 bucks for a cab ride back.. apparently I guess that's the main reason why I was late for school today.. my usual handphone alarm clock wasn't set and my brain was still unfortunately sleeping..

school was boring.. learnt nothing.. spent most of the time talking in class ignoring the existence of the teacher.. first exam's this friday and I have yet to even touch the pages of my math, even looking at it seems impossible..

tomorrow... another day to live..
today... another day to end..

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Dezmond sprouts at 8/04/2004 07:21:00 PM | Permalink


Sunday, August 1


i'm hoping that someone will tell me a place to repair my ps2, which is pretty old and experiencing disc problems. i need to get it repaired ASAP. it doesn't read most discs and when it does, the FMV's and music tend to skip. pls can anyone direct me to a trustworthy and good console repairman? need help! if anyone has any info at all, mail me at dr3am3r@mailhaven.com. thanx!

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Dezmond sprouts at 8/01/2004 10:36:00 PM | Permalink


Me


Name: Dezmond
Current location: Kuching, Sarawak, Malaysia
About me: A perceptive, full-fledged Kuching-Sarawakian who sees life through insignificance. Survived, and blogs. Currently making his way into the working environment.
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